Male Enhancement 9A/10
The majority of people wanted yet more Male Enhancement, so here you go. Kate, I hope this is an acceptable offering.
In which John is an android and much time has gone by.
( Previous parts)
~~~
John had something on his mind; Rodney could tell. He'd been hovering for the past few days, opening his mouth and then closing it again without a single word. When Rodney woke up - be it in the morning or from a nap on the couch - John would be staring at him. When Rodney looked up from whatever food he'd been shovelling into his mouth, John would be staring at him. When Rodney ranted about the whole new generation of idiots he was being forced to deal with on a daily basis and did he ever miss Jack O'Neill being in charge of anything, John would stare, his expression half-stricken and half-so complicated Rodney couldn't even begin to read it.
It was annoying. Also, it was beginning to make him nervous.
So when John went for groceries that particular afternoon, Rodney waited until he heard their car pull away from the drive. Then he called Carson.
"Did you tell John about my cholesterol?" he began without preamble. "Because there is such thing as doctor/patient confidentiality, and even if John doesn't legally count as a person - yet! - you of all people should be above those bigoted, small-minded -"
"Rodney!" Carson's voice was loud enough to make Rodney's ears ring; apparently the good doctor had learned a thing or two from him about how to have a proper discussion. "What the bloody hell are you even talking about?"
"He keeps staring at me!"
"Who does?"
"John!" Rodney waved his free hand in irritation as he demanded, "Carson, are you even listening to me?"
There was a slight pause. Then: "John keeps staring at you."
"Yes!"
Another pause. Rodney could almost hear Carson pinch the bridge of his nose. Finally, Carson asked, very slowly, "What exactly does this have to do with your cholesterol?"
"I don't know." Rodney flopped onto the couch and poked morosely at the pillow that never fluffed quite right. "He's always going on about basic food groups and healthy living, so I assumed you'd shared a few stats with him. Don't think I don't know who got him on my case about caffeine."
"Rodney," Carson said, sounding exasperated now, "A man your age -"
"I'm barely sixty!"
"You're sixty-four. And a man your age should keep an eye on his cholesterol to prevent atherosclerosis, but no," he said pointedly when Rodney drew a sharp breath, "I did not tell John."
Rodney grimaced. All right, so he might have overreacted a little, but seriously, "He's starting to freak me out."
"You could always ask him, you know," Carson said dryly. At Rodney's snort, he sighed. "Listen, I've got to go. There are such things as visiting hours, and I've a job to do."
"Yes, yes, go, heal the ailing." Rodney waved his hand at the dark TV. "I'll see if I can find a self-help channel."
"Ask him," Carson said, and hung up.
~~~
Rodney did ask. Well, actually, he didn't ask so much as snap when he got out of the shower the next morning and found John watching him from the bathroom door.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he exploded. "Is there a pimple on my nose? Did you find out I have only six months left to live? Did you break your CPU again and don't know how to tell me? What?" Then a thought hit him and he had to reach for the shower stall as he staggered a step back. "Oh my god, you aren't breaking, are you? Has it been thirty years already? I'm sure your guarantee is still -"
"Rodney," John interrupted him, that strange expression on his face again, "Relax. Nothing's breaking, and I'm pretty sure you've got more than six months to live." He handed Rodney a towel and cleared his throat, a habit he'd probably picked up from one of the stupid TV shows he kept watching. "And the guarantee's valid for another four years."
Rodney stared at him, towel clutched in his hand. "Wow, really?"
"Yeah, so even if something does break, it's no big -"
"No, not that." Rodney swallowed thickly, hearing the awe in his own voice as he said, "We've been together for twenty-six years."
John stilled.
"That's just… wow." Rodney blinked, and found that his knees suddenly didn't want to hold him up anymore. "I need to sit down." A moment later, he found himself sitting on the bathroom floor, still clutching the towel, while John leaned over him with concern written clearly on his face.
Jesus, his face. He still looked exactly like he had all those years ago, his skin tight and smooth except for the tiny wrinkles around his eyes and the dark stubble on his cheeks. No wonder Rodney hadn't really noticed how much time had passed. Apart from himself, he didn't have much of a reference point. He hadn't seen Jeannie in… damn, three years, was it? And working mostly from home, his opportunities to laugh at Radek's thinning hair were few and far between. Of course he'd realised that time was stopping for no man, but not that quite so much had gone by already.
"John," he breathed, reaching up a hand to brush his thumb over the laugh lines in the corner of John's eye. Twenty-six years, and he still loved that face and the spirit behind it. "That's amazing."
"Doesn't it bother you?" John asked quietly. Rodney frowned, so he added, "Me. Don't I bother you?"
"Why would you bother me?" Rodney asked, more quietly than he might have. John's skin was just so… the contrast to his own hand, somewhat wrinkled and far too pale, was astonishing. "If anything, I should bother you, what with the slowly falling apart right in front of your eyes. Don't you find me, you know," he brushed his fingers over John's cheekbone, "kind of disgusting?"
"Don't say that," John said fiercely. He caught Rodney's hand with his own and pressed a kiss into his palm. "You're human. I love you. You're everything I ever…" He swallowed, his fingers tangling with Rodney's as he closed his eyes. "You're human, and you're changing, and I can't… I can't ever do that. I'm just a machine." His voice cracked on the last word.
"Mmm," Rodney hummed. "You're stupid."
John's eyes flew open and he stared at Rodney, looking betrayed.
"I love you," Rodney told him. "I've loved you for twenty-six years." The enormity of that hit him all over again, left him light-headed. "Twenty-six years," he repeated, dazed. "Wow."
"Rodney…"
"No, hear me out. Twenty-six years ago, I bought you because I wanted a sex toy that could do the dishes." Rodney rolled his eyes at John's stricken expression. "Would you just- That's not what you are! You convinced me, remember? Something about feeling the same things I do?" He smirked. "Congratulations, Pinocchio - you're a real boy."
"But you've changed so much," John said sadly, "and I never can."
"Yes." Rodney tightened his grip on John's hand. "You're doomed to stay young and pretty. What a hardship"
John sighed. "You don't get it."
"Oh, I get it just fine. But you're working with a faulty base assumption."
"I am?" John raised his eyebrows. Rodney wanted to kiss them.
"Yes." He pushed himself up so he could lean into John, bringing his mouth close to John's ear as if to impart a great secret. "I'm not keeping you for your looks," he whispered, and kissed the stupid pointy tip of John's ear, and the corner of his eye, and the corner of his mouth. John made a broken little noise and pulled him in, both arms closing tightly around him as they kissed with a passion more commonly expected from younger men. Well, one younger man and a new-ish sex-bot.
"Now, can I get dressed?" Rodney said finally. "I hear that men of a certain age should take care of their health, and this floor is cold enough to give me haemorrhoids as well as pneumonia."
"Do you want me to warm you up?" John murmured against his lips. Rodney shuddered pleasantly.
"No," he decided. "At least, not the way you have in mind. I just got out of bed; I'm not going to fall straight back in."
"How about the couch then?"
"Hmm." Rodney pretended to think about it. "I accept your proposition."
And the couch turned out just fine.
~~~
"Don't you want to, I don't know, fiddle with the systems?" John asked later, during a round of post-coital snuggling in front of the muted TV. "Make me better than those pesky Ultima-6 androids you keep complaining about?"
He was wearing Rodney's shirt. Predictably, he looked better in it than Rodney.
"I like you just as you are." Rodney yawned, and scooted closer so he could worm his arm behind John's back. "Besides, I'd void the guarantee."
John laughed. It was the same stupid, dorky laugh he'd always had, for twenty-six years now, and Rodney shook his head.
"Wow," he muttered. John kissed him.
~~~
Many thanks to taste_is_sweet for looking this over!
On to 9B
In which John is an android and much time has gone by.
( Previous parts)
~~~
John had something on his mind; Rodney could tell. He'd been hovering for the past few days, opening his mouth and then closing it again without a single word. When Rodney woke up - be it in the morning or from a nap on the couch - John would be staring at him. When Rodney looked up from whatever food he'd been shovelling into his mouth, John would be staring at him. When Rodney ranted about the whole new generation of idiots he was being forced to deal with on a daily basis and did he ever miss Jack O'Neill being in charge of anything, John would stare, his expression half-stricken and half-so complicated Rodney couldn't even begin to read it.
It was annoying. Also, it was beginning to make him nervous.
So when John went for groceries that particular afternoon, Rodney waited until he heard their car pull away from the drive. Then he called Carson.
"Did you tell John about my cholesterol?" he began without preamble. "Because there is such thing as doctor/patient confidentiality, and even if John doesn't legally count as a person - yet! - you of all people should be above those bigoted, small-minded -"
"Rodney!" Carson's voice was loud enough to make Rodney's ears ring; apparently the good doctor had learned a thing or two from him about how to have a proper discussion. "What the bloody hell are you even talking about?"
"He keeps staring at me!"
"Who does?"
"John!" Rodney waved his free hand in irritation as he demanded, "Carson, are you even listening to me?"
There was a slight pause. Then: "John keeps staring at you."
"Yes!"
Another pause. Rodney could almost hear Carson pinch the bridge of his nose. Finally, Carson asked, very slowly, "What exactly does this have to do with your cholesterol?"
"I don't know." Rodney flopped onto the couch and poked morosely at the pillow that never fluffed quite right. "He's always going on about basic food groups and healthy living, so I assumed you'd shared a few stats with him. Don't think I don't know who got him on my case about caffeine."
"Rodney," Carson said, sounding exasperated now, "A man your age -"
"I'm barely sixty!"
"You're sixty-four. And a man your age should keep an eye on his cholesterol to prevent atherosclerosis, but no," he said pointedly when Rodney drew a sharp breath, "I did not tell John."
Rodney grimaced. All right, so he might have overreacted a little, but seriously, "He's starting to freak me out."
"You could always ask him, you know," Carson said dryly. At Rodney's snort, he sighed. "Listen, I've got to go. There are such things as visiting hours, and I've a job to do."
"Yes, yes, go, heal the ailing." Rodney waved his hand at the dark TV. "I'll see if I can find a self-help channel."
"Ask him," Carson said, and hung up.
~~~
Rodney did ask. Well, actually, he didn't ask so much as snap when he got out of the shower the next morning and found John watching him from the bathroom door.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he exploded. "Is there a pimple on my nose? Did you find out I have only six months left to live? Did you break your CPU again and don't know how to tell me? What?" Then a thought hit him and he had to reach for the shower stall as he staggered a step back. "Oh my god, you aren't breaking, are you? Has it been thirty years already? I'm sure your guarantee is still -"
"Rodney," John interrupted him, that strange expression on his face again, "Relax. Nothing's breaking, and I'm pretty sure you've got more than six months to live." He handed Rodney a towel and cleared his throat, a habit he'd probably picked up from one of the stupid TV shows he kept watching. "And the guarantee's valid for another four years."
Rodney stared at him, towel clutched in his hand. "Wow, really?"
"Yeah, so even if something does break, it's no big -"
"No, not that." Rodney swallowed thickly, hearing the awe in his own voice as he said, "We've been together for twenty-six years."
John stilled.
"That's just… wow." Rodney blinked, and found that his knees suddenly didn't want to hold him up anymore. "I need to sit down." A moment later, he found himself sitting on the bathroom floor, still clutching the towel, while John leaned over him with concern written clearly on his face.
Jesus, his face. He still looked exactly like he had all those years ago, his skin tight and smooth except for the tiny wrinkles around his eyes and the dark stubble on his cheeks. No wonder Rodney hadn't really noticed how much time had passed. Apart from himself, he didn't have much of a reference point. He hadn't seen Jeannie in… damn, three years, was it? And working mostly from home, his opportunities to laugh at Radek's thinning hair were few and far between. Of course he'd realised that time was stopping for no man, but not that quite so much had gone by already.
"John," he breathed, reaching up a hand to brush his thumb over the laugh lines in the corner of John's eye. Twenty-six years, and he still loved that face and the spirit behind it. "That's amazing."
"Doesn't it bother you?" John asked quietly. Rodney frowned, so he added, "Me. Don't I bother you?"
"Why would you bother me?" Rodney asked, more quietly than he might have. John's skin was just so… the contrast to his own hand, somewhat wrinkled and far too pale, was astonishing. "If anything, I should bother you, what with the slowly falling apart right in front of your eyes. Don't you find me, you know," he brushed his fingers over John's cheekbone, "kind of disgusting?"
"Don't say that," John said fiercely. He caught Rodney's hand with his own and pressed a kiss into his palm. "You're human. I love you. You're everything I ever…" He swallowed, his fingers tangling with Rodney's as he closed his eyes. "You're human, and you're changing, and I can't… I can't ever do that. I'm just a machine." His voice cracked on the last word.
"Mmm," Rodney hummed. "You're stupid."
John's eyes flew open and he stared at Rodney, looking betrayed.
"I love you," Rodney told him. "I've loved you for twenty-six years." The enormity of that hit him all over again, left him light-headed. "Twenty-six years," he repeated, dazed. "Wow."
"Rodney…"
"No, hear me out. Twenty-six years ago, I bought you because I wanted a sex toy that could do the dishes." Rodney rolled his eyes at John's stricken expression. "Would you just- That's not what you are! You convinced me, remember? Something about feeling the same things I do?" He smirked. "Congratulations, Pinocchio - you're a real boy."
"But you've changed so much," John said sadly, "and I never can."
"Yes." Rodney tightened his grip on John's hand. "You're doomed to stay young and pretty. What a hardship"
John sighed. "You don't get it."
"Oh, I get it just fine. But you're working with a faulty base assumption."
"I am?" John raised his eyebrows. Rodney wanted to kiss them.
"Yes." He pushed himself up so he could lean into John, bringing his mouth close to John's ear as if to impart a great secret. "I'm not keeping you for your looks," he whispered, and kissed the stupid pointy tip of John's ear, and the corner of his eye, and the corner of his mouth. John made a broken little noise and pulled him in, both arms closing tightly around him as they kissed with a passion more commonly expected from younger men. Well, one younger man and a new-ish sex-bot.
"Now, can I get dressed?" Rodney said finally. "I hear that men of a certain age should take care of their health, and this floor is cold enough to give me haemorrhoids as well as pneumonia."
"Do you want me to warm you up?" John murmured against his lips. Rodney shuddered pleasantly.
"No," he decided. "At least, not the way you have in mind. I just got out of bed; I'm not going to fall straight back in."
"How about the couch then?"
"Hmm." Rodney pretended to think about it. "I accept your proposition."
And the couch turned out just fine.
~~~
"Don't you want to, I don't know, fiddle with the systems?" John asked later, during a round of post-coital snuggling in front of the muted TV. "Make me better than those pesky Ultima-6 androids you keep complaining about?"
He was wearing Rodney's shirt. Predictably, he looked better in it than Rodney.
"I like you just as you are." Rodney yawned, and scooted closer so he could worm his arm behind John's back. "Besides, I'd void the guarantee."
John laughed. It was the same stupid, dorky laugh he'd always had, for twenty-six years now, and Rodney shook his head.
"Wow," he muttered. John kissed him.
~~~
Many thanks to taste_is_sweet for looking this over!
On to 9B