(no subject)
Nicotine Stains More Than Your Fingertips
Taemin stood outside his ramshackle apartment building in the blistering cold. Clutching his jacket around him with one hand tucked under his armpit for warmth, he held a lit cigarette in the other. As he watched it burn and smolder, the wind making the little ember flicker and glow, he wondered why he was even out here. With a heavy sigh he slumped into the rough brick of the building.
It had been almost a week since that party but he couldn't get that guy out of his head. The image of him slumped (much like he was now) against that frat house, one leg propped on the wall behind him and smoke swirling around him, it just wouldn't fade. Taemin wasn't a student at that school, and had no friends that attended there either, he had been dragged to that stupid party by one Kim Kibum. Against his better judgment he had allowed himself to be dragged however, his best fried had been bugging him for weeks. "All you do is work and practice...you need a social life Taeminnie!" Kibum had whined for days and so he went.
Through and through it was a typical college party, it wasn't the first Kibum had brought him too and probably wouldn't be the last. In ever corner of the house at least on scantily clad girl could be found draped all over a boozed up dude like cheap curtains and the generic radio music was blaring without cessation. Taemin loved music and loved to be around people but this was just not his thing at all. Even before he had left high school people had seen him as almost snobbish but that wasn't really true either. He just couldn't stand stupid people. The kind of people that flocked to high school parties that promised alcohol, and it seemed that all those same people flocked to college frat parties.
Once inside Kibum had linked arms with Taemin and forced him through the normal cycle of mingling, the younger boy knew that it wouldn't last long however. Eventually Kibum would become enthralled in conversation and he would be free. That night had been no diffrent. His extremely liberal best friend had come across some girl wearing a Barak Obama shirt and it was all politics and frantic arm waiving after that. Taemin hung around for a bit, nodding every time Kibum nudged him but when the Obama girl brought up gay rights he knew they conversation had hit critical mass.
"I...uh...I'm going to......" he tried to excuse himself but his voice died in his throat when he had seen Kibum's face. That chick didn't know what she was in for. Backing away slowly with eyes wide, Taemin glanced around for a familiar face. Everyone there that night was a jock or a jock sympathizer (ie. slut) it seemed and he still couldn't get his head around why Kibum was even there. For a while he had just kind of wandered around, drifting through the milling crowd. Slowly he started to catch pieces of conversations as he went. Apparently they were celebrating something, some game. Something about 'star players' and 'playoffs for sure' and he had to admit his interest was a little piqued.
A particularly hard gust of wind set his teeth to chattering and he looked up to see the cherry of his cigarette float by. Following its progress he watched it glow too bright for an instant before the wind snuffed it out entirely. The little clump of ashes hit the pavement a few feet away but in another instant the wind had bolstered itself and blew it all away. In a kind of trance Taemin raised the feeble little stub of paper and tobacco back to his lips and relit it. He took a long pull from it and held the toxic smoke in his mouth for a moment before exhaling it all into the night air. The bare bulb burning above his head cast a yellow light over the little stoop and his smoke cloud light up under it, the light flickering through it in a chaotic way as the wind caught it, taking it away as well.
He yawned then and the cold air bit at his throat, made it burn, and he wondered briefly if that's what if felt like to actually inhale cigarette smoke. He could barely even remember how he had ended up on the back porch that night, but that's exactly where he had ended up. Taemin had been kind of squeezed out of the kitchen by the gathering crowd with a particularly exhibisionistic couple at its center. That was why he had stumbled, more than just casually stepped outside. On reflex alone he had caught himself from falling face first into a well manicured lawn and in one motion he righted himself and spun around looking for the drunk that had pushed him. The backs of a few people bouncing on the balls of their feet to see the show was all that had greeted him however and it just pissed him off. The cat-calls weren't helping either and his patience broke.
Taemin, in a bizarre show of anger, side stepped groping for the handle and with every ounce of strength he had, slammed the sliding glass door shut with a low growl. When a couple of people inside turned to look at him with scandalized expressions he turned bright red and spun back around. Taken aback, and more than a little embarrassed, a very red Taemin had tugged his shirt down with a little huff and a muttered, "Jerks" before he realized that he wasn't alone.
First he had smelled the smoke, and recognized it for what it was, then he heard the low steady chuckle. With brows furrowed he turned in the direction of the noise, and the smell. That's when Taemin first saw him. In silhouette he looked like the product of one too many growth spurts in a short time, overly tall and skinny, stretched like taffy. Taemin had remained there just kind of staring, and finally the boy pushed off from the building and came into the light, a smirk on his face. He watched as the taller boy looked him over, his mouth suddenly dry. Watched as he took a long drag from his cigarette, staring at the little bit of smoke that escaped his lips before he inhaled it all.
Taemin stared with rapt attention and a slightly slack jaw as this stranger, this boy he'd never seen in his life, stepped up to him. He flinched a bit as he slowly raised a hand towards Taemin's face, seemingly about to slap him or something horrible, but when he felt cold fingers pressed against his lips he stopped breathing entirely. "Looks like you need this more than I do." and the strangers voice was like a crackling fire late at night. Deep and warm and he had let out a breathy sort of chuckle as he turned away. It took Taemin a second to process the words and the object that had been left by the boy. Going a bit cross-eyed he had looked down to find a smoldering stub between his lips. The cigarette hung limply as he looked up to watch the stranger head back inside. When the other had turned around inside to pull the door shut he looked up and smiled at Taemin. His heart stopped.
He took one experimental drag as he watched the boy get folded back into the party. He had choked and coughed just from the taste of it but he didn't put it out. He stood there watching the party through the glass as he pretended to smoke the strangers cigarette. The filter already felt a bit wet and he realized with more shock than revulsion that it must be that boy's saliva. The realization that they were indirectly kissing obliterated the butterflies that had been forming since Taemin had first laid eyes on him, and now he felt hollow, as if it was just air swirling around in his belly.
"Are you fucking smoking!!? Where did you get that!?" Kibum came crashing into the backyard with thunder and lightning just in time to see Taemin in the act of greedily putting the cigarette back to his lips. His eyes widened in shock and before he had time to react at all Kibum had reached up and snatched it out of his mouth, quickly stamping it into the dirt. "Those things should be fucking illegal." Taemin just stared at the crumpled cigarette butt with a pout sliding over his features.
He violently shook the memory away, being no less than the fourth time he had played through the whole scene in his mind since he woke up today. It was exasperating how he couldn't get it out of his system. It was infuriating how couldn't stop watching that boy step out of the shadows. It was ridiculous how he kept buying cigarettes from his neighbor just to let them burn away.
Taemin flicked the filter away in disgust, he just wanted to forget the whole thing. They didn't go to the same school, they didn't know the same people, and they didn't even know each others names. Taemin had been trying to tell himself he would probably never see that guy again since he had finished retelling the whole thing to Kibum. The problem was the word 'probably'. He was so hung up on that word and the little voice in the back of his head loved to chime in periodically with "You never know Taemin!"
His head lolled back against the brick behind him and he mindlessly brought his hand up to rub at his numb face with an exasperated sigh. In that instant he realized something. That smell. The smell of nicotine on his finger tips. He had smelled it that night. Suddenly Taemin was right back there; cold fingers pressed to his lips and that smell, that smell all around him. As he relived for the umpteenth time he felt heady with the smell of it and as he watched the edges of the memory fade he realized that he was dragging his own cold fingers against his lips.
a/n ; HOLY SHIT! Did I just write that? Did that just happen? All that from going outside for a smoke? I just....I don't even! I've never finished a fic....EVER! HOLY SHIT!
I spell checked this and that's about it. Sorry if its rubbish. ^^;