all of her history etched out at her feet

[lastof_five]

Helen, frankly, was tired of having the emotions of a teenage girl and suspected that somehow she and Coraline had simply switched for the month. It was all John, mostly, with a bit of Nikola, and a whole lot of Will thrown in for good measure. There was Kate and her desire to make sure the island's girls were all safe and then there was the fact

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[inabmovie]

"I thought you liked ridiculously high heels," Will teased, pushing back the hem of her dress so he could get to her feet. These clothes were driving him nuts, seriously, with the layers and the buttons and the... the everything, but he couldn't deny Magnus looked good in them.

[inabmovie]

"Maybe he wouldn't, but we are talking about the same guy who dropped your daughter into a room with the same kind of creature that killed my mother just so he could get you to do what he wanted." Despite how blunt his words were, his voice was very gentle and patient. "And I get that probably wasn't actually him and that he was desperate. I get that, I really do. But I'm not a hundred percent convinced of this energy being story or that the thing is gone, even here, or that carrying that thing around for all these years hasn't warped him in some way and he's just hiding it really well. Trust me, I would love to be wrong about this. I really would."

He shifted a little on the couch so he could meet her eyes a little better. "I know this is something you really want, and I understand that, and I've been thinking about it ever since we talked about it last... and I know it's something I'm going to want but I'm not quite there yet. And I really want this to be something we're both into when it happens, into a hundred percent

[lastof_five]

"John hasn't hurt me. Perhaps it's naive or stupid but I want my friend back. It's hard for me to cut people out of my life willingly when I lose so many involuntarily. It's why I've never washed my hands of Nikola."

Helen smoothed an errant strand of hair back into her chignon. "I respect you may not be ready. Will, there's no way to stimulate...there's no fertility drugs I can take. If we want this, we really need to act. I suppose I could just...I suppose if we wait too late we can ask someone to surrogate for us but the child wouldn't be mine. I suppose it doesn't matter if it's mine by blood."

[inabmovie]

This felt off, somehow, to Will. It felt off in a way that he couldn't really put his finger on, but it was enough to firmly cement in his mind that this was absolutely not the right time for them to do this. He put aside the fact that he had not once asked Helen to cut Druitt out completely (because that, too, might push him, if he really wasn't sane) in order to focus on her intense desire to have a baby right now. "Why is this so important to you all of a sudden?" Will asked, taking her hand. "Why the urgency, why the right now? I know, the biology, I understand that. But I don't think that's all. Is it?"

[lastof_five]

"He wants me back, Will. When he kissed me, I felt everything and it frightened me just how much part of me wanted it. He's promised not to hurt me but he hasn't promised not to pursue me and I don't want...I don't want to lose my husband. I need him to know I'm done."

Helen pressed her lips together and let out a slow breath. "I thought changing my name would have helped but even being Dr. Zimmerman hasn't dissuaded him."

[inabmovie]

And suddenly things became a lot more clear.

"Oh, Helen," he said, rubbing his thumb back and forth across the back of her hand and squeezing lightly. "You're not going to lose me. I promise. No matter what... I'm here for you. I know having him here brings back a lot of feelings for you and it's hard, but I'm here. We don't have to have a baby to keep us together." Will wasn't okay with having a baby for that reason--he thought a child should be wanted for its own sake, not out of trying to fix a relationship--but he absolutely understood her desperation.

[lastof_five]

"I didn't...I only asked him to kiss me so I could get out of the mistletoe and it won't let you just kiss on the hand or something and I didn't ask him to kiss me that way, darling, I didn't, and I wouldn't have married you if I wasn't so desperately in love with you that I can't imagine life without you."

Helen squeezed his hand, just concentrating on that for a moment. Will was warm and real and was willing to help her through this instead of abandoning her when times were tough. Through sickness and health.

"I just need everyone to know I'm yours. You're not temporary or expendable. You're necessary."

[inabmovie]

"I'm not mad about the kiss," Will said. He didn't like it, not one little bit, but he wasn't mad about it. It happened and it was over. "I'm not. And it's...it's nice if everyone knows we're together but I don't have to have that." As long as Druitt remembers who you're married to, he thought, but didn't say. "As long as we have it, it's enough for me. "

[lastof_five]

"You're not the least bit interested that I've begun to introduce myself as Dr. Helen Zimmerman?"

Helen was a little more relaxed, at least, and maybe she should have talked to Will about these feelings earlier instead of bottling it up inside.

[inabmovie]

"Well, yeah," he said, feeling a little less tense about the whole thing now that they seemed to have gotten to the bottom of it, and he relaxed a little into a small smile. "You know I like hearing that, Mrs. Dr. Zimmerman." He hadn't been particularly invested in whether she changed her name or not, for various reasons, but he had to admit it did give him a little thrill to call her Mrs. Zimmerman sometimes when they were just hanging out together.

[lastof_five]

"Mm, I do so like hearing it," Helen said, grinning a little. She really did and she supposed it made her the worst sort of feminist. Then again, she was pretty sure her feminist card had been revoked when she'd asked Will to impregnate her as a show of male dominance.

"Is Mrs. Zimmerman out of trouble now, at least? I've been a bit of a mess lately."

[inabmovie]

"Mrs. Zimmerman was never in trouble," he assured her, lightly rubbing her calf. He never wanted Magnus to feel like she couldn't tell him anything that was on her mind because she was worried about his reaction. "And it's perfectly understandtable if you've felt like a mess lately. It's been a stressful situation." It had been stressful enough for him; he couldn't imagine how it must be affecting Magnus right now.

[lastof_five]

"Nikola didn't stress me nearly so much. I suppose that's because Nikola and I have had our differences but he's never actively tried to hurt me. He also seems to understand I'm not...in love with him, as it were. John, not so much."

Helen fell quiet, though, and let her eyes slip shut. "Right now, I want to spend time with Dr. Zimmerman whether Mrs. Zimmerman was in trouble or not."

[inabmovie]

"Sounds good," Will said, and slid his hands along her calf down to her foot again. He didn't think things between them were completely resolved, but they were a long way toward it, and he thought maybe just a little down time would do them some good.