I realized today how depressed I am.

[letitbe032687]

I really blame my stubbornness. I always have to keep my cool, can't show that I'm hurting. What I realize now is that I didn't even know that I was trying to keep my cool. I subconsciously was trying to play it off that i wasnt depressed. That everything is okay. That I'm too cool to be a depressed bum. What I notice now is that I have been a

Comments

[onandoff]

Rene, I love you. You are a very good writer. And you are one of the best people I know at expressing yourself. You analyze everything, and that's precious. It doesn't make you weird or depressed, it means that you adore, respect and appreciate life. That is a trait I wish I had: to care so much about life and solving it's mysteries, to long so much for clarity that you spend every waking hour devoted to it. It's beautiful in a way. You may call it depression, I call it humility. Love. Respect. I used to have a wonder for all things (mainly people) as you do, but I am sad to say that my apethy dominated my thought processes at some point. Maybe it's a defense mechanism, and maybe it's just pure dumb ignorance, but I am jealous of you for studying and analyzing the majesty that is our world and its inhabitents. Keep on truckin man!

[letitbe032687]

i really feel that depression create creation. beautiful creations. i feel this thinking is the result of depression, maybe not put in the best words but thats what i was understanding last night. Thats what i was getting at. Again thanks for the reply.

[onandoff]

You know what word I love? Splendor. It may be my favorite word. I had once thought that "conviviality" was, but splendor is just about the best word for describing our world. It's the best word for describing the people in it. Splendid. Keep on analyzing man. I can't tell you how many times your mysterious wisdom (mysterious because I have no idea where you got it from, but you got it) has helped me to see things from a different and better point of view. My life would honestly be less clear, less livable, less understood, and more difficult without you in it.