The Harshest Critic

[lexia269]

This post is a jumble of thoughts, a stream of consciousness, and it probably won't make much sense to anyone but myself, but I'm going to leave it here anyway, if only to stand as the perfect reflection of how confusing Depression can be, both to those who have it, and those who don't.

Comments

[eleblack]

Chances are that someone else has experienced loneliness, lack of self-esteem, anxiety, anger in their lives, without necessarily being diagnosed depression. I think, I hope, comfort and understand will come from those.
And if not those, then the people who love you will. Because they exist, even though you spend whole days convincing yourself of the contrary.

I know you (possibly do) because I can find myself in many of the situations you described. I too went from being an enthusiastic, chatty girl to one who is afraid to raise her hand because she fears she'll get something wrong in front of others. I too have been so anxious that I couldn't sleep, or held more anger than I could control. I always tell myself I should see a therapist some day, but I haven't yet. I too am my harshest critic...

All of this is to tell you: because you have started seeing a therapist, and decided to at least try to understand what's going on with you, you are well ahead of most of us. That is your first milestone and something that should make you

[gingerhobbit]

"I know I have to take this whole process a step at a time, but it's difficult when part of you doesn't even believe anything's wrong. Part of you just thinks the part of you that feels wrong is being pathetic, melodramatic, lazy. Because that's the part of you that's been told that by others for years, and it's difficult to unlearn that when you believe you have evidence to back it up. Except you don't have evidence. What you have is years of misunderstanding on your part and on others