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“You wouldn't die for me.”
I make brilliant decisions.
I am queen of win and awesome.
I trust you.
So why is it that even though I know this, the world is all sideways under me?
I may be a fuck-up, but I fucking tried, okay? I lost my dignity and pride and every thing I ever worked for, so of I fall flat I'm doing it with nowhere to go and no one to know but you. Don't move, ( Read more... ) -
“I walked with you once upon a dream.”
So here's my problem: if you hadn't put your foot in your mouth trying to fix things for me, EVERYTHING WOULD BE AWFUL.
It was totally for the best that you left. It was totally for the best that my heart got broken and I fell apart. That I put myself back together only once everyone stopped trying to help me. That you missed me and hated those ( Read more... ) -
“There doesn't seem to be anyone around.”
Plan:
There is no plan. Wing it. Enjoy what you have while you can. Eat cake. Take over world. Refuse to stagnate.
Got it?
Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.
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“Our shoulders bear an awful weight.”
Two part update: mental and physical.
Mental-
I feel rather okay lately. Maybe it's the normalizing of seeing Orez, maybe it's not hating myself, I don't know.
He seems to think that I've become a new person, that the old me is dead. That's sort of true. I mean, she's in here with me, I just fucking hate her and want her to go away.
Here's the thing: I ( Read more... ) -
“
I should stop hugging the poor bastard.
So whatever we are or were or will be, fuck if I care, we're best friends.
Fuck.
I can see moments: eating Chinese, dying his hair, thrift store shopping, doing all those things I wanted a best friend for. And I remembered. Just like that. That's what having a best friend, one you can see, one you can laugh ( Read more... ) -
“It's a long way home.”
Guh. Okay.
I'm doing something cool and maybe romantic. I don't mean for it to be romantic, but. It might be. Accidently.
Okay. Fine. -
“The me that you know doesn't come around much”
The new me? I like her. She's strong. She's also mean and petty and spiteful. I'm okay with that.
The old me? She was kind. She was sweet and generous and benevolent. She was weak.
I don't care if you hate the new me, I don't care if you want Version 1.0 back. You taught me to be this, you said be strong and, oh, look how big and strong I got. I don' ( Read more... ) -
“Take your hatred out on me.”
What's going on in my life, you ask?
What indeed.
You tell me, what the fuck is going on here?
Because, from here, and correct me if I'm wrong, but from right here, from this little niche in space time, it appears, I mean it really looks like I'm trying to fuck up my whole quarter-of-a-century lifes work at the last fucking minute.
Isn't that what ( Read more... ) -
“Gravity, whether you were meant for me”
Crashing like a symphony, indeed.
I joked about not wanting anyone who's not you, but...
It's true, isn't it?
I love you. You love me. We'll be alone, together.
I'm so fucked up, you don't want me. Really. You tried to fix all the best parts of me. You don't see blue the way I see blue. You don't hear this song the way I do.
I wanted love to be that, ( Read more... ) -
“We were meant to be happy”
So my grandfather passed away the other week. And I cried, for about one night, kept a vigil candle burning for him til the next sundown, and kept going.
And now I'm visiting my family, and my mother? Still pretty upset, understandably.
So I'm trying to keep my head down and just not be crass or offensive to her, but it's hard. So far, so good. But ( Read more... )