A Night at the (Space) Opera
Okay, this is short, and very, very, very silly, and rather pointless, but here it is anyway.
Title: A Night at the (Space) Opera
Fandom: Farscape
Characters: John, Stark, Aeryn, Chiana
Time Frame: After PK Wars, I think.
Synopsis: The girls go shopping, the boys go to the bar.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Farscape and the characters and settings therein are the property of the Henson Company, and are used here entirely without permission but entirely with respect. This is for love, not for money. Joss Whedon supplied the opening line of dialogue.
Acknowledgements: To Nanse for inspiring the idea, and for Astro for having written a drabble long ago involving Stark singing Karaoke which most definitely helped inspire this fic.
Author's Notes: On the Terra Firma Board, Nanse issued a Silly Fic Challenge daring us to write a fic that managed to incorporate all of: 1) Aeryn in pigtails, 2) Karaoke, 3) Cows (or cow like alien beasts) doing something that cows normally can't do (shout out to the uber Cows! [Terra Firma running gag]), and 4) Someone must say "Dear Buddha, I would like a pony and a plastic rocket." (In honor of Serenity), without it being a dream, hallucination, or virtual reality. I asked if I got bonus points for Stark and she said yes. And so, against my better judgment, I wrote this.
A Night at the (Space) Opera
By LadySmith
~~~
Three fellip necters in...
"Dear Buddha," Stark solemnly intoned, "I want a pony, and a plastic rocket ship, and..."
"No!" howled John, "It's Santa, not Buddha! Buddha's someone completely different!"
Stark tilted his head. "The jolly fat man in red who rewards good behaviour and is the cornerstone of a major faith?"
Crichton let out a sigh. "Why the hell do you want a pony and a plastic rocket ship anyway?"
Stark blinked at him. "Isn't a pony what you traditionally ask Bu... I mean Santa? A the rocket ship is what you asked him for when you were five, so I thought it must be good."
Crichton shook his head in disbelief. "I will never get over that you've got my memories in there, man."
Stark ducked his head guiltily and reached for his glass. "I'm sorry."
John shook his head and waved in a dismissive manner. "Nah, s'cool. Just doin' your thing, right? Somebody dying, in pain, so you help them. And you get some of them stuck in your head." John put his head on his arms thoughtfully. "S'actually a really , really... what's the word I want?"
"Scary?" Stark murmured, and Crichton shook his head. "Honourable? Dirty? Loud? Terrifying? Beautiful? Golden? Plastic?"
John blinked at Stark owlishly. "Okay, I don't know if it's you or the translator microbes, but one of you is screwing with me."
Stark blinked innocently and pulled on his fellip nectar again.
"Wonder how Aeryn's doing?" John muttered. "Wish we could go too..."
"The Huberi won't deal with males," Stark reminded him gently, "and a nursing mother is best. So she's got D'argo and Chiana and we're here."
John sighed. "Yeah. We're here. Hope she's having more fun that we are..."
~~~
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
"Frell, I hope the boys are having fun! This is completely tinked!" Chiana whispered to Aeryn as they waited in the council chamber.
"That's easy for you to say," Aeryn hissed, "You don't have to wear these frelling idiotic braids in your hair."
"Hey, Wrinkles said it was a mark of rank for these guys, it's how they know you're worth talking to. Anyway, you used to have your hair in braids all the time!"
"A braid, Peacekeeper regulation style. These things on the side of my head just look stupid."
"Well, hey, at least there's only one on each side, and they're not blonde!" Chiana snorted. "Now that looked stupid."
Aeryn stared at Chiana suspiciously. "What do you mean?"
"Uh..." Chiana smiled nervously. "Ask Stark! He'd love to tell you about it..."
Aeryn was about to press the subject when the curtains parted and two Banik came in, each one holding a leash attached to a big, placid, animal which reminded Aeryn of pictures of cows she'd seen on Earth.
"The Huberi ambassadors for trade!" the Banik on the left announced, and Chiana and Aeryn stood at attention, waiting for them to arrive.
And waited. And waited.
"Well," said the cow on the right, "are you here to trade or aren't you? We haven't got all solar day."
~~~
Ten fellip nectars, two Dantari shooters, and a Semak special in...
"when I awoke dear," Stark warbled, "I was mistaken, and I hung my head and I cried!"
"Yeah!" yelled John, and then quickly joined in on the chorus.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," they yowled together, "you make me happy, when skies are grey!"
A patron at the bar looked over to the bartender. "Is that even in the same register as what the band's playing? I know it's not the same tune."
"You'll never know dear," the human and Banik howled on relentlessly, "how much I love you..."
The bartender shook his head. "That's the chances you take on owudah night. You're up next if you want it."
"Please don't take...." Stark began mournfully.
"...my sunshine" John continued.
"...awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!" they chorused.
Stark buried his head in John's chest. "It's such a sad song" he howled, and John patted him on the back reassuringly as the host gently steered them off the stage.
~~~
Meanwhile, back from the ranch...
"Well," said Aeryn, vigorously tugging the braids out of her hair as they walked through the marketplace to the bar, "That could have gone better."
"We got the supplies we needed, didn't we?" Chiana said brightly, hugging D'argo closer to her chest.
"For five times what it would have cost us somewhere else!" Aeryn hissed.
"Well you could have gone with their first offer! Given 'em what they wanted up front!"
Aeryn shot Chiana a withering look and shook the last of her hair free. "We only have one Stykera, Chiana, and irritating as he may be he is not for sale."
Chiana giggled and shifted D'argo so he was resting against her shoulder. "See, that's the beauty of it! We could steal him back!"
Aeryn stopped dead and faced Chiana. "Think about it, Chiana. Do you really want to cross the Huberi?"
Chiana bit her lip. "You know, I mighta thought about it before finding out they could breathe fire..."
"Exactly" Aeryn said sharply and kept striding purposefully down the street, Chiana trailing after.
~~~
Twelve fellip nectars, four Dantari shooters, a Semak special, one broken table and a round of owudah in...
"Hey!" yelled John unsteadily, pointing in the vague direction of the door, "It's the girls!"
"Aeryn's come to rescue us again!" Stark cried, flinging out his hands before falling over sideways, narrowly missing another table.
Aeryn stared at the two heroically drunk aliens and sniffed. "Sweet cholak, how much did you two drink?"
Stark held one finger up, opened his mouth, frowned, counted on his fingers and then looked up. "A lot," he finally pronounced.
"And since we didn't leave you any money," Aeryn grunted, taking D'argo from Chiana and slinging him back into her carrier, "how exactly did you pay for those drinks?"
John shrugged, getting unsteadily to his feet. "Well, we figured whatever you two had left after bargaining with the Humperdinks..."
"Huberi!" everyone in the room chorused.
"...would be enough to cover me and Astro, so we started a tab!" John finished without missing a beat.
"Right." Aeryn said and turned to the bartender. "Would you take a Stykera in trade? I'll throw in a human, free..."
Stark and John blinked at each other, trying to decide which of them should be more offended if she was actually serious.
"Lady" said the bartender, "after hearing them sing you couldn't pay me enough to take them off your hands! Besides, what do I need a Stykera for?"
Aeryn exchanged a nervous look with Chiana, who started steering Stark and John towards the door, preparing to run.
The bartender shook his head. "Take those two fekik out of here, and never ever let them come here again with their vocal chords intact, and your tab's settled."
Aeryn grinned. "It's a deal. You're very generous."
The bartender smiled. "I'm soft-hearted when dealing with a pretty lady."
"Right," Aeryn said nervously, "Well, thank you again, I have to make sure those three make it home." She departed the bar hastily.
The bartender sighed. The good ones always went to complete idiots. Life was so unfair.
~~~
Later, back at the homestead
"You know," Stark said conversationally, "I really would like a pony. They seem nice."
"Would you settle for a fire-breathing cow?" Chiana asked.
Stark blinked at her and Chiana laughed, then grabbed a crate of supplies and headed off to the kitchens.
"Sounds like you two had a fun day," John said, nuzzling Aeryn's neck.
"Oh yes. A real 'pik-nik', you would call it." She shrugged John off her shoulder. "You go on ahead, I'll walk Stark to his room; he needs it more than you."
John nodded, and ambled off down the corridor humming to himself.
"Stark," Aeryn turned to the Banik with an almost predatory grin, "Chiana said to ask you; what's this about blonde braids?"
~~~
So far the folks at Terra Firma think this is hilarious and "perfect". Would that I could get responses like that to my Stark fics that didn't involve Aeryn a-la Swiss Miss.
Title: A Night at the (Space) Opera
Fandom: Farscape
Characters: John, Stark, Aeryn, Chiana
Time Frame: After PK Wars, I think.
Synopsis: The girls go shopping, the boys go to the bar.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Farscape and the characters and settings therein are the property of the Henson Company, and are used here entirely without permission but entirely with respect. This is for love, not for money. Joss Whedon supplied the opening line of dialogue.
Acknowledgements: To Nanse for inspiring the idea, and for Astro for having written a drabble long ago involving Stark singing Karaoke which most definitely helped inspire this fic.
Author's Notes: On the Terra Firma Board, Nanse issued a Silly Fic Challenge daring us to write a fic that managed to incorporate all of: 1) Aeryn in pigtails, 2) Karaoke, 3) Cows (or cow like alien beasts) doing something that cows normally can't do (shout out to the uber Cows! [Terra Firma running gag]), and 4) Someone must say "Dear Buddha, I would like a pony and a plastic rocket." (In honor of Serenity), without it being a dream, hallucination, or virtual reality. I asked if I got bonus points for Stark and she said yes. And so, against my better judgment, I wrote this.
A Night at the (Space) Opera
By LadySmith
~~~
Three fellip necters in...
"Dear Buddha," Stark solemnly intoned, "I want a pony, and a plastic rocket ship, and..."
"No!" howled John, "It's Santa, not Buddha! Buddha's someone completely different!"
Stark tilted his head. "The jolly fat man in red who rewards good behaviour and is the cornerstone of a major faith?"
Crichton let out a sigh. "Why the hell do you want a pony and a plastic rocket ship anyway?"
Stark blinked at him. "Isn't a pony what you traditionally ask Bu... I mean Santa? A the rocket ship is what you asked him for when you were five, so I thought it must be good."
Crichton shook his head in disbelief. "I will never get over that you've got my memories in there, man."
Stark ducked his head guiltily and reached for his glass. "I'm sorry."
John shook his head and waved in a dismissive manner. "Nah, s'cool. Just doin' your thing, right? Somebody dying, in pain, so you help them. And you get some of them stuck in your head." John put his head on his arms thoughtfully. "S'actually a really , really... what's the word I want?"
"Scary?" Stark murmured, and Crichton shook his head. "Honourable? Dirty? Loud? Terrifying? Beautiful? Golden? Plastic?"
John blinked at Stark owlishly. "Okay, I don't know if it's you or the translator microbes, but one of you is screwing with me."
Stark blinked innocently and pulled on his fellip nectar again.
"Wonder how Aeryn's doing?" John muttered. "Wish we could go too..."
"The Huberi won't deal with males," Stark reminded him gently, "and a nursing mother is best. So she's got D'argo and Chiana and we're here."
John sighed. "Yeah. We're here. Hope she's having more fun that we are..."
~~~
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
"Frell, I hope the boys are having fun! This is completely tinked!" Chiana whispered to Aeryn as they waited in the council chamber.
"That's easy for you to say," Aeryn hissed, "You don't have to wear these frelling idiotic braids in your hair."
"Hey, Wrinkles said it was a mark of rank for these guys, it's how they know you're worth talking to. Anyway, you used to have your hair in braids all the time!"
"A braid, Peacekeeper regulation style. These things on the side of my head just look stupid."
"Well, hey, at least there's only one on each side, and they're not blonde!" Chiana snorted. "Now that looked stupid."
Aeryn stared at Chiana suspiciously. "What do you mean?"
"Uh..." Chiana smiled nervously. "Ask Stark! He'd love to tell you about it..."
Aeryn was about to press the subject when the curtains parted and two Banik came in, each one holding a leash attached to a big, placid, animal which reminded Aeryn of pictures of cows she'd seen on Earth.
"The Huberi ambassadors for trade!" the Banik on the left announced, and Chiana and Aeryn stood at attention, waiting for them to arrive.
And waited. And waited.
"Well," said the cow on the right, "are you here to trade or aren't you? We haven't got all solar day."
~~~
Ten fellip nectars, two Dantari shooters, and a Semak special in...
"when I awoke dear," Stark warbled, "I was mistaken, and I hung my head and I cried!"
"Yeah!" yelled John, and then quickly joined in on the chorus.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," they yowled together, "you make me happy, when skies are grey!"
A patron at the bar looked over to the bartender. "Is that even in the same register as what the band's playing? I know it's not the same tune."
"You'll never know dear," the human and Banik howled on relentlessly, "how much I love you..."
The bartender shook his head. "That's the chances you take on owudah night. You're up next if you want it."
"Please don't take...." Stark began mournfully.
"...my sunshine" John continued.
"...awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!" they chorused.
Stark buried his head in John's chest. "It's such a sad song" he howled, and John patted him on the back reassuringly as the host gently steered them off the stage.
~~~
Meanwhile, back from the ranch...
"Well," said Aeryn, vigorously tugging the braids out of her hair as they walked through the marketplace to the bar, "That could have gone better."
"We got the supplies we needed, didn't we?" Chiana said brightly, hugging D'argo closer to her chest.
"For five times what it would have cost us somewhere else!" Aeryn hissed.
"Well you could have gone with their first offer! Given 'em what they wanted up front!"
Aeryn shot Chiana a withering look and shook the last of her hair free. "We only have one Stykera, Chiana, and irritating as he may be he is not for sale."
Chiana giggled and shifted D'argo so he was resting against her shoulder. "See, that's the beauty of it! We could steal him back!"
Aeryn stopped dead and faced Chiana. "Think about it, Chiana. Do you really want to cross the Huberi?"
Chiana bit her lip. "You know, I mighta thought about it before finding out they could breathe fire..."
"Exactly" Aeryn said sharply and kept striding purposefully down the street, Chiana trailing after.
~~~
Twelve fellip nectars, four Dantari shooters, a Semak special, one broken table and a round of owudah in...
"Hey!" yelled John unsteadily, pointing in the vague direction of the door, "It's the girls!"
"Aeryn's come to rescue us again!" Stark cried, flinging out his hands before falling over sideways, narrowly missing another table.
Aeryn stared at the two heroically drunk aliens and sniffed. "Sweet cholak, how much did you two drink?"
Stark held one finger up, opened his mouth, frowned, counted on his fingers and then looked up. "A lot," he finally pronounced.
"And since we didn't leave you any money," Aeryn grunted, taking D'argo from Chiana and slinging him back into her carrier, "how exactly did you pay for those drinks?"
John shrugged, getting unsteadily to his feet. "Well, we figured whatever you two had left after bargaining with the Humperdinks..."
"Huberi!" everyone in the room chorused.
"...would be enough to cover me and Astro, so we started a tab!" John finished without missing a beat.
"Right." Aeryn said and turned to the bartender. "Would you take a Stykera in trade? I'll throw in a human, free..."
Stark and John blinked at each other, trying to decide which of them should be more offended if she was actually serious.
"Lady" said the bartender, "after hearing them sing you couldn't pay me enough to take them off your hands! Besides, what do I need a Stykera for?"
Aeryn exchanged a nervous look with Chiana, who started steering Stark and John towards the door, preparing to run.
The bartender shook his head. "Take those two fekik out of here, and never ever let them come here again with their vocal chords intact, and your tab's settled."
Aeryn grinned. "It's a deal. You're very generous."
The bartender smiled. "I'm soft-hearted when dealing with a pretty lady."
"Right," Aeryn said nervously, "Well, thank you again, I have to make sure those three make it home." She departed the bar hastily.
The bartender sighed. The good ones always went to complete idiots. Life was so unfair.
~~~
Later, back at the homestead
"You know," Stark said conversationally, "I really would like a pony. They seem nice."
"Would you settle for a fire-breathing cow?" Chiana asked.
Stark blinked at her and Chiana laughed, then grabbed a crate of supplies and headed off to the kitchens.
"Sounds like you two had a fun day," John said, nuzzling Aeryn's neck.
"Oh yes. A real 'pik-nik', you would call it." She shrugged John off her shoulder. "You go on ahead, I'll walk Stark to his room; he needs it more than you."
John nodded, and ambled off down the corridor humming to himself.
"Stark," Aeryn turned to the Banik with an almost predatory grin, "Chiana said to ask you; what's this about blonde braids?"
~~~
So far the folks at Terra Firma think this is hilarious and "perfect". Would that I could get responses like that to my Stark fics that didn't involve Aeryn a-la Swiss Miss.