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5GTAT: Hot & Sweaty Edition
1. Getting back from the cottage in good time
2. Going swimming 4 times today
3. Still Buffering on the drive home
4. Got some laundry done
5. Looking up advice for choosing a therapist
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5GTAT: Max Fun Edition
1. Joined Maximum Fun! So much bonus content! (Poor Ross' feet)
2. Lumi relaxation after work
3. Good breakfast and lunch (black bean taco, chickpea soup & tuna sandwich)
4. Okay day at work
5. Took meds
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(Untitled)
Not wanting to say that I feel relaxed for the first time in at least a week because I'm afraid that I won't be heard/taken seriously. The same reason I didn't talk about why I really wanted the car to go to my vaccine appointment this morning/that I was having a panic attack this morning.
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(Untitled)
I'm being plagued by dreams that, on the surface, seem good and positive. Hanging out with Rachelle, talking with Victoria. A weird one last night that was part Okami, part Victoria telling me how Chris died and apologizing for not being open about it (and of course I told her that she had nothing to apologize for).
The thing about having happy/ ( Read more... ) -
Important (re-)realization
Trying to be perfect is exhausting
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(Untitled)
What do I want to accomplish today?
I should be careful writing out a list because there are so many things on my mental to-do list that if I put them all down I'll become overwhelmed and not accomplish anything. I feel like there's a conflict between what is most important/helpful to do and what I'm most likely to actually do.
Baby steps, Kate. ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Feeling pretty gross and disgusting and blah. My hair is really, really bad but some how I'm not freaking out about it; I'm firmly in denial. The thing that's really fucking up my life is my stupid Avoidant Personality Disorder. Why do I have to be so fucking avoidy?
I know it's not the magic answer and won't solve every problem in my life but oh ( Read more... ) -
Angsty late-night ramblings
I know I'm not supposed to compare my insides with other people's outsides. But goddamn, going back and reading Ilana's LJ and all her Facebook posts is depressing as fuck. Also, having read that last sentence back, I feel incredibly stalkery and creepy. Eeeep.
I feel so left out and abandoned and unwanted.
When Victoria posted that Super Guitar ( Read more... ) -
This is why I need a therapist
I'm losing myself again.
It's been how many weeks since I stopped using my cpap? 3 or 4, I think. I would try again (really? -ed) but my nose feels "stuffed" - or whatever the hell is going on with my nose - and my mind is being fortune teller-y and saying that I won't be able to breathe with it on so why try.
I am totally Kate-less. The robot ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I feel like the satellite rock station I'm listening to is oddly in sync with my feelings.
First, Radiohead's Fake Plastic Trees - "If I could be who you wanted, all the time"
And then The Tragically Hip's Ahead by a Century - "And disappointing you is getting me down"
Stop reading my mind, Stingray!