2009 Fic Retrospective
This is an exercise in self-indulgence and navel-gazing: a summary of all the fic I posted to my LJ in 2009, with a little blurb about each-what I liked about them, what I didn’t like, why I was thinking when I wrote them, how I feel about them now, etc. Just whatever takes my fancy, really.
Miles to Go (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen/Ianto, 500 words, rated G)
I know that writing fic based on Robert Frost’s “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” is a terrible cliché, but I still rather like this one. It was my first real attempt to capture the J/G/I dynamic that exists between the three of them post-“Exit Wounds”, and I was really pleased with the result. Of course, this fic is also about Jack as an individual, and the way he processes the events of the S2 finale-my interpretation of Jack here was most definitely influenced by misswinterhill’s Collective Noun: Pride, in which she portrays Jack as having an almost Stockholm Syndrome-like relationship with the earth, after being imprisoned within it for so long. Although this fic does not fit in with “Children of Earth” timeline-wise (there was no winter in between “Exit Wounds” and CoE), I do think it fits in thematically, with Jack wanting desperately to keep Gwen and Ianto safe, even though he knows, deep down, that he cannot do so.
On a technical level, I think I’m mostly happy with this fic, aside from the first paragraph, in which I think the second sentence is too long and convoluted.
Bonds (Torchwood/SJA: Sarah Jane/Jack, 400 words, rated G)
This was just me having a little fun with the graph shinyopals made, detailing the snog-connections between the main participants in The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End. Sarah Jane was off on her own little island, and obviously, THIS MUST NOT BE. And I do love the idea of her and Jack hooking up; I love the parallels between their stories. Technically this isn’t brilliant, but it’s a puff piece, and I think it serves that purpose well enough.
Wine Glasses (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 2750 words, rated NC-17)
This was actually written in 2008, for a fic exchange, but I didn’t actually post it to my LJ until January 2009, and it is, of course, the fic that inspired me to write meta about the ways I feared that my own slash replicated certain heteronormative ideas-although over the course of writing that meta, and especially in the comments, I realised that the issue was far more complex than I initially feared.
About the fic itself-I wanted to write a S1 fic in which Ianto stood up to Jack and which showed how messy the relationship could be during the “just fucking” stage, with all the Lisa issues, etc-but at the same time, I also wanted to show the earlier shoots of the relationship that we later saw develop in S2. It’s interesting looking over this now to see that when I wrote this, I had clearly seen some of the spoilers regarding Ianto’s family for CoE, but not Jack’s-if I was to adapt this now, I would put something in about Jack planning to visit Alice and Steven later that evening, but only being allowed to stay for an hour or so. Further changes that I would make, if I was to ever do a revision, would be to smooth out the transition from Ianto telling Jack off to kissing him, and at the end, I would not have Jack and Ianto sitting close together on the couch, nor would I have them watch Casablanca (OMG, that is such a cliché!)-I’d have them watch an older James Bond film instead.
Displaced Neuromuscular Facilitation (Doctor Who: Rose/Ten II [implied Jack/Hand], 150 words, rated R)
A little cracky drabble-and-a-half that I wrote to amuse myself, looking at the implications of Ten II growing out of a Hand that had lived with Jack for over a year. I originally wanted this to be a proper drabble, but I couldn’t fit it in-nonetheless, I still enjoyed the way that even a limit of 150 words requires one to economise with language.
Enough to Keep Him Going (Torchwood/Doctor Who: Jack/Gwen, 100 words, rated PG)
I wrote this as a way of making sense of the Jack/Gwen UST in S2. While I doubt that Jack/Gwen will ever be a favourite ship of mine, I certainly don’t have a problem with exploring the obvious feelings that they have for each other-but I did feel that the sudden UST in S2, where Jack starts acting almost like a jilted lover, felt like it didn’t flow very well out of the type of relationship they had in late S1, where the UST was more subtle (though still present). This is a look at how that shift might have occurred, with Jack latching onto Gwen as a symbol of hope during The Year that Never Was. On a technical level, I don’t like the reference to “[the Master’s] cruel games of cat and mouse”, because it feels a bit cliché, but I am otherwise happy with this drabble.
(And yes, I did just spend over 100 words write meta about a drabble. :P)
Unbidden (Torchwood: Lisa/Ianto, Jack/Ianto, 1100 words, rated NC-17)
I wasn’t terribly happy with this fic when I first posted it, but it has grown on me over time, and I’m quite pleased with it now. It’s a coda to Ianto’s “Fragments” story, and it deals with Ianto’s attempt to desperately hang onto what he had with Lisa, while dealing with his newfound (and not completely self-acknowledged) attraction to Jack. Also, I’m rather partial to masturbation fic. ;)
Power Play (Torchwood, Jack/Ianto, 2100 words, rated NC-17)
Of all my fic, I think that this is the one that best portrays the way I saw the J/I relationship before CoE aired-the fucked up power dynamics that somehow seem to work, the ways in which lines between their work and their personal relationship become blurred, and the idea that Jack does allow Ianto to see a more vulnerable side to him that he doesn’t show to others, even if he isn’t monogamous. However, although I think that this fic presents a valid interpretation of the relationship we saw in S2, I can’t reconcile it with the relationship that we saw in CoE, where Jack is clearly not comfortable opening up and being vulnerable around Ianto. This one has been jossed in spirit, if not in fact-but I still like it, even if just as a reminder of why I began to ship them in the first place.
On a technical level, I’m not too happy with the opening paragraphs-I feel that they’re a bit stilted, and I probably lost a lot of readers that way. There are also a few little changes I’d make in the sex scene, but nothing major. Other than that, I’m very happy with this one-- it does what it's supposed to do.
All Tied Up (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 550 words, rated NC-17)
This was written for a Frottage Comment Battle hosted by 51stcenturyfox and andreth47. I suppose it’s amusing, but overall it’s fairly inconsequential. Most of the time when I write sex, I like it to say something other than “they had sex”. But this is just sex. Still, it does have a dommy snarky Ianto, which is nice.
Relief (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 550 words, rated NC-17)
Another offering from the same Frottage Comment Battle, I like this one much better. This fic was pretty much me being in denial about the rumours about Ianto’s death that were already floating around fandom-I was hoping it would be a fake-out death, and this was an attempt to write what that might look like.
Ours (Sarah Jane Adventures: Sarah Jane/Mrs. Wormwood, 675 words, rated G)
Come on, seriously-the S2 finale of SJA was the SLASHIEST THING EVER. Mrs. Wormwood is to Sarah Jane as the Master is to the Doctor-and in the case of the two women, that comes across most clearly in their relationship to Luke, since both of them are mother to him in some respect. So obviously, I had to write this little coda to the episode making that absolutely clear. :)
Bitter (Torchwood: John/Ianto, 600 words, rated PG-13)
This was written because apiphile asked for kissing comment!fic, which I later reposted here. I decided to write John/Ianto because I’d never tried it before, and was trying to tap into the hateful UST between them-which is really all about Jack, in this little “Exit Wounds” scenario. I enjoyed writing this, and it inspired me to examine this potential pairing in more depth.
Breaking Void (Torchwood: John/Ianto, 2200 words, rated PG-13)
After writing “Bitter”, above, I wanted to take a more extensive look at how things might play out between John and Ianto in light of the events of “Exit Wounds”, particularly how they might play into the stiff restraint we see in Ianto in that final scene. I like the dynamic that I set up between John and Ianto here, but I tend to agree with karaokegal’s comment that I probably went overboard with Ianto’s crying at the end, and that the catharsis might have been better explored through sex (maybe followed by some more restrained tears). Still, I’m pretty happy with this one, particularly since it has an actual Plot, even if it is just a simple one.
Salt Water (Malory Towers: Mary-Lou/Darrell, 2650 words, rated PG)
I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the best fic I wrote in 2009. I really enjoyed revisiting Malory Towers, which I loved as a girl in spite of Enid Blyton’s rather crappy writing, and exploring the way that a romance might develop between Mary-Lou and the school-friend she always idolised. I think an important part of this fic is showing that Mary-Lou really is a strong person-that this is not, in fact, about her pining after Darrell and eventually earning her love, but about Mary-Lou recognising that Darrell too can be vulnerable, and that there are times when she needs to rely on Mary-Lou’s strength, which she has cultivated through her training and experience as a nurse (which was and is pretty damn hardcore).
Obviously, this fic draws heavily on the pool incident in First Term at Malory Towers, in which Darrell pretends to be drowning in order to inspire Mary-Lou to save her-in the final scene they re-enact that incident metaphorically, but this time, Darrell is not pretending and she really does need Mary-Lou to save her.
Discomfort (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 100 words, rated R)
A short exploration of Ianto’s feelings regarding his relationship with Jack pre-Cyberwoman; his attempt to remain focused on Lisa, even while carrying on an affair with Jack.
Unexpected (Torchwood/Nero Wolfe: Jack/Archie, 100 words, rated PG-13)
Really, this should be much more than a drabble-I love the idea of Jack visting the US in the late 40s or during the 50s, and hooking up with Archie Goodwin, who is trying to solve the mysterious murder of a man who keeps coming back to life. But I suck at plot, so a mere drabble it is.
Powdered D’karian Eggs (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen, Gwen/Rhys [Jack/Ianto, Jack/Gwen/Ianto, Jack/Gwen/Rhys], 750 words, rated NC-17)
This is another one from a Comment Porn Battle hosted again by 51stcenturyfox and andreth47a-this time, the prompts were, “Aliens Made Them Do It,” “Solo Sex,” or “Sex in the SUV”, and I was rather proud that I managed to get all three in there. I’m rather fond of this, even though it’s fairly inconsequential-I like the idea of Gwen enjoying herself, I’m pleased that I managed to use AMTDI without a non-con aspect to it, and I find Gwen’s fantasy of having sex with both Jack and Rhys at the same time particularly hot.
Respite (Harry Potter: Remus/Sirius, 1350 words, rated R)
This fic was based on some fanart by fera_festiva. It had been ages since I’d written any Remus/Sirius (and even then, I read far more than I actually wrote), so getting into Sirius’s head was a challenge. Sometimes when I re-read this fic, I think that I didn’t quite manage it, that the opening paragraphs feel too awkward, and other times I quite like it. I am quite happy with the references to James and Peter that I put in there though-Sirius’s dismissive attitude to Peter, which, of course, eventually leads to his defection, and the “best friend” dynamic between James and Sirius-one of my pet hates with R/S fic is when authors go on about how Remus and Sirius were always each other’s BFFs, and completely write James out of the picture.
Free Agents (Torchwood/Doctor Who: Jack/Tenth Doctor, 2400 words, rated PG-13)
I posted this fic a few weeks before CoE aired, but in so many ways, this could almost be a post-CoE fic: the Doctor, travelling alone after losing Donna, runs into Jack in the year 2379, who is travelling the Earth alone after losing his most recent Torchwood team to a gas leak on an alien spaceship, and they offer what comfort they can to each other. In spite of this, the tone of the fic, overall, is rather upbeat, with Jack and the Doctor only revealing their lonliness to each other during the odd vulnerable moments-I don’t think I would have been able to achieve such a tone had I written this after watching CoE.
I think that this fic would have been better if it had had a more substantial plot, through which the Doctor and Jack had gradually come together, but overall I am pleased with the way that I got into the Doctor’s head, playing on the idea that the “wrongness” that the Doctor feels when he is around Jack is actually attraction (about which he is in denial). I also like the timey-wimeyness of this, although I’m not sure how well it comes across-in my mind, Jack has already hooked up with the Doctor (and River Song!) several times in his timeline, although it is the first time for the Doctor in his timeline-this is why Jack is confident that the Doctor will respond to his kiss, and why the Doctor feels a strange sense of familiarity-a sort of timey-wimey echo. Furthermore, now that the Doctor has been with Jack, he’s going to be less hesitant when he meets Jack earlier in his timeline, because he’s learned to act on his attraction now.
I think this is one of the better fics that I produced in 2009; even though Jack/Ten is one of my favourite ships, it is very difficult to write, and I’m glad that I managed it here.
Mortuary (Torchwood: Lois, Gwen, 280 words, rated PG)
And so we enter the realm of post-CoE fic-this tiny ficlet is the first thing I managed to complete in the days after CoE, and in many ways it was a relief to know that I would be able to write fic again. It’s written from Lois’s POV-for all the problems that I have with CoE, I did love Lois, and while CoE was still fresh in my mind, writing from her POV came very naturally to me. Now that more time has elapsed, I’m not tending to do so, which is a shame, but I’d have to re-watch CoE to get back into her head, and... well, I’m not up to that. Regardless, I think that Lois would be an excellent addition to the Torchwood team, and I like the idea of Gwen wanting her future employees to know exactly what they’re signing up for.
Remnant (Torchwood: Lois, Gwen, Jack/Ianto, 685 words, rated PG-13)
Another Lois POV ficlet-while going through the remains of the Hub, Lois discovers the Ghost Machine, and witnesses a happy intimate moment between Jack and Ianto. This was my first attempt at denying the way J/I was portrayed in CoE in order to convince myself that their relationship was more like the way I envisaged it after S2. Sometimes I think I can believe in this fic, but most of the time I think I’m just fooling myself. Nonetheless, this is what I want to believe.
I find it interesting that my first two post-CoE fics were about moving on in some way, even though I’m clearly not ready to do so.
Loyal (Torchwood/Doctor Who: Yvonne, Lisa, 200 words, rated PG)
This snippet was originally supposed to be part of a longer Lisa/Ianto fic, which looked at the early days of their relationship, but the Lisa/Ianto bits never worked for me, so I just posted this bit as a placeholder fic for lionessvalenti, when I didn’t manage to get her birthday fic finished on time. I like the idea that the relationship between Jack and Ianto might have mirrored the relationship between Ianto and Lisa in some ways.
The Last Time We Had Ice Cream Together (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen/Ianto, Jack/Ianto, 785 words, rated PG)
This was another attempt at making myself believe in Jack/Ianto again, in light of CoE, and this one comes a lot closer to working, I think-probably because it’s contextualised by the broader Jack/Gwen/Ianto dynamic. This is probably the fluffiest thing I have ever written. Even so, I am rather fond of it.
Unknown Tetra-Pedal Life Form (Torchwood: Tosh, Suzie, 550 words, rated PG)
This was written in response to a prompt from blue_fjords- it’s a lighthearted piece, and with all the grief surrounding CoE, it felt wonderful to go back and write something pre-S1. I think I wrote this soon after I re-watched “Everything Changes” and “Day One” (S1 version), and I remember being struck by how bewildered Gwen seems, particularly when set against Tosh’s competence-it made me think about what Tosh’s early days in Torchwood might have been like, before she gained that confidence, when she might have felt intimidated by Suzie’s experience on the job. Ideally, a scene like this would be part of a larger, plotty story, but see above re: sucking at plot. As it is, it’s a nice, but ultimately inconsequential little story.
New Stories (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, Gwen, Rupesh, Agent Johnson, 700 words, rated G)
Another denial fic, in every sense of the word-an attempt to look at what might have happened if the 456 never turned up at all, and Rupesh and Johnson had gone ahead with their attempt to infiltrate Torchwood-eventually joining the team. This is the sort of team I would have liked to have seen for a full length S3 (well, plus Lois, but I couldn’t work her into this one). And I probably would have developed a Jack/Gwen/Ianto poly grouping as the series progressed.
I did start writing a plotty gen fic based on this team, but it fell to the wayside after I ran into problems regarding both plot and characterisation.
Favour (Merlin: Gwen/Morgana, 100 words, rated G)
A cute and inconsequential little drabble set sometime during S1. I do love this pairing.
Comfort (Torchwood: Gwen/Ianto, 2150 words, rated R)
Although it’s actually a coda to the radio play, “Lost Souls”, this fic is my first attempt to portray the (lack of) relationship between Jack and Ianto that I saw in CoE-though, of course, Jack himself doesn’t appear at all in this fic. Instead, it’s about Ianto being lonely, and Gwen trying to keep him human, and the two of them coming together in the “time out” space provided by a hotel room a long way from Cardiff, where they’re booked in as husband and wife.
I think this fic works pretty well, although there are a few places in which I don’t think the conversations flow as well as they could, and the language I use for the sex scene is a little cliché. Still, I’m rather fond of this, and was flattered by the number of extremely thoughtful comments it received. Another one of my better fics for the year, I think.
He’ll Just Forget (Torchwood: Gwen, Ianto [Jack/Ianto], 700 words, rated PG)
I actually wrote this in 2008, and abandoned it, but I posted it in October after looking through my WIPs-I found the contrast between this Ianto and the Ianto in CoE-the former wants Jack to forget him, because he doesn’t want Jack to experience the pain of losing him, while the latter, of course, dies asking Jack to remember him. My Ianto was, I think, a lot more independent than the Ianto we got in CoE.
Wash it All Away (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen/Ianto, 950 words, NC-17)
I am very very fond of this hurt/comfort ficlet, which I originally wrote for the kinkmeme. As I mentioned above, these days, I find Jack/Ianto much more believeable in the context of Jack/Gwen/Ianto, and so found writing this surprisingly easy. I don’t think anything like this could have happened in canon, but I like to think that it’s a representation of the way Jack wanted things to be between the three of them-it’s definitely the way I would have liked things to be, anyway.
Standing In (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen, 950 words, rated NC-17)
I started writing this in the few weeks after CoE aired, but I found working on it difficult, so I didn’t finish it until October-but ultimately, it was very rewarding to write. I know it seems bizarre that a J/I shipper would write a fic about Jack and Gwen fucking between Day Four and Day Five, but I got this image in my head, and I had to write it down. I think that Jack and Gwen are both people who express themselves physically, and I think it makes perfect sense that they would do that after Ianto died, when no one else could really share their grief-though of course, I also explore the way in which Gwen can’t share Jack’s grief in many ways, in spite of all that, because for Jack this is just a story that is destined to play out again and again, through all time-it’s not just grief for Ianto that he feels, but grief for everyone that he has lost and everyone that he will ever lose-and even though it’s impossible, Gwen tries to be all of those people for Jack in this ficlet.
I think the leadup to the first time Gwen kisses Jack in this fic is a little stilted, but other than that, I’m happy with what I did here-another one of my 2009 favourites.
Connection (Merlin: Merlin/Arthur, 860 words, rated R)
While I’ve shipped Merlin/Arthur from the beginning (I mean, IT IS SO OBVIOUS), “Sins of the Father” was the first episode that actually inspired me to write fic about them-I was struck by the closeness between them in that episode, when they usually keep each other at a careful distance, and wanted to explore how sex between them might be different, in that context.
I have to admit that I don’t actually read all that much Merlin fic, in spite of watching the relevant comms, so I was surprised by a comment from verasteine that my Merlin/Arthur was less romanticised than most-which is no doubt something I’ve trained myself into doing (or not doing) after 18 months (at that point) of writing J/I fic, where I’ve always tried to keep a firm lid on fluff and romance.
To Live For (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 550 words, rated NC-17)
A rather dark little ficlet that I wrote for the kinkmeme-this thing just poured out of me in the space of a couple of hours. I think this is the first time that I’ve written J/I as I actually saw it in CoE-as opposed to exploring my CoE-understanding of their relationship through other pairings (such as the Gwen/Ianto fic), or trying to deny/fix it.
A key thing here is Jack’s unknowability-he might care for Ianto, but if even he does, Ianto can’t get close enough to him to actually know it. Or he might not care at all. CoE definitely made Jack a much more unknowable character for me personally-before CoE, the fact that Jack seemed to care for Ianto was my “access point” to his character-I didn’t need Jack to be desperately in love, I didn’t need him to be monogamous, and I didn’t need his thing with Ianto to be a particularly significant relationship in the context of his whole life-but the fact that he seemed to care about Ianto’s happiness in both S1 and S2 was something that made Jack human for me, and allowed me to get inside his head, and explore a character who is, ultimately, a very different person from me-even when I was exploring aspects of Jack’s character that had nothing to do with Ianto, when I was writing fic in which Ianto isn’t even alluded to, that was the thing that let me in. So after CoE, where Jack’s attitude to Ianto was so callous, where Jack showed so little regard for Ianto’s happiness-I felt that I’d lost Jack, in addition to losing Ianto. And in so many ways, this fic is about that.
When I first wrote this, I thought it must be crap, because I’d written it so quickly-but I like it more and more. My favourite bit is,
Ianto knows that it's not about him, in those moments. He can see them, all the others, in Jack's eyes, and Ianto knows that his own touch is only a reminder of someone else, half-forgotten lovers, future lovers, not-lovers, but never him, and it never will be him until he has gone and someone else has taken his place.
I think it is possible that Jack cared for Ianto after he died more than he ever did while he was alive, and that this might be an ongoing pattern. And it’s particularly interesting in light of That Scene in “The End of Time Part 2”, given that there ARE some clear resemblances between GDL and Russell Tovey, both physically, and in that both are rather good at playing what I’ll call “kickass woobie” characters, for want of a better term.
And for the sake of balance, my least favourite part of this fic is the bit with come dripping from Ianto’s softening cock and onto his pants-I was going for gritty, but I think it feels a bit gratuitous.
In some ways, I think it’s a bit too soon to form my final opinion on this fic, since I only wrote it a couple of weeks ago, but I am inclined to add this to my “best of” list for 2009.
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TL;DR-I posted 31 fics to my LJ in 2009. In total, I posted approximately 28,485 words (some of which were written in 2008-but then there is some 2009 stuff that I didn’t post before December 31st/haven’t posted yet, so it all evens out). And that would make my average fic approximately 919 words long. My shortest fics were a number of drabbles, which are, of course, 100 words exactly, and my longest was Wine Glasses, at 2,750 words.
I posted fic for the following fandoms:
Doctor Who/Torchwood/SJA: 27 (1 crossover with Nero Wolfe)
Merlin: 2 fics
Malory Towers: 1 fic
Harry Potter: 1 fic
Nero Wolfe: 1 fic (Torchwood crossover)
My best fics posted in 2009 were, in my opinion:
Unbidden (Torchwood: Lisa/Ianto, Jack/Ianto, 1100 words, rated NC-17)
Power Play (Torchwood, Jack/Ianto, 2100 words, rated NC-17)
Salt Water (Malory Towers: Mary-Lou/Darrell, 2650 words, rated PG) [My personal favourite]
Free Agents (Torchwood/Doctor Who: Jack/Tenth Doctor, 2400 words, rated PG-13)
Comfort (Torchwood: Gwen/Ianto, 2150 words, rated R)
Standing In (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen, 950 words, rated NC-17)
To Live For (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 550 words, rated NC-17)
Although I don’t think that I posted anything truly brilliant in 2009, I am generally happy with my fic. Areas I need to improve on are ironing out clumsy expression, and learning to write plot. Clearly the biggest event that affected the way I write fic in 2009 was “Children of Earth”, because it significantly changed the way I viewed that Jack/Ianto relationship-I now find it difficult to believe that Jack cared for Ianto’s happiness, which was an assumption that previously informed all of my writing that touched on Jack’s character. My fic in the second half of the year reflects that shift, both in terms of fic in which I try to convince myself that my previous view of Jack’s character and J/I is still viable, and fic in which I toss that view aside completely. In spite of the fact that I much prefer the former view (and I love to read fic by others that takes the former view), I have a sneaking suspicion that the fic I have written with the latter view has been better in quality.
Finally, I want to thank all the wonderful people who beta’d for me in 2009-my most frequent beta for the year was used_songs, who beta’d eight fics for me, closely followed by lionessvalenti who read seven of them, while jo02 beta’d four of them. Others who beta’d for me include: justinej, amilyn, smirnoffmule, verasteine, 51stcenturyfox, and, of course, amand_r-IN. HER. PANTS. You are all wonderful, and I couldn’t write fic without you.
And a big thank you too to everyone who commented, especially those who left lovely long thoughtful comments.
Miles to Go (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen/Ianto, 500 words, rated G)
I know that writing fic based on Robert Frost’s “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” is a terrible cliché, but I still rather like this one. It was my first real attempt to capture the J/G/I dynamic that exists between the three of them post-“Exit Wounds”, and I was really pleased with the result. Of course, this fic is also about Jack as an individual, and the way he processes the events of the S2 finale-my interpretation of Jack here was most definitely influenced by misswinterhill’s Collective Noun: Pride, in which she portrays Jack as having an almost Stockholm Syndrome-like relationship with the earth, after being imprisoned within it for so long. Although this fic does not fit in with “Children of Earth” timeline-wise (there was no winter in between “Exit Wounds” and CoE), I do think it fits in thematically, with Jack wanting desperately to keep Gwen and Ianto safe, even though he knows, deep down, that he cannot do so.
On a technical level, I think I’m mostly happy with this fic, aside from the first paragraph, in which I think the second sentence is too long and convoluted.
Bonds (Torchwood/SJA: Sarah Jane/Jack, 400 words, rated G)
This was just me having a little fun with the graph shinyopals made, detailing the snog-connections between the main participants in The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End. Sarah Jane was off on her own little island, and obviously, THIS MUST NOT BE. And I do love the idea of her and Jack hooking up; I love the parallels between their stories. Technically this isn’t brilliant, but it’s a puff piece, and I think it serves that purpose well enough.
Wine Glasses (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 2750 words, rated NC-17)
This was actually written in 2008, for a fic exchange, but I didn’t actually post it to my LJ until January 2009, and it is, of course, the fic that inspired me to write meta about the ways I feared that my own slash replicated certain heteronormative ideas-although over the course of writing that meta, and especially in the comments, I realised that the issue was far more complex than I initially feared.
About the fic itself-I wanted to write a S1 fic in which Ianto stood up to Jack and which showed how messy the relationship could be during the “just fucking” stage, with all the Lisa issues, etc-but at the same time, I also wanted to show the earlier shoots of the relationship that we later saw develop in S2. It’s interesting looking over this now to see that when I wrote this, I had clearly seen some of the spoilers regarding Ianto’s family for CoE, but not Jack’s-if I was to adapt this now, I would put something in about Jack planning to visit Alice and Steven later that evening, but only being allowed to stay for an hour or so. Further changes that I would make, if I was to ever do a revision, would be to smooth out the transition from Ianto telling Jack off to kissing him, and at the end, I would not have Jack and Ianto sitting close together on the couch, nor would I have them watch Casablanca (OMG, that is such a cliché!)-I’d have them watch an older James Bond film instead.
Displaced Neuromuscular Facilitation (Doctor Who: Rose/Ten II [implied Jack/Hand], 150 words, rated R)
A little cracky drabble-and-a-half that I wrote to amuse myself, looking at the implications of Ten II growing out of a Hand that had lived with Jack for over a year. I originally wanted this to be a proper drabble, but I couldn’t fit it in-nonetheless, I still enjoyed the way that even a limit of 150 words requires one to economise with language.
Enough to Keep Him Going (Torchwood/Doctor Who: Jack/Gwen, 100 words, rated PG)
I wrote this as a way of making sense of the Jack/Gwen UST in S2. While I doubt that Jack/Gwen will ever be a favourite ship of mine, I certainly don’t have a problem with exploring the obvious feelings that they have for each other-but I did feel that the sudden UST in S2, where Jack starts acting almost like a jilted lover, felt like it didn’t flow very well out of the type of relationship they had in late S1, where the UST was more subtle (though still present). This is a look at how that shift might have occurred, with Jack latching onto Gwen as a symbol of hope during The Year that Never Was. On a technical level, I don’t like the reference to “[the Master’s] cruel games of cat and mouse”, because it feels a bit cliché, but I am otherwise happy with this drabble.
(And yes, I did just spend over 100 words write meta about a drabble. :P)
Unbidden (Torchwood: Lisa/Ianto, Jack/Ianto, 1100 words, rated NC-17)
I wasn’t terribly happy with this fic when I first posted it, but it has grown on me over time, and I’m quite pleased with it now. It’s a coda to Ianto’s “Fragments” story, and it deals with Ianto’s attempt to desperately hang onto what he had with Lisa, while dealing with his newfound (and not completely self-acknowledged) attraction to Jack. Also, I’m rather partial to masturbation fic. ;)
Power Play (Torchwood, Jack/Ianto, 2100 words, rated NC-17)
Of all my fic, I think that this is the one that best portrays the way I saw the J/I relationship before CoE aired-the fucked up power dynamics that somehow seem to work, the ways in which lines between their work and their personal relationship become blurred, and the idea that Jack does allow Ianto to see a more vulnerable side to him that he doesn’t show to others, even if he isn’t monogamous. However, although I think that this fic presents a valid interpretation of the relationship we saw in S2, I can’t reconcile it with the relationship that we saw in CoE, where Jack is clearly not comfortable opening up and being vulnerable around Ianto. This one has been jossed in spirit, if not in fact-but I still like it, even if just as a reminder of why I began to ship them in the first place.
On a technical level, I’m not too happy with the opening paragraphs-I feel that they’re a bit stilted, and I probably lost a lot of readers that way. There are also a few little changes I’d make in the sex scene, but nothing major. Other than that, I’m very happy with this one-- it does what it's supposed to do.
All Tied Up (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 550 words, rated NC-17)
This was written for a Frottage Comment Battle hosted by 51stcenturyfox and andreth47. I suppose it’s amusing, but overall it’s fairly inconsequential. Most of the time when I write sex, I like it to say something other than “they had sex”. But this is just sex. Still, it does have a dommy snarky Ianto, which is nice.
Relief (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 550 words, rated NC-17)
Another offering from the same Frottage Comment Battle, I like this one much better. This fic was pretty much me being in denial about the rumours about Ianto’s death that were already floating around fandom-I was hoping it would be a fake-out death, and this was an attempt to write what that might look like.
Ours (Sarah Jane Adventures: Sarah Jane/Mrs. Wormwood, 675 words, rated G)
Come on, seriously-the S2 finale of SJA was the SLASHIEST THING EVER. Mrs. Wormwood is to Sarah Jane as the Master is to the Doctor-and in the case of the two women, that comes across most clearly in their relationship to Luke, since both of them are mother to him in some respect. So obviously, I had to write this little coda to the episode making that absolutely clear. :)
Bitter (Torchwood: John/Ianto, 600 words, rated PG-13)
This was written because apiphile asked for kissing comment!fic, which I later reposted here. I decided to write John/Ianto because I’d never tried it before, and was trying to tap into the hateful UST between them-which is really all about Jack, in this little “Exit Wounds” scenario. I enjoyed writing this, and it inspired me to examine this potential pairing in more depth.
Breaking Void (Torchwood: John/Ianto, 2200 words, rated PG-13)
After writing “Bitter”, above, I wanted to take a more extensive look at how things might play out between John and Ianto in light of the events of “Exit Wounds”, particularly how they might play into the stiff restraint we see in Ianto in that final scene. I like the dynamic that I set up between John and Ianto here, but I tend to agree with karaokegal’s comment that I probably went overboard with Ianto’s crying at the end, and that the catharsis might have been better explored through sex (maybe followed by some more restrained tears). Still, I’m pretty happy with this one, particularly since it has an actual Plot, even if it is just a simple one.
Salt Water (Malory Towers: Mary-Lou/Darrell, 2650 words, rated PG)
I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the best fic I wrote in 2009. I really enjoyed revisiting Malory Towers, which I loved as a girl in spite of Enid Blyton’s rather crappy writing, and exploring the way that a romance might develop between Mary-Lou and the school-friend she always idolised. I think an important part of this fic is showing that Mary-Lou really is a strong person-that this is not, in fact, about her pining after Darrell and eventually earning her love, but about Mary-Lou recognising that Darrell too can be vulnerable, and that there are times when she needs to rely on Mary-Lou’s strength, which she has cultivated through her training and experience as a nurse (which was and is pretty damn hardcore).
Obviously, this fic draws heavily on the pool incident in First Term at Malory Towers, in which Darrell pretends to be drowning in order to inspire Mary-Lou to save her-in the final scene they re-enact that incident metaphorically, but this time, Darrell is not pretending and she really does need Mary-Lou to save her.
Discomfort (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 100 words, rated R)
A short exploration of Ianto’s feelings regarding his relationship with Jack pre-Cyberwoman; his attempt to remain focused on Lisa, even while carrying on an affair with Jack.
Unexpected (Torchwood/Nero Wolfe: Jack/Archie, 100 words, rated PG-13)
Really, this should be much more than a drabble-I love the idea of Jack visting the US in the late 40s or during the 50s, and hooking up with Archie Goodwin, who is trying to solve the mysterious murder of a man who keeps coming back to life. But I suck at plot, so a mere drabble it is.
Powdered D’karian Eggs (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen, Gwen/Rhys [Jack/Ianto, Jack/Gwen/Ianto, Jack/Gwen/Rhys], 750 words, rated NC-17)
This is another one from a Comment Porn Battle hosted again by 51stcenturyfox and andreth47a-this time, the prompts were, “Aliens Made Them Do It,” “Solo Sex,” or “Sex in the SUV”, and I was rather proud that I managed to get all three in there. I’m rather fond of this, even though it’s fairly inconsequential-I like the idea of Gwen enjoying herself, I’m pleased that I managed to use AMTDI without a non-con aspect to it, and I find Gwen’s fantasy of having sex with both Jack and Rhys at the same time particularly hot.
Respite (Harry Potter: Remus/Sirius, 1350 words, rated R)
This fic was based on some fanart by fera_festiva. It had been ages since I’d written any Remus/Sirius (and even then, I read far more than I actually wrote), so getting into Sirius’s head was a challenge. Sometimes when I re-read this fic, I think that I didn’t quite manage it, that the opening paragraphs feel too awkward, and other times I quite like it. I am quite happy with the references to James and Peter that I put in there though-Sirius’s dismissive attitude to Peter, which, of course, eventually leads to his defection, and the “best friend” dynamic between James and Sirius-one of my pet hates with R/S fic is when authors go on about how Remus and Sirius were always each other’s BFFs, and completely write James out of the picture.
Free Agents (Torchwood/Doctor Who: Jack/Tenth Doctor, 2400 words, rated PG-13)
I posted this fic a few weeks before CoE aired, but in so many ways, this could almost be a post-CoE fic: the Doctor, travelling alone after losing Donna, runs into Jack in the year 2379, who is travelling the Earth alone after losing his most recent Torchwood team to a gas leak on an alien spaceship, and they offer what comfort they can to each other. In spite of this, the tone of the fic, overall, is rather upbeat, with Jack and the Doctor only revealing their lonliness to each other during the odd vulnerable moments-I don’t think I would have been able to achieve such a tone had I written this after watching CoE.
I think that this fic would have been better if it had had a more substantial plot, through which the Doctor and Jack had gradually come together, but overall I am pleased with the way that I got into the Doctor’s head, playing on the idea that the “wrongness” that the Doctor feels when he is around Jack is actually attraction (about which he is in denial). I also like the timey-wimeyness of this, although I’m not sure how well it comes across-in my mind, Jack has already hooked up with the Doctor (and River Song!) several times in his timeline, although it is the first time for the Doctor in his timeline-this is why Jack is confident that the Doctor will respond to his kiss, and why the Doctor feels a strange sense of familiarity-a sort of timey-wimey echo. Furthermore, now that the Doctor has been with Jack, he’s going to be less hesitant when he meets Jack earlier in his timeline, because he’s learned to act on his attraction now.
I think this is one of the better fics that I produced in 2009; even though Jack/Ten is one of my favourite ships, it is very difficult to write, and I’m glad that I managed it here.
Mortuary (Torchwood: Lois, Gwen, 280 words, rated PG)
And so we enter the realm of post-CoE fic-this tiny ficlet is the first thing I managed to complete in the days after CoE, and in many ways it was a relief to know that I would be able to write fic again. It’s written from Lois’s POV-for all the problems that I have with CoE, I did love Lois, and while CoE was still fresh in my mind, writing from her POV came very naturally to me. Now that more time has elapsed, I’m not tending to do so, which is a shame, but I’d have to re-watch CoE to get back into her head, and... well, I’m not up to that. Regardless, I think that Lois would be an excellent addition to the Torchwood team, and I like the idea of Gwen wanting her future employees to know exactly what they’re signing up for.
Remnant (Torchwood: Lois, Gwen, Jack/Ianto, 685 words, rated PG-13)
Another Lois POV ficlet-while going through the remains of the Hub, Lois discovers the Ghost Machine, and witnesses a happy intimate moment between Jack and Ianto. This was my first attempt at denying the way J/I was portrayed in CoE in order to convince myself that their relationship was more like the way I envisaged it after S2. Sometimes I think I can believe in this fic, but most of the time I think I’m just fooling myself. Nonetheless, this is what I want to believe.
I find it interesting that my first two post-CoE fics were about moving on in some way, even though I’m clearly not ready to do so.
Loyal (Torchwood/Doctor Who: Yvonne, Lisa, 200 words, rated PG)
This snippet was originally supposed to be part of a longer Lisa/Ianto fic, which looked at the early days of their relationship, but the Lisa/Ianto bits never worked for me, so I just posted this bit as a placeholder fic for lionessvalenti, when I didn’t manage to get her birthday fic finished on time. I like the idea that the relationship between Jack and Ianto might have mirrored the relationship between Ianto and Lisa in some ways.
The Last Time We Had Ice Cream Together (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen/Ianto, Jack/Ianto, 785 words, rated PG)
This was another attempt at making myself believe in Jack/Ianto again, in light of CoE, and this one comes a lot closer to working, I think-probably because it’s contextualised by the broader Jack/Gwen/Ianto dynamic. This is probably the fluffiest thing I have ever written. Even so, I am rather fond of it.
Unknown Tetra-Pedal Life Form (Torchwood: Tosh, Suzie, 550 words, rated PG)
This was written in response to a prompt from blue_fjords- it’s a lighthearted piece, and with all the grief surrounding CoE, it felt wonderful to go back and write something pre-S1. I think I wrote this soon after I re-watched “Everything Changes” and “Day One” (S1 version), and I remember being struck by how bewildered Gwen seems, particularly when set against Tosh’s competence-it made me think about what Tosh’s early days in Torchwood might have been like, before she gained that confidence, when she might have felt intimidated by Suzie’s experience on the job. Ideally, a scene like this would be part of a larger, plotty story, but see above re: sucking at plot. As it is, it’s a nice, but ultimately inconsequential little story.
New Stories (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, Gwen, Rupesh, Agent Johnson, 700 words, rated G)
Another denial fic, in every sense of the word-an attempt to look at what might have happened if the 456 never turned up at all, and Rupesh and Johnson had gone ahead with their attempt to infiltrate Torchwood-eventually joining the team. This is the sort of team I would have liked to have seen for a full length S3 (well, plus Lois, but I couldn’t work her into this one). And I probably would have developed a Jack/Gwen/Ianto poly grouping as the series progressed.
I did start writing a plotty gen fic based on this team, but it fell to the wayside after I ran into problems regarding both plot and characterisation.
Favour (Merlin: Gwen/Morgana, 100 words, rated G)
A cute and inconsequential little drabble set sometime during S1. I do love this pairing.
Comfort (Torchwood: Gwen/Ianto, 2150 words, rated R)
Although it’s actually a coda to the radio play, “Lost Souls”, this fic is my first attempt to portray the (lack of) relationship between Jack and Ianto that I saw in CoE-though, of course, Jack himself doesn’t appear at all in this fic. Instead, it’s about Ianto being lonely, and Gwen trying to keep him human, and the two of them coming together in the “time out” space provided by a hotel room a long way from Cardiff, where they’re booked in as husband and wife.
I think this fic works pretty well, although there are a few places in which I don’t think the conversations flow as well as they could, and the language I use for the sex scene is a little cliché. Still, I’m rather fond of this, and was flattered by the number of extremely thoughtful comments it received. Another one of my better fics for the year, I think.
He’ll Just Forget (Torchwood: Gwen, Ianto [Jack/Ianto], 700 words, rated PG)
I actually wrote this in 2008, and abandoned it, but I posted it in October after looking through my WIPs-I found the contrast between this Ianto and the Ianto in CoE-the former wants Jack to forget him, because he doesn’t want Jack to experience the pain of losing him, while the latter, of course, dies asking Jack to remember him. My Ianto was, I think, a lot more independent than the Ianto we got in CoE.
Wash it All Away (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen/Ianto, 950 words, NC-17)
I am very very fond of this hurt/comfort ficlet, which I originally wrote for the kinkmeme. As I mentioned above, these days, I find Jack/Ianto much more believeable in the context of Jack/Gwen/Ianto, and so found writing this surprisingly easy. I don’t think anything like this could have happened in canon, but I like to think that it’s a representation of the way Jack wanted things to be between the three of them-it’s definitely the way I would have liked things to be, anyway.
Standing In (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen, 950 words, rated NC-17)
I started writing this in the few weeks after CoE aired, but I found working on it difficult, so I didn’t finish it until October-but ultimately, it was very rewarding to write. I know it seems bizarre that a J/I shipper would write a fic about Jack and Gwen fucking between Day Four and Day Five, but I got this image in my head, and I had to write it down. I think that Jack and Gwen are both people who express themselves physically, and I think it makes perfect sense that they would do that after Ianto died, when no one else could really share their grief-though of course, I also explore the way in which Gwen can’t share Jack’s grief in many ways, in spite of all that, because for Jack this is just a story that is destined to play out again and again, through all time-it’s not just grief for Ianto that he feels, but grief for everyone that he has lost and everyone that he will ever lose-and even though it’s impossible, Gwen tries to be all of those people for Jack in this ficlet.
I think the leadup to the first time Gwen kisses Jack in this fic is a little stilted, but other than that, I’m happy with what I did here-another one of my 2009 favourites.
Connection (Merlin: Merlin/Arthur, 860 words, rated R)
While I’ve shipped Merlin/Arthur from the beginning (I mean, IT IS SO OBVIOUS), “Sins of the Father” was the first episode that actually inspired me to write fic about them-I was struck by the closeness between them in that episode, when they usually keep each other at a careful distance, and wanted to explore how sex between them might be different, in that context.
I have to admit that I don’t actually read all that much Merlin fic, in spite of watching the relevant comms, so I was surprised by a comment from verasteine that my Merlin/Arthur was less romanticised than most-which is no doubt something I’ve trained myself into doing (or not doing) after 18 months (at that point) of writing J/I fic, where I’ve always tried to keep a firm lid on fluff and romance.
To Live For (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 550 words, rated NC-17)
A rather dark little ficlet that I wrote for the kinkmeme-this thing just poured out of me in the space of a couple of hours. I think this is the first time that I’ve written J/I as I actually saw it in CoE-as opposed to exploring my CoE-understanding of their relationship through other pairings (such as the Gwen/Ianto fic), or trying to deny/fix it.
A key thing here is Jack’s unknowability-he might care for Ianto, but if even he does, Ianto can’t get close enough to him to actually know it. Or he might not care at all. CoE definitely made Jack a much more unknowable character for me personally-before CoE, the fact that Jack seemed to care for Ianto was my “access point” to his character-I didn’t need Jack to be desperately in love, I didn’t need him to be monogamous, and I didn’t need his thing with Ianto to be a particularly significant relationship in the context of his whole life-but the fact that he seemed to care about Ianto’s happiness in both S1 and S2 was something that made Jack human for me, and allowed me to get inside his head, and explore a character who is, ultimately, a very different person from me-even when I was exploring aspects of Jack’s character that had nothing to do with Ianto, when I was writing fic in which Ianto isn’t even alluded to, that was the thing that let me in. So after CoE, where Jack’s attitude to Ianto was so callous, where Jack showed so little regard for Ianto’s happiness-I felt that I’d lost Jack, in addition to losing Ianto. And in so many ways, this fic is about that.
When I first wrote this, I thought it must be crap, because I’d written it so quickly-but I like it more and more. My favourite bit is,
Ianto knows that it's not about him, in those moments. He can see them, all the others, in Jack's eyes, and Ianto knows that his own touch is only a reminder of someone else, half-forgotten lovers, future lovers, not-lovers, but never him, and it never will be him until he has gone and someone else has taken his place.
I think it is possible that Jack cared for Ianto after he died more than he ever did while he was alive, and that this might be an ongoing pattern. And it’s particularly interesting in light of That Scene in “The End of Time Part 2”, given that there ARE some clear resemblances between GDL and Russell Tovey, both physically, and in that both are rather good at playing what I’ll call “kickass woobie” characters, for want of a better term.
And for the sake of balance, my least favourite part of this fic is the bit with come dripping from Ianto’s softening cock and onto his pants-I was going for gritty, but I think it feels a bit gratuitous.
In some ways, I think it’s a bit too soon to form my final opinion on this fic, since I only wrote it a couple of weeks ago, but I am inclined to add this to my “best of” list for 2009.
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TL;DR-I posted 31 fics to my LJ in 2009. In total, I posted approximately 28,485 words (some of which were written in 2008-but then there is some 2009 stuff that I didn’t post before December 31st/haven’t posted yet, so it all evens out). And that would make my average fic approximately 919 words long. My shortest fics were a number of drabbles, which are, of course, 100 words exactly, and my longest was Wine Glasses, at 2,750 words.
I posted fic for the following fandoms:
Doctor Who/Torchwood/SJA: 27 (1 crossover with Nero Wolfe)
Merlin: 2 fics
Malory Towers: 1 fic
Harry Potter: 1 fic
Nero Wolfe: 1 fic (Torchwood crossover)
My best fics posted in 2009 were, in my opinion:
Unbidden (Torchwood: Lisa/Ianto, Jack/Ianto, 1100 words, rated NC-17)
Power Play (Torchwood, Jack/Ianto, 2100 words, rated NC-17)
Salt Water (Malory Towers: Mary-Lou/Darrell, 2650 words, rated PG) [My personal favourite]
Free Agents (Torchwood/Doctor Who: Jack/Tenth Doctor, 2400 words, rated PG-13)
Comfort (Torchwood: Gwen/Ianto, 2150 words, rated R)
Standing In (Torchwood: Jack/Gwen, 950 words, rated NC-17)
To Live For (Torchwood: Jack/Ianto, 550 words, rated NC-17)
Although I don’t think that I posted anything truly brilliant in 2009, I am generally happy with my fic. Areas I need to improve on are ironing out clumsy expression, and learning to write plot. Clearly the biggest event that affected the way I write fic in 2009 was “Children of Earth”, because it significantly changed the way I viewed that Jack/Ianto relationship-I now find it difficult to believe that Jack cared for Ianto’s happiness, which was an assumption that previously informed all of my writing that touched on Jack’s character. My fic in the second half of the year reflects that shift, both in terms of fic in which I try to convince myself that my previous view of Jack’s character and J/I is still viable, and fic in which I toss that view aside completely. In spite of the fact that I much prefer the former view (and I love to read fic by others that takes the former view), I have a sneaking suspicion that the fic I have written with the latter view has been better in quality.
Finally, I want to thank all the wonderful people who beta’d for me in 2009-my most frequent beta for the year was used_songs, who beta’d eight fics for me, closely followed by lionessvalenti who read seven of them, while jo02 beta’d four of them. Others who beta’d for me include: justinej, amilyn, smirnoffmule, verasteine, 51stcenturyfox, and, of course, amand_r-IN. HER. PANTS. You are all wonderful, and I couldn’t write fic without you.
And a big thank you too to everyone who commented, especially those who left lovely long thoughtful comments.