I'm lucky to have such great friends. They know who they are, and they let me cheat at boardgames when I need a boost. :-)

I don't hate my uncle. However, if he were to die in a fire, alone, my first thought would be to the safety of the firemen, followed by their children, and their little league coaches, and the contribution baseball has made to America, to the Dominican Republic, the problems Haiti has, being a neighbor to the Dominican Republic, and how zombies ( Read more... )

You don't work for the plumber. The plumber WORKS FOR YOU. This means you don't hang around on the plumber's schedule. He shows up ON YOUR SCHEDULE. And if he doesn't, FIND ANOTHER PLUMBER ( Read more... )

No, my fair cousin ( Read more... )

Fuck you, you're on your own. We are out of the Vista business. Please don't buy a Mac.

"Due to the credit crisis, College Loan Corporation is not currently funding student loans. We are working diligently to secure new financing."

Please stop punching me in the face, or grinding me down with rough grit sandpaper. It's getting to be too much.

I heard Joe Biden speak about the death of Ted Kennedy and I choked up. Then I heard Barack speak on the same issue, and all I could think was "Shut up, you wimp." That was...weird.

I think I just got dissed by the little red-headed girl.

If I had a hammer, I'd beat the stupid out of me. All over the world, etc.