How do I tell if I'm crazy?

[lerite]

I've come a bit un-moored from my identity. This is totally expected. Parenthood is not one of those things that you pick up as a hobby and put down a few months later unchanged except for a new party trick. I didn't think it would be. And yet somehow I expected to retain more of myself than I have. I expected to be, or at least want to be, a "cool

Comments

[batmiles]

Well, this is kind of... alarming.

[lerite]

Having a baby makes you crazy. Everyone says it 'cuz it's true. ...the baby DOESN'T make you stupider, though, and I've had people tell me that it makes moms stupider at least. It does distract you and sleep dep you, but all noticeable effects on my intellect have been less than expected for the circumstances.

And hey, it's a less harmful form of crazy than the old one?

[batmiles]

It's alarming to hear that that's true from someone as rational and self-aware as you, especially to see it laid out this way. I've never read anything like this before.

[lerite]

It's just hard to worry so intensely about something for months on end. It rearranges your priorities and ethics and stuff. Plus, you know, chronic sleep dep, which makes people nuts all on its own.

[lerite]

I have gotten surprisingly good at handling these... step three or so is "write the thing down somewhere you have to worry what other people will say about it."

The urge has gone away following this post and a conversation with my husband. I was interpreting the dream wrong: Ellen was, of course, me, suddenly coming in second--with MYSELF--to Oscar; and the reason I wanted to have another child so badly was that childbirth was the last time I was truly the center of attention. And I did a nearly perfect job of it. Of course I want to do it again!

But now that I know that's what I want? OK, I can cope. Ghost dispensed with.