The Right to Love - Part 5

[lenageek]

Title: The Right to Love

Spoilers: Takes place after ep 101 (8x09) after Pepa and Silvia have become engaged. This is a sequel to my previous PepSi fanfic, In Love’s Defense. My fic follows LHDP up to ep 101 but departs from the show at that point - ep 104 never has and never will exist in this version of Pepa and Silvia’s world.

Rating: NC-17. I figured after not updating this story for so long, I owed any readers some good smut! ;D

Pairing: Pepa/Silvia

Summary: As Pepa and Silvia deal with the aftermath of their encounter with El Gordo, a new case comes forward that challenges their rights as well as their lives.

A/N/Disclaimer: The characters of LHDP aren’t mine. Okay, it’s been five very long, very frustrating months since I’ve written anything. Period. RL butted in and the muse just took way too long of an ‘effing vacation. Since no one probably remembers what the hell I was writing about, you can read previous parts here - links are also below. Or you can also read the fic, In Love’s Defense which precedes this story. For any readers, feedback is appreciated and enjoyed.

[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4]


Mierda! Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea! Silvia fretted as she smoothed slightly sweaty palms on the top of her jeans. She was waiting outside Dr. Felix’s office, having arrived a few minutes early for her appointment. Now that the moment of truth was here, she was having second thoughts.

It had been three days since her argument and subsequent reconciliation with Pepa. Days that had been filled with enough work to keep her mind occupied in the lab. At home, things had returned to a sense of normalcy and routine, although an air of seriousness occasionally pervaded. Both Silvia and Pepa had made appointments for their psychiatric evaluations, but Pepa didn’t mention it after the fact and knew not to push her partner further on the topic. But she still had a sixth sense that always knew when Silvia needed a hug or a tangible need for comfort, often coming up and embracing her softly from behind. They’d hold each other for long stretches of time, just communicating with their eyes, expressing mutual love, concern and solace - everything. It was the first step in a long process of recovery.

“Inspectora Castro?” Dr. Felix interrupted her train of thoughts as the door to his office opened and his head poked out. “Por favor, come in.”

Silvia took a deep, slow breath as she stood and entered the psychiatrist’s office. The room looked cozy enough without being overwhelmingly cluttered - framed credentials and tranquil looking paintings of landscapes on the walls, neatly arranged bookcases with texts and journals, a small wooden desk and some comfortable, plush looking chairs. Hesitantly, she sat on the edge of the chair closest to the door, resisting the urge to fall back into the plump, overstuffed cushions. Dios, you could fall asleep in this thing!

“Lo siento, Inspectora.” Dr. Felix apologized as he ruffled through various papers on his desk, finally extracting a folder. “It’s been a busy day, so it’s taking me a minute to get organized.” He settled in the chair opposite Silvia, casually crossing his legs and opened the folder, poising a pen over the pages inside. He was a man of small stature, in his late 40s with a head of hair and mustache that was beginning to show signs of grey. Although he’d been involved in some of the precinct’s crazier cases, including, but not limited to a shootout in a cabin with Lucas, Silvia still heard good things about Felix as a capable, experienced psychologist.

“So -” The therapist started, focusing his full attention on his new client. “First of all, I wanted to thank you for coming in. Too many agents wait too long to do this sort of thing.”

“Sí.” Silvia replied briefly. She wasn’t sure what to say but was determined to get through this as quickly as possible. “In fact if you’re that busy, I can reschedule -”

“Ah, ah! Hold on, Inspectora!” Felix grinned as he knowingly shook a finger. “We have the whole hour to talk, so make yourself comfortable.”

Not likely. The redhead groaned to herself. She squinted warily at the folder the psychiatrist was holding, watching him scribble a few notes. “You have a file on me already?”

“Why, yes. It’s your internal file with your profile, which I have access to. Nothing you don’t know already.” Felix pushed his glasses further up his nose and flipped a page, reading out loud. “You graduated from the academy at the top of your class, have been San Antonio precinct’s Chief Forensic Scientist for over two years, have an excellent reputation for closing out cases…and recently awarded the Order of Police Merit.”

The page flipped back into place as the pen hovered over the page of notes again. “But beyond the mere facts, I want to know how you have been doing. How have you been feeling lately, Inspectora?”

“Por favor, call me Silvia.” She shifted in the seat, uncomfortable with the inquisitive, kindly gaze directed at her. “Inspectora’s just too damn formal after a while.”

“Vale, Silvia.” Felix’s head bobbed up and down, encouraging. “How how have you been? You can start anywhere, with anything.”

“Fine.” Silvia clasped her hands tightly, resting them on her knees. “I’ve been fine.” She realized she was going into a familiar self-defense mode, but it was easier than having her soul flayed open and exposed to a relative stranger.

“Fine?” The psychiatrist repeated, having noted Silvia’s obvious, painful tension and nerves since she’d entered the room. “Are you sleeping well?”

“Doing okay.” Another terse answer, this time barely above a whisper. Her shoulders rose and fell with an impatient breath. “Look, can’t you just sign the form that will clear me for field duty? We can just get this over with and done. And I’ve got a lot of work to do in my lab -”

“Because you’re fine.” Felix softly interrupted. He tapped his pen a few times against the paper, his mustache twitching as he gazed meaningfully at the inspector. “Silvia, I’ve seen a lot of agents like you in my career. They don’t want to talk. They want to get on with their lives.”

“Exactly.” Silvia agreed, her voice taking on a harder edge. “I’m a competent, professional woman. I’m good at my job. So, por favor, let me get back to it as soon as possible.”

“Well, I’d be fine signing you off for field work, were it not for the traumatic events you’ve been through.”

The redhead swallowed heavily, trying to keep her breathing steady. Her attempt at bravado was faltering as she became increasingly uneasy under the shrink’s shrewd, empathetic gaze, as if he could see right into her.

“Why don’t you ask Pepa about it? She’s the one who got shot.”

“I did speak to Agent Miranda earlier today. And she couldn’t stop talking, from the minute she came in.” Felix noted the ill-hidden surprise in Silvia’s eyes. “And while client-patient privilege forbids me from discussing details, when I treat spouses or family members, I do talk about some generalities if it’s relevant.”

“And?”

Felix took Silvia’s piqued interest as the first positive sign - a crack in the wall the inspector was visibly adept at building around herself and her psyche. “And, as you are probably aware, her concerns were all about you. It took most of the hour for me to get her to say anything about herself.”

The psychiatrist observed the inspector as she frowned deeply, casting her gaze down at her hands that were almost white with strain. He could practically feel the guilt and other tremulous emotions flowing from her in waves. He heaved a small sigh. This was going to be a tough road they had to tread, no doubt.

“Silvia?” Felix waited until she looked up, her chest starting to heave with suppressed emotion. He continued in a soft, benevolent tone, his eyes never leaving hers. “I’ve read all the reports. You shot and killed the leader of an international mafioso organization, one of Interpol’s most wanted men. The woman who’s not only your partner, but your fiancé, was shot while defending you and stopped breathing for almost four minutes until you successfully resuscitated her. And then she was kidnapped, beaten, and almost perished in your arms for a second time. So I have a very difficult time believing that you’re ‘fine’.”

Silvia’s lips quivered as she released a breath, not realizing she’d been holding it during Felix’s assessment. She unhappily accepted the box of tissues he passed over, plucking one out to dab her wet cheeks. “I - I’ve been having nightmares for the past few weeks. Terrible nightmares where I see, I relive every second of Pepa’s death, only it’s permanent. And a few days ago, I think I had a panic attack in the lab.”

“Vale.” Felix said simply, gesturing for her to go on.

“I - I don’t tell Pepa every detail since she worries about me so much already.” The inspector balled the tissue in a damp wad, forcing herself to meet the psychiatrist’s eyes. “But then everything just gets bottled up inside me until it explodes!” She shrugged, disheartened, curling her hand into a fist and putting it over her chest. “I just don’t know what to do with all of this stuff inside me.”

“Well, this is the place where you can talk about it. Talk, cry, scream, whatever you need to. It’s a safe place.”

“But I don’t even know where to begin!” Silvia’s deep brown eyes pleaded for an answer.

“You just did, Silvia.” Felix’s calm voice assured her. “It took a lot of courage for you to come here today. Give yourself credit for that.”

Huh? The imploring look transformed to one of astonishment. “But all I did was walk in the room.”

“And then you sat down. It takes little steps. And they all count, no matter how small.” Felix leaned his head on his hand as he studied his client. “We can just talk about one thing at a time. There’s no rush. I’m not going anywhere.”

Silvia blinked, processing the words. Slowly, she allowed her body to relax bit by bit, to sink back in the chair. She wondered if she’d found an unlikely ally where she’d least expected it.

“Vale.” She pulled another tissue from the box and blew her nose, which was stuffy from crying. “One thing at a time sounds okay.”

___

The inspector leaned back against the door as it shut behind her. She was exhausted, mentally and physically after the session with Felix, but she had made it through. She smiled internally, surprised at herself. Going to get my head examined and actually getting something useful out of it. Who knew? Stranger things have happened, I guess.

“Hey.” Silvia looked up to see Pepa enter the living room, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. The taller woman read the unspoken cue in her lover’s eyes to come forward and tuck her into a warm embrace, inhaling the sweet scent of the red strands under her nose.

After a few minutes, Pepa reluctantly released her hold, palming Silvia’s cheek. “Cómo estás?” She really wanted to ask how everything went, for every tiny detail, but knew it wasn’t her place.

“Tired.” Was the simple answer. “But glad I’m home, with you.” The inspector saw Pepa’s hesitant smile, her heart going out to her, knowing that her partner was struggling to clamp down on her protective instincts.

“Felix said it will take at least a few more sessions to clear me for field duty. And then after that…” She shrugged noncommittally. “I’ll see. Maybe I’ll still see him.”

“Vale.” The agent replied as she continued to softly stroke Silvia’s face. She honestly felt like cheering shamelessly, but managed to contain her reaction, her lips curving upward into a small smile. She sighed in relief as she felt her fiancé melt into her arms again. I hope I can help you heal too, cariño.

“Hey.” Silvia’s voice was muffled against Pepa’s t-shirt. She lifted her head, trying to peek over the tall shoulder. “Are you making something?”

Pepa’s grin widened. “Ven aquí.” She grasped the smaller hand in her own and led her into the kitchen. Silvia’s eyes widened at the beautiful spread that included wine, bread, salad, and a gorgeous paella dish.

“Pepa, you did this for me?” Tears pricked at the inspector’s eyes, but for the first time in what felt like forever, they were happy tears.

“Claro.” The agent led Silvia to a chair, moving behind her to gently massaging her shoulders. “I thought since I’m at home, I could at least make you a nice meal.” Her fingers stilled as she leaned down to kiss an elegant neck. “I know you had a stressful day.”

The agent neglected mentioning how the meal preparation had taken all day, which included her frantically trying to keep an eye on various boiling pots, the oven and a recipe she’d printed out, all at the same time. The kitchen had become a horrid mess with sauce, spices, various vegetables and water spattered all over the floor, walls and counters. After much colorful profanity, almost catching her hair on fire and a change of clothes, Pepa had finally managed to set the table, keep the wine chilled and the paella hot just before Silvia had walked in the door.

“Vale, no more tears.” Pepa kissed the last drops of moisture off of Silvia’s cheeks as she giggled. She sat opposite her fiancé and grasped the neck of the wine bottle, which was chilling in a silver wine bucket. Expertly, she opened the bottle with a swift popping of the cork before filling two glasses with the slightly golden tinged liquid.

“Salud.” Pepa touched the rim of her glass to Silvia’s, heartened to see a beautiful, full smile across from her. “To us.”

“To us.” The inspector took a sip of the crisp beverage, enjoying the taste as it went down her throat. Her fingers reached out and tangled with the ones opposite hers. “I’m so lucky to have you. And that I’m marrying the most beautiful woman in Spain.”

“Just Spain?” Brown eyes twinkled playfully at over the rim of the glass. “Oh no, I beg to differ princesa. I’m marrying the most beautiful woman in the world! But if you say that I’m the most gorgeous woman in Spain, and if you’re always right, then who am I to argue?”

The two women passed the meal with more teasing and laughter, with Silvia eventually throwing a bread crust that pelted Pepa right on the nose. The end of the meal almost dissolved into a full out food fight with more crusts, shreds of lettuce and shrimp tails being lobbed back and forth, amid shrieks of laughter.

The inspector managed to call a truce and said she’d clean up, knowingly teasing her fiancé, ‘since you cooked for me and I’m sure that was traumatic enough.’ Quickly finishing the task, Silvia once again threaded her fingers through Pepa’s, leading her to the couch. She let out a quiet, contended sigh as they held each other, glad that their physical affection was still present after the fight. Her ear pressed against the agent’s chest, listening to the comforting vibration of Pepa’s heartbeat, mulling over one thing Felix had suggested at the end of the session - to keep the lines of communication open with her partner.

“Hey.” Pepa’s voice burred in her ear. “Are you asleep, cariño?” Long fingers mapped out the planes of Silvia’s face, grazing closed eyelids. “We should go to bed since you’re tired.”

“No.” The inspector sat up, her eyes meeting the warm gaze opposite her. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to show you this.” From her back pocket, she produced the ruined photo that she’d taken from Pepa’s vest. “You wanted to know why I was so upset the day we fought. I was processing evidence in the lab and I found this in your vest.”

“Wow.” Pepa softly uttered as she took the photo, the puzzle pieces falling into place. After that damn nightmare and then seeing this, no wonder she was falling apart. “I’m sorry you had to see this, princesa.”

To her surprise, Silvia shook her head. “I’m not. Now that I’ve had time to think about it.”

“Por qué?” The brunette’s expression was quizzical as she studied her partner’s contemplative face.

“Because I still get to do this.” A soft kiss melted away the questioning look. “And this.” Her palm pressed against Pepa’s chest, once again reveling in the pulsing beneath her fingertips.

“I think the more I can touch you, feel you…I don’t know, I can’t even explain it. It’s like it helps to keep those dreams away.”

“Muy bien.” Pepa replied, relieved that she could be what Silvia needed. “Anything for you, if it helps you sleep better.”

“Sí.” The inspector plucked the crumpled photo from her partner’s fingers. “I was surprised when I saw this. I never knew you kept my picture like this.”

“What, in my vest? It’s tradition. I like those old cop superstitions.” Pepa shrugged, her fingers tracing Silvia’s cheek again. “I’ve done it for years. Ever since I became a police officer. My first time in the field when I had to suit up and put a vest on, I put a picture of you in there.”

“Really?” Silvia breathed, touched and astonished at the same time. “But…we hadn’t even been reacquainted then. We wouldn’t even see each other again for another few years.”

“Yeah, well…” The agent bit her lip shyly, a gesture her partner found sweetly endearing. “I wanted to keep you close to my heart. You’ve always been my shield, Silvia. You’re the person that drives away the darkness in my world.”

“Yo también.” Came the definite answer. Silvia put the photo on the coffee table, dismissing it as she slung her arms around Pepa’s neck. “So can we make new memories to replace the bad ones?”

“Claro que sí.” Pepa stopped breathing as she felt her lover’s fingers pull her t-shirt free from her jeans, slipping under soft cotton and warming her torso with a firm, insistent touch.

The taller woman inhaled sharply, feeling the light strokes move higher, grazing the shape of her breasts. “I take it you’re not tired any more, princesa.”

“I need this.” Dark brown eyes implored, a physical desire mixed with a yearning for the solace and love that only Pepa could give her. “I need to feel you, to be with you.”

The brunette nodded, further words having become unnecessary. Slowly she lay back down on the couch, her arms at her sides, a sign that she was more than willing to let Silvia take the lead. She gasped as small fingers edged her shirt up, exposing her stomach. The skin on her bare torso tingled pleasantly as Silvia bent her head to plant slow, wet kisses up her body, the red mane of hair that was tickling her bare skin only adding to the sensory overload she was experiencing.

Deep brown eyes rose and met hers with such a loving, forceful intensity that Pepa couldn’t help shivering again. She lifted her arms as Silvia cast her shirt aside, feeling her bend down again to lavish her exposed chest with more nips and kisses. Even though her body was starting to shake with an insatiable need, she kept her desire in check, more than happy to simply savor Silvia’s presence - to feel her lips on her chest, to inhale her unique, sweet scent that washed over and almost drowned her at the same time. Her hands moved of their own volition to caress the red waves, delighting in the silky, full texture as the crimson strands sifted through her fingers.

Pepa barely felt the redhead’s fingers removing her lacy black bra, before her lover’s wet lips moved up and hungrily pressed against her own. They parted, the merest sliver of space in between them, inhaling each other’s breath for a second, only to consume each other again. The two bodies began to move together in sync in a familiar, passionate rhythm.

“Pepa…” Silvia whispered, a breathless pant as she sat up, straddling the impossibly long legs beneath her. She smiled softly, seeing long fingers that were shaking so badly, they could hardly undo the buttons of her top and peel it off her body. She retaliated, seeking out the button on the taller woman’s jeans, feeling the slim hips jerk so hard at the action, they almost bucked her off the couch.

The agent’s eyes fluttered shut as she felt Silvia’s insistent tug at her zipper, her senses amplified by the hormones that were rampaging through her veins. The grating sound of the metal teeth separating, the swish of heavy denim and a dampened silky thong being removed from her thighs only served to intensify her arousal to unbearable heights.

“Dios, princesa!” The brunette gulped, as small fingers sought out the curls at the apex of her legs, slowly but firmly moving lower towards their goal. Waves of carnal pleasure washed over the long frame as Silvia’s fingers flexed, lovingly caressing and stroking her.

“Por favor, Pepa…” The redhead gently placed her free hand on her fiancé’s cheek. She smiled watching delicate eyelashes flutter, as the brown eyes consumed with love and desire were revealed. “Keep your eyes open. Por favor? I want to see you. To see your face as I love you.”

“Anything for you, cariño. Anything -” Pepa’s voice was cut off by a sharp gasp as her climax reverberated through every pore of her body, claiming and satiating her at the same time. She felt the heat rush through her as Silvia bent down to press her lips against hers again.

“Que bonita.” The smaller woman whispered, her lips pressed against her partner’s ear. “That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” She moved to face Pepa, who was mildly shocked to see tears shining in her dark eyes.

Pepa chuckled. “No, Silvia.” She disagreed, thumbing away the tear that was balanced on an eyelash, about to fall. “You’re the most beautiful thing in my world.” She sat up to reverse their positions so that she was now hovering over the redhead. “Here, let me show you.”

Quickly divesting her fiancé of her jeans and underwear, Pepa took her time smoothing her hands up the lithe body until her head was level with Silvia’s chest. Using her teeth to good advantage, the agent unhooked the redhead’s bra, while her hands trailed patterns up and down Silvia’s arms, moving down to fondle the skin of her torso and back. The breath left the smaller woman’s body in a rush as Pepa moved them both upright, feeling Silvia’s legs wrap around her back.

Lips met once more in ardent kisses, as Pepa eventually moved down to Silvia’s chest, concentrating her efforts in flicking her tongue against sensitive nipples. She felt her lover shudder with gasps, sensing the smaller woman’s liquid warmth spreading against her thighs. Moving her hand between their sweaty bodies to encourage Silvia, Pepa held her close, her skin warmed by the erratic breaths the redhead was exhaling against her shoulder.

“Silvia, mi Silvia…” she murmured, her fingers automatically moving in time with her lover’s quivering body.  “I will always be here for you. Always love you. Para siempre, para siempre jamás.” For Pepa, it was almost overwhelming, this nameless need to love and cherish the precious being she held. It went beyond the physical, the mere tangible sensation.

A wordless cry left Silvia’s lips as powerful convulsions reverberated through her frame. Clutching at any skin her fingers could find purchase on, she fell forward, trusting Pepa to cradle her fall. Several long minutes passed as both heartbeats slowed and several satisfying aftershocks passed through the two women.

“Gracias, mi amor.” Silvia finally found her voice. She squeezed Pepa’s body beneath her, feeling at peace and as whole as she had in weeks. “I know that as long as I have you with me, I’ll be all right. More than all right.”

“That’s all I want.” Pepa’s voice cracked as Silvia’s gaze shifted to her face, her deep brown orbs staring intensely into the very recesses of her heart and mind. “All I want is for you to be happy and safe, mi Silvia.” She felt fingers now wiping her own tears away.

“Lo siento.” She apologized. “We just can’t stop crying tonight!”

“I think its fine.” Silvia laughed lightly. “I’m learning not to be ashamed of my emotions.”

“Really?” Pepa smiled as she pulled her love closer. “Well let me share something with you. Sometimes…when I hold you in my arms like this…it’s like what you just said. How you don’t know how to explain that feeling between us. It’s like I lose all track of time and space. Like this moment really does last forever. That what we have, what we share…that we’ve been here before.”

“Like we’re soulmates?” The redhead tasted the word on her tongue, the vibration of it sending shivers of happiness all the way down to her toes.”

“Exactly. After all we’ve been through, we’ll always be together. Throughout lifetimes.”

Silvia shifted so she could look into her Pepa’s eyes. “I love the idea of being with you forever.” She leaned in for a soft kiss, feeling her lover sigh in utter contentment.

“Me too, pelirroja.” Pepa held Silvia tightly as she felt them both beginning to drift off into sleep.

___

“Buenos días!”

The cheery greeting caused Pepa to look up from her laptop as Silvia fairly bounced into the living room. She was adorably clad in a pair of dark silken pajamas that Pepa had once given her as a birthday gift, her red curls shiny and glowing, as was the rest of her countenance.

The agent laughed as she felt her fiancé giddily embrace her from behind. “Hm, so does this mean I did a good job last night?”

“Claro que sí!” was the jubilant response as Silvia pecked Pepa on the mouth.

“Hmm…” Pepa tapped her finger to her lips, pretending to be in deep thought. “I do seem to remember carrying a very warm, very naked, very loudly snoring pelirroja to bed last night.”

“Qué?!” The forensic scientist cuffed her partner on the upper arm in mock outrage. “I do not snore! Not as loud as you, anyway!”

“No, no, I’d never argue with you Silvia!” The agent threw her hands up in surrender. She felt the vibrations rumble through her body as the redhead continued to giggle.

“Well in all seriousness, I was tired after yesterday. Too much exercise!”

“Sí, and that’s why I let you sleep in.” Pepa leaned back to return the favor to give Silvia another sweet kiss, taking the time to let her fingers linger against a downy cheek. “But, I did make you coffee.”

“Gracias, mi morena! You’re the best!” Silvia happily called over her shoulder as she made a beeline for the kitchen.

“Hm, it’s nice to know that I’m loved.” The tall woman muttered amusedly to herself as she continued clicking the mouse to view various pictures on the screen. “Pelirroja, I don’t know why you say you love all these press pictures of me at the medal ceremony! I look like a first class idiot! Like a fucking deer caught in the headlights!”

“No, you look like a first class hero!” A jovial voice disagreed, floating from the direction of the kitchen.

“Humph! Well you said I get to pick some out to email to Lola, so I’m going to pick the pictures with you in the front!”

“Only if I get to pick out my fair share with you looking like the dashing caballero you are…” Silvia’s voice faded as she exited the kitchen with her steaming cup, noting that Pepa’s expression had suddenly darkened. “Qué pasa, cariño?” She quickly made her way to her partner’s side, rubbing her back in soothing circles.

“Tell me something, Silvia. Who does that look like to you?” Pepa was looking at a photo taken at moment when she was shaking Comisario Principal Vargas’ hand. She had enlarged the far right corner of the picture, enhancing a figure that was barely visible on the edge of the frame.

“Dios mío!” Silvia’s throat had suddenly gone dry. “That’s Blackman! What the hell was he doing at the ceremony?”

“No lo sé.” Pepa nodded gravely, unable to repress a shiver that ran down the length of her spine. “But this guy always shows up for a reason, and it’s never a good one.”