The Right to Love - Part 4
Title: The Right to Love
Spoilers: Takes place after ep 101 (8x09) after Pepa and Silvia have become engaged. This is a sequel to my previous PepSi fanfic, In Love’s Defense. My fic follows LHDP up to ep 101 but departs from the show at that point - ep 104 never has and never will exist in this version of Pepa and Silvia’s world.
Rating: PG-13. Lots more angst, but don’t worry - everything will be fine!
Pairing: Pepa/Silvia
Summary: As Pepa and Silvia deal with the aftermath of their encounter with El Gordo, a new case comes forward that challenges their rights as well as their lives.
A/N/Disclaimer: The characters of LHDP aren’t mine. Originally this chapter was several pages longer, but I’ve decided to split it into two parts since I had too many scenes and shifts of emotion going on. I hope any readers will enjoy!
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3]
The engine revved powerfully, the car quickly eating up the kilometers as they whizzed by, the narrow two lane road’s turns illuminated by powerful headlights. Pepa’s foot stomped on the accelerator, holding it down, heedless of the needle on the odometer as it inched higher and higher. Wind blasted through the open driver’s side window, whipping her hair in every direction, the current causing tears to stream from her eyes.
Pepa relished in the chill coming from air around her. Her hands were stiff with cold, but somehow managed to retain the steering wheel in a death grip. If only the cold could deaden her churning insides as well. She was on automatic pilot, doing what had become second nature when something scared the shit out of her. Just get in the car and drive - another place, another mindset, anything to get away. Maybe if she drove fast enough, she’d forget the sound of the shattering of the mug, or the bitterness in the voice of the one she loved the most.
The agent had spent the remaining daylight hours perched at a barstool in an outlying suburb of Madrid, wallowing in a simmering frustration and anger. As soon as Silvia had locked herself in the bedroom, the urge to flee had become overwhelming - a roiling of her guts that made her lightheaded and her stomach queasy. Pepa had gripped her car keys, the jagged edges biting painfully into her palm as she shrugged on her jacket and bolted out the door. Tossing back shot after shot of tequila had done nothing to assuage her turbulent emotions, but Pepa dimly realized she was beyond the point of common sense. Another old habit that was hard to break.
God dammit! Pepa slammed her hand on the steering wheel, ignoring the harsh sting that reverberated through her palm. Why won’t she listen to me? I just want to help her, heal her. Is that such a fucking crime? When did wanting the best for someone become so fucking hard?
Pepa blinked harshly at a luminosity that filled her field of vision. Cursing and irritated, she swatted a hand in front of her face to block the dazzling light. A discordant, piercing sound of an air horn reached her ears, as she belatedly realized she had drifted into the opposite lane and had a truck bearing down her on a collision course. Instinctively, the agent whipped the wheel to the right, feeling the tires skid on the pavement and lose control as the vehicle started to fishtail. The world in front of the windshield became a slow, seemingly endless blur of motion with only time for a brief thought in Pepa’s mind. Dios! This isn’t good!
The truck blew by with only the slightest of margins to spare, as Pepa’s car spun out in a dusty dirt clearing. Gasping for breath, she realized that her car had spun 180 degrees and was now facing the opposite direction - but that miraculously she had escaped unharmed, with only a fine coat of dust on the car’s exterior to show for it. Resting her head on the steering wheel, Pepa took several shaky gulps of air, trying to calm her heartbeat, which was racing so fast, her chest ached. Oh God! That was stupid, so stupid! If I had been killed, Silvia would have…
Unable to finish the sickening thought, Pepa fumbled for the door latch, shoving a booted foot out to kick the door open. Stumbling a few steps from the car, she sunk to her knees in the gravel, retching violently. Spitting the last of the foul aftertaste of alcohol from her mouth, the brunette collapsed back against the car, letting her head thump against the door panel, her body shaking with residual stress and sobs. Por favor…I’ve fucked up a lot of things in my life, I’ve made my mistakes. I may not deserve help, but she does.
Glancing around, recognition slowly entered Pepa’s bleary state of mind. She realized she was in the same field where Silvia had parked to look at the stars one of their first nights together in San Antonio. Looking skyward only made Pepa sob even harder. The inky night sky wasn’t as clear, the pristine view of hundreds of stars obscured by the nearby streetlamps that stood across the highway.
Pepa slowly got to her feet, her nauseous, gut-wrenching sorrow giving way to a blinding fury. Incensed beyond rationality, she picked up a nearby fist-sized rock, running to the middle of the highway and flinging the projectile as hard as she could. The sound of shattering glass disturbed the late night silence, as the ruined light stuttered briefly and winked out.
“God dammit, why won’t you answer me?! Why does she have to be in so much pain?” Pepa cried out loud at the uncaring gods above. Another rock, more breaking glass. “This is our place, our perfect place! These fucking lights aren’t supposed to be here!”
Ignoring the pain shooting up her arm, Pepa grabbed more fistfuls of rocks, throwing them with enraged accuracy until every visible light was destroyed. Her throat raw from screaming, she sank down against the car again, panting and exhausted. Looking up a second time, she was bitterly satisfied to see the perfect view restored that she had once adored with her pelirroja.
“Silvia…” The agent moaned, placing her aching head in her hands, her fingers digging into her scalp. Even though the near miss and the flashing burn of anger had done its job to quickly sober her up, it didn’t change what had happened between them. “I can’t go home yet…I can’t face you! What am I supposed to do?”
___
The commissioner shuffled towards the front door, groggily putting on his robe, drawn by the insistent pounding that had woken him from a sound sleep. He jerked open the door, intent on giving whomever it was an earful, as only he could.
“What the hell?! It’s almost fucking 2am…”
Don Lorenzo’s voice faded in astonishment, seeing Pepa hunched against the doorframe, her eyes red and swollen, looking as if she’d been trampled on, physically and emotionally.
“Qué pasa, Pepa?” He reached out with both hands to steady the trembling form. “What happened to you?”
The taller woman collapsed against Don Lorenzo, as he staggered back under the unexpected weight. Somehow he managed to get his arms around the distraught woman as he held her, tenderly stroking her dark hair.
“It’s going to be okay. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Papa -” The agent sniffed through her tears. “I don’t know what to do! I don’t know how to help her! Silvia and I had an argument and - and we got so mad at each other, I just had to leave! I didn’t know where else to go.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” The older man quickly reassured her. “Here, let’s get you to sit down.”
Pepa mutely followed Don Lorenzo to the couch where she gratefully took a seat, drained of all energy. She heard the commissioner tinkering around in the kitchen before he came out with two cups of steaming tea, pushing a cup into the agent’s numb hands. Pepa sniffed tentatively, not knowing if her queasy stomach would be able to ingest anything. She took a cautious sip, sighing in relief as she inhaled the sweet peppermint aroma, the warm liquid starting to take the edge off her constant nausea.
The two sat drinking their tea in silence for several long minutes, as Pepa fiddled with the teabag, refusing to meet Don Lorenzo’s eyes.
“Are Paco and Mariano here?”
“No, they’re on a nighttime stakeout. Don’t worry about them.”
More silence, broken only by the tinkling of the spoon in Don Lorenzo’s cup as he stirred in a dollop of honey.
“Hija?”
The dark haired woman looked up at Don Lorenzo, who was waiting his head propped in his hand, his open expression a mixture of compassion and concern. The look changed his appearance completely, making him appear younger, the lines in his face less rugged.
“Lo siento.” Pepa shifted, slightly awkward. “I guess I’m still not used to you calling me that. Especially after so many years of lectures and yelling.”
“Por qué? Do you not want me to call you that?” The commissioner asked gently.
“No, no, it’s fine.” Pepa managed to smile a bit. “It’s wonderful. It’s just been a long time since I’ve had a father. It just takes some getting used to.”
“Muy bien.” In truth, Pepa’s words pleased the older man to no end, but he managed to keep his expression relatively neutral. Right now, he had not one but two daughters that needed his help.
“I told you that you could call me any time if you needed me. I meant it. So, tell me what happened.”
The tall woman sighed and launched into a narrative of the fight she and Silvia had had, leaving out the details of Silvia unintentionally cutting her and how much she’d had to drink.
“She thinks I’m being overprotective but I swear I just want to make sure she’s okay.” Pepa looked helplessly at Don Lorenzo, at a loss for words.
“Hmm.” The commissioner put down his cup and sat back on the couch, his expression thoughtful. “You know, from the day you came into our family’s lives, I knew that I wouldn’t have to worry so much as a father about my little girl. From the time you were eight years old, you’ve been overprotective of Silvia.”
He chuckled to himself. “I remember you leaning halfway out of that damn tree house you built, risking life and limb, just to get your arm out to help Silvia up, making sure she wouldn’t fall. I’d be lying if I said you two didn’t give me my share of near heart attacks.”
Pepa smiled softly, her eyes misting over at the many childhood memories she shared with her love. “Sí, I could be a bad influence. We were naughty kids.”
Don Lorenzo looked the tall woman square in the eye. “You know, I was almost jealous of you, Pepa. You took over that protective role that’s normally attributed to a father when Silvia was growing up. I was always at the precinct, always busy. I didn’t spend as much time with my family as I would have liked.”
He shrugged lightly. “I think know now that’s the real reason I’ve always been so harsh with you. Because you were the apple of Silvia’s eye. And that it wasn’t always me. I was stupidly suspicious of you, because I didn’t want her to get hurt. I was unfair to you, Pepa.”
“Wow. I never knew that.” The agent said quietly, amazed. “I - I’m so sorry, I never meant for you to feel that way -”
“Not to worry.” Don Lorenzo smiled gently, seeing the rising panic in Pepa’s eyes. “As Silvia said, there’s plenty of her to go around. I’ve learned long ago that even if we don’t understand it at the time, things work out as they should. And they will.”
The older man leaned forward, taking Pepa’s hands in his own. “Silvia loves both of us. Too much, I think. That’s why she’ll get mad and push you away when things like this happen. She’s scared and this is her way of dealing with it.”
“So what can I do, Papa?” Pepa swallowed as her chest grew tight with emotion.
A deep sigh. “Well, we both know that Silvia needs time to calm down. Go back home. No more running away. Be there for her. And if that doesn’t work -” Don Lorenzo tenderly kissed his adopted daughter on her forehead. “Send her over here. Chief forensic scientist or not, she’ll listen to me.”
“Gracias, Papa.” The two stood and embraced each other in a tight hug.
“Now, one more thing…” Don Lorenzo shook an admonishing finger in Pepa’s face. “As your Papa, let it be known that I will be here for you, but I will still scold you when necessary. Give me your keys.”
Dammit, I’m in real trouble now! I should have known I couldn’t let that slip by him! Pepa meekly hung her head as she reached into her pocket and did as requested.
“Now I’m going to drive you home and take a cab back here. Lo compredes?” Don Lorenzo said in his sternest tone. At Pepa’s nod, he forged on, even though it hurt him to reprimand the brunette for her own good.
“You think I couldn’t smell the alcohol on your breath? There’s no way I’m letting you drive intoxicated again! If anything had happened to you, if you had lost your life, I would have lost two daughters!”
“I know.” A bare whisper.
“No, I don’t think you do, otherwise you wouldn’t have driven here like this. If you ever even think about doing anything like this again, I’ll turn you over my knee Pepa!”
“Sí señor.” The tall woman’s shoulders hunched, taking in her well-deserved admonishment.
“Vale.” Don Lorenzo’s voice and expression softened as he tipped Pepa’s chin to meet his eyes. “I only said that because I love you and don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“I understand.” Pepa gave the commissioner a watery smile. “I like having you as a father, even with all the lectures.”
He laughed softly, as he patted her on the cheek. “Vamos. Let’s get you home.”
___
The door clicked shut quietly behind Pepa as she made her way through the dark living room, her eyes quickly adjusting to the gloom. Moving soundlessly through the house, she saw that the mess from her and Silvia’s argument had been cleaned up. The kitchen was spotless except for…Pepa shuddered as she saw an open bottle of tequila on the table, next to an empty used shot glass. Joder! Silvia doesn’t drink like that unless she’s really upset.
The agent stepped into the bedroom, and she felt her heart abruptly drop into her stomach at the distressing sight that met her eyes. Silvia was curled into a fetal position in the middle of the bed, her scarlet hair fanning out on the mattress, her knees tucked up to her chin with her arms encircling them tightly. The covers looking like they had been kicked off in a restless sleep and the windows were wide open, the blinds drawn. Clad only in a thin tank top and cotton underwear, Silvia looked like she was trying desperately to protect her fragile self from the malicious visions that plagued her sleeping state.
Pepa reached out with quavering fingers, feeling them graze chilled skin. “Dios, you’re freezing cariño!” she murmured as she carefully gathered her beloved fiancé in her arms.
The smaller woman shuddered and awoke with a start before realizing who held her. Her gasp of surprise was swallowed by tears they made her way down her cheeks for the umpteenth time, dampening the cloth of Pepa’s tank top.
“Oh God, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Pepa!” Silvia wept, heedless of her partner’s comforting touches up and down the length of her back. “I didn’t mean those awful things I said!”
“I’m sorry too, princesa.” The brunette swallowed her own grief, wanting to be the strong one for her partner’s sake. “I don’t want us to keep hurting each other.”
Silvia looked into Pepa’s eyes, her hand smoothing over the wet patch on the agent’s chest, feeling the vibrant heartbeat beneath her fingertips “When you left, all I could think of was that time when we were separated - how alone I felt. I thought I’d driven you away for days, even weeks and it would have been all my fault.”
“No. No, Silvia.” Pepa soothed. “I’ll never run away again from what we have, no matter how scared I get. You said you wouldn’t let your fears ruin what we have together, and I’m not going to let mine destroy us either. You mean too much to me to run away. Your padre helped me to see that. I went to talk to him.”
“Really?” Silvia asked, astonished. Grateful, red-rimmed eyes sparkled with a hint of life as full lips quirked into a hint of a smile. “That makes me really appreciate him. I’m glad you have each other.”
“Sí. Me too.” Pepa felt her muscles involuntary flinch as Silvia squeezed her right forearm.
“Dios! Lo siento, Pepa!” Silvia cried, her guts churning with guilt as she remembered the injury that had been caused by her own hand.
“Silvia, stop, stop.” The brunette took Silvia’s hands in her own as nimble fingers tried to take her jacket off. “It’s fine. It’s just a scratch.”
“Por favor. Let me look at it.” Silvia’s lips trembled as she reached to stroke Pepa’s cheek.
“Vale.” Pepa nodded, quietly complying, seeing as how her partner was on the verge of being in tears again. “If it’ll give you peace of mind.”
“Gracias.”
The agent trailed the inspector as Silvia quickly threw on a pair of sweats and went into the kitchen, whisking away the offending tequila bottle and producing her red medical bag. Taking off Pepa’s jacket and getting the arm under a bright desk lamp, Silvia peeled away the layers of napkins Pepa had quickly stuffed against the wound. She was dismayed to see that the ‘scratch’ was actually a sizable gash that was still bleeding. Putting on a pair of latex gloves, the doctor injected her partner with a local anesthetic and carefully cleaned the cut before stitching four small sutures. As a precaution, she even gave Pepa a tetanus shot, noting her lover’s forgiving, sympathetic gaze every time she glanced up from her work.
“See? Good as new. No harm done.” Pepa smiled reassuringly as she flexed her arm, feeling Silvia’s fingers graze the bandage she taped over the wound. Her fingers moved to caress the redhead’s cheek, looking into dark brown eyes, willing herself to infuse every bit of love into her words. “Silvia, if you don’t want to do therapy right away, it’s fine. We’ll find another way.”
“No, Pepa. I don’t want you saying that just to placate me.” Silvia sighed as she turned her head to kiss the long fingers. “I know I need to talk to someone. I want to have you in my dreams at night. Not El Gordo or the mafioso. But I can’t do it alone. I need help.”
“I know, cariño. I know how therapy scares you.” She watched as her partner nodded, feeling Silvia shudder. The redhead had only shared hints with Pepa of a dark period of her life after her divorce from Lucas - days where she never left the house or her bed, refusing to take antidepressants. When she’d finally forced herself to do so, the side effects had been almost debilitating, along with more ineffectual therapy than she cared to remember.
“Going into sessions where I have to talk about myself and my fears does scare me.” Silvia admitted, feeling Pepa play with strands of her hair. “But fighting with you, not being able to communicate - the chance that it would lead to loosing you…that scares me even more.”
“Well, there’s no shame in asking for support. And you have my help too.” Pepa gazed steadily at her partner, feeling her own turbulent emotions lighten, seeing Silvia smile fully at last. “Siempre, mi amor.”