.....

[lashanainferno]

I've reached the point that I call my 'in shock mode'. Where every bit of my emotions, thoughts and personality just shut down. I figure it's because I overloaded my brain, and this is what it does to keep me sane. It's a state that let me stare at the ceiling with silent tears falling from my eyes from five this morning until ten am. I didn't even

Comments

[mmouse15]

Lasha, please tell me that you are under treatment from/with a competent doctor. Please tell me you have a therapist available to you. Please tell me that people in your RL are NOT ignoring your problems. Please tell me you're on anti-depressants that actually work for you.

Please. Tell me that people aren't telling this is all in your head and if you're strong enough you can overcome it. Tell me you're not getting that stupid shitty line, and that your family and friends are treating this like the disease it really is.

[lashanainferno]

Uhhh. No, no, 1/2 no (my parents try, they do, and I love them, but they don't get it), and no

[mmouse15]

Right. This situation needs to change ASAP.

If you can afford it, pick up this book for your parents. The guy that wrote it is a therapist AND a Depressive, and he knows in a way that a doctor whose never been depressed can not understand. If you can't, have them get it

[lashanainferno]

I didn't mean to make it sound like my folks were.... ignorant?, of what's going on. Or making anything worse. I mean, I wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for them. I couldn't do that to them, make them bury their only kid. I just, dunno, I'm not sure they get that while their experiences with depression were a serious matter, what worked for them doesn't work for me.... *shrug*

It's one of those times where I wish I could mentally upload some of the shit I deal with just so people could get a clue.

I'll try to find the book. I did some internet digging, and it's not available in the Chapters in my area.... I'll order it. Just have to find my credit card.

I've pretty much given up on doctors/therapists. I mean, I'll go, I have to, my insurace told me so.... but the trust in the medical profession died a horrible, horrible death. I don't know if I'll be able to talk to anyone I do see. I've learned that doing so always comes back to bite me.

[varinki]

*Hugs*

[beryl_and_groul]

If writing is your outlet, then you owe it to yourself to keep at it. Screw whoever is making you feel creatively stifled; you do this for YOU, not for anyone else. If you have to classify every post as private, then do it. If you have to get a completely new journal and invite no one, then do it. Hell, you can tell me to bugger off if I'm annoying you, but the point is that everyone has at least one outlet and it's far more damaging to have it blocked than to just go with it.

And I think a pet sounds just lovely, especially a ferret. Have you ever considered being a foster mom for a ferret rescue? It sounds like a recipe for heartbreak when you have to let them go, but it's actually very rewarding.