Okay, so I kind of love you more than usual right now. :hugs:
Because it really is just that, that pervasive societal bitchslap that's keeping us all primed to consume and "self-better" until we attain the prescribed impossible ideal.
Like, it's not the impulse to betterment that gets me. I'm all for people wanting to be better people. What I object to, primarily, is that it's always unattainable, no matter what you do, and also that there are only two or three paths (beauty, wealth, temporal power) that "matter." All other betterment - spirituality, confidence, etc. - is valuable only in the context of the prescribed paths, and all things that do not lead to the prescribed paths are useless.
You know, you and I seem to be about the same size. And... really, I have horrible days. And I know I'm silly. I have a lot of good days. I've lost a lot of weight to get down to about 120, and how stupid is it, I was upset with the loss in a cupsize?
And I shouldn't feel that way. I'm happy and people like me and even though I'm not freeking Kim Kardashian (is she really Kim Kardashian? But that's another topic) I'm me. I should be nicer to me.
oh, I made the biggest pouty-face in the world when I lost a cup size. Seriously, the rack is plentiful for my height and build. I do not need to be pouting about not being top-heavy. AND YET.
Yes. It's a losing battle because it's not encouragement to betterment, it's encouragement to perfection. The former is helpful and healthy; the latter is impossible and poisonous. (Even supermodels aren't 'good enough;' they still get airbrushed to a fare-thee-well, and if someone whose entire lifestyle is focused around being as gorgeous as possible can't manage to be good enough, I sure the fuck never will.)
Add to that the idea that you need to be not only beautiful but rich, powerful, successful, romantically successful, and popping out well-adjusted, smart, beautiful children. And add to that the idea that you have to do it all effortlessly, lest you be accused of 'trying too hard' or being a grasping bitch
( ... )
out of self-preservation if nothing else - This, exactly. And it hurts me so much that that is a true statement. I shouldn't have to be battling for my own mental survival! I shouldn't be in a situation where I am subject to an incredibly poisonous environment that I literally cannot leave. If it were my choice in friends, or whatever--that can be changed. I can't change all of humanity, and I can't nuke the site from orbit (besides, the fallout from that messes with people I like.)
Hmm. I--- Hmm. Okay, like, I kinda want to say something, but not the wrong something, you know? But I'm an inch taller and about 10 pounds heavier and I'm pretty happy with myself. I do want to lose about 5 pounds, and get some muscles, because I have flab where I didn't before this year's stress fest and it seems foreign to me... But to me, it sounds like you are a good size for your height
( ... )
See, intellectually and logically, I know that I am a healthy weight for my height (this is also what I weighed at my healthiest when I was working out a good deal more than I am now). I just. I look at myself and even though I *know* I am a pretty healthy woman (if not in as good shape as I could be), I get obsessed with the tummy flab and the jiggly thighs and ew my face looks so gross, et cetera. And that's what frustrates me. Objectively, I am a woman of reasonable weight who is acceptably healthy. Subjectively, I am disgusting to myself. Funny thing: I am way ridiculously more generous in my opinions of other people. I am only this hard on myself and that's a big part of the problem.
I think I get it. I do do that some, especially since I packed on some pounds this year. I guess it helps that I am so worried about EVERYTHING ELSE (like whether I left my headlights on or whether that noise outside is a prowler or whether ants will come in if I don't wash my dishes O_O) that I don't leave as much time for stressing out about my personal appearance, even when it bugs me. >_>; I don't know what it is that makes us worry about these things that don't really matter, and telling you not to worry about isn't gonna help.
...I think in my case it helps that I am a hopeless narcissist. I think I am awesome (I think my flaws are kind of funny) and have told myself "Hey, looking good!" enough that it apparently stuck.
And there are some times - like the pictures of me from sabrielrose's wedding - when I look at myself and go "hey I am TOTALLY HOT there" and then I compare that photo to how I look in the mirror right now and just. I. ughhhhhhhh.
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Because it really is just that, that pervasive societal bitchslap that's keeping us all primed to consume and "self-better" until we attain the prescribed impossible ideal.
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Like, it's not the impulse to betterment that gets me. I'm all for people wanting to be better people. What I object to, primarily, is that it's always unattainable, no matter what you do, and also that there are only two or three paths (beauty, wealth, temporal power) that "matter." All other betterment - spirituality, confidence, etc. - is valuable only in the context of the prescribed paths, and all things that do not lead to the prescribed paths are useless.
Best Mith is best. ♥
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And I shouldn't feel that way. I'm happy and people like me and even though I'm not freeking Kim Kardashian (is she really Kim Kardashian? But that's another topic) I'm me. I should be nicer to me.
Long comment = Word
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♥
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Add to that the idea that you need to be not only beautiful but rich, powerful, successful, romantically successful, and popping out well-adjusted, smart, beautiful children. And add to that the idea that you have to do it all effortlessly, lest you be accused of 'trying too hard' or being a grasping bitch ( ... )
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auuuuugh.
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blargle.
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...I think in my case it helps that I am a hopeless narcissist. I think I am awesome (I think my flaws are kind of funny) and have told myself "Hey, looking good!" enough that it apparently stuck.
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*headdesks*
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