Friends only, almost always.
Let me know you're there, ghosts.
And we'll make something work.

( Read more... )

When I get home, I might take a shower and write you a poem

In my head.

I wondered where you went. So . . . you went with the darkness. Or so it seemed . . . light. And then we danced in the kitchen and I thought I'd birthed it and was free again. But, alas. Maybe this is me, now ( Read more... )

My son won't admit that he has to pee. My encouragement has ranged from subtle suggestions to blatant demands. He doesn't have to pee. Yet there his fingers return . . . to physically hold it in ( Read more... )

Oh my, oh my, I feel so restless. On my drive home today I was thinking about Fridays. These Fridays and old Fridays. I was thinking about heating bills in large houses in cold climates. I was thinking about how we tend to move toward slowing and acquiring yet I feel like speeding, fleeing, dispersing. So restless. By the time I got home I ( Read more... )

I read children's books about the seasons, months. April. "April, April, green and brown, bells on your collar and willow on crown." While all the reminders remember April differently. April is my sleepless month, like hers is March. April is leaving while deciding to stay. Staying while deciding to leave. Contraindications (not to be confused ( Read more... )

I’d like to tell you some day, face-to-face, how you are there in the calm, when that comes. But with my courage, and your absence, I know better. But still, there you are. When the babes are finally still. When my thoughts are finally clear and quiet. When I have the capacity left to think of something away from this ( Read more... )

Baby came, as they do. Twelve days late. As her brother came on one of the coldest days of the year, she came on the hottest. And they are by all means complete opposites. Where she is calm, he is rowdy. She sleeps well already and he never has. Nursing hasn't had a single glitch, where at this time with him I'd burned with infections for ( Read more... )

I gave this baby some options based on really hard and true facts about weather and numbers and days when it is good to be born. Today's the last day. Now every day is hot and every number is misaligned and in a few minutes the meteors will stop raining and every birthday is taken by some awful person I don't want to compare her to ( Read more... )

Things oscillate between triumph and despair, as usual. Finally accepting of the idea that I'd be alone with the boy for the long weekend, confident. Took him to his favorite restaurant. Shuffled him and a high-chair and our dinner onto the patio. Got home and cleaned a bit and took a shower and he came to me screaming, unable to walk. Said he ( Read more... )