I need to print out the form for my state dressage organization and mail in my membership dues. I've only been meaning to join for years
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Grief has no time limit. And anyone who tells you that you should be over it now has never lost a part of their heart. My niece and cousin have been gone for over 4 years and I still have days where I'm just overwhelmed mourning for them.
You shouldn't have to hide your grief from people. I think that's the number one fallacy in this country is that we are supposed to act strong and pretend like nothing gets us down and it's just not true. If we were accepted and encouraged to embrace that mourning perhaps the process would be quicker.
It's more from a place of not wanting to explain or share those still-raw and intensely private, personal moments, not because anyone has belittled the process, thankfully.
I pushed through so much at the start to try and process it all, but it is still surprising what will trigger that visceral response.
I still find myself thinking, "this trail would be great to walk Pepsi down", or "if this was Pepsi with me, we would have so much fun splashing through all those puddles". Just little ifs. I read recently about how a friend had fought hard to save her colicing horse, bringing him back from a state that I would not have imagined was possible, and I found myself wondering if I'd made the decision on Pepsi's life too soon.
The thing is, these thoughts are going to pop into our heads for years to come, and although I don't imagine that they'll ever loose that slight tug of the heart they bring with them, I think acknowledging them is an important step. As for me, I try and take hold of that sadness and guilt and turn it into absolute love for Marty instead. Still having animals around makes it so much much easier to bear.
I have definitely channeled mich of what I would be doing with Z into the others. It isn't the same because they are all unique individuals, but you are right it does help.
There were several things that made Z so hard. She was really young, we had her since conception, and she looked and acted so normal. Apart from the edema along her belly she looked normal and she wasn't depressed. She wasn't quite the firecracker she can be, but she was alert and content, which sucked.
It's just going to take a long time to process. I don't think I realized fully how much I had put on her and become attached until I was faced with losing her.
Thank you, the condolences and sharing of stories helps.
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You shouldn't have to hide your grief from people. I think that's the number one fallacy in this country is that we are supposed to act strong and pretend like nothing gets us down and it's just not true. If we were accepted and encouraged to embrace that mourning perhaps the process would be quicker.
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I pushed through so much at the start to try and process it all, but it is still surprising what will trigger that visceral response.
Reply
The thing is, these thoughts are going to pop into our heads for years to come, and although I don't imagine that they'll ever loose that slight tug of the heart they bring with them, I think acknowledging them is an important step. As for me, I try and take hold of that sadness and guilt and turn it into absolute love for Marty instead. Still having animals around makes it so much much easier to bear.
Huge hugs for you. <3
Reply
There were several things that made Z so hard. She was really young, we had her since conception, and she looked and acted so normal. Apart from the edema along her belly she looked normal and she wasn't depressed. She wasn't quite the firecracker she can be, but she was alert and content, which sucked.
It's just going to take a long time to process. I don't think I realized fully how much I had put on her and become attached until I was faced with losing her.
Thank you, the condolences and sharing of stories helps.
Reply
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