FIC- General Hospital (Lulu/Cruz, 5/20?)
Title: Save Yourself
Rating: R-ish
Summary: Could you save yourself, for someone who could love you for you?
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
“Man, do you remember when ‘day off’ meant actually not doing any work?” Lucky groaned, flipping the file he had been working with for the past few hours onto the table.
Cruz laughed. They both were supposed to be off that day, but the spring had yielded a run of drug overdoses- many of them from underage girls. Frank Boudreauz had beaten his charges way, way too quickly- thanks to some slick, hotshot lawyer who was rumored to be on Sonny Corinthos’ payroll. The Oasis was still shut down- but now there were all these teenagers overdosing on amphetamine, and the PCPD knew that somehow Frank Boudreauz was involved. And so, on their ‘day off’, Cruz and Lucky were going through crime scene photos and testimonials on Lucky’s dining room table, while Elizabeth took Cameron out to do errands.
“Yeah, man, I don’t know how much longer I can look at these pictures. It’s depressing,” Cruz dropped his own file to the table, ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
Lucky’s phone rang and he answered, and then mouthed my wife to Cruz, smiling that wide grin that everyone at the station had come to know as Spencer’s ‘Elizabeth’ smile. “Hello?...Yeah, I’m just working here with Cruz on a case...Oh, I knew I loved you for a reason...Wait a second, what are you doing driving?...Oh, okay, that’s good...All right, I’ll tell him...Love you. See you in a bit.” When he hung up the phone, he was still smiling. “‘Lizabeth is bringing home ribs from Eli’s, and we’re baby-sitting for Spence tonight, because Nikolas took Emily into the city. She invited you to stay.”
“Well, sure,” Cruz said. “Wait a second, what’s Elizabeth doing driving?” She was eight months pregnant, and very uncomfortable according to Lucky. The last place she should have been was behind a wheel.
Lucky laughed. “Thanks for your concern, partner, but Lulu is with her.”
Cruz felt a cold sweat break out on his forehead. Lulu and Lucky, all in the same room, pretending like he didn’t spend every spare minute he had these days either helping her investigate their mother’s case? And when they weren’t actually looking into Rick Webber’s murder, he was quasi-flirting with her, cartwheeling that ultra-fine line between ‘Helping-Out-A-Buddy’s-Kid-Sister’ and ‘His-Buddy-Was-Going-To-Kick-His-Ass-If-He-Ever-Found-Out-Exactly-What-Thoughts-Were-Going-Through-His-Head’. Actually facing the situation like a man- Cruz thought he might just be too much of a coward for that. Because surely only cowards would hit on a sweet young thing like Lulu Spencer and then turn and smile at the man they called ‘partner’. “Maybe I should go. I mean, it sounds like you have a full house already anyways,” Cruz said, standing and reaching for his coat.
“No, no, stay,” Lucky said. “If I know my wife, ‘Lizabeth bought enough food to feed an army and it will actually work out better this way.”
“It will?” Cruz asked, dubiously.
“Yeah, yeah, this way you can help Lulu keep an eye on the boys while I get dinner ready, and Liz will get the chance to relax a little. Besides, Cam’s been asking about you.”
“He has?” Now Cruz felt a little trapped- he couldn’t very well disappoint a five-year-old.
“Yeah, well, he’s just fascinated with all things police-related these days,” Lucky grinned proudly at that. “And also, he’s been learning a little Spanish in school. I think he wants to show off.”
“Um, okay,” Cruz said. He hadn’t spent much time with Cameron other than saying hello and goodbye and ruffling his hair at the station, but Elizabeth and Lucky’s little boy was a good kid.
“Yeah, sorry, do you mind getting roped into a little baby-sitting?” Lucky asked.
“No, that’s fine,” Cruz laughed. “I figure I better earn my dinner anyways.”
* * *
Lulu had to admit she felt a little blindsided when she walked into Liz and Lucky’s apartment, cooing baby talk to Spencer, and found Cruz sitting at the dining table with her brother, in one of those ridiculously sexy knit shirts he wore on his days off, that clearly defined every muscle in his chest and arms. His eyes met hers through Elizabeth’s friendly greetings and Cameron running across the room in Lucky’s arms, and she felt her face flush pink.
“Cruz! Hola!” Cameron said excitedly.
Cruz had to chuckled, focusing on the little boy, and grateful for the distraction. “Hola, little man. Que tal?”
“Ummm,” Cameron said, thinking hard about that question. “Hola!”
Everyone laughed at that, except for Lulu, who was doing her best to hide behind Spencer, but that didn’t work for long. “Lulu, come on, you remember Cruz, right? Why don’t you say hi?” Lucky called to her. Damn her brother.
“Hey,” she said, dumbly.
He just nodded and smiled. If Lucky or Liz noticed how awkwardly they greeted each other, they didn’t let on, but it was highly unlikely that either noticed in the excitement of getting the kids settled and dinner out. Lulu thought she should join in and help instead of standing like a statue in the middle of the room, and Spencer was getting fussy. Not to mention Elizabeth really looked like she could use a break. “Liz, why don’t you go lie down and take a nap?”
“Oh, I’m fine,” Elizabeth said, through a yawn.
“No, Elizabeth, seriously,” Lucky said, firmly. “I’ll take care of getting dinner set up, it’s going to be at least a half hour. And Lulu and Cruz can watch the kids.”
“Yeah, we can...” Lulu half-gulped. So he was staying.
“Yes!” Cameron pumped his fist in the air.
“Yeah, go lie down for a little bit,” Lucky said, stroking his wife’s face tenderly. “We can handle it out here.”
“Well, if you guys are sure...” Liz said, looking like she was ready to drop. She headed off into the bedroom.
Cruz nervously looked from Lulu to Lucky. “Lucky, can I help you in the kitchen?” He asked hopefully. Anything better than playing house with Lulu. It was bad enough that Eli’s already reminded him of her- now he had to sit and have a family dinner like a couple of in-laws.
“No, I’ve got it,” Lucky said. “You just hang out here.”
Thanks, partner, he thought to himself. You know I’ve been fantasizing about your sister for months, right?
“Let me show you my hat!” Cameron said, pulling Cruz towards his toychest behind the couch.
“Um, okay,” Cruz answered, allowing the little boy to pull him away.
“Well, nephew of mine,” Lulu said, holding him up to look his auntie in the eye. “Your daddy may be a Cassadine, but you’re about to learn your first lesson from your aunt about some [i]Spencer[/i] deception. Can I count on you for back-up?” Spencer seemed to ponder this thoughtfully for a second and then began to gnaw on his fist. “Thanks, kid,” Lulu said. “I knew you were my man.”
Lulu didn’t need to worry so about being alone with Cruz. The kids proved to be a welcome distraction and Elizabeth couldn’t seem to stay down for her nap, and came out to use the bathroom three times. “The joys of pregnancy,” she grumbled as she walked past. Cameron drew them both into some sort of intricate game of hide-and-seek, where only he knew the rules, and was always the inevitable winner, and for whatever reason, deemed Spencer the ‘bad guy’.
“Why are you making your baby cousin be the bad guy?” Lulu asked.
“Can’t you see how mean he looks?” Cameron asked.
Cruz and Lulu looked at Spencer, sitting on the couch like a fat, happy Buddha, cheerfully drooling on one of Elizabeth’s throw pillows. “Yeah, ferocious,” Cruz said, winking at Lulu, and she just had to ease up and laugh.
So by the time dinner rolled around, Lulu was almost comfortable with the situation, so long as she didn’t think about how nice it felt to have Cruz hanging out with her family. And so long as she didn’t stand too close to him. When she was near him, Lulu could almost feel a heat radiating from his skin and connecting directly to hers, as powerful as the sun’s rays and gravity.
And so long as she didn’t look at him. At all.
* * *
Dinner passed easily enough for Cruz. Cameron kept up a steady chatter in his ear with what he was learning in school and innocent questions about police work. Not that Cruz minded. The kid sure was funny. Elizabeth was pushing her food around her plate, and kept getting up to use the bathroom, and every time she did that, Lucky would ask Lulu if she thought everything was okay. Lulu would insist everything was fine, but when he looked away, she would shrug at Cruz, a worried expression on her face. Cruz could barely taste his food as he kept one eye on Lulu, breaking up little bites of chicken fingers for Spencer. This reminded him a bit too much of the last time he’d had Eli’s ribs with Lulu. Then, the sweet image of her licking barbecue sauce off the corner of her mouth had stayed with him for weeks. He did his best to look away, but she was like a magnet to him.
Lucky pulled Cruz aside as he helped him clean up in the kitchen after supper. “Hey man, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, what’s up?” Cruz asked, as he rinsed plates in the sink.
Lucky pointed through the Dutch window at the scene of Lulu playing on the floor with the boys, Elizabeth watching from the couch. “What do you think of my sister?”
“What?” Cruz dropped the glass he was holding, nearly shattering it.
Lucky smiled. “Well, I was thinking about fixing her up with that rookie, Bobby Jamison. He’s only a couple of years older than her, and well...With me and Nikolas always so wrapped up with the kids, I worry about her not having anyone to look out for her.”
Cruz’s mind was racing. Bobby Jamison was practically a teenager- and in fact, that made him totally appropriate for Lulu- but the thought of that kid with his mouth and hands all over her tied Cruz’s stomach in knots. “You, uh, you sure you want to do that?” Cruz asked, forcing his tone to be light.
“Well, yeah, he seems like a good guy,” Lucky said, still watching the scene in the living room.
“Well, I mean, Lucky, yeah, he’s an all right guy, but for your sister?” Cruz was really having a hard time keeping his voice and his temper down.
“Why not?” Have you heard anything?” Lucky asked, turning to him, concerned.
“Oh, well, you know...You always hear about him with a new girl every week,” Now Cruz just felt like a dirtbag. He didn’t think Bobby Jamison would have any more confidence than to sputter a shy ‘hello’ to a little blond bombshell like Lulu Spencer, let alone a different girl every week.
“Oh,” Lucky said, puzzled. “I hadn’t heard that about him. Oh well, it was just an idea.” Though it was totally juvenile, Cruz felt a sense of relief.
And then they both heard Cameron shrieking in the living room.
Lucky ran in, with Cruz right behind him. “Dad! Momma had an accident!” He pointed to the puddle at Elizabeth’s feet, which was, thankfully, clear and not red.
“It’s not an accident, sweetie,” Elizabeth said, breathing hard and heavy, and clutching her belly. “It’s...Oh God...It’s too early...”
“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay,” Lucky said, his voice anything but steady. He reached a hand out to push Elizabeth’s hair back from her forehead, and Cruz saw that his hand was shaking too. He looked to Lulu, but she was standing in the middle of the room holding Spencer, frozen, her eyes locked on Elizabeth.
“Okay, um, we know what to do, let’s just get in the car,” Lucky said, sounding so scared Cruz had to do a doubletake. His hand was shaking so bad, he couldn’t even fish his keys out of his pocket.
“Lucky, um, why don’t you let me drive?” Cruz said, putting a hand out to stop him. He leaned close to Lucky, lowering his voice. “You look like a wreck, man. You need to sit with Elizabeth and help her breathe.”
Lucky swallowed hard, and Cruz could see sweat beading on his forehead. “Okay,” He turned to his wife, trying for a brave smile. “Okay, Elizabeth, Cruz is going to drive us, is that all right, baby?”
“I...don’t...care,” she answered through gritted teeth. She did smile bravely at her son, who was watching them both with wide eyes. “Just get me to the hospital, fast!” Lucky was already helping her up, and Cruz turned back to Lulu. She was still completely frozen, even though Spencer was yanking at fistfuls of her hair.
“Lulu, can you follow us with the kids in Elizabeth’s car?” Cruz asked her. She still didn’t move. “Little Spencer!”
At that, Lulu snapped, and Cruz realized he had used his affectionate nickname for her, and they both looked to Lucky, but he was far too preoccupied with his wife. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, and he heard the dogged resolve in her voice. She would get through this. “It’s okay,” she said, looking him in the eye. He nodded and ran down to his car where Lucky and Elizabeth were already waiting to go to General Hospital.
* * *
Lulu almost felt as though everything happened in a blur. Once they got to GH, her Aunt Bobbie met them in OB in less than five minutes, and she made sure that everything was taken care of. Lucky disappeared into the labor room with her, but Audrey Hardy and her Grandma Lesley stopped by every so often with an update on Elizabeth’s condition. Somehow, Lulu found the presence of mind to call Nikolas. He was having himself and Emily helicoptered back to Port Charles immediately. But after that, after she went and sat back down in the plastic chair, absent mindedly bouncing Spencer on her knee, she completely froze. Cameron was asking question after question, and thank God for Cruz, because Lulu couldn’t answer them.
Thank God for Cruz. He sat next to her and patiently answered every question of a scared five-year-old who had never seen his mommy hurt and his daddy so worried before. If he wasn’t there, Lulu may have very well just fallen apart. It was too damn early for Elizabeth and this baby- almost four weeks too early. It just wasn’t fair. Elizabeth and Lucky had waited so long for this, they had done everything right, and now their dreams might be snatched out from under them. And Elizabeth- Lulu didn’t know if she could go through the pain of losing another baby. Neither Mrs. Hardy or Grandma Lesley had had any good news for them yet. Dr. Lee wasn’t able to stop the labor.
Cameron kept getting up and pacing around the waiting room, almost as if he were looking for his parents.
“What’cha doing there, buddy?” Cruz asked.
“Can I go see my dad now?”
“No, your dad’s in with your mom and the doctors right now. He’ll be out later.”
“Is my mom really sick?”
“She’s not...sick, buddy. More like she’s a little hurt and they’re worried about the baby.”
“Is the baby sick?”
“The doctors are trying to make it better,” Cruz answered, and Lulu had to admit that was a good save. He didn’t lie to him, and he still made him feel safer. “Come on, Cam, why don’t you sit up here with me?” He pulled the little boy up into the chair next to him, and distracted him by teaching him the Spanish words for different objects in the room. Clock, reloj. Table, tabla. Chair, silla. Light, luz.
By the time Nikolas and Emily got to the hospital, decked out in evening wear, Spencer was sleeping, Cam was resting quietly with Cruz, and Lulu was a wreck. Spencer woke up when he heard his daddy’s voice, and reached for him. “What’s going on, Lulu?” Nikolas asked.
“Elizabeth’s in labor,” Cruz answered for her. “Her water broke at their house after dinner tonight.”
“I’m going to go check on her,” Emily said, already on her way.
Nikolas turned to Cruz, who was holding a sleepy Cameron. “Thank you for keeping an eye on my family, Detective Rodriguez. I understand you really took control of the situation.”
Sometimes Lulu wanted to laugh at how formal her oldest brother was. This wasn’t one of those times.
“Well, Lucky’s a good friend of mine,” Cruz said. “It’s no big deal, Mr. Cassadine.”
“Well, things should be under control now. Please, don’t let us hold up your night,” Nikolas said.
Lulu worried for a second that he might go, but he shook his head. “It’s all right. I want to see that everything turns out okay.” Lulu felt relieved. She hadn’t realized it, but she really did depend on him for so much at this point.
Emily came back to the waiting area. “Elizabeth and the baby are both stable, but it’s going to be a while.” Nikolas sighed, and rubbed Spencer’s back as he started to fuss.
“Nikolas, why don’t you take Spencer home?” Lulu suggested. Both kids were getting cranky, and she didn’t know how much good it was to have Cameron in the hospital this whole time. “Cameron, too.”
“I wanna stay,” Cameron protested, sleepily.
“No, your aunt Lulu is right, buddy,” Emily said, taking him in her arms. “We’ll take you home and get some sleep, and then come back to the hospital tomorrow to see your mom.”
“And the baby?” he asked.
“We’ll see,” Emily replied, but he was too tired to question that. “Lulu, are you coming?”
Lulu absent-mindedly shook her head. “I have to stay with Lucky.”
“Lulu, come on, we’re all leaving now. It’s late, we’ll take care of this all tomorrow,” Nikolas said, trying to pull her along.
“Nikolas, I’ll stay with her,” Cruz spoke up. Lulu saw Nikolas’ eyebrows raise, and held her breath for a second. “I’m staying too, anyways. I’ll drive her home, when we find out about...everything.” Lulu breathed an inaudible sigh of relief, and Nikolas turned to her.
“Lulu, do you feel comfortable with that?”
She loved her brother, but sometimes his damn propriety made her want to scream. “Yes, Nikolas, it’s fine.” He sighed, and bid them goodbye, taking the sleepy children out of the hospital with Emily. Lulu turned to Cruz. “Thank you.”
* * *
Lulu was very quiet after her brother and Emily left. Cruz just sat with her, not really knowing what to say, but he had a feeling that mindless small talk wouldn’t have helped. So they both just sat silently, watching the second hand on the clock tick by, until Bobbie Spencer walked into the waiting room, ripping off her latex gloves.
She was smiling.
“It’s okay, Lesley Lu, everything’s fine,” she said, and Lulu flew into her arms. Cruz thought for sure she was crying from the way that her back was trembling ever so slightly, but when she pulled back, her eyes were dry.
“I want to see Lucky,” she said, her voice a little shaky, but Lulu was smiling so prettily that Cruz’s breath caught in his throat.
“I thought you might,” Bobbie said, wrapping an arm around her niece. “Are you coming too, Cruz? I hear you’re the hero of the night.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Cruz ducked his head bashfully as he followed them down to the neo-natal unit. Audrey and Lesley were standing outside the window, looking at the little pink bundle, laying in a crib next to a grinning, if exhausted, Lucky.
“A girl?” Lulu said, her eyes wide.
“Yes, a girl,” Audrey answered, proudly. “Audrey Jean Spencer. Oh, isn’t she the most beautiful thing ever?”
“She’s really okay then?” Lulu couldn’t take her eyes off the glass. “How’s Elizabeth?”
“Elizabeth is sleeping. Trust me, she needs it. As for our Audrey here, she is a little small. Only four pounds and six ounces, but her vitals are good, and she’s otherwise a completely healthy little girl,” Audrey answered.
Cruz peered through the glass at the beautiful sight of Lucky and his daughter. It almost put an ache in his chest.
“Grandma, why are you crying?” Lulu asked, hugging Lesley close.
“Oh, I’m sorry, honey,” Lesley said, wiping tears from her eyes. “I just...I can’t believe how much she looks like your mother. That perfect little face, and those eyes...”
“I was going to say how much she looked like you,” Bobbie said, stroking Lulu’s hair. “Almost exactly.”
“Really?” Lulu asked. Lucky was settling little Audrey Jean in her crib and then he walked out into the hallway to confer with the rest of his family. “How is she, Lucky?”
“She is...perfect,” Lucky said, still watching her though the window. “My little AJ.” All of the women sighed over the adorable nickname. He turned to Cruz. “Thanks for waiting, man. I guess I owe you one.”
Cruz shook his head. “It’s nothing.”
Lucky looked to Lulu. “I have a little time before Elizabeth wakes up. Do you want me to take you home now?”
Cruz put his hand on his partner’s shoulder. “I’ll take her, man, don’t worry about it. Stay with your wife and your baby.”
Lulu said goodbye to her family, and walked out of the hospital with Cruz, still looking through the glass at little AJ Spencer until they were gone.
She was quiet in the car. No, not quiet. Silent. And still. He would trade any of the time she was jabbering non-stop to just get her to not be so still. He thought that after the baby was born- and she was fine, and Elizabeth was fine- Lulu would stop worrying. But there was something else on her mind. So Cruz parked the car at Kelly’s.
She finally looked at him. “What are we doing?”
He got out of the car, going around to her side and opening the door. He held out his hand for her. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk by the waterfront, unwind a little.”
She put her hand in his and wordlessly followed him. It was past midnight once again, and the docks were silent, except for the sounds of the waves gently lapping up against the piers. Her little hand felt good in his, and Cruz felt her absent-mindedly stroking her thumb over his palm.
He led her way over to the end of the piers, past where any boats were docked, past really even where you could see light. “What are we doing here?” she whispered.
“Just taking a little break,” he answered. He took a deep breath. This was something he had been putting off for some time. “Lulu...Remember that first morning you came over to my house?”
He heard her laugh softly. “Yeah. At the crack of dawn. How could I forget?”
“I never apologized...for the way I acted when you looked at that picture of Alex and Melissa.”
Lulu had almost forgotten about that. “Cruz, why are you bringing this up now?”
“Because I want you to know why I acted the way I did,” he sat down on the bench facing the water and she sat next to him.
“So that woman...Alex’s wife is Melissa?”
“Yes,” he answered. “Well...Was Melissa.”
Lulu felt a sinking feeling in her belly. She knew where this story was going.
“Melissa wasn’t just Alex’s wife, she was one of my best friends growing up. Hell, she was even my girlfriend for about a minute and a half when we were twelve- she was the first girl I kissed. I introduced them,” Lulu could hear a smile in his voice through the darkness. “And well, growing up we had all the same interests. She was like one of the guys, except hot. And we went into the academy together. She was my first partner when I became a cop in New York. I mean, we were all family.” Now Lulu could hear the pain in his voice. “Melissa did an undercover stint, as a stripper. I knew it killed Alex, but he trusted me to protect her, and I swore I would.”
Lulu’s breath hitched. “As a stripper...So that night...At the Oasis...”
“God, Lulu, it was like living one of my worst memories all over again, seeing you up there,” Cruz said, and he squeezed her hand tightly. “So anyway, there she was, getting groped and man-handled by the scum of the earth, all to find out where a little bit of cocaine in Brooklyn was coming from. And...somehow...God, I don’t know how...someone found out she was a cop.” Cruz went quiet after that, and Lulu knew what happened.
“Cruz,” she said, touching his arm softly. “Why are you telling me this?”
He turned to her. Their vision had adjusted to the dark, and he looked her in the eye. “Because I really, really want you to tell me what is bothering you right now.”
Lulu’s stomach dropped. “What are you talking about? I was just...I was just worried about Liz and the baby, but everything’s fine now-“
“Lulu,” he said, stopping her. “It’s me. Don’t you know you can trust me by now?”
She was silent again, and the long minute stretched out for eternity. He didn’t think she was going to answer him, until- “Elizabeth’s baby...My little niece...She’s supposed to be mine.”
Cruz was confused. “What?”
Lulu looked at him. “Oh, I mean...Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all Lifetime and steal my brother’s baby or anything, it’s just...” she took a deep breath. “This summer...I was pregnant.”
Cruz let out a whoosh of breath. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t that. “You...you were pregnant...And you’re clearly not now, so...What happened Lulu? Did you lose the baby?”
She laughed bitterly. “Lose the baby. Now there’s a phrase for it. How do you lose a baby? No, I didn’t [i]lose[/i] the baby, I practically threw it away.”
Cruz sighed. “You...you had an abortion?”
She didn’t answer him. “I...If I had stayed pregnant, that baby would be born right around now, maybe even today,” she said. She was looking out to the water, and lost in her own thoughts. “And seeing what Elizabeth went through tonight...” He heard her voice breaking. “Cruz, it could have been me. It could have been my baby.”
Cruz exhaled. “Do you...wish it was?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “No. Yes.” She let go of his hand, and held her face. She was shaking, and he heard her quiet little whimpers.
Cruz gently pulled her face up to look at him, and his heart almost stopped at what he saw. Tears were flowing freely down her face. Tears she had been holding in since he pulled her off the stage at the Oasis, glittering little drops tracking down her soft cheeks, blurring the brilliant blue of her eyes. And Cruz had no words for what this did to him. “Oh...Lulu...Baby...Don’t cry,” he said, taking her in his arms. It was a dangerous game he was playing. It was too easy, far too familiar to hold her close to his chest, his face buried in her silky golden hair. The scent of her was pure and fresh, like sunshine, and instantly rendered erotic when he felt her softness against him. She wrapped her own arms under his shoulders, nestling her head into his neck. He held her until the wracking sobs ebbed and tided over, and still he held her. “Shh, baby, shh,” he whispered. He allowed himself to slip a little further, brushing his lips over her forehead.
“Cruz,” she whimpered. “Cruz.” He felt her placing small, soft kisses at the base of his throat, almost as if she didn’t even realize she was doing it. He couldn’t help it- he let his head fall back. When he felt her tongue lightly trace over the pulse where his neck met his jaw, it was her own undoing.
With a groan, he pulled her to him, his mouth finally descending on hers. He felt as though he had waited an eternity to kiss Lulu Spencer, and now that he finally had her in his arms, he was going to do it right. He brushed his lips back and forth across her own, just feeling the soft texture of that little rosebud mouth against his own. When he could torture himself no further with her breathy little sighs, he laved her mouth with his tongue. She tasted like peaches and cream, and decadent innocence that he had never dreamed of, and when she answered the probing question of his kiss with a shy flick of her own, he nearly pulled her under him and swore his lifelong allegiance right there.
Instead, he pulled her flush against him, running his hands through her hair and holding her tightly, and when she felt the evidence of how much she affected him, she gasped. It was enough to make him pull back, drawing ragged breaths. Lulu fell forward a little when he pulled back, her eyes still closed. Her lips were swollen and glistening, and her eyes were glazed over. Her eyes widened at him, and God, she looked about twelve years old.
“I’m,” Cruz said, still breathing hard. “I’m sor...” He stood, dragging a hand through his hair. “I’ll take you home, Lulu.” He didn’t reach for her this time. He didn’t trust himself.
Her eyes went even wider, with something like anger mixed in, and she got up and walked past him, not even bothering to answer. Cruz sighed. She was beautiful, she was smart, she was far too terribly young for him. And it was a road that Cruz knew could have no good end. He’d been handed something pure once in his life, and he knew he did not deserve a second chance.
*music used in this section: The Last Night Of Not Knowing You (Darren Hanlon), So Are You To Me (Eastmountainsouth) and Hold You In My Arms (Ray LaMontagne)
Rating: R-ish
Summary: Could you save yourself, for someone who could love you for you?
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
“Man, do you remember when ‘day off’ meant actually not doing any work?” Lucky groaned, flipping the file he had been working with for the past few hours onto the table.
Cruz laughed. They both were supposed to be off that day, but the spring had yielded a run of drug overdoses- many of them from underage girls. Frank Boudreauz had beaten his charges way, way too quickly- thanks to some slick, hotshot lawyer who was rumored to be on Sonny Corinthos’ payroll. The Oasis was still shut down- but now there were all these teenagers overdosing on amphetamine, and the PCPD knew that somehow Frank Boudreauz was involved. And so, on their ‘day off’, Cruz and Lucky were going through crime scene photos and testimonials on Lucky’s dining room table, while Elizabeth took Cameron out to do errands.
“Yeah, man, I don’t know how much longer I can look at these pictures. It’s depressing,” Cruz dropped his own file to the table, ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
Lucky’s phone rang and he answered, and then mouthed my wife to Cruz, smiling that wide grin that everyone at the station had come to know as Spencer’s ‘Elizabeth’ smile. “Hello?...Yeah, I’m just working here with Cruz on a case...Oh, I knew I loved you for a reason...Wait a second, what are you doing driving?...Oh, okay, that’s good...All right, I’ll tell him...Love you. See you in a bit.” When he hung up the phone, he was still smiling. “‘Lizabeth is bringing home ribs from Eli’s, and we’re baby-sitting for Spence tonight, because Nikolas took Emily into the city. She invited you to stay.”
“Well, sure,” Cruz said. “Wait a second, what’s Elizabeth doing driving?” She was eight months pregnant, and very uncomfortable according to Lucky. The last place she should have been was behind a wheel.
Lucky laughed. “Thanks for your concern, partner, but Lulu is with her.”
Cruz felt a cold sweat break out on his forehead. Lulu and Lucky, all in the same room, pretending like he didn’t spend every spare minute he had these days either helping her investigate their mother’s case? And when they weren’t actually looking into Rick Webber’s murder, he was quasi-flirting with her, cartwheeling that ultra-fine line between ‘Helping-Out-A-Buddy’s-Kid-Sister’ and ‘His-Buddy-Was-Going-To-Kick-His-Ass-If-He-Ever-Found-Out-Exactly-What-Thoughts-Were-Going-Through-His-Head’. Actually facing the situation like a man- Cruz thought he might just be too much of a coward for that. Because surely only cowards would hit on a sweet young thing like Lulu Spencer and then turn and smile at the man they called ‘partner’. “Maybe I should go. I mean, it sounds like you have a full house already anyways,” Cruz said, standing and reaching for his coat.
“No, no, stay,” Lucky said. “If I know my wife, ‘Lizabeth bought enough food to feed an army and it will actually work out better this way.”
“It will?” Cruz asked, dubiously.
“Yeah, yeah, this way you can help Lulu keep an eye on the boys while I get dinner ready, and Liz will get the chance to relax a little. Besides, Cam’s been asking about you.”
“He has?” Now Cruz felt a little trapped- he couldn’t very well disappoint a five-year-old.
“Yeah, well, he’s just fascinated with all things police-related these days,” Lucky grinned proudly at that. “And also, he’s been learning a little Spanish in school. I think he wants to show off.”
“Um, okay,” Cruz said. He hadn’t spent much time with Cameron other than saying hello and goodbye and ruffling his hair at the station, but Elizabeth and Lucky’s little boy was a good kid.
“Yeah, sorry, do you mind getting roped into a little baby-sitting?” Lucky asked.
“No, that’s fine,” Cruz laughed. “I figure I better earn my dinner anyways.”
* * *
Lulu had to admit she felt a little blindsided when she walked into Liz and Lucky’s apartment, cooing baby talk to Spencer, and found Cruz sitting at the dining table with her brother, in one of those ridiculously sexy knit shirts he wore on his days off, that clearly defined every muscle in his chest and arms. His eyes met hers through Elizabeth’s friendly greetings and Cameron running across the room in Lucky’s arms, and she felt her face flush pink.
“Cruz! Hola!” Cameron said excitedly.
Cruz had to chuckled, focusing on the little boy, and grateful for the distraction. “Hola, little man. Que tal?”
“Ummm,” Cameron said, thinking hard about that question. “Hola!”
Everyone laughed at that, except for Lulu, who was doing her best to hide behind Spencer, but that didn’t work for long. “Lulu, come on, you remember Cruz, right? Why don’t you say hi?” Lucky called to her. Damn her brother.
“Hey,” she said, dumbly.
He just nodded and smiled. If Lucky or Liz noticed how awkwardly they greeted each other, they didn’t let on, but it was highly unlikely that either noticed in the excitement of getting the kids settled and dinner out. Lulu thought she should join in and help instead of standing like a statue in the middle of the room, and Spencer was getting fussy. Not to mention Elizabeth really looked like she could use a break. “Liz, why don’t you go lie down and take a nap?”
“Oh, I’m fine,” Elizabeth said, through a yawn.
“No, Elizabeth, seriously,” Lucky said, firmly. “I’ll take care of getting dinner set up, it’s going to be at least a half hour. And Lulu and Cruz can watch the kids.”
“Yeah, we can...” Lulu half-gulped. So he was staying.
“Yes!” Cameron pumped his fist in the air.
“Yeah, go lie down for a little bit,” Lucky said, stroking his wife’s face tenderly. “We can handle it out here.”
“Well, if you guys are sure...” Liz said, looking like she was ready to drop. She headed off into the bedroom.
Cruz nervously looked from Lulu to Lucky. “Lucky, can I help you in the kitchen?” He asked hopefully. Anything better than playing house with Lulu. It was bad enough that Eli’s already reminded him of her- now he had to sit and have a family dinner like a couple of in-laws.
“No, I’ve got it,” Lucky said. “You just hang out here.”
Thanks, partner, he thought to himself. You know I’ve been fantasizing about your sister for months, right?
“Let me show you my hat!” Cameron said, pulling Cruz towards his toychest behind the couch.
“Um, okay,” Cruz answered, allowing the little boy to pull him away.
“Well, nephew of mine,” Lulu said, holding him up to look his auntie in the eye. “Your daddy may be a Cassadine, but you’re about to learn your first lesson from your aunt about some [i]Spencer[/i] deception. Can I count on you for back-up?” Spencer seemed to ponder this thoughtfully for a second and then began to gnaw on his fist. “Thanks, kid,” Lulu said. “I knew you were my man.”
Lulu didn’t need to worry so about being alone with Cruz. The kids proved to be a welcome distraction and Elizabeth couldn’t seem to stay down for her nap, and came out to use the bathroom three times. “The joys of pregnancy,” she grumbled as she walked past. Cameron drew them both into some sort of intricate game of hide-and-seek, where only he knew the rules, and was always the inevitable winner, and for whatever reason, deemed Spencer the ‘bad guy’.
“Why are you making your baby cousin be the bad guy?” Lulu asked.
“Can’t you see how mean he looks?” Cameron asked.
Cruz and Lulu looked at Spencer, sitting on the couch like a fat, happy Buddha, cheerfully drooling on one of Elizabeth’s throw pillows. “Yeah, ferocious,” Cruz said, winking at Lulu, and she just had to ease up and laugh.
So by the time dinner rolled around, Lulu was almost comfortable with the situation, so long as she didn’t think about how nice it felt to have Cruz hanging out with her family. And so long as she didn’t stand too close to him. When she was near him, Lulu could almost feel a heat radiating from his skin and connecting directly to hers, as powerful as the sun’s rays and gravity.
And so long as she didn’t look at him. At all.
* * *
Dinner passed easily enough for Cruz. Cameron kept up a steady chatter in his ear with what he was learning in school and innocent questions about police work. Not that Cruz minded. The kid sure was funny. Elizabeth was pushing her food around her plate, and kept getting up to use the bathroom, and every time she did that, Lucky would ask Lulu if she thought everything was okay. Lulu would insist everything was fine, but when he looked away, she would shrug at Cruz, a worried expression on her face. Cruz could barely taste his food as he kept one eye on Lulu, breaking up little bites of chicken fingers for Spencer. This reminded him a bit too much of the last time he’d had Eli’s ribs with Lulu. Then, the sweet image of her licking barbecue sauce off the corner of her mouth had stayed with him for weeks. He did his best to look away, but she was like a magnet to him.
Lucky pulled Cruz aside as he helped him clean up in the kitchen after supper. “Hey man, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, what’s up?” Cruz asked, as he rinsed plates in the sink.
Lucky pointed through the Dutch window at the scene of Lulu playing on the floor with the boys, Elizabeth watching from the couch. “What do you think of my sister?”
“What?” Cruz dropped the glass he was holding, nearly shattering it.
Lucky smiled. “Well, I was thinking about fixing her up with that rookie, Bobby Jamison. He’s only a couple of years older than her, and well...With me and Nikolas always so wrapped up with the kids, I worry about her not having anyone to look out for her.”
Cruz’s mind was racing. Bobby Jamison was practically a teenager- and in fact, that made him totally appropriate for Lulu- but the thought of that kid with his mouth and hands all over her tied Cruz’s stomach in knots. “You, uh, you sure you want to do that?” Cruz asked, forcing his tone to be light.
“Well, yeah, he seems like a good guy,” Lucky said, still watching the scene in the living room.
“Well, I mean, Lucky, yeah, he’s an all right guy, but for your sister?” Cruz was really having a hard time keeping his voice and his temper down.
“Why not?” Have you heard anything?” Lucky asked, turning to him, concerned.
“Oh, well, you know...You always hear about him with a new girl every week,” Now Cruz just felt like a dirtbag. He didn’t think Bobby Jamison would have any more confidence than to sputter a shy ‘hello’ to a little blond bombshell like Lulu Spencer, let alone a different girl every week.
“Oh,” Lucky said, puzzled. “I hadn’t heard that about him. Oh well, it was just an idea.” Though it was totally juvenile, Cruz felt a sense of relief.
And then they both heard Cameron shrieking in the living room.
Lucky ran in, with Cruz right behind him. “Dad! Momma had an accident!” He pointed to the puddle at Elizabeth’s feet, which was, thankfully, clear and not red.
“It’s not an accident, sweetie,” Elizabeth said, breathing hard and heavy, and clutching her belly. “It’s...Oh God...It’s too early...”
“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay,” Lucky said, his voice anything but steady. He reached a hand out to push Elizabeth’s hair back from her forehead, and Cruz saw that his hand was shaking too. He looked to Lulu, but she was standing in the middle of the room holding Spencer, frozen, her eyes locked on Elizabeth.
“Okay, um, we know what to do, let’s just get in the car,” Lucky said, sounding so scared Cruz had to do a doubletake. His hand was shaking so bad, he couldn’t even fish his keys out of his pocket.
“Lucky, um, why don’t you let me drive?” Cruz said, putting a hand out to stop him. He leaned close to Lucky, lowering his voice. “You look like a wreck, man. You need to sit with Elizabeth and help her breathe.”
Lucky swallowed hard, and Cruz could see sweat beading on his forehead. “Okay,” He turned to his wife, trying for a brave smile. “Okay, Elizabeth, Cruz is going to drive us, is that all right, baby?”
“I...don’t...care,” she answered through gritted teeth. She did smile bravely at her son, who was watching them both with wide eyes. “Just get me to the hospital, fast!” Lucky was already helping her up, and Cruz turned back to Lulu. She was still completely frozen, even though Spencer was yanking at fistfuls of her hair.
“Lulu, can you follow us with the kids in Elizabeth’s car?” Cruz asked her. She still didn’t move. “Little Spencer!”
At that, Lulu snapped, and Cruz realized he had used his affectionate nickname for her, and they both looked to Lucky, but he was far too preoccupied with his wife. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, and he heard the dogged resolve in her voice. She would get through this. “It’s okay,” she said, looking him in the eye. He nodded and ran down to his car where Lucky and Elizabeth were already waiting to go to General Hospital.
* * *
Lulu almost felt as though everything happened in a blur. Once they got to GH, her Aunt Bobbie met them in OB in less than five minutes, and she made sure that everything was taken care of. Lucky disappeared into the labor room with her, but Audrey Hardy and her Grandma Lesley stopped by every so often with an update on Elizabeth’s condition. Somehow, Lulu found the presence of mind to call Nikolas. He was having himself and Emily helicoptered back to Port Charles immediately. But after that, after she went and sat back down in the plastic chair, absent mindedly bouncing Spencer on her knee, she completely froze. Cameron was asking question after question, and thank God for Cruz, because Lulu couldn’t answer them.
Thank God for Cruz. He sat next to her and patiently answered every question of a scared five-year-old who had never seen his mommy hurt and his daddy so worried before. If he wasn’t there, Lulu may have very well just fallen apart. It was too damn early for Elizabeth and this baby- almost four weeks too early. It just wasn’t fair. Elizabeth and Lucky had waited so long for this, they had done everything right, and now their dreams might be snatched out from under them. And Elizabeth- Lulu didn’t know if she could go through the pain of losing another baby. Neither Mrs. Hardy or Grandma Lesley had had any good news for them yet. Dr. Lee wasn’t able to stop the labor.
Cameron kept getting up and pacing around the waiting room, almost as if he were looking for his parents.
“What’cha doing there, buddy?” Cruz asked.
“Can I go see my dad now?”
“No, your dad’s in with your mom and the doctors right now. He’ll be out later.”
“Is my mom really sick?”
“She’s not...sick, buddy. More like she’s a little hurt and they’re worried about the baby.”
“Is the baby sick?”
“The doctors are trying to make it better,” Cruz answered, and Lulu had to admit that was a good save. He didn’t lie to him, and he still made him feel safer. “Come on, Cam, why don’t you sit up here with me?” He pulled the little boy up into the chair next to him, and distracted him by teaching him the Spanish words for different objects in the room. Clock, reloj. Table, tabla. Chair, silla. Light, luz.
By the time Nikolas and Emily got to the hospital, decked out in evening wear, Spencer was sleeping, Cam was resting quietly with Cruz, and Lulu was a wreck. Spencer woke up when he heard his daddy’s voice, and reached for him. “What’s going on, Lulu?” Nikolas asked.
“Elizabeth’s in labor,” Cruz answered for her. “Her water broke at their house after dinner tonight.”
“I’m going to go check on her,” Emily said, already on her way.
Nikolas turned to Cruz, who was holding a sleepy Cameron. “Thank you for keeping an eye on my family, Detective Rodriguez. I understand you really took control of the situation.”
Sometimes Lulu wanted to laugh at how formal her oldest brother was. This wasn’t one of those times.
“Well, Lucky’s a good friend of mine,” Cruz said. “It’s no big deal, Mr. Cassadine.”
“Well, things should be under control now. Please, don’t let us hold up your night,” Nikolas said.
Lulu worried for a second that he might go, but he shook his head. “It’s all right. I want to see that everything turns out okay.” Lulu felt relieved. She hadn’t realized it, but she really did depend on him for so much at this point.
Emily came back to the waiting area. “Elizabeth and the baby are both stable, but it’s going to be a while.” Nikolas sighed, and rubbed Spencer’s back as he started to fuss.
“Nikolas, why don’t you take Spencer home?” Lulu suggested. Both kids were getting cranky, and she didn’t know how much good it was to have Cameron in the hospital this whole time. “Cameron, too.”
“I wanna stay,” Cameron protested, sleepily.
“No, your aunt Lulu is right, buddy,” Emily said, taking him in her arms. “We’ll take you home and get some sleep, and then come back to the hospital tomorrow to see your mom.”
“And the baby?” he asked.
“We’ll see,” Emily replied, but he was too tired to question that. “Lulu, are you coming?”
Lulu absent-mindedly shook her head. “I have to stay with Lucky.”
“Lulu, come on, we’re all leaving now. It’s late, we’ll take care of this all tomorrow,” Nikolas said, trying to pull her along.
“Nikolas, I’ll stay with her,” Cruz spoke up. Lulu saw Nikolas’ eyebrows raise, and held her breath for a second. “I’m staying too, anyways. I’ll drive her home, when we find out about...everything.” Lulu breathed an inaudible sigh of relief, and Nikolas turned to her.
“Lulu, do you feel comfortable with that?”
She loved her brother, but sometimes his damn propriety made her want to scream. “Yes, Nikolas, it’s fine.” He sighed, and bid them goodbye, taking the sleepy children out of the hospital with Emily. Lulu turned to Cruz. “Thank you.”
* * *
Lulu was very quiet after her brother and Emily left. Cruz just sat with her, not really knowing what to say, but he had a feeling that mindless small talk wouldn’t have helped. So they both just sat silently, watching the second hand on the clock tick by, until Bobbie Spencer walked into the waiting room, ripping off her latex gloves.
She was smiling.
“It’s okay, Lesley Lu, everything’s fine,” she said, and Lulu flew into her arms. Cruz thought for sure she was crying from the way that her back was trembling ever so slightly, but when she pulled back, her eyes were dry.
“I want to see Lucky,” she said, her voice a little shaky, but Lulu was smiling so prettily that Cruz’s breath caught in his throat.
“I thought you might,” Bobbie said, wrapping an arm around her niece. “Are you coming too, Cruz? I hear you’re the hero of the night.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Cruz ducked his head bashfully as he followed them down to the neo-natal unit. Audrey and Lesley were standing outside the window, looking at the little pink bundle, laying in a crib next to a grinning, if exhausted, Lucky.
“A girl?” Lulu said, her eyes wide.
“Yes, a girl,” Audrey answered, proudly. “Audrey Jean Spencer. Oh, isn’t she the most beautiful thing ever?”
“She’s really okay then?” Lulu couldn’t take her eyes off the glass. “How’s Elizabeth?”
“Elizabeth is sleeping. Trust me, she needs it. As for our Audrey here, she is a little small. Only four pounds and six ounces, but her vitals are good, and she’s otherwise a completely healthy little girl,” Audrey answered.
Cruz peered through the glass at the beautiful sight of Lucky and his daughter. It almost put an ache in his chest.
“Grandma, why are you crying?” Lulu asked, hugging Lesley close.
“Oh, I’m sorry, honey,” Lesley said, wiping tears from her eyes. “I just...I can’t believe how much she looks like your mother. That perfect little face, and those eyes...”
“I was going to say how much she looked like you,” Bobbie said, stroking Lulu’s hair. “Almost exactly.”
“Really?” Lulu asked. Lucky was settling little Audrey Jean in her crib and then he walked out into the hallway to confer with the rest of his family. “How is she, Lucky?”
“She is...perfect,” Lucky said, still watching her though the window. “My little AJ.” All of the women sighed over the adorable nickname. He turned to Cruz. “Thanks for waiting, man. I guess I owe you one.”
Cruz shook his head. “It’s nothing.”
Lucky looked to Lulu. “I have a little time before Elizabeth wakes up. Do you want me to take you home now?”
Cruz put his hand on his partner’s shoulder. “I’ll take her, man, don’t worry about it. Stay with your wife and your baby.”
Lulu said goodbye to her family, and walked out of the hospital with Cruz, still looking through the glass at little AJ Spencer until they were gone.
She was quiet in the car. No, not quiet. Silent. And still. He would trade any of the time she was jabbering non-stop to just get her to not be so still. He thought that after the baby was born- and she was fine, and Elizabeth was fine- Lulu would stop worrying. But there was something else on her mind. So Cruz parked the car at Kelly’s.
She finally looked at him. “What are we doing?”
He got out of the car, going around to her side and opening the door. He held out his hand for her. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk by the waterfront, unwind a little.”
She put her hand in his and wordlessly followed him. It was past midnight once again, and the docks were silent, except for the sounds of the waves gently lapping up against the piers. Her little hand felt good in his, and Cruz felt her absent-mindedly stroking her thumb over his palm.
He led her way over to the end of the piers, past where any boats were docked, past really even where you could see light. “What are we doing here?” she whispered.
“Just taking a little break,” he answered. He took a deep breath. This was something he had been putting off for some time. “Lulu...Remember that first morning you came over to my house?”
He heard her laugh softly. “Yeah. At the crack of dawn. How could I forget?”
“I never apologized...for the way I acted when you looked at that picture of Alex and Melissa.”
Lulu had almost forgotten about that. “Cruz, why are you bringing this up now?”
“Because I want you to know why I acted the way I did,” he sat down on the bench facing the water and she sat next to him.
“So that woman...Alex’s wife is Melissa?”
“Yes,” he answered. “Well...Was Melissa.”
Lulu felt a sinking feeling in her belly. She knew where this story was going.
“Melissa wasn’t just Alex’s wife, she was one of my best friends growing up. Hell, she was even my girlfriend for about a minute and a half when we were twelve- she was the first girl I kissed. I introduced them,” Lulu could hear a smile in his voice through the darkness. “And well, growing up we had all the same interests. She was like one of the guys, except hot. And we went into the academy together. She was my first partner when I became a cop in New York. I mean, we were all family.” Now Lulu could hear the pain in his voice. “Melissa did an undercover stint, as a stripper. I knew it killed Alex, but he trusted me to protect her, and I swore I would.”
Lulu’s breath hitched. “As a stripper...So that night...At the Oasis...”
“God, Lulu, it was like living one of my worst memories all over again, seeing you up there,” Cruz said, and he squeezed her hand tightly. “So anyway, there she was, getting groped and man-handled by the scum of the earth, all to find out where a little bit of cocaine in Brooklyn was coming from. And...somehow...God, I don’t know how...someone found out she was a cop.” Cruz went quiet after that, and Lulu knew what happened.
“Cruz,” she said, touching his arm softly. “Why are you telling me this?”
He turned to her. Their vision had adjusted to the dark, and he looked her in the eye. “Because I really, really want you to tell me what is bothering you right now.”
Lulu’s stomach dropped. “What are you talking about? I was just...I was just worried about Liz and the baby, but everything’s fine now-“
“Lulu,” he said, stopping her. “It’s me. Don’t you know you can trust me by now?”
She was silent again, and the long minute stretched out for eternity. He didn’t think she was going to answer him, until- “Elizabeth’s baby...My little niece...She’s supposed to be mine.”
Cruz was confused. “What?”
Lulu looked at him. “Oh, I mean...Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all Lifetime and steal my brother’s baby or anything, it’s just...” she took a deep breath. “This summer...I was pregnant.”
Cruz let out a whoosh of breath. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t that. “You...you were pregnant...And you’re clearly not now, so...What happened Lulu? Did you lose the baby?”
She laughed bitterly. “Lose the baby. Now there’s a phrase for it. How do you lose a baby? No, I didn’t [i]lose[/i] the baby, I practically threw it away.”
Cruz sighed. “You...you had an abortion?”
She didn’t answer him. “I...If I had stayed pregnant, that baby would be born right around now, maybe even today,” she said. She was looking out to the water, and lost in her own thoughts. “And seeing what Elizabeth went through tonight...” He heard her voice breaking. “Cruz, it could have been me. It could have been my baby.”
Cruz exhaled. “Do you...wish it was?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “No. Yes.” She let go of his hand, and held her face. She was shaking, and he heard her quiet little whimpers.
Cruz gently pulled her face up to look at him, and his heart almost stopped at what he saw. Tears were flowing freely down her face. Tears she had been holding in since he pulled her off the stage at the Oasis, glittering little drops tracking down her soft cheeks, blurring the brilliant blue of her eyes. And Cruz had no words for what this did to him. “Oh...Lulu...Baby...Don’t cry,” he said, taking her in his arms. It was a dangerous game he was playing. It was too easy, far too familiar to hold her close to his chest, his face buried in her silky golden hair. The scent of her was pure and fresh, like sunshine, and instantly rendered erotic when he felt her softness against him. She wrapped her own arms under his shoulders, nestling her head into his neck. He held her until the wracking sobs ebbed and tided over, and still he held her. “Shh, baby, shh,” he whispered. He allowed himself to slip a little further, brushing his lips over her forehead.
“Cruz,” she whimpered. “Cruz.” He felt her placing small, soft kisses at the base of his throat, almost as if she didn’t even realize she was doing it. He couldn’t help it- he let his head fall back. When he felt her tongue lightly trace over the pulse where his neck met his jaw, it was her own undoing.
With a groan, he pulled her to him, his mouth finally descending on hers. He felt as though he had waited an eternity to kiss Lulu Spencer, and now that he finally had her in his arms, he was going to do it right. He brushed his lips back and forth across her own, just feeling the soft texture of that little rosebud mouth against his own. When he could torture himself no further with her breathy little sighs, he laved her mouth with his tongue. She tasted like peaches and cream, and decadent innocence that he had never dreamed of, and when she answered the probing question of his kiss with a shy flick of her own, he nearly pulled her under him and swore his lifelong allegiance right there.
Instead, he pulled her flush against him, running his hands through her hair and holding her tightly, and when she felt the evidence of how much she affected him, she gasped. It was enough to make him pull back, drawing ragged breaths. Lulu fell forward a little when he pulled back, her eyes still closed. Her lips were swollen and glistening, and her eyes were glazed over. Her eyes widened at him, and God, she looked about twelve years old.
“I’m,” Cruz said, still breathing hard. “I’m sor...” He stood, dragging a hand through his hair. “I’ll take you home, Lulu.” He didn’t reach for her this time. He didn’t trust himself.
Her eyes went even wider, with something like anger mixed in, and she got up and walked past him, not even bothering to answer. Cruz sighed. She was beautiful, she was smart, she was far too terribly young for him. And it was a road that Cruz knew could have no good end. He’d been handed something pure once in his life, and he knew he did not deserve a second chance.
*music used in this section: The Last Night Of Not Knowing You (Darren Hanlon), So Are You To Me (Eastmountainsouth) and Hold You In My Arms (Ray LaMontagne)