The Year Without Santa 2/2
Title: The Year Without Santa
Pairing: BFF!JaeChun, JaeMin, YunChun
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: R
Length: Two-Shots
Disclaimer: I don't own DBSK :(
Warning: Language, Supernatural, Lots of conversations
A/N: Happy New Year peopleee~~! This fic is special for my unnie, @YunJaeTiksushi :D ( Russian ver: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 )
( Spanish ver: here )
( Part 1)
3 months before Christmas
Yoochun paced in a circle outside the Emergency Room door. Jaejoong had been taken in that morning before Yoochun arrived. The hospital called Yoochun’s school and Jaejoong’s parents immediately after Jaejoong collapsed and Yoochun ran to the hospital along with Yunho. The doctor finally told Yoochun that Jaejoong needed transplant or else he wouldn’t make it for long. He cursed himself for not realizing Jaejoong’s condition had worsened.
When the doctor opened the Emergency Room door, Yoochun was the first to ask how Jaejoong was doing. The doctor said he passed his critical stage and he’ll be fine and they can see him, one person at a time, and not more than 3 persons. Jaejoong’s parents let Yoochun go first and Yoochun literally sprinted across the room to Jaejoong’s bed and cried. Jaejoong patted Yoochun’s head weakly, but didn’t dare to say anything because he knew he was going to die.
“Why didn’t you tell me, idiot?” Yoochun said between his sobs. The view of Jaejoong laying weakly in bed with an oxygen mask was not something new for him, but it still hurt. “How could you, JaeJae!” Jaejoong could only mutter an apology while hugging his best friend. It hurt him too, keeping secrets from Yoochun while they usually share everything.
“Can I see Yunho?” Jaejoong asked, surprising Yoochun, but he nodded and called Yunho in. That was the first time he was alone with Yunho and Yunho had gained his trust. Yunho forced a smiled when he saw Jaejoong but Jaejoong could see how hurt he was too. “Hey, Yunho.”
“Hey, how are you feeling Jae?”
“Been better,” he chuckled weakly. “I have something to ask you, can I?”
Yunho took Jaejoong’s hand and held it tight. “Anything.”
“If I die, would you promise to take care of Yoochun?”
Yunho frowned and opened his mouth to protest but then he saw that Jaejoong was serious. “Fine, but it doesn’t mean you will stop trying right?”
Jaejoong smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Yunho.”
“Feeling better?” Changmin said as he leaned on the doorframe. Jaejoong scoffed and rolled his eyes. Changmin chuckled and walked to Jaejoong’s bed, leaning down to peck Jaejoong’s cheek. “You still have 3 months. Don’t worry about it.”
“Don’t worry about what? Not being able to say goodbye?” Jae snorted and Changmin winced at the harsh tone. Jaejoong noticed and sighed. “Sorry. I told Yunho to take care of Yoochun today. That is pretty much a goodbye, isn’t it?” Changmin nodded. It was a bit painful for him to see Jaejoong’s beautiful face covered with oxygen mask, lying on the Emergency Room bed. It was even more painful to see Jaejoong giving up on Yoochun, letting Yunho take care of him.
“I should just go tonight…” Changmin said, turning around. Seeing Jaejoong had been so painful to him. How did he grew so fond of that boy, he had no idea. Jaejoong seemed to be the type that gets under people’s skin and refused to leave, in a good way.
“Wait…” Jaejoong said, but Changmin disappeared before hearing him.
“Junsu hyung.”
“Yo, wassup, Minnie?” the voice on the other side of the telephone answered.
“Please stop calling me Minnie,” Changmin rolled his eyes and heard Junsu chuckled. “By the way, are you anywhere near the data base?”
“Yup, working late today. Why?”
“Can you look up something for me? What are the consequences of not completing angel quest on time?
Junsu gasped at Changmin’s question, “Wae wae wae? What are you planning to do?”
Changmin sighed, yes what was he planning to do? He had no idea himself. “Hyung, search it.”
“A decade suspension.”
Changmin hummed in understanding. “What about granting more than one wish for the person assigned to us?”
“Ten decades suspension.”
“Ten decades? Who made such rules? Have they lost their mind?!” Changmin shouted at the phone.
“YAH! I wasn’t the one who made the rules!” Junsu shouted back.
Changmin sighed again. “What about…healing the person we are assigned to?”
The phone line stayed silent for a moment. “Minnie-ah. What are you trying to do?”
“I don’t know, hyung. I think I lost my mind.”
“Did you…fall for that person?” Junsu asked with concern obviously shown. When Changmin didn’t answer, Junsu sighed. “They will lose their wings, Minnie. Wings are the source of our energy, losing wings means death. A slow, painful death.”
Changmin leaned to the doorframe as he watched the sleeping Jaejoong. Death, huh? So it’s either Jaejoong dies or he dies. An eye for and eye; a life for a life. “What happens when angels die, hyung?”
“Changmin, don’t be ridiculous. The Choikang Changmin I know will get his job done perfectly. You’ve been 3 months late and people are talking about it.” Junsu’s tone was serious. He had been a senior angel who worked as data base organizer, so he was extremely knowledgeable. His opinions were one of the most trusted by angels, including angels of death, so they would usually do whatever he says. Even Changmin wouldn’t have complied if it were not for Jaejoong.
“It hurts, hyung. He’s so young and vulnerable and…” he sighed. “I have no fucking idea how to use my head around him!”
“And you’re willing to risk your life? Changmin, when he dies, you can see him here. When you die, you’re gone, vanished. No one knows where angels go when they die. Does he even feel the same about you? Will he say thanks? Will he care? Or will it make his life meaningless because he had not wanted to lose you? Have you thought about that?”
To be honest, Changmin hadn’t. As he said, he stopped being coherent around Jaejoong. Would Jaejoong be sad if he’s gone? Or would he be happy, not having to leave Yoochun? Would it be worth it? Changmin was giving his decision a second thought when he heard Jaejoong mentioned Yoochun’s name in his sleep. It wasn’t the first time Changmin had heard Jaejoong do that, and even if they kissed it was impossible to break a lifetime bond between the two. Changmin was sure the two were soulmate, match made in heaven, but why was Jaejoong dying before they get to be together? Hell yes, he decided, Jaejoong’s happiness was definitely worth it. “You won’t tell anyone right, hyung?” Changmin asked, afraid someone would be sent to stop him.
“Of course not, but please think it over.”
“Thank you,” and Changmin disconnected.
***
“I fucking hate you.”
“I know.”
“No, seriously, Kim Jaejoong, I fucking hate you!”
“I know, Chunnie, peel fast~”
Yoochun scoffed and gave the apple and knife in his hands to Yunho, “You do it! Peeling sucks!”
“No, you peel it. Sick boy’s wish~” Jaejoong grinned and Yunho laughed as Yochun groaned in desperation. “It’s a punishment~”
“Punishment for what?” Yoochun scoffed. For dating Yunho behind my back, Jaejoong thought but didn’t say it out loud. “If anyone should be punished, it’s you for making me panic.” Jaejoong chuckled and took another bite of apple.
“Stop it, you two,” Yunho laughed and Yoochun stuck his tongue out at him. Yunho then ruffled Yoochun’s hair and they both laughed. Jaejoong smiled at the view, maybe Yoochun will be fine without him. That was then Jaejoong’s mother called Yoochun from outside their room. It was usual for his mother to tell Yoochun to do simple errands so Jaejoong didn’t pay attention to it, but Yunho couldn’t miss her gloomy expression. Yoochun got up and left, leaving the other two behind.
“Yoochun-ah, the doctor needs to speak to you,” Jaejoong’s mother said as she escorted Yoochun down the hospital hall to the doctor’s room. Yoochun frowned but followed her anyway. When they got into the room, the doctor was sitting on his desk, smiling wryly at Yoochun and told him to take his seat.
“Yoochun-ah,” the doctor started, glanced at Jaejoong’s mother, and then continued, “We need to talk about Jaejoong.” He cleared his throat, nervous. “We still can’t find a suitable donor for him.”
“…and?” Yoochun carefully, he was afraid to hear the answer himself.
“I’m sorry, Yoochun,” the doctor sighed. “He might not make it for long.”
“But he’s fine! He is!” Yoochun almost screamed at the doctor. He turned to Jaejoong’s mother who started weeping. “Tell him! Tell him, Jaejoong’s fine! He is!” Tears formed in Yoochun’s eyes. “Liar,” he said. “Liar…”
Then Yoochun realized, Jaejoong had been talking about death. He never promised not to leave Yoochun when Yoochun said he wouldn’t die. Maybe Jaejoong knew, Yoochun gasped. He was about to run back to Jaejoong’s room when Jaejoong’s mother grabbed his arm and stopped him. “Please, don’t say anything to Jaejoong!” she said. “I don’t want him to give up! There’s still chance to find a donor! Please Yoochun, please!” Yoochun didn’t think that far and when he realized, he calmed down and fell back to his seat.
“This can’t be happening… why… why?” Jaejoong’s mother hugged him and let him cry in her arms. The doctor sighed and left the room. Only the sound of Yoochun’s sob was audible in the room for the next half an hour.
“Jae…”
“Hmm?”
“You’re going to be alright, right?” Yunho asked.
Jaejoong looked up from the book he was reading and met Yunho’s concern-reflected eyes. “What are you talking about, Yunnie?” he chuckled.
“I think…” he blushed. “Yoochun would be devastated without you… I don’t want to see him like that.”
Jaejoong laughed. “You like him, don’t you?” The shade of red in Yunho’s cheeks deepened. “Yah, without me you can have all Yoochun’s attention to yourself, silly!”
Yunho shook his head, “NO! I love seeing him smiles and talks enthusiastically about his best friend, the awesome Jaejoong. He’s going to…lose half of himself if you’re gone…”
“Yunho-ah,” Jaejoong smiled. “Thank you.”
“Thank you…for?”
Jaejoong just laughed. “Just, thank you,” he said and turned back to his book, ignoring Yunho’s confused look.
Changmin pecked Jaejoong’s cheek before sitting next to him on the bed. Jaejoong leaned to Changmin’s shoulder while the other’s hand snaked around his waist. “Min?”
“Hmm?”
“Can we go now?”
Changmin turned to Jaejoong with widened eyes. “What?”
“Can we, just, over this?” Jaejoong mumbled and looked down, avoiding Changmin’s gaze. “The sooner I die, the sooner Yoochun get over it and move on with his life. Then I wouldn’t hurt Yunho anymore.”
“Jaejoong…” Changmin sighed. “That is such a waste of the 3 months I gave you…”
“I know, sorry…” Jaejoong sighed. “But I made everyone suffer.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.”
“It’s not,” Changmin shook his head. “You can’t just be gone at night like this. Last time you had an attack, but now? And you’re actually recovering…”
“You can make another attack, Min,” Jaejoong pleaded. “Please.”
“It’s gonna hurt, and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Said the man who insisted for me to die three months ago…” Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine, can I ask for one thing though?”
“Depends.”
Jaejoong tsked but continued, “Well you got my first kiss. Might as well take all of my first?”
Changmin blushed, “What the…” Jaejoong swallowed his words with a kiss. Changmin gasped, only to give a better access to Jaejoong’s tongue. It tasted sweet and Changmin soon melted to the kiss and took control. Jaejoong grinned and tangled his hands on Changmin’s hair. Changmin shifted until he was on top of Jaejoong with his hands on either sides of Jaejoong’s body. The kiss broke and Jaejoong whined. “Are you sure?” Changmin asked again, thoughts of Yoochun filled his head.
Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “I thought you’re the Incubus?”
“Fucker,” Changmin bit and sucked on Jaejoong’s neck, leaving a mark. “You’re going to need to explain that to Yoochun.”
“I can always get away with a smile,” Jaejoong grinned and moaned when Changmin’s hand rubbed the bare skin of his side. He slowly undone the buttons of Jaejoong’s pajamas and moved kisses down the pale chest. “You’re serious? What about Yoochun?”
“What about Yoochun?”
“Jae…”
“Changmin, I’m going to die and you’re going to be responsible for it. Now, proceed.”
“Selfish,” Changmin chuckled and bit just above Jaejoong’s bellybutton, pulling deep moans from Jaejoong’s throat. He pulled Jajoong’s pajama pants down and finished undressing the beautiful guy under him. His sweater and jeans soon followed the pile on the floor. Changmin sighed, he had done this before but why was he so nervous? Maybe it was because Jaejoong was the first person he had felt something so deep for.
Jaejoong wrapped his legs around Changmin’s waist, pulling him closer. “You’re not going to change your mind right?”
Changmin smirked and shook his head. Jaejoong wanted this, wanted him, he must be dumb to even doubt it. He pinned both of Jaejoong’s hand above his head, “Do not move.” He leaned forward to catch Jaejoong’s lips again as he started stroking Jaejoong. Jaejoong was very vocal, moaning at every touch Changmin imprinted on his skin.
Changmin sped up as he made another purple mark on Jaejoong’s shoulder. He bit and sucked hard, and Jaejoong came all over his stomach with a loud moan. “You okay?” Jaejoong whimpered, Changmin chuckled and covered his fingers with Jaejoong’s come. He rubbed the slickness up and down between Jaejoong’s cheeks. He moaned and squirmed, hips thrusting, but then Changmin straddled it with his legs. “This is going to hurt. Ready?” Without waiting for Jaejoong’s answer, he pushed a finger to Jaejoong while muffling his scream with the other hand.
Jaejoong hissed when Changmin tried to push deeper, but said nothing else so he started moving slowly. Changmin pulled the finger out only long enough to take more come and pressed the second finger in. Jaejoong was a mess by the time Changmin added the third finger, muttering incoherent words that sounded like Changmin’s name. “Enough, Changmin, enough, please!”
Changmin sighed and prepared himself. He swallowed Jaejoong’s scream with a kiss as he pushed in. He was so afraid to break Jaejoong, but when Jaejoong whined and told him to go faster, Changmin lost control. Jaejoong was amazing, his tightness and sweet lips tasted like heaven. Changmin moved faster, hands on Jaejoong’s hips to keep him still. Moments later, he moaned and filled Jaejoong with his come. Changmin fell on top of Jaejoong and kissed him, before spooning him and the cuddled for a while until their breaths evened. “How was it?”
“I’m not some kind of porcelain doll, you know. I want you not to hold back next time,” Jaejoong smiled with his eyes closed, missing Changmin pained expression. “But it was awesome.”
Next time huh? Changmin thought. Would there be next time? He kissed the top of Jaejoong’s head. “I don’t want to hurt you, first time always hurts.”
“I want to make you feel good.”
“Being here with you feels good.” Jaejoong grinned and kissed him. “Shower?”
“Carry me.”
“Gosh, you’re such a prick,” Changmin groaned but got up and hooked his hands under Jaejoong’s arms and knees before lifting him up and walked to the bathroom. Jaejoong giggled and hooked his arms around Changmin’s neck, kissing his jaw and biting his earlobe. They took quick shower and cuddled back in bed, Jaejoong’s head on Changmin’s chest.
“Thankyou,” Jaejoong whispered before he fell asleep, making Changmin smile despite his pained heart. He sighed, would Jaejoong’s life end just like that? Changmin was sure as hell hated the fact that Jaejoong was going to die. But again, who was he? He was the angel assigned to send Jaejoong to heaven, not to save his life. He was not Jaejoong’s boyfriend, was a stranger even, but he got Jaejoong’s first. Guilt clouded his mind; he didn’t deserve what Jaejoong gave him. Those belonged to Yoochun, all of them.
After he made sure Jaejoong was fast asleep, he got up and walked to the window. He dialed Junsu’s number. “Hyung,” he said after he heard Junsu picked up the call. “Am I bothering you?”
“No, Minnie. What’s wrong?”
“I…I’ve made up my mind.”
“Is that so?” there were an obvious disappointment and desperation on Junsu’s voice.
“Yes, I wanted to say goodbye.”
“…Changmin?”
“Yes?”
Junsu was quite for a moment for he seemed to hesitate saying what he wanted to say. Changmin heard him sigh before continuing, “I never thought it would end like this. It was great working with you.”
Changmin smiled. “It was great working with you too. Thank you Junsu-hyung.”
“Goodbye then, Minnie.” Changmin swore he heard Junsu’s breath hitched before the line disconnected, he must have cried. He walked back and stood by Jaejoong’s bed. Jaejoong was even more beautiful when he sleeps. Changmin leaned down and kissed Jaejoong for the last time before he walked away, his black wing-feathers started to fall one by one, and he disappeared into the night.
***
Jaejoong was surprised when he found a couple of black feathers on his floor the next morning. He quickly gathered them before anyone sees them and tied them with a red ribbon, then shove them in the middle page of the book he was reading. He found himself giggled as he stared at the black feathers and blushed. OMG this is stupid, I’m not a girl! Jaejoong slammed the book close in embarrassment and went to shower.
He stared at his reflection on the bathroom mirror and found several kiss marks on his neck, shoulder, and front. Jaejoong grinned; he couldn’t wait to see Changmin again that night. Yes, he wanted to see Changmin again. Changmin’s lips felt like heaven and last night was the best night in his entire life. Jaejoong had to admit he was falling for Changmin, hard, but he was still unsure about his feelings towards Yoochun.
When he got out of the bathroom, his mother greeted him with a smile along with the doctor. Jaejoong raised an eyebrow as they told him to take a seat and his mother started to hug and kiss him. “We found a donor,” the doctor explained and Jaejoong stared at him with widened eyes. “We will proceed with the surgery this afternoon. The chance of success is only 50%, but it is worth a try.”
Jaejoong gasped, so Changmin did listen to his wish. He was going to die that afternoon. The surgery would fail, he thought, and that was how he would die. Was he prepared? The thought of meeting Changmin definitely calmed him, but then the thoughts of Yoochun invaded his mind and the fear crept back to his heart. He asked for it, he tried to calm himself, he did ask for it. Jaejoong smiled to the doctor and his mother, saying he would do the surgery. His mother kissed him and walked out of the room to consult more with the doctor.
Jaejoong sighed and stared some more at Changmin’s black feathers. How could he not realize how beautiful Changmin’s wings looked last night? He wanted to touch them next time. Next time, next time, yeah Jaejoong wanted that next time so bad. Jaejoong smiled to himself when he remembered Changmin from the night before, but why did he had a bad feeling that day? Was it because he was going to die? No, it was about Changmin, but what bad thing could possibly happen to an angel?
Yoochun suddenly appeared on the door and Jaejoong abruptly put back the feathers where it was and closed the book. Yoochun was alone, without Yunho unlike usual, and he walked to Jaejoong’s bed. “Hey, where’s Yunho?”
“He couldn’t come today, he has this…” Yoochun stopped and frown, grabbing Jaejoong’s collar and pulled it outwards, revealing two purplish marks. “Are those…kiss marks?”
Jaejoong yanked away from the grab, face red, “Don’t be ridiculous. I got news for you.” Yoochun raised an eyebrow. Jaejoong sighed. “We got a donor, and I will do the surgery today.” Yoochun’s face lit up and Jaejoong hated giving his best friend false hope. “But, my chance of surviving is only 50%,” and Yoochun’s smile fell. Jaejoong sighed and pulled his best friend to a hug.
“But there’s chance, right?” Yoochun tightened his grip on Jaejoong’s back. Jaejoong nodded but stayed silent, as he couldn’t find the courage to say anything. He could promise Yoochun that he would be fine because he knew it was the end. Yoochun pulled back. “Please be fine…”
Jaejoong chuckled bitterly, “We’ll see.”
“How could you be so calm?” Yoochun pouted. How could he be so panic while his best friend, the one who will forgo the real surgery, seemed so calm?
Jaejoong shrugged and thought, because he knew he was going to die, but decided that was not a good thing to say when Yoochun’s all panicky. The surgery was scheduled at 4 and it was 2PM. Yoochun promised to stay by Jaejoong until he was called for the surgery. They didn’t say much, but Yoochun wouldn’t let go of his hold on Jaejoong’s hand. Jaejoong could feel Yoochun’s trembling hand, could feel the fear radiating from Yoochun’s eyes, but Jaejoong couldn’t say any soothing words to calm Yoochun. He didn’t want to lie, saying he would recover and be back with Yoochun.
3.30 and one of the nurses came in to remind him about the surgery and said she will be back in ten to help Jaejoong prepare. Yoochun gasped and the fear became more apparent in his face. “Yoochun…” Jaejoong cupped his best friends cheeks and sighed. “Calm down. You promised to move on.”
“How could you say such thing?! You’re about to undergone a surgery, for God’s sake, tell me nonsensical soothing words, not…” Yoochun stopped as Jaejoong pressed his thumb on his lips.
“Can I have a last wish?” Yoochun nodded and his eyes widened as Jaejoong’s lips met his on a soft kiss. “Don’t keep your relationship with Yunho a secret for me anymore.”
“Jae, I’m…”
“Sorry? I know,” he grinned. “If I survive, would you tell me everything?” Jaejoong knew he couldn’t hear it, but he wanted to know that Yoochun still trust him. Yoochun nodded one more time and hugged Jaejoong tightly. “And forget about the kiss, kay?” Yoochun nodded again, face buried on Jaejoong’s shoulder and he could slowly feel warm tears soaked his shirt.
The nurse came to take Jaejoong away and Jaejoong’s mother kissed him on the forehead before taking the sobbing Yoochun into her arms. Jaejoong smiled apologetically at them, because he wouldn’t be back. He was rather excited, actually, which made him feel a bit guilty, but he wanted to see Changmin. Yes, the thoughts of Changmin was the last thing on his mind before they gave him a shot, put an oxygen mask on his face, and everything went dark.
***
2 months before Christmas
Jaejoong stared blankly at the grey sky outside his window. After the surgery, he had to do bed rest for a two months therefore he still had to stay on the hospital, but he was recovering very well. He wasn’t happy about it. It was windy cold and trees had lost their leaves. The leaves fell to the ground, along with Jaejoong’s will to live. Everyone was surprised as the first thing Jaejoong did when he opened his eyes was cry. He cried and cried for hours, ignoring questions from everyone, even from Yoochun. Jaejoong sighed heavily and closed his eyes, sending silent prayers to God so he could see Changmin again.
Changmin never showed up after the surgery and it has been a month. Jaejoong was suffocating; every night without Changmin beside him was a torture. He no longer cared for Yunho or Yoochun, and he was glad they were happy but there was this huge hole in his heart that made him care less about everything else in the world other than Changmin. His iPod turned to play ‘All I Want For Christmas’ and he quickly changed the song, not wanting to remember Christmas and Changmin. “All I want for Christmas is Changmin,” he mumbled.
Yunho knocked on his door before coming in with Yoochun behind him. Yoochun had fulfilled his promise and told Jaejoong that they were dating. Yoochun told him about how they were classmates and Yunho started approaching him and he fell for him. Jaejoong smiled because Yunho was a great guy who could take care of Yoochun. Still he couldn’t tell Yoochun the reason he was upset, even depressed, although he was healed every time Yoochun asked. Yoochun once asked about the kiss marks too, and Jaejoong ignored him and turned away. Everyone gave up questioning Jaejoong after that.
Should he move on? He wasn’t Changmin’s assignment anymore; he was healed and perfectly healthy then. What made God change his mind he had no idea. Yoochun’s genuine prayers, maybe? Shouldn’t he be thanking Yoochun then? But why did it feel so…empty? He twirled one of the black feathers in his finger. Yoochun had asked where it came from too before, only to be ignored once again. Yoochun and Jaejoong’s mother were getting frustrated by Jaejoong’s sudden depression to the point they forced Jaejoong to talk but then gave up after seeing Jaejoong’s blank stare at them.
Yunho sat next to Jaejoong’s bed. Yoochun said hi, but Jaejoong only turned to him with a weak smile before staring blankly outside the window once again. Yoochun sighed and went outside the room, saying he would buy drinks for them. Yunho took Jaejoong’s hand and held it; Jaejoong looked at him questioningly but didn’t say anything. “This isn’t about Yoochun right?” Yunho asked. Jaejoong shook his head. “So, who is it that you fell in love with?” Jaejoong must have blushed because Yunho smiled understandingly towards him. “So, he left?”
Jaejoong shook his head, “I don’t know. I have no idea where he is…” He turned sharply to Yunho. “I knew I should be dead,” he said firmly. “I should be dead, why am I alive?”
Yunho frowned, “Why aren’t you happy that you’re alive?” Jaejoong ignored him again, sighing. Yunho sighed too, “I think you have been given a second chance to live your life, Jae. You should appreciate it.” Jaejoong did nothing more than nodded. They fell back into silence, even after Yoochun came back. Jaejoong refused his favorite lemon drink and curled up in his bed, hiding his tears by burying his face in his pillow.
Jaejoong stared at his bed. Their bed. His bed. The bed where he had spent so much time cuddling with Changmin. The bed where he had given all he was to Changmin. He didn’t want to get back to that bed alone, it was too painful; instead he stood by the window and stared at the moonlit sky. Tears once again streamed down the sides of his face. How could Changmin leave him like that? Not even a goodbye, how did Changmin expect him to survive?
“Changmin…” he whispered, and repeated the name over and over again, louder each time. “Changmin, Changmin, Changmin, Changmin!” Jaejoong was screaming at the end. He fell to his knees and cried, still mumbling Changmin’s name. “Changmin, how could you? Jerk, Changmin you jerk! Come back! Please…come back…”
The view broke Junsu’s heart as he watched Jaejoong cried on the floor from afar. He was right; the kid would break without Changmin. He wanted to tell Jaejoong Changmin had given his life to save Jaejoong’s. He sighed and to just leave; there was nothing more he could do anyway. “I’d rather be dead than lose you…” was the last thing Junsu heard before he left.
***
1 month before Christmas
Yoochun gave up on Jaejoong. He could only be there to lend him a shoulder when he started crying out of nowhere, but he had no idea how to stop Jaejoong’s depression. He sometimes heard mumbles of ‘Changmin’ who he had no idea of from the sleeping Jaejoong. Could he be the person who gave the marks to Jaejoong and now left him? Yoochun was furious at the thought of this Changmin guy hurting Jaejoong, but again he knew nothing about the two. Jaejoong had built a wall around him to block the world.
One more month and Jaejoong will be released from the hospital and would start attending Yoochun’s school. Yoochun was excited, but Jaejoong wasn’t. Jaejoong was a deadman walking, a zombie, for he did nothing more than be alive but was not living his life. Yoochun asked him what he wants for Christmas and Jaejoong shook his head. Christmas had always been Jaejoong’s favorite holiday season, but now Jaejoong seemed to wince at ever mention of Christmas.
As the days before, Jaejoong was sitting on his bed staring blankly outside his window when Yoochun came in with Yunho with a Christmas tree. Jaejoong stared at them with wide eyes, “What are you guys doing? Get that fucking thing out of my room!”
Both Yoochun and Yunho were startled. “But JaeJae, you love decorating…”
“I don’t want a Christmas tree in my room! I don’t want any decoration! I hate Christmas!” Jaejoong shouted, cutting off Yoochun’s words. “Go away,” then he curled up in his bed and cried.
Jaejoong’s days became a haze. It was all therapies and staring blankly at the window. One thing was clear though, he was in love with Changmin. Of course he loved Yoochun, his lifetime best friend, but not the way he loved Changmin. He needed Changmin like drugs. Yoochun wouldn’t give up on their routine and kept coming back no matter how many times Jaejoong told him to leave. When Jaejoong did, Yoochun would leave and come back the next day like nothing happened. Slowly, Jaejoong started to cry less and smile more. Yoochun and Yunho was patience enough to handle his mood swings and by the end of the month, Jaejoong was back to laughing with them.
Jaejoong still cried at night, Yoochun could tell by the damp eyes in the morning, but he was trying to be strong in front of his friends and it made Yoochun happy. Still, he decided to talk about it to Jaejoong. “JaeJae,” Yoochun sat on the edge of Jaejoong’s bed.
“Hmm?”
“You want to talk about it?” Jaejoong looked up from his PSP and frowned at Yoochun, then shook his head and focused back on the gaming device on his hands. “I thought best friends shared everything,” Yoochun pleaded.
Jaejoong sighed. “You wouldn’t believe me if I tell you.”
Yoochun pouted and continued after a few moments of silent. “So, about that kiss…”
“I told you to forget it, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but…”
“Chunnie, please…”
“What is it with you? You changed 180 degrees and you expect me to just deal with it? How selfish!” Yoochun snapped. “I’m tired of being clueless, okay, I want to help you but you won’t let me! I feel hopeless as a best friend…”
Jaejoong sighed, “Chunnie, I’m…”
“Sorry? I know, but it won’t make any difference if you still refuse to tell me what’s wrong.”
“I can’t, you won’t understand.”
“It’s not about me and Yunho, is it?”
“No, it’s not. I swear it’s not.”
“Then?”
Jaejoong sighed. “I knew I was going to die, Chunnie. I knew I was. I should have, but I didn’t. Why didn’t I?”
“You…wanted to die?”
If it means being with Changmin then… “Yes, I did. I do.”
“You wanted to leave me?” Yoochun scoffed in disbelieve. “And I prayed for you to heal every fucking night, Jaejoong!”
“No, I… I thought you need to move on, you have Yunho anyway…”
“So that’s it? A lifetime of friendship, and you thought you’re being a burden to me? If you were, I wouldn’t have stayed!”
“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Jaejoong started crying and Yoochun’s harsh expression toned down. He pulled Jaejoong into his arms.
“I’m sorry too, okay. I shouldn’t have forced you to say anything. Let’s just forget about it.” Jaejoong nodded and soaked Yoochun’s shirt with more tears.
***
Christmas
After their last fight, Jaejoong let Yoochun decorated his room and put on a tree, even if they have to take it down soon as Jaejoong will be released from the hospital. It was December 25th, and the doctor said Jaejoong could go home and celebrates Christmas with his family, without having to go back to the hospital. He would still have to do monthly check, but the doctor was sure Jaejoong would be fine. Jaejoong smiled and thought Yunho was right. He had been given another chance to live; he shouldn’t waste it.
All that was left to do was to pack up, so he put the things he had into boxes with Yoochun’s and Yunho’s help, and loaded them to his mother’s car. He lifted one of the heavy boxes that contains his books and wobbled. He wasn’t used to lifting things yet, but he didn’t want to bother Yoochun who was still taping the opened boxes and Yunho had gone ahead carrying more boxes than Jaejoong that he felt guilty for being so useless.
He stood still as he watched Yoochun took off the decorations on the Christmas tree, smiling wryly. The old selfish and weak Jaejoong is really dead this Christmas, he thought and made up his mind, This Jaejoong wouldn’t be a burden to anyone anymore. Jaejoong was about to turn around and walked away but then he froze.
“Need help?” The familiar voice asked. Jaejoong turned and saw a tall figure, wearing all black like usual but minus the wings, with a snarky smirk planted on his face. “Hey, JaeJae…” Changmin said as he leaned on the doorframe, arms folded in front of his chest.
Seconds later he found himself with an armful of crying Jaejoong. Jaejoong had dropped the heavy box that luckily didn’t hit his feet and ran to hug Changmin, ignoring Yoochun’s questioning look. “Fucker…Changmin you jerk!” Jaejoong said through his sobs, making Changmin chuckle. “Fuck you, seriously fuck you!”
“Sounds good, I want you to ride me this time,” Changmin whispered. Jaejoong could help but to laugh in his cry.
“Pedo!” Jaejoong hit lightly on Changmin’s chest.
“Um…sorry to interrupt you guys but, Jae, who is that?” Yoochun finally asked.
Changmin laughed. “I’m Jaejoong’s present from Santa Claus,” he said, only to get another hit from Jaejoong.
Jaejoong smirked at the confused Yoochun, “Yeah, he is.”
Jaejoong insisted to take Changmin home and Changmin self-claimed himself as Jaejoong’s boyfriend in front of everyone. Jaejoong still wouldn’t give out details of how they met and why he was so depressed for the last three months, but everyone could clearly feel the happiness radiating from him as Changmin kissed his cheeks and wrapped his arms around Jaejoong’s waist so they stopped asking.
Yoochun was suspicious, but he was glad Jaejoong could smile that genuinely again. Yunho got along with Changmin almost immediately. While Yunho and Changmin was busy talking about martial arts, one of their common interest, Yoochun cornered Jaejoong and forced him to speak details but, as Jaejoong said before, he could always get away with a smile and told Yoochun he will one day, when he was ready. Yoochun was stunned enough when Jaejoong said their kiss wasn’t his first kiss and left the shocked Yoochun to run to Changmin.
As everyone else was busy, Jaejoong took Changmin’s hand and led him walk through the big garden of his house, away from the party. Jaejoong couldn’t stop smiling and the smile was contagious, making Changmin grinned like a fool himself. “What happened to your wings?”
Changmin shrugged, “I lost them when I healed you.” Jaejoong stared at Changmin with shocked eyes, which Changmin thought was cute because his eyes became rounder and his cheeks were pink. “I broke the rule ‘cause I wanted you to live, I should be dead. I was dead, but thanks to Junsu-hyung, who said you broke down without me, God let me be human.” He kissed Jaejoong’s lips lightly. “Being a human is a form of torture you know, this world is mean, but as long as I have you then this punishment is nothing.”
Jaejoong smirked and took out Changmin’s feathers from his pocket. He handed them to the surprised Changmin. “Even without your wings, you’ll still be my angel.”
“Gosh, that’s cheesy,” Changmin kissed Jaejoong. “Merry Christmas, selfish.”
“Merry Christmas, asshole.”
Jaejoong secretly thanked God and Santa Claus for the best Christmas in his life.
Pairing: BFF!JaeChun, JaeMin, YunChun
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: R
Length: Two-Shots
Disclaimer: I don't own DBSK :(
Warning: Language, Supernatural, Lots of conversations
A/N: Happy New Year peopleee~~! This fic is special for my unnie, @YunJaeTiksushi :D ( Russian ver: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 )
( Spanish ver: here )
( Part 1)
3 months before Christmas
Yoochun paced in a circle outside the Emergency Room door. Jaejoong had been taken in that morning before Yoochun arrived. The hospital called Yoochun’s school and Jaejoong’s parents immediately after Jaejoong collapsed and Yoochun ran to the hospital along with Yunho. The doctor finally told Yoochun that Jaejoong needed transplant or else he wouldn’t make it for long. He cursed himself for not realizing Jaejoong’s condition had worsened.
When the doctor opened the Emergency Room door, Yoochun was the first to ask how Jaejoong was doing. The doctor said he passed his critical stage and he’ll be fine and they can see him, one person at a time, and not more than 3 persons. Jaejoong’s parents let Yoochun go first and Yoochun literally sprinted across the room to Jaejoong’s bed and cried. Jaejoong patted Yoochun’s head weakly, but didn’t dare to say anything because he knew he was going to die.
“Why didn’t you tell me, idiot?” Yoochun said between his sobs. The view of Jaejoong laying weakly in bed with an oxygen mask was not something new for him, but it still hurt. “How could you, JaeJae!” Jaejoong could only mutter an apology while hugging his best friend. It hurt him too, keeping secrets from Yoochun while they usually share everything.
“Can I see Yunho?” Jaejoong asked, surprising Yoochun, but he nodded and called Yunho in. That was the first time he was alone with Yunho and Yunho had gained his trust. Yunho forced a smiled when he saw Jaejoong but Jaejoong could see how hurt he was too. “Hey, Yunho.”
“Hey, how are you feeling Jae?”
“Been better,” he chuckled weakly. “I have something to ask you, can I?”
Yunho took Jaejoong’s hand and held it tight. “Anything.”
“If I die, would you promise to take care of Yoochun?”
Yunho frowned and opened his mouth to protest but then he saw that Jaejoong was serious. “Fine, but it doesn’t mean you will stop trying right?”
Jaejoong smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Yunho.”
“Feeling better?” Changmin said as he leaned on the doorframe. Jaejoong scoffed and rolled his eyes. Changmin chuckled and walked to Jaejoong’s bed, leaning down to peck Jaejoong’s cheek. “You still have 3 months. Don’t worry about it.”
“Don’t worry about what? Not being able to say goodbye?” Jae snorted and Changmin winced at the harsh tone. Jaejoong noticed and sighed. “Sorry. I told Yunho to take care of Yoochun today. That is pretty much a goodbye, isn’t it?” Changmin nodded. It was a bit painful for him to see Jaejoong’s beautiful face covered with oxygen mask, lying on the Emergency Room bed. It was even more painful to see Jaejoong giving up on Yoochun, letting Yunho take care of him.
“I should just go tonight…” Changmin said, turning around. Seeing Jaejoong had been so painful to him. How did he grew so fond of that boy, he had no idea. Jaejoong seemed to be the type that gets under people’s skin and refused to leave, in a good way.
“Wait…” Jaejoong said, but Changmin disappeared before hearing him.
“Junsu hyung.”
“Yo, wassup, Minnie?” the voice on the other side of the telephone answered.
“Please stop calling me Minnie,” Changmin rolled his eyes and heard Junsu chuckled. “By the way, are you anywhere near the data base?”
“Yup, working late today. Why?”
“Can you look up something for me? What are the consequences of not completing angel quest on time?
Junsu gasped at Changmin’s question, “Wae wae wae? What are you planning to do?”
Changmin sighed, yes what was he planning to do? He had no idea himself. “Hyung, search it.”
“A decade suspension.”
Changmin hummed in understanding. “What about granting more than one wish for the person assigned to us?”
“Ten decades suspension.”
“Ten decades? Who made such rules? Have they lost their mind?!” Changmin shouted at the phone.
“YAH! I wasn’t the one who made the rules!” Junsu shouted back.
Changmin sighed again. “What about…healing the person we are assigned to?”
The phone line stayed silent for a moment. “Minnie-ah. What are you trying to do?”
“I don’t know, hyung. I think I lost my mind.”
“Did you…fall for that person?” Junsu asked with concern obviously shown. When Changmin didn’t answer, Junsu sighed. “They will lose their wings, Minnie. Wings are the source of our energy, losing wings means death. A slow, painful death.”
Changmin leaned to the doorframe as he watched the sleeping Jaejoong. Death, huh? So it’s either Jaejoong dies or he dies. An eye for and eye; a life for a life. “What happens when angels die, hyung?”
“Changmin, don’t be ridiculous. The Choikang Changmin I know will get his job done perfectly. You’ve been 3 months late and people are talking about it.” Junsu’s tone was serious. He had been a senior angel who worked as data base organizer, so he was extremely knowledgeable. His opinions were one of the most trusted by angels, including angels of death, so they would usually do whatever he says. Even Changmin wouldn’t have complied if it were not for Jaejoong.
“It hurts, hyung. He’s so young and vulnerable and…” he sighed. “I have no fucking idea how to use my head around him!”
“And you’re willing to risk your life? Changmin, when he dies, you can see him here. When you die, you’re gone, vanished. No one knows where angels go when they die. Does he even feel the same about you? Will he say thanks? Will he care? Or will it make his life meaningless because he had not wanted to lose you? Have you thought about that?”
To be honest, Changmin hadn’t. As he said, he stopped being coherent around Jaejoong. Would Jaejoong be sad if he’s gone? Or would he be happy, not having to leave Yoochun? Would it be worth it? Changmin was giving his decision a second thought when he heard Jaejoong mentioned Yoochun’s name in his sleep. It wasn’t the first time Changmin had heard Jaejoong do that, and even if they kissed it was impossible to break a lifetime bond between the two. Changmin was sure the two were soulmate, match made in heaven, but why was Jaejoong dying before they get to be together? Hell yes, he decided, Jaejoong’s happiness was definitely worth it. “You won’t tell anyone right, hyung?” Changmin asked, afraid someone would be sent to stop him.
“Of course not, but please think it over.”
“Thank you,” and Changmin disconnected.
***
“I fucking hate you.”
“I know.”
“No, seriously, Kim Jaejoong, I fucking hate you!”
“I know, Chunnie, peel fast~”
Yoochun scoffed and gave the apple and knife in his hands to Yunho, “You do it! Peeling sucks!”
“No, you peel it. Sick boy’s wish~” Jaejoong grinned and Yunho laughed as Yochun groaned in desperation. “It’s a punishment~”
“Punishment for what?” Yoochun scoffed. For dating Yunho behind my back, Jaejoong thought but didn’t say it out loud. “If anyone should be punished, it’s you for making me panic.” Jaejoong chuckled and took another bite of apple.
“Stop it, you two,” Yunho laughed and Yoochun stuck his tongue out at him. Yunho then ruffled Yoochun’s hair and they both laughed. Jaejoong smiled at the view, maybe Yoochun will be fine without him. That was then Jaejoong’s mother called Yoochun from outside their room. It was usual for his mother to tell Yoochun to do simple errands so Jaejoong didn’t pay attention to it, but Yunho couldn’t miss her gloomy expression. Yoochun got up and left, leaving the other two behind.
“Yoochun-ah, the doctor needs to speak to you,” Jaejoong’s mother said as she escorted Yoochun down the hospital hall to the doctor’s room. Yoochun frowned but followed her anyway. When they got into the room, the doctor was sitting on his desk, smiling wryly at Yoochun and told him to take his seat.
“Yoochun-ah,” the doctor started, glanced at Jaejoong’s mother, and then continued, “We need to talk about Jaejoong.” He cleared his throat, nervous. “We still can’t find a suitable donor for him.”
“…and?” Yoochun carefully, he was afraid to hear the answer himself.
“I’m sorry, Yoochun,” the doctor sighed. “He might not make it for long.”
“But he’s fine! He is!” Yoochun almost screamed at the doctor. He turned to Jaejoong’s mother who started weeping. “Tell him! Tell him, Jaejoong’s fine! He is!” Tears formed in Yoochun’s eyes. “Liar,” he said. “Liar…”
Then Yoochun realized, Jaejoong had been talking about death. He never promised not to leave Yoochun when Yoochun said he wouldn’t die. Maybe Jaejoong knew, Yoochun gasped. He was about to run back to Jaejoong’s room when Jaejoong’s mother grabbed his arm and stopped him. “Please, don’t say anything to Jaejoong!” she said. “I don’t want him to give up! There’s still chance to find a donor! Please Yoochun, please!” Yoochun didn’t think that far and when he realized, he calmed down and fell back to his seat.
“This can’t be happening… why… why?” Jaejoong’s mother hugged him and let him cry in her arms. The doctor sighed and left the room. Only the sound of Yoochun’s sob was audible in the room for the next half an hour.
“Jae…”
“Hmm?”
“You’re going to be alright, right?” Yunho asked.
Jaejoong looked up from the book he was reading and met Yunho’s concern-reflected eyes. “What are you talking about, Yunnie?” he chuckled.
“I think…” he blushed. “Yoochun would be devastated without you… I don’t want to see him like that.”
Jaejoong laughed. “You like him, don’t you?” The shade of red in Yunho’s cheeks deepened. “Yah, without me you can have all Yoochun’s attention to yourself, silly!”
Yunho shook his head, “NO! I love seeing him smiles and talks enthusiastically about his best friend, the awesome Jaejoong. He’s going to…lose half of himself if you’re gone…”
“Yunho-ah,” Jaejoong smiled. “Thank you.”
“Thank you…for?”
Jaejoong just laughed. “Just, thank you,” he said and turned back to his book, ignoring Yunho’s confused look.
Changmin pecked Jaejoong’s cheek before sitting next to him on the bed. Jaejoong leaned to Changmin’s shoulder while the other’s hand snaked around his waist. “Min?”
“Hmm?”
“Can we go now?”
Changmin turned to Jaejoong with widened eyes. “What?”
“Can we, just, over this?” Jaejoong mumbled and looked down, avoiding Changmin’s gaze. “The sooner I die, the sooner Yoochun get over it and move on with his life. Then I wouldn’t hurt Yunho anymore.”
“Jaejoong…” Changmin sighed. “That is such a waste of the 3 months I gave you…”
“I know, sorry…” Jaejoong sighed. “But I made everyone suffer.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.”
“It’s not,” Changmin shook his head. “You can’t just be gone at night like this. Last time you had an attack, but now? And you’re actually recovering…”
“You can make another attack, Min,” Jaejoong pleaded. “Please.”
“It’s gonna hurt, and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Said the man who insisted for me to die three months ago…” Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine, can I ask for one thing though?”
“Depends.”
Jaejoong tsked but continued, “Well you got my first kiss. Might as well take all of my first?”
Changmin blushed, “What the…” Jaejoong swallowed his words with a kiss. Changmin gasped, only to give a better access to Jaejoong’s tongue. It tasted sweet and Changmin soon melted to the kiss and took control. Jaejoong grinned and tangled his hands on Changmin’s hair. Changmin shifted until he was on top of Jaejoong with his hands on either sides of Jaejoong’s body. The kiss broke and Jaejoong whined. “Are you sure?” Changmin asked again, thoughts of Yoochun filled his head.
Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “I thought you’re the Incubus?”
“Fucker,” Changmin bit and sucked on Jaejoong’s neck, leaving a mark. “You’re going to need to explain that to Yoochun.”
“I can always get away with a smile,” Jaejoong grinned and moaned when Changmin’s hand rubbed the bare skin of his side. He slowly undone the buttons of Jaejoong’s pajamas and moved kisses down the pale chest. “You’re serious? What about Yoochun?”
“What about Yoochun?”
“Jae…”
“Changmin, I’m going to die and you’re going to be responsible for it. Now, proceed.”
“Selfish,” Changmin chuckled and bit just above Jaejoong’s bellybutton, pulling deep moans from Jaejoong’s throat. He pulled Jajoong’s pajama pants down and finished undressing the beautiful guy under him. His sweater and jeans soon followed the pile on the floor. Changmin sighed, he had done this before but why was he so nervous? Maybe it was because Jaejoong was the first person he had felt something so deep for.
Jaejoong wrapped his legs around Changmin’s waist, pulling him closer. “You’re not going to change your mind right?”
Changmin smirked and shook his head. Jaejoong wanted this, wanted him, he must be dumb to even doubt it. He pinned both of Jaejoong’s hand above his head, “Do not move.” He leaned forward to catch Jaejoong’s lips again as he started stroking Jaejoong. Jaejoong was very vocal, moaning at every touch Changmin imprinted on his skin.
Changmin sped up as he made another purple mark on Jaejoong’s shoulder. He bit and sucked hard, and Jaejoong came all over his stomach with a loud moan. “You okay?” Jaejoong whimpered, Changmin chuckled and covered his fingers with Jaejoong’s come. He rubbed the slickness up and down between Jaejoong’s cheeks. He moaned and squirmed, hips thrusting, but then Changmin straddled it with his legs. “This is going to hurt. Ready?” Without waiting for Jaejoong’s answer, he pushed a finger to Jaejoong while muffling his scream with the other hand.
Jaejoong hissed when Changmin tried to push deeper, but said nothing else so he started moving slowly. Changmin pulled the finger out only long enough to take more come and pressed the second finger in. Jaejoong was a mess by the time Changmin added the third finger, muttering incoherent words that sounded like Changmin’s name. “Enough, Changmin, enough, please!”
Changmin sighed and prepared himself. He swallowed Jaejoong’s scream with a kiss as he pushed in. He was so afraid to break Jaejoong, but when Jaejoong whined and told him to go faster, Changmin lost control. Jaejoong was amazing, his tightness and sweet lips tasted like heaven. Changmin moved faster, hands on Jaejoong’s hips to keep him still. Moments later, he moaned and filled Jaejoong with his come. Changmin fell on top of Jaejoong and kissed him, before spooning him and the cuddled for a while until their breaths evened. “How was it?”
“I’m not some kind of porcelain doll, you know. I want you not to hold back next time,” Jaejoong smiled with his eyes closed, missing Changmin pained expression. “But it was awesome.”
Next time huh? Changmin thought. Would there be next time? He kissed the top of Jaejoong’s head. “I don’t want to hurt you, first time always hurts.”
“I want to make you feel good.”
“Being here with you feels good.” Jaejoong grinned and kissed him. “Shower?”
“Carry me.”
“Gosh, you’re such a prick,” Changmin groaned but got up and hooked his hands under Jaejoong’s arms and knees before lifting him up and walked to the bathroom. Jaejoong giggled and hooked his arms around Changmin’s neck, kissing his jaw and biting his earlobe. They took quick shower and cuddled back in bed, Jaejoong’s head on Changmin’s chest.
“Thankyou,” Jaejoong whispered before he fell asleep, making Changmin smile despite his pained heart. He sighed, would Jaejoong’s life end just like that? Changmin was sure as hell hated the fact that Jaejoong was going to die. But again, who was he? He was the angel assigned to send Jaejoong to heaven, not to save his life. He was not Jaejoong’s boyfriend, was a stranger even, but he got Jaejoong’s first. Guilt clouded his mind; he didn’t deserve what Jaejoong gave him. Those belonged to Yoochun, all of them.
After he made sure Jaejoong was fast asleep, he got up and walked to the window. He dialed Junsu’s number. “Hyung,” he said after he heard Junsu picked up the call. “Am I bothering you?”
“No, Minnie. What’s wrong?”
“I…I’ve made up my mind.”
“Is that so?” there were an obvious disappointment and desperation on Junsu’s voice.
“Yes, I wanted to say goodbye.”
“…Changmin?”
“Yes?”
Junsu was quite for a moment for he seemed to hesitate saying what he wanted to say. Changmin heard him sigh before continuing, “I never thought it would end like this. It was great working with you.”
Changmin smiled. “It was great working with you too. Thank you Junsu-hyung.”
“Goodbye then, Minnie.” Changmin swore he heard Junsu’s breath hitched before the line disconnected, he must have cried. He walked back and stood by Jaejoong’s bed. Jaejoong was even more beautiful when he sleeps. Changmin leaned down and kissed Jaejoong for the last time before he walked away, his black wing-feathers started to fall one by one, and he disappeared into the night.
***
Jaejoong was surprised when he found a couple of black feathers on his floor the next morning. He quickly gathered them before anyone sees them and tied them with a red ribbon, then shove them in the middle page of the book he was reading. He found himself giggled as he stared at the black feathers and blushed. OMG this is stupid, I’m not a girl! Jaejoong slammed the book close in embarrassment and went to shower.
He stared at his reflection on the bathroom mirror and found several kiss marks on his neck, shoulder, and front. Jaejoong grinned; he couldn’t wait to see Changmin again that night. Yes, he wanted to see Changmin again. Changmin’s lips felt like heaven and last night was the best night in his entire life. Jaejoong had to admit he was falling for Changmin, hard, but he was still unsure about his feelings towards Yoochun.
When he got out of the bathroom, his mother greeted him with a smile along with the doctor. Jaejoong raised an eyebrow as they told him to take a seat and his mother started to hug and kiss him. “We found a donor,” the doctor explained and Jaejoong stared at him with widened eyes. “We will proceed with the surgery this afternoon. The chance of success is only 50%, but it is worth a try.”
Jaejoong gasped, so Changmin did listen to his wish. He was going to die that afternoon. The surgery would fail, he thought, and that was how he would die. Was he prepared? The thought of meeting Changmin definitely calmed him, but then the thoughts of Yoochun invaded his mind and the fear crept back to his heart. He asked for it, he tried to calm himself, he did ask for it. Jaejoong smiled to the doctor and his mother, saying he would do the surgery. His mother kissed him and walked out of the room to consult more with the doctor.
Jaejoong sighed and stared some more at Changmin’s black feathers. How could he not realize how beautiful Changmin’s wings looked last night? He wanted to touch them next time. Next time, next time, yeah Jaejoong wanted that next time so bad. Jaejoong smiled to himself when he remembered Changmin from the night before, but why did he had a bad feeling that day? Was it because he was going to die? No, it was about Changmin, but what bad thing could possibly happen to an angel?
Yoochun suddenly appeared on the door and Jaejoong abruptly put back the feathers where it was and closed the book. Yoochun was alone, without Yunho unlike usual, and he walked to Jaejoong’s bed. “Hey, where’s Yunho?”
“He couldn’t come today, he has this…” Yoochun stopped and frown, grabbing Jaejoong’s collar and pulled it outwards, revealing two purplish marks. “Are those…kiss marks?”
Jaejoong yanked away from the grab, face red, “Don’t be ridiculous. I got news for you.” Yoochun raised an eyebrow. Jaejoong sighed. “We got a donor, and I will do the surgery today.” Yoochun’s face lit up and Jaejoong hated giving his best friend false hope. “But, my chance of surviving is only 50%,” and Yoochun’s smile fell. Jaejoong sighed and pulled his best friend to a hug.
“But there’s chance, right?” Yoochun tightened his grip on Jaejoong’s back. Jaejoong nodded but stayed silent, as he couldn’t find the courage to say anything. He could promise Yoochun that he would be fine because he knew it was the end. Yoochun pulled back. “Please be fine…”
Jaejoong chuckled bitterly, “We’ll see.”
“How could you be so calm?” Yoochun pouted. How could he be so panic while his best friend, the one who will forgo the real surgery, seemed so calm?
Jaejoong shrugged and thought, because he knew he was going to die, but decided that was not a good thing to say when Yoochun’s all panicky. The surgery was scheduled at 4 and it was 2PM. Yoochun promised to stay by Jaejoong until he was called for the surgery. They didn’t say much, but Yoochun wouldn’t let go of his hold on Jaejoong’s hand. Jaejoong could feel Yoochun’s trembling hand, could feel the fear radiating from Yoochun’s eyes, but Jaejoong couldn’t say any soothing words to calm Yoochun. He didn’t want to lie, saying he would recover and be back with Yoochun.
3.30 and one of the nurses came in to remind him about the surgery and said she will be back in ten to help Jaejoong prepare. Yoochun gasped and the fear became more apparent in his face. “Yoochun…” Jaejoong cupped his best friends cheeks and sighed. “Calm down. You promised to move on.”
“How could you say such thing?! You’re about to undergone a surgery, for God’s sake, tell me nonsensical soothing words, not…” Yoochun stopped as Jaejoong pressed his thumb on his lips.
“Can I have a last wish?” Yoochun nodded and his eyes widened as Jaejoong’s lips met his on a soft kiss. “Don’t keep your relationship with Yunho a secret for me anymore.”
“Jae, I’m…”
“Sorry? I know,” he grinned. “If I survive, would you tell me everything?” Jaejoong knew he couldn’t hear it, but he wanted to know that Yoochun still trust him. Yoochun nodded one more time and hugged Jaejoong tightly. “And forget about the kiss, kay?” Yoochun nodded again, face buried on Jaejoong’s shoulder and he could slowly feel warm tears soaked his shirt.
The nurse came to take Jaejoong away and Jaejoong’s mother kissed him on the forehead before taking the sobbing Yoochun into her arms. Jaejoong smiled apologetically at them, because he wouldn’t be back. He was rather excited, actually, which made him feel a bit guilty, but he wanted to see Changmin. Yes, the thoughts of Changmin was the last thing on his mind before they gave him a shot, put an oxygen mask on his face, and everything went dark.
***
2 months before Christmas
Jaejoong stared blankly at the grey sky outside his window. After the surgery, he had to do bed rest for a two months therefore he still had to stay on the hospital, but he was recovering very well. He wasn’t happy about it. It was windy cold and trees had lost their leaves. The leaves fell to the ground, along with Jaejoong’s will to live. Everyone was surprised as the first thing Jaejoong did when he opened his eyes was cry. He cried and cried for hours, ignoring questions from everyone, even from Yoochun. Jaejoong sighed heavily and closed his eyes, sending silent prayers to God so he could see Changmin again.
Changmin never showed up after the surgery and it has been a month. Jaejoong was suffocating; every night without Changmin beside him was a torture. He no longer cared for Yunho or Yoochun, and he was glad they were happy but there was this huge hole in his heart that made him care less about everything else in the world other than Changmin. His iPod turned to play ‘All I Want For Christmas’ and he quickly changed the song, not wanting to remember Christmas and Changmin. “All I want for Christmas is Changmin,” he mumbled.
Yunho knocked on his door before coming in with Yoochun behind him. Yoochun had fulfilled his promise and told Jaejoong that they were dating. Yoochun told him about how they were classmates and Yunho started approaching him and he fell for him. Jaejoong smiled because Yunho was a great guy who could take care of Yoochun. Still he couldn’t tell Yoochun the reason he was upset, even depressed, although he was healed every time Yoochun asked. Yoochun once asked about the kiss marks too, and Jaejoong ignored him and turned away. Everyone gave up questioning Jaejoong after that.
Should he move on? He wasn’t Changmin’s assignment anymore; he was healed and perfectly healthy then. What made God change his mind he had no idea. Yoochun’s genuine prayers, maybe? Shouldn’t he be thanking Yoochun then? But why did it feel so…empty? He twirled one of the black feathers in his finger. Yoochun had asked where it came from too before, only to be ignored once again. Yoochun and Jaejoong’s mother were getting frustrated by Jaejoong’s sudden depression to the point they forced Jaejoong to talk but then gave up after seeing Jaejoong’s blank stare at them.
Yunho sat next to Jaejoong’s bed. Yoochun said hi, but Jaejoong only turned to him with a weak smile before staring blankly outside the window once again. Yoochun sighed and went outside the room, saying he would buy drinks for them. Yunho took Jaejoong’s hand and held it; Jaejoong looked at him questioningly but didn’t say anything. “This isn’t about Yoochun right?” Yunho asked. Jaejoong shook his head. “So, who is it that you fell in love with?” Jaejoong must have blushed because Yunho smiled understandingly towards him. “So, he left?”
Jaejoong shook his head, “I don’t know. I have no idea where he is…” He turned sharply to Yunho. “I knew I should be dead,” he said firmly. “I should be dead, why am I alive?”
Yunho frowned, “Why aren’t you happy that you’re alive?” Jaejoong ignored him again, sighing. Yunho sighed too, “I think you have been given a second chance to live your life, Jae. You should appreciate it.” Jaejoong did nothing more than nodded. They fell back into silence, even after Yoochun came back. Jaejoong refused his favorite lemon drink and curled up in his bed, hiding his tears by burying his face in his pillow.
Jaejoong stared at his bed. Their bed. His bed. The bed where he had spent so much time cuddling with Changmin. The bed where he had given all he was to Changmin. He didn’t want to get back to that bed alone, it was too painful; instead he stood by the window and stared at the moonlit sky. Tears once again streamed down the sides of his face. How could Changmin leave him like that? Not even a goodbye, how did Changmin expect him to survive?
“Changmin…” he whispered, and repeated the name over and over again, louder each time. “Changmin, Changmin, Changmin, Changmin!” Jaejoong was screaming at the end. He fell to his knees and cried, still mumbling Changmin’s name. “Changmin, how could you? Jerk, Changmin you jerk! Come back! Please…come back…”
The view broke Junsu’s heart as he watched Jaejoong cried on the floor from afar. He was right; the kid would break without Changmin. He wanted to tell Jaejoong Changmin had given his life to save Jaejoong’s. He sighed and to just leave; there was nothing more he could do anyway. “I’d rather be dead than lose you…” was the last thing Junsu heard before he left.
***
1 month before Christmas
Yoochun gave up on Jaejoong. He could only be there to lend him a shoulder when he started crying out of nowhere, but he had no idea how to stop Jaejoong’s depression. He sometimes heard mumbles of ‘Changmin’ who he had no idea of from the sleeping Jaejoong. Could he be the person who gave the marks to Jaejoong and now left him? Yoochun was furious at the thought of this Changmin guy hurting Jaejoong, but again he knew nothing about the two. Jaejoong had built a wall around him to block the world.
One more month and Jaejoong will be released from the hospital and would start attending Yoochun’s school. Yoochun was excited, but Jaejoong wasn’t. Jaejoong was a deadman walking, a zombie, for he did nothing more than be alive but was not living his life. Yoochun asked him what he wants for Christmas and Jaejoong shook his head. Christmas had always been Jaejoong’s favorite holiday season, but now Jaejoong seemed to wince at ever mention of Christmas.
As the days before, Jaejoong was sitting on his bed staring blankly outside his window when Yoochun came in with Yunho with a Christmas tree. Jaejoong stared at them with wide eyes, “What are you guys doing? Get that fucking thing out of my room!”
Both Yoochun and Yunho were startled. “But JaeJae, you love decorating…”
“I don’t want a Christmas tree in my room! I don’t want any decoration! I hate Christmas!” Jaejoong shouted, cutting off Yoochun’s words. “Go away,” then he curled up in his bed and cried.
Jaejoong’s days became a haze. It was all therapies and staring blankly at the window. One thing was clear though, he was in love with Changmin. Of course he loved Yoochun, his lifetime best friend, but not the way he loved Changmin. He needed Changmin like drugs. Yoochun wouldn’t give up on their routine and kept coming back no matter how many times Jaejoong told him to leave. When Jaejoong did, Yoochun would leave and come back the next day like nothing happened. Slowly, Jaejoong started to cry less and smile more. Yoochun and Yunho was patience enough to handle his mood swings and by the end of the month, Jaejoong was back to laughing with them.
Jaejoong still cried at night, Yoochun could tell by the damp eyes in the morning, but he was trying to be strong in front of his friends and it made Yoochun happy. Still, he decided to talk about it to Jaejoong. “JaeJae,” Yoochun sat on the edge of Jaejoong’s bed.
“Hmm?”
“You want to talk about it?” Jaejoong looked up from his PSP and frowned at Yoochun, then shook his head and focused back on the gaming device on his hands. “I thought best friends shared everything,” Yoochun pleaded.
Jaejoong sighed. “You wouldn’t believe me if I tell you.”
Yoochun pouted and continued after a few moments of silent. “So, about that kiss…”
“I told you to forget it, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but…”
“Chunnie, please…”
“What is it with you? You changed 180 degrees and you expect me to just deal with it? How selfish!” Yoochun snapped. “I’m tired of being clueless, okay, I want to help you but you won’t let me! I feel hopeless as a best friend…”
Jaejoong sighed, “Chunnie, I’m…”
“Sorry? I know, but it won’t make any difference if you still refuse to tell me what’s wrong.”
“I can’t, you won’t understand.”
“It’s not about me and Yunho, is it?”
“No, it’s not. I swear it’s not.”
“Then?”
Jaejoong sighed. “I knew I was going to die, Chunnie. I knew I was. I should have, but I didn’t. Why didn’t I?”
“You…wanted to die?”
If it means being with Changmin then… “Yes, I did. I do.”
“You wanted to leave me?” Yoochun scoffed in disbelieve. “And I prayed for you to heal every fucking night, Jaejoong!”
“No, I… I thought you need to move on, you have Yunho anyway…”
“So that’s it? A lifetime of friendship, and you thought you’re being a burden to me? If you were, I wouldn’t have stayed!”
“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Jaejoong started crying and Yoochun’s harsh expression toned down. He pulled Jaejoong into his arms.
“I’m sorry too, okay. I shouldn’t have forced you to say anything. Let’s just forget about it.” Jaejoong nodded and soaked Yoochun’s shirt with more tears.
***
Christmas
After their last fight, Jaejoong let Yoochun decorated his room and put on a tree, even if they have to take it down soon as Jaejoong will be released from the hospital. It was December 25th, and the doctor said Jaejoong could go home and celebrates Christmas with his family, without having to go back to the hospital. He would still have to do monthly check, but the doctor was sure Jaejoong would be fine. Jaejoong smiled and thought Yunho was right. He had been given another chance to live; he shouldn’t waste it.
All that was left to do was to pack up, so he put the things he had into boxes with Yoochun’s and Yunho’s help, and loaded them to his mother’s car. He lifted one of the heavy boxes that contains his books and wobbled. He wasn’t used to lifting things yet, but he didn’t want to bother Yoochun who was still taping the opened boxes and Yunho had gone ahead carrying more boxes than Jaejoong that he felt guilty for being so useless.
He stood still as he watched Yoochun took off the decorations on the Christmas tree, smiling wryly. The old selfish and weak Jaejoong is really dead this Christmas, he thought and made up his mind, This Jaejoong wouldn’t be a burden to anyone anymore. Jaejoong was about to turn around and walked away but then he froze.
“Need help?” The familiar voice asked. Jaejoong turned and saw a tall figure, wearing all black like usual but minus the wings, with a snarky smirk planted on his face. “Hey, JaeJae…” Changmin said as he leaned on the doorframe, arms folded in front of his chest.
Seconds later he found himself with an armful of crying Jaejoong. Jaejoong had dropped the heavy box that luckily didn’t hit his feet and ran to hug Changmin, ignoring Yoochun’s questioning look. “Fucker…Changmin you jerk!” Jaejoong said through his sobs, making Changmin chuckle. “Fuck you, seriously fuck you!”
“Sounds good, I want you to ride me this time,” Changmin whispered. Jaejoong could help but to laugh in his cry.
“Pedo!” Jaejoong hit lightly on Changmin’s chest.
“Um…sorry to interrupt you guys but, Jae, who is that?” Yoochun finally asked.
Changmin laughed. “I’m Jaejoong’s present from Santa Claus,” he said, only to get another hit from Jaejoong.
Jaejoong smirked at the confused Yoochun, “Yeah, he is.”
Jaejoong insisted to take Changmin home and Changmin self-claimed himself as Jaejoong’s boyfriend in front of everyone. Jaejoong still wouldn’t give out details of how they met and why he was so depressed for the last three months, but everyone could clearly feel the happiness radiating from him as Changmin kissed his cheeks and wrapped his arms around Jaejoong’s waist so they stopped asking.
Yoochun was suspicious, but he was glad Jaejoong could smile that genuinely again. Yunho got along with Changmin almost immediately. While Yunho and Changmin was busy talking about martial arts, one of their common interest, Yoochun cornered Jaejoong and forced him to speak details but, as Jaejoong said before, he could always get away with a smile and told Yoochun he will one day, when he was ready. Yoochun was stunned enough when Jaejoong said their kiss wasn’t his first kiss and left the shocked Yoochun to run to Changmin.
As everyone else was busy, Jaejoong took Changmin’s hand and led him walk through the big garden of his house, away from the party. Jaejoong couldn’t stop smiling and the smile was contagious, making Changmin grinned like a fool himself. “What happened to your wings?”
Changmin shrugged, “I lost them when I healed you.” Jaejoong stared at Changmin with shocked eyes, which Changmin thought was cute because his eyes became rounder and his cheeks were pink. “I broke the rule ‘cause I wanted you to live, I should be dead. I was dead, but thanks to Junsu-hyung, who said you broke down without me, God let me be human.” He kissed Jaejoong’s lips lightly. “Being a human is a form of torture you know, this world is mean, but as long as I have you then this punishment is nothing.”
Jaejoong smirked and took out Changmin’s feathers from his pocket. He handed them to the surprised Changmin. “Even without your wings, you’ll still be my angel.”
“Gosh, that’s cheesy,” Changmin kissed Jaejoong. “Merry Christmas, selfish.”
“Merry Christmas, asshole.”
Jaejoong secretly thanked God and Santa Claus for the best Christmas in his life.