Understanding Asexuality

[leifang666]

So another educational post, I can't help myself! I just want to explain a few misunderstood subjects.

What is asexuality?It's commonly believed that asexuality is the absence of sexual desire, which it can be but it's a little more complicated than that. On the sexuality scale you have people who like men on one end, and people who like women on

Comments

[hamhamheaven]

As someone who recently only came across the idea of asexuality a couple years ago, I know exactly what you're going through. I had no idea there was a word for what I was experiencing. Had no idea that there were other people in the world like me...that I was anything other than broken. Being able to look in the mirror and say "I'm asexual" was such a relief.

My two cents worth of unsolicited advice: don't let anyone tell you this identity is wrong, doesn't exist, or that you're just confused. Even if you are confused, they don't get to tell you what you do or don't feel. And with that in mind, because it can be hard to find people in real life to talk about these sorts of things with, you are MORE than welcome to message me whenever you need someone to talk to!

[leifang666]

Yeah, once you figure it out it's like "now that makes sense". I've known about asexuality for years, but the false misconception that it's someone with no sexual interest in anything ever.

Every asexual is confused. It's impossible to be 100% sure you're asexual when the idea of sexual attraction is so alien to you. You always wonder what your feelings are like compared to others. Even if you're 99.99% sure there's still that part of you that wonders. That's how I feel anyway.

[color_me_blue3]

Welcome to the community(?) XD I only recently figured out I'm ace too... I came across what it was a couple of years ago, while I was trying to help a friend find out if he was Ace too, I used to think I was sort of pansexual but I didn't know I had never experienced sexual attraction until I read the definition of what sexual attraction was, and I was like "What!? Really? You see someone and you want to bed him/her/them? Hell no! That can't be it..." And that's how I found out... I'm still figuring out a lot of things like if I have at all a "romantic orientation" or so many other things... I'm very open about it online, but I prefer to keep it out of "real world people." So, if you ever want to talk about it, you can talk with me :)

[leifang666]

See I've debated if I was straight or bi for years. Just because I'm more attracted to men but see no real difference other than that. Then like you I read what sexual attraction is and realised I'd never felt that way about anyone, ever. It all just clicked into place after that.

I know what I want in a partner. I want someone I could meet once, maybe twice a week, and hang out with and have fun. A friend who shows some affection, like hugs, hand holding, sweet kisses but no more. But the level of commitment I actually want is so small and I wonder, where do I find someone willing to have such a relationship?

[color_me_blue3]

It's hard to find someone like that I guess... But it's not impossible, maybe it would be a good idea try to find an ace community locally? Currently I'm taking my chances trying to meet people who could be willing to have a long distance relationship (I must be dreaming to think that's possible XD) mostly because I like the idea of having a queer platonic partner, but I don't want to go through the dates, going out or generally socializing with their family/friends XD I would like a friend who maybe one day can get physical with me, but not now... I'm probably being selfish... But in my mind, maybe that way someone will be willing to be with me because of who I am, and not because they find me sexually attractive XD

[puss_nd_boots]

I'm still trying to figure out just where I fall on the spectrum of colors and alphabet soup. I do know that I'm probably closer to being aromantic than being truly ace - because I have never had any desire to be In A Relationship. It always baffled me why other girls spent all their time trying to trap and catch men like plants catching flies, and I always longed to see a character like me on television - someone who wasn't in a relationship, wasn't seeking a relationship, and was okay with that. (In fact, I remember a couple of times seeing supporting characters on TV who never seemed to date - and then, there'd be a one-off episode where that character met That Certain Someone, and I felt betrayed). It took me a long time to figure out that I was somewhere in the soup and on the spectrum, because there are SO many shades of gray where sexuality and romantic attraction are concerned - and what was causing my confusion was the fact that there were relationships I could enjoy in the media (mostly yaoi), and I love writing romance (as

[leifang666]

Well yes, my love for Battle Royale is proof that what we like isn't what we want in RL. I've noticed as well that the kind of guys that I love in drama's are also the exact opposite of who I would hang out with in RL.

I think it's easy to name male character's who don't show romantic interest, but the idea of a woman not looking for romance is so alien in media that they're hard to come by. Even characters like Katniss (Hunger Games), who focus on survival and family first end up falling in love. Alice from the newer Alice in Wonderland/Alice through the looking glass however manages to have a male friend without falling in love. Mainly because they aged a child into a young lady but kept the same personality.