Male Enhancement 9B/10
It's still Friday. ;)
In which John is not an android, but just as much time has gone by.
( Previous parts)
~~~
John had something on his mind; Rodney could tell. He'd been hovering for the past few days, opening his mouth and then closing it again without a single word. When Rodney woke up - be it in the morning or from a nap on the couch - John would be staring at him. When Rodney looked up from whatever food he'd been shovelling into his mouth, John would be staring at him. When Rodney ranted about the whole new generation of idiots he was being forced to deal with on a daily basis and did he ever miss Jack O'Neill being in charge of anything, John would do the weight-shifting, head-scratching thing, looking like he wanted to say something but didn't know how.
It was annoying. Also, it was beginning to make Rodney nervous.
So when John went for groceries that particular afternoon, Rodney waited until he heard their car pull away from the drive. Then he called Jeannie.
"I think John wants to break up with me," he said without preamble. Then, after a long pause, "Am I talking to the English teacher? Because I was calling for my sister."
"I was trying to decide if this was a joke or your usual rampant paranoia," Jeannie said, and Rodney belatedly remembered that while they loved each other as siblings, they didn't actually like each other all that much. "And Caleb's a professor at the U, as you well know."
"So he's an English teacher who gets paid too much." Rodney rolled his eyes. "Can we focus on the issue here?"
Jeannie sighed. "Mer, for reasons I won't even pretend to understand, the man has stayed with you for over twenty years. At this point, he's pretty much hopeless."
"Can't talk, too busy laughing," Rodney snapped. "If he doesn't want to break up, then why does he keep staring at me?"
"Maybe he just wants you to work out more." Jeannie was smirking now, he could hear it. "You did put on some weight over the last couple of years."
"Hey!"
"Did you get our package?" And just like that, the subject was changed. She always did this to him, just like their father used to.
"Yes." Rodney huffed, and added, "Thanks for the maple drops. John's hiding them from me."
"Then you better hope he doesn't break up with you tonight," Jeannie said dryly. "You'll never find them on your own."
~~~
Jeannie's hadn't been the only unhelpful advice. Carson, Sam and Elizabeth had all told him to ask John what was wrong, clearly unaware of how man dealt with these things. Radek had chuckled and suggested that hey, if worse came to worst, Rodney could always buy himself a Boyfriend™ that looked like John. Rodney had stared dreamily into space for a moment or two, remembering what John used to look like and incidentally discovering that he must have grown as a person while he'd been busy with more important things, because he didn't want John for his looks.
Besides, John still was totally hot, grey hair and all.
He was also very, very annoying.
"Oh my god!" Rodney burst out when John had limped into the kitchen, placed the grocery bags on the counter and resumed his fidgeting. "What is wrong with you?"
John immediately looked guilty. "Nothing," he lied.
Rodney wasn't going to let it slide. "Oh, don't even." He pointed a finger at John. "You've been acting weird for days now. Spill."
The tips of John's ears turned a slightly darker shade of pink and he scratched the back of his neck. Rodney waited impatiently.
"Do you think I should dye my hair?" John blurted. Rodney blinked at him.
"Uh. What?"
If anything, John's ears turned redder. "I… Just… Remember when you used to say that people with white hair looked really old?" Rodney didn't, but before he could say so, John went on. "Well, I'm getting there, and I was wondering if it, you know… bothered you."
Rodney stared at him. "Does it bother you that my hairline has pretty much reached my neck?"
John threw a quick glance at Rodney's widow's peak - not so much peaking any more as it was eroding. "Uh. No?" He grimaced. "But I used to be," he waved a hand down his body, "slimmer."
"So did I." Rodney crossed his arms. "I also need reading glasses."
"So do I," John echoed him. One corner of his mouth was twitching. "And I'm limping."
"I have acid reflux."
"I get the runs from garlic."
"I have liver spots on my feet."
"I can't get it up more than once a night."
"I got carpal tunnel from jerking off because you can't get it up more than once a night."
They stared at each other and burst out laughing at the same time. John's laugh had grown even more horrible over the years, and if Rodney's own light-headedness came at least partly from relief that John wasn't breaking up with him after all, he certainly wasn't going to tell.
"Jesus, Rodney," John wheezed, "I thought the carpal tunnel was from typing."
"Yes, well." Rodney shrugged. "The truth will out."
They kept grinning at each other, and then they were smiling, and then suddenly they were kissing, slow and easy, with the benefit of more than twenty years' experience. John's nose brushed over Rodney's cheek; Rodney's hand slipped around the back of John's neck; John's knee bumped against Rodney's own.
"The frozen stuff is thawing," John muttered against Rodney's lips, and Rodney sighed into John's mouth.
"Yes, yes," he said, pulling away, "don't let me stand in the way of you being a good housewife."
John's answer was to slap him upside the head. Rodney felt rather hopeless himself, because he kind of loved him for it.
~~~
They went out later, ending up on a park bench from where they could supervise a gaggle of teenagers running after a blindingly yellow ball.
"When I was their age, we played Frisbee," Rodney groused, only half-serious as he leaned into John's warmth.
"Kids these days," John agreed companionably, and they kept watching until the sun started going down.
~~~
Those of you who love themselves a happily ever after: Stop reading here! Thanks for following this story - I hope you had as much fun as I did. :D
In which John is not an android, but just as much time has gone by.
( Previous parts)
~~~
John had something on his mind; Rodney could tell. He'd been hovering for the past few days, opening his mouth and then closing it again without a single word. When Rodney woke up - be it in the morning or from a nap on the couch - John would be staring at him. When Rodney looked up from whatever food he'd been shovelling into his mouth, John would be staring at him. When Rodney ranted about the whole new generation of idiots he was being forced to deal with on a daily basis and did he ever miss Jack O'Neill being in charge of anything, John would do the weight-shifting, head-scratching thing, looking like he wanted to say something but didn't know how.
It was annoying. Also, it was beginning to make Rodney nervous.
So when John went for groceries that particular afternoon, Rodney waited until he heard their car pull away from the drive. Then he called Jeannie.
"I think John wants to break up with me," he said without preamble. Then, after a long pause, "Am I talking to the English teacher? Because I was calling for my sister."
"I was trying to decide if this was a joke or your usual rampant paranoia," Jeannie said, and Rodney belatedly remembered that while they loved each other as siblings, they didn't actually like each other all that much. "And Caleb's a professor at the U, as you well know."
"So he's an English teacher who gets paid too much." Rodney rolled his eyes. "Can we focus on the issue here?"
Jeannie sighed. "Mer, for reasons I won't even pretend to understand, the man has stayed with you for over twenty years. At this point, he's pretty much hopeless."
"Can't talk, too busy laughing," Rodney snapped. "If he doesn't want to break up, then why does he keep staring at me?"
"Maybe he just wants you to work out more." Jeannie was smirking now, he could hear it. "You did put on some weight over the last couple of years."
"Hey!"
"Did you get our package?" And just like that, the subject was changed. She always did this to him, just like their father used to.
"Yes." Rodney huffed, and added, "Thanks for the maple drops. John's hiding them from me."
"Then you better hope he doesn't break up with you tonight," Jeannie said dryly. "You'll never find them on your own."
~~~
Jeannie's hadn't been the only unhelpful advice. Carson, Sam and Elizabeth had all told him to ask John what was wrong, clearly unaware of how man dealt with these things. Radek had chuckled and suggested that hey, if worse came to worst, Rodney could always buy himself a Boyfriend™ that looked like John. Rodney had stared dreamily into space for a moment or two, remembering what John used to look like and incidentally discovering that he must have grown as a person while he'd been busy with more important things, because he didn't want John for his looks.
Besides, John still was totally hot, grey hair and all.
He was also very, very annoying.
"Oh my god!" Rodney burst out when John had limped into the kitchen, placed the grocery bags on the counter and resumed his fidgeting. "What is wrong with you?"
John immediately looked guilty. "Nothing," he lied.
Rodney wasn't going to let it slide. "Oh, don't even." He pointed a finger at John. "You've been acting weird for days now. Spill."
The tips of John's ears turned a slightly darker shade of pink and he scratched the back of his neck. Rodney waited impatiently.
"Do you think I should dye my hair?" John blurted. Rodney blinked at him.
"Uh. What?"
If anything, John's ears turned redder. "I… Just… Remember when you used to say that people with white hair looked really old?" Rodney didn't, but before he could say so, John went on. "Well, I'm getting there, and I was wondering if it, you know… bothered you."
Rodney stared at him. "Does it bother you that my hairline has pretty much reached my neck?"
John threw a quick glance at Rodney's widow's peak - not so much peaking any more as it was eroding. "Uh. No?" He grimaced. "But I used to be," he waved a hand down his body, "slimmer."
"So did I." Rodney crossed his arms. "I also need reading glasses."
"So do I," John echoed him. One corner of his mouth was twitching. "And I'm limping."
"I have acid reflux."
"I get the runs from garlic."
"I have liver spots on my feet."
"I can't get it up more than once a night."
"I got carpal tunnel from jerking off because you can't get it up more than once a night."
They stared at each other and burst out laughing at the same time. John's laugh had grown even more horrible over the years, and if Rodney's own light-headedness came at least partly from relief that John wasn't breaking up with him after all, he certainly wasn't going to tell.
"Jesus, Rodney," John wheezed, "I thought the carpal tunnel was from typing."
"Yes, well." Rodney shrugged. "The truth will out."
They kept grinning at each other, and then they were smiling, and then suddenly they were kissing, slow and easy, with the benefit of more than twenty years' experience. John's nose brushed over Rodney's cheek; Rodney's hand slipped around the back of John's neck; John's knee bumped against Rodney's own.
"The frozen stuff is thawing," John muttered against Rodney's lips, and Rodney sighed into John's mouth.
"Yes, yes," he said, pulling away, "don't let me stand in the way of you being a good housewife."
John's answer was to slap him upside the head. Rodney felt rather hopeless himself, because he kind of loved him for it.
~~~
They went out later, ending up on a park bench from where they could supervise a gaggle of teenagers running after a blindingly yellow ball.
"When I was their age, we played Frisbee," Rodney groused, only half-serious as he leaned into John's warmth.
"Kids these days," John agreed companionably, and they kept watching until the sun started going down.
~~~
Those of you who love themselves a happily ever after: Stop reading here! Thanks for following this story - I hope you had as much fun as I did. :D