fic: Marupa Part Two
Title: Marupa
Author:
idwyt_nome
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They are real people. Nobody owns them, certainly not me. This is fiction, which is why it's on LJ.
Author's Notes: Now, to repeat a much-used phrase: This was supposed to be a drabble. I looked up words that I thought were interesting, and I got a fic idea based around this one. The original drabble was the first part, ending where Kris walks out of the room. And now, fuck me, the damn thing is 9,905 words long. Doesn't even fit in one post. Ugh. So, it's a bastard, and it's very NSFW. You have been warned.
Part One.
---
The next morning he has to hunt down his cellphone when the alarm he sets goes off, and Kris grumbles and is completely awake by the time he gets it switched off.
"I can't believe you get up this fucking early. You don't even end up looking that pretty from all the effort."
Adam laughs, flips him off, and tells him he'll wake him back up in time for breakfast.
He's happy that morning in the shower, comfortable and not rushed and calm, but he refuses to touch himself, and when he comes out Kris is curled up on his side, asleep again. He sets the right alarm and leaves his phone by his head.
---
Kris tramples down the stairs, louder than usual. He hops into the room, and the problem becomes evident as he struggles to keep on one of his shoes that the lace has broken off of. Adam laughs, and Allison sympathizes, and Lil goes upstairs and comes back down, producing a shoelace, Danny, and Matt. They all praise her preparedness, and Matt swears at them, and Danny complains about the lack of eggs for breakfast.
Adam meets Lil's eyes and smiles.
---
They rehearse all morning, getting nervous and alternately soothing one another as they practice, knowing two of them will be going home, in spite of their best efforts, and wishing desperately -- or at least Adam does -- that time would pause forever.
That afternoon is a photo shoot and interviews -- Kris' least favorite activities. Adam loves them, and the others tease him mercilessly as they head over to the douche bag photographer's studio.
"Allen! Look at the fucking camera!" Kris is flushing, embarrassed and angry, and the photographer and crew can't get him to look sexy, or cute, or even normal. Every time they take a picture it's like Kris has made an awful face, deliberately and repetitively, and they lecture him as such. Now he's just sulking, looking down and away and blinking as if the lights are hurting his eyes.
Allison and Lil and Anoop are done, gone back to the house, and Danny is with one of the understudy photographers, who will do Matt too, so that if the pictures turn out okay they can just use those instead of waiting for the guy with Kris to finish all of theirs.
"Allen!" Kris has had enough. He stands, walks off. Gets yelled at, sworn at, ducks his head and looks like he wants to hide.
Adam wishes he could help, wishes he could take the pictures for him, but he knows he can't but he also can't watch this anymore. He grabs Kris by the arm, pulls him gently and resolutely over to the photographer. "Hey, can we try something?"
The photographer glares, sighs, looks as if he's reconsidering his career path. "What?"
Adam smiles, charming, and slides his hand across Kris' back, feeling him lean in a small fraction and relax even more. "Can you try to take pictures of us together? I know you need solo pictures, but could you like, remove me? So long as we don't touch, it shouldn't screw anything up, right?"
The photographer screws up his face, and Adam knows he's calculating the extra editing work against the reward of being done with Kris for one more week. Adam tries again. "Could we even maybe get both of us done? Like, take our picture together, edit him out of mine and me out of his?"
That seals the deal, and the photographer motions them over to the front of the screen. They're told to stay there and then ignored as lights and space are adjusted for the both of them.
"Adam!" Kris is hissing at him. "What gave you this brilliant idea?"
Adam smiles winningly. "Some of my miraculous talent will ooze into you and you'll be done soon."
Kris doesn't laugh. "No, more like some of my awkwardness will affect you and we'll both end up having to take them separately anyway!"
Adam nudges him playfully. "Just more time in front of the camera, then. What's to lose?" And he looks at Kris, tries to get him to agree, and smiles gleefully when he nods reluctantly and turns to face the cameras.
"Allen! Lambert! Lean back, towards the screen. Do not touch each other, but lean to the middle together!"
Adam does, focusing on Kris' unsteady breathing beside him and letting his face relax into a smile.
"Allen!"
Adam sighs. "Okay, that's it. Kris, give me your hand." And he tugs him, stands behind, not touching but close, and breathes into his ear, "Think of your wife. Think of her, the first time you kissed her, the first time you got to touch her. The trembling, desperate want. Remember that, and let your eyes unfocus. Don't look at the camera, it freaks you out, apparently. I'm going to be standing next to you, and I've got your hand, so focus on my breathing. Whenever I squeeze your hand, move however I tell you to and that way you don't have to worry about listening to their directions, okay?"
"Lambert! Christ, get fucking off each other. We need to be done today, please!"
Adam moves to his spot, keeping a loose grip on Kris' hand. "Sorry, dude. Just, tell us what you want, okay? Happy, whatever. That sort of shit."
The photographer rolls his eyes. "Is it too much to ask for something with a little bit of sex appeal? He's like a fucking choirboy. No porn at all." Adam wants to laugh, but he feels Kris beginning to tense again beside him, and he squeezes his hand.
"Think about what I told you. Better yet, think of the dirtiest fantasy you've ever had, okay?"
Kris blushes, turns and meets his eyes. Adam vaguely hears the clicking of the cameras and wants to punch someone, because Kris is looking at him soft and wanting, and he doesn't know the cameras are there because he's open and relaxed and focused on Adam.
"Move your shoulders, turn your heads sideways, so we get more of your profiles." The photographer isn't yelling, for once--he's hushed as if he knows they shouldn't be disturbed; Adam knows that they're moving lights and that Danny and Matt are off to the side, watching them. He doesn't care.
He squeezes again. "Kris?"
Kris smiles, almost dreamily, and tells him he heard him. Adam steps backward, turns almost sideways, and both their heads are turned and they're still looking at each other. Then, Kris blinks and he looks back at the camera, and he's smiling, happy and a little like he's got a secret, and before the expression can be lost the photographer takes the picture, preserving it.
"Thanks, guys." Adam thinks that's the happiest he's ever heard the jackass behind the camera sound, and he's furious that Kris' attention has been pulled away from him, even though he knows that Kris wasn't looking at him, not really. He gets a burst of courage and an idea.
"Hold on!" Everyone looks at him. He steps up behind Kris, slightly to the side, and curves both of his hands over his hips, feels Kris shudder and lean into him, shocked. And then Kris is turning to look at him and their faces are inches away and Adam is pressed the length of Kris' warmth, burning through their clothes, and neither of them is breathing and Adam knows this because Kris finally steps away and breathes in and it's a gasp and Adam knows there were a million pictures taken right then and Adam knows he overstepped his boundaries and Matt is looking at him as if the world's about to end and he doesn't know what to do about it and Adam can't regret any of it because there's Kris over to the side and he's flushed but it's not with embarrassment and there are pictures that Adam will have for as long as he wants them and Adam really can't regret any of it.
---
Matt grabs him before they get in the car to go back to the house -- Kris is already in, pressed against the window, hiding and confused, Danny talking about everything and nothing, and Adam doesn't know if he's that oblivious or if he's smart enough to pretend he is, and it doesn't matter, because the last thing Adam thinks Kris needs right now is questions and suspicions and expectations -- and Matt is furious with him. "What the fuck was that?" It would be a yell if it weren't a hiss.
"That?" Adam smirks, and it's wicked and dirty and not very nice at all. "That was my issue."
And Matt looks at him as if the sun just came up, knowledge dawning, and Adam waits to see disgust or pity, but instead the anger melts away, and there's a little bit of awe and a lot of amusement. "Dude, is that all?"
Adam wants to smack him when he won't tell him why it's not a big deal.
---
They get back and Kris is out of the car and away before any of them can say a word -- Danny talked the whole way home (not home, home is elsewhere, home is outside) and Adam's still thankful, but -- and Kris is gone, and Matt is dragging him over to Lil and Allison is veering off after Kris and Adam thinks this is an intervention.
He's pushed into a chair and told by a stern Lil to stay put, and then they go off and whisper to each other. Adam wants to laugh as he remembers high school, but then he remembers Allison's in high school still and she's with Kris right now and Kris is gone somewhere, upset, and he's royally fucked. Up.
"Oh, so you just got it, did you?" Matt's half-glowering, half-laughing at him.
Adam snarls. "Got what, fucker?"
He looks like he's about to snap back, but Lil interrupts, clearing her throat and looking pointedly at them. She sits on the arm of Adam chair and peers down at him thoughtfully. "You're in love with Kris."
Adam jerks, wants to hide away; because yeah, he knew, and knew Lil did and obviously Matt now, but. Hearing it. And for the first time in years Adam wants to cry.
Lil smiles. "Sweetie, it's a good thing. I know you don't think it is, but really." Adam doesn't think her assurances will help him this time.
"Okay, bitch, listen." And Matt's being a jerk, reliably. Lil glares. "This was gonna happen. I mean, seriously? We're holed up together. It's a bit like Stockholm syndrome, but with each other." Adam thinks Matt has no idea what he's saying, and his expression shows the disbelief, because Matt's giving him the finger and still talking. "You two have been screwing with each other for weeks. You might as well actually screw while you're at it."
Adam knows Matt just lost him, and so does Lil, cause she waves Matt off and leans heavily into Adam. "Babe, you don't listen to him talk to his wife."
Adam flinches, and Lil pokes him. He clears his throat, uncomfortable. "No. He goes into the hallway or somewhere."
Lil nods, all-knowing. "He doesn't want to talk to her when he's with you. He talks about you, all the time -- yes, we listen, it's not as if it's a sin -- but he keeps all mention of her to a minimum whenever you're near."
Skeptical, Adam nods; she has no clue what she's talking about.
"Listen, I cheated on a girlfriend once." Adam looks at Matt, confused by the non-sequitur. "They were friends, not close, but friends. I liked the other chick more than my girlfriend; I refused to talk about my girlfriend when I was with her, but my girlfriend found out about us later and said that it was obvious because I talked about her friend more than she did."
Adam looks at him sideways; Matt squirms a little, opens his mouth to clarify. To save them the pain, Adam sighs. "I get what you're saying. I don't think you're right, but I get it. But Matt?"
Matt nods at him, carefully. "How long were you with the friend once you and your girlfriend broke up?"
When he refused to answer, Adam smiled humorlessly. "Exactly. So no thanks."
Matt sighs, sharp and irritated. "You're not her, and Kris isn't me. Grow a pair, asshole, and fucking try."
Lil tugs on his ear, sharp enough to hurt. "You've already screwed over the platonic relationship. Groping him? On camera?" Adam wants to object, but she glares him into submission. "You've both kept it only barely beneath the surface so far. This blew it so out you won't be able to ignore it any more. So deal with it."
Adam smiles, worried but resigned. "If we won't be able to ignore it anyway, what's all this lecturing for?"
Lil looks at him, exasperated. "We're trying to make sure you won't try to ignore it, anyway; and we wanted you to know that you don't have as small a chance as you seem to think."
He shakes his head, roughly. "He's married."
"He could get divorced. And he doesn't call her anyway. The only time they talk is when she calls him. And he hung up on her the night before last, when you were in your snit." Adam really does think Matt is an asshole.
But he sighs defeat, and Matt hops cheerfully, hollering at them about going swimming. Anoop comes over and asks them why everyone but him was involved in great debates, and Lil told him he was above all of it. Dragged off by Matt to change to go swimming, Adam wants to look for Kris, but Lil whispers, "Give him time. Just til tonight, babe, okay?"
And Adam does.
---
They somehow managed to miss each other completely at dinner, and then Matt and Danny kidnapped Kris into their room and kicked Adam downstairs, so the only contact they had was a brief, startled flash as Matt and Danny's door shut in Adam's face.
Lil makes him watch an awful comedy with her and Allison, and neither of them have the heart to tell her that Anoop really is the only other one who enjoys the sentiments within. Allison asks if he'll paint her nails, and he's about to say no when he sees their truly pathetic state, and he hasn't the heart. He asks her what color, and she rattles off, like, four, so he tells her to pick one more and he'll do each nail a different color. Afterwards, she does his, but badly so he has to redo them and then she's yawning (entirely faked, Adam saw Lil nudge her) and they all leave Anoop behind on the couch, content to have the television to himself when they head upstairs. When he gets to his hallway, Matt is sneaking around the corner very obviously, and he gives him a pointed glare.
Matt sneers and tells him to go fuck himself, he doesn't like playing matchmaker, but while they're at it why doesn't he fuck Kris too?
And Adam almost wants to blush. Matt crows victory and continues sneaking away.
He pauses outside the door, considers waiting until Kris should be asleep, remembers Lil and Matt's "encouragement" and can't bring himself to face it again. Breathing deep and determinedly, he opens the door as if he knows exactly what he's doing, and is utterly surprised to find the room empty. Oh. Kris is in the bathroom.
Sort of upset by the ruination of his dramatic entrance, Adam sits loudly onto the edge of his bed and takes off his shoes, watching the clock until Kris comes out of the bathroom. When almost thirty minutes have gone by and there's been nothing so much as a sound, Adam swears, loudly, and goes to open the door. He's not surprised to find it locked, but the locks on bathrooms are generally cheap and sliding a credit card in allows the door to slip open. Kris gives no response to the door opening, just sits on the toilet and stares at the wall. Probably, Adam realizes, as he's been doing ever since he was sent back to their room. Any irritation he felt fades, and he wants nothing more suddenly than to make all of this go away for Kris, to give him a happy life, an easy path, never mind Adam or American Idol or anything else that's ever been a source of trouble for him.
"I don't like guys." Kris speaks suddenly, and Adam wonders if he's trying to actually convince either of them. And then he's turning and looking at him, and Adam feels the world drop out from underneath him at the anguish and need and fear and hope in Kris' eyes. "I don't. But." And he stands, steps closer, and Adam feels frozen, wondering where all of his supposed courage went. He was the one who wasn't married, knew he liked guys, knew everything, and he was older, even. But Kris is still moving closer. They are only two steps away, if Kris moves. Adam only has to take one.
And he does.
The theatrical production would have them kiss, have Adam tip Kris' mouth up to meet his and steal his breath away. He doesn't. Because this isn't a movie, this isn't a play, this isn't even American Idol.
This is just Adam and Kris, and Kris is scared and Adam wants only to make the fear go away. So he hugs him, pulls him close and tucks his head into his shoulder, where he feels Kris breathe, unsteady and quick, and wraps Kris' scent around him like a winter snowstorm, biting and foreign and real. And Kris makes a noise, and backs away, and Adam thinks his heart is breaking, and then. Kris.
And Adam discovers that he needs to stop thinking, because almost everything he's been thinking for the past three days (he can't believe it's three, only three, how could this have happened so fast and taken so long?) has been proven wrong, because his heart isn't breaking and Matt wasn't wrong and Lil was right and Kris' mouth is under his and he takes a deep breath and fits their mouths together properly, because Kris really is too nervous to do it properly but they both need it and this is familiar to him, has always been right.
He tilts his head down, runs his hand up Kris' back, soothing pressure and guidance, and Kris stands up straighter, pressing against Adam, and Adam licks at his lip because he can, and Kris' hand is smoothing along his cheek and neck, tentative, thumb finding the pulse point and Adam laughs against Kris' mouth.
Kris pulls back, almost smiles. "What?" So vulnerable.
Adam laughs again, low, shakes his head, slides his hand through Kris' hair and scratches at his scalp and the reaction when he's awake is so much better because his head drops back and he moans. And Adam doesn't resist, doesn't want to doesn't have to doesn't. doesn't. So he kisses him, licking replaced by biting and then Kris' mouth opens for him when he scratches his nails along the back of his neck and he knew the manicures would be good for something someday, because Kris' mouth is open. for him.
And he doesn't taste like anything in particular but Kris, every mumble and sigh at night that woke Adam and Adam thinks distantly that he'll probably be woken by Kris even more when he's in such close proximity from now on, but right now he's awake and he's licking along Kris' tongue and then Kris is sucking on his tongue and Adam groans, low in his throat, and Kris jerks at the noise and pulls away.
"Adam." He's blinking at him, but he doesn't look scared, not anymore. He also doesn't look confused, which is good, because Adam certainly is.
"You shouldn't move away." His voice is thick with want, and he sees Kris swallow hard.
"I don't know what I'm doing." And his eyes search Adam's, for reassurance, for encouragement. But he has certainty enough for both of them.
And Adam smiles, and tells him he'll show him.
---
He pushes Kris onto his bed, laughing delightedly when Kris glowers and swats at him. "Don't fuss."
Kris looks incredulous. "You shoved me! And I'm hardly fussing. I should be pissed."
Adam kneels on the bed over him, almost a safe distance away. Almost. "So? Are you? Cause if you're not, there's not much point in this discussion, is there?" He doesn't wait for an answer, bites at Kris' shoulder through his t-shirt. Kris turns his head, watches him, and his eyes are dark, pupils blown wide with want.
"I'll get you back later." And Adam wants to roll in the sound of his voice, heavy and distracted and just. for. him.
Adam slides his hands along the hem of Kris' shirt, tugs gently, hinting. Kris doesn't oblige, just tilts his head, and he's offering a kiss and Adam takes it but he yanks Kris up from where he's leaning back on his elbows, and forces their mouths apart when he drags the shirt over his head. Kris makes an irritated noise and closes his hand in Adam's hair, and this, this is why Adam likes guys, when even inexperienced, Kris is willing to force his mouth open cause he's pissed. So he sucks on his tongue, licks along his lip, drags away with a lingering bite, and then places soft fluttering pressure at the corner of his mouth, until Kris yanks at his hair and pulls him in again.
Kris' hands are scrabbling under his shirts, and he only has two on but he has a jacket on over, and when Kris tries to start dragging up it doesn't work. Adam swears softly into Kris' mouth and leans back, as Kris makes a heartbroken whine in protest at the separation, and Adam's pulling his jacket off, stripping off his shirts. He slides his hand across Kris' lower back, ignoring the way Kris is flushing because it's not worry or regret, he knows, it's just embarrassment from Adam's scrutiny and the dawning realization that he's touching another guy. Kris leans forward, mouths over his neck, bites gently. Adam laughs, tells him, "You'll have to do more than that to mark me," because he's forgotten that the marks may be what started all of this, but Kris hasn't and his eyes grow dark.
Adam blinks, realizes, wants to apologize. "Fuck, Kris--"
Teeth sink in, hard. He yelps, in surprise and maybe a little bit of real pain, and Kris is sucking at his teeth marks and Adam can feel from the pressure that it will take days to fade. And he thrills in the fact that everyone will know what they've done, but for now Kris is pale and unmarred and he needs to fix that.
He grips the back of Kris' neck, tugs gently then more firmly, and his skin twinges from the bruise when he bends his neck to kiss and lick at Kris' mouth, already red, and the brown eyes are blinking up at him defiantly. Adam knows he can't say that Brad means nothing, that they aren't involved, because that would mean he was saying he was available, or worse, would belong to, with Kris, but Kris wasn't available, maybe (and Adam cringed from the idea) never would really be, except for this, so he says nothing and kisses, kisses. He slides slowly along Kris' legs, until he's kneeling right over him and instead of leaning forward Kris has to lean back, tilt back, because Adam is almost a full head taller and it's almost frighteningly obvious right now.
Adam moves until his knee is between Kris' thighs, and the way Kris opens for him is unbelievably hot, good little Christian boy spreading his legs, and Adam forces down his darker urges and brings both hands to Kris' head, scratching behind his ears and tugging at his hair, and then one hand trails up and down his spine, reassuringly, as Adam's mouth moves to his collarbone and he licks, determinedly, repeatedly, and sucks, harder and harder. And when Kris is squirming and trying to pull him away from over-sensitized skin Adam bites, not nearly as hard as Kris but there, it was as close to permanent as he could do.
Kris swears softly, moans, pulls Adam over him and lays back, not intentionally submitting, Adam knows, but opening himself up nonetheless. Adam drops over him fully, finally, the length of his body heavy and taut and demanding against Kris, and Kris gasps, quick and startled, as Adam puts pressure over his trapped cock. Adam strokes hard against them both, rubs them together, but jeans aren't good enough and he sits back to unfasten their pants.
He pauses once the button and zipper are undone, looking over Kris with flushed skin and swollen mouth and dark eyes and so embarrassed to have Adam looking at him. "Adam--"
He kisses him, firmly, then stands to slide his own pants down. He pokes at Kris' hip. "Hips, up, lover." And he knows his smile is dark.
Kris squirms, looks away, and Adam loses patience, slides his hand under Kris' lower back and strokes over his jeans, harsh, and Kris arches and Adam pulls. Kris makes a noise, probably in protest, but he's learned his lesson because he helps Adam push down his briefs. And Adam crawls over him, naked, and ignores the way Kris stares at him in a little bit of unease. He settles himself, straddling one of Kris' legs, and drops his lips onto his forehead. He has to ask, at least once. "Okay?"
Kris swallows, shudders, and arches up against him, a soft murmur of assent emitted before he moans into Adam's mouth. Adam smiles, licks at his mouth gently, lovingly, and takes one of his hands to guide to both of their cocks, rubs them together. Kris hisses, then cries out. Adam smiles, sly and happy. "Okay?"
Kris whines, low in his throat, then opens his eyes and, "Please," and Adam has never liked his voice as much as he does at this moment. He's tentative but unashamed, touching them both gently and cautiously, as if he'd never before felt himself. Adam lets him, knows he's new and curious and, somewhere inside, at least a little shocked. Then he grips, firmly, and Adam remembers that this is Kris, and Kris is a shit and he loves him for it, because Kris smiles coyly even as he fists them together and twists. Adam groans, long and loud and unexpected, and then his patience runs out.
He grabs Kris' hands, presses them down beside his head as he lowers his mouth and kisses him fiercely, possessively, then drops their hips together and grinds. He takes them both in hand, dry and rough and friction almost too much, and Kris is panting and writhing beneath him, and Adam finds the bruise, dark on Kris' throat to suck at.
"Adam." Kris is growling, and even as Adam scratches his nails over his scalp -- god, he's sensitive, and Adam wants to pull on his hair, tight, and make him cry out -- and twists his hand tighter, and knows they're both so close; even during all of this Kris pulls his head up and bites at his mark on Adam's throat, and Adam knows turn about is fair play but it fucking hurts, and then he's growling too, and he kisses Kris; and then Kris is shaking against him, crying out as he comes, wet and heavy and loud, and Adam moans, a long continuous noise as he bites his lip and follows when Kris cries out for him.
---
They're tired and sweaty and smiling and can't quite meet each other's eyes from happiness and embarrassment, and Adam goes to get a towel. He wipes them off, yanks them over to Kris' bed (clean bedclothes) and Kris doesn't protest, just goes with him quietly and contentedly, head lolling against his shoulder. He curls around him, and Kris purrs at the contact turning where Adam knows he's listening to his heart beat.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Kris is quiet when Adam doesn't answer, but Adam knows the question isn't one he can ignore. "You're married."
Kris goes worryingly still, then turns and props himself to look down at Adam. "I've never felt anything like this for her."
And Adam knows what's coming. "But you love her."
Kris bites his lip, nods, almost ashamed. And Adam finds that he really doesn't care what Kris has to do. He can wait.
Kris takes a deep breath, sighs. "Just, give me time, yeah? I need you, but. Well. I don't know yet."
And Adam finds that he's a big enough person that he can smile and say of course, and mean it.
End.
Author:
idwyt_nome
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They are real people. Nobody owns them, certainly not me. This is fiction, which is why it's on LJ.
Author's Notes: Now, to repeat a much-used phrase: This was supposed to be a drabble. I looked up words that I thought were interesting, and I got a fic idea based around this one. The original drabble was the first part, ending where Kris walks out of the room. And now, fuck me, the damn thing is 9,905 words long. Doesn't even fit in one post. Ugh. So, it's a bastard, and it's very NSFW. You have been warned.
Part One.
---
The next morning he has to hunt down his cellphone when the alarm he sets goes off, and Kris grumbles and is completely awake by the time he gets it switched off.
"I can't believe you get up this fucking early. You don't even end up looking that pretty from all the effort."
Adam laughs, flips him off, and tells him he'll wake him back up in time for breakfast.
He's happy that morning in the shower, comfortable and not rushed and calm, but he refuses to touch himself, and when he comes out Kris is curled up on his side, asleep again. He sets the right alarm and leaves his phone by his head.
---
Kris tramples down the stairs, louder than usual. He hops into the room, and the problem becomes evident as he struggles to keep on one of his shoes that the lace has broken off of. Adam laughs, and Allison sympathizes, and Lil goes upstairs and comes back down, producing a shoelace, Danny, and Matt. They all praise her preparedness, and Matt swears at them, and Danny complains about the lack of eggs for breakfast.
Adam meets Lil's eyes and smiles.
---
They rehearse all morning, getting nervous and alternately soothing one another as they practice, knowing two of them will be going home, in spite of their best efforts, and wishing desperately -- or at least Adam does -- that time would pause forever.
That afternoon is a photo shoot and interviews -- Kris' least favorite activities. Adam loves them, and the others tease him mercilessly as they head over to the douche bag photographer's studio.
"Allen! Look at the fucking camera!" Kris is flushing, embarrassed and angry, and the photographer and crew can't get him to look sexy, or cute, or even normal. Every time they take a picture it's like Kris has made an awful face, deliberately and repetitively, and they lecture him as such. Now he's just sulking, looking down and away and blinking as if the lights are hurting his eyes.
Allison and Lil and Anoop are done, gone back to the house, and Danny is with one of the understudy photographers, who will do Matt too, so that if the pictures turn out okay they can just use those instead of waiting for the guy with Kris to finish all of theirs.
"Allen!" Kris has had enough. He stands, walks off. Gets yelled at, sworn at, ducks his head and looks like he wants to hide.
Adam wishes he could help, wishes he could take the pictures for him, but he knows he can't but he also can't watch this anymore. He grabs Kris by the arm, pulls him gently and resolutely over to the photographer. "Hey, can we try something?"
The photographer glares, sighs, looks as if he's reconsidering his career path. "What?"
Adam smiles, charming, and slides his hand across Kris' back, feeling him lean in a small fraction and relax even more. "Can you try to take pictures of us together? I know you need solo pictures, but could you like, remove me? So long as we don't touch, it shouldn't screw anything up, right?"
The photographer screws up his face, and Adam knows he's calculating the extra editing work against the reward of being done with Kris for one more week. Adam tries again. "Could we even maybe get both of us done? Like, take our picture together, edit him out of mine and me out of his?"
That seals the deal, and the photographer motions them over to the front of the screen. They're told to stay there and then ignored as lights and space are adjusted for the both of them.
"Adam!" Kris is hissing at him. "What gave you this brilliant idea?"
Adam smiles winningly. "Some of my miraculous talent will ooze into you and you'll be done soon."
Kris doesn't laugh. "No, more like some of my awkwardness will affect you and we'll both end up having to take them separately anyway!"
Adam nudges him playfully. "Just more time in front of the camera, then. What's to lose?" And he looks at Kris, tries to get him to agree, and smiles gleefully when he nods reluctantly and turns to face the cameras.
"Allen! Lambert! Lean back, towards the screen. Do not touch each other, but lean to the middle together!"
Adam does, focusing on Kris' unsteady breathing beside him and letting his face relax into a smile.
"Allen!"
Adam sighs. "Okay, that's it. Kris, give me your hand." And he tugs him, stands behind, not touching but close, and breathes into his ear, "Think of your wife. Think of her, the first time you kissed her, the first time you got to touch her. The trembling, desperate want. Remember that, and let your eyes unfocus. Don't look at the camera, it freaks you out, apparently. I'm going to be standing next to you, and I've got your hand, so focus on my breathing. Whenever I squeeze your hand, move however I tell you to and that way you don't have to worry about listening to their directions, okay?"
"Lambert! Christ, get fucking off each other. We need to be done today, please!"
Adam moves to his spot, keeping a loose grip on Kris' hand. "Sorry, dude. Just, tell us what you want, okay? Happy, whatever. That sort of shit."
The photographer rolls his eyes. "Is it too much to ask for something with a little bit of sex appeal? He's like a fucking choirboy. No porn at all." Adam wants to laugh, but he feels Kris beginning to tense again beside him, and he squeezes his hand.
"Think about what I told you. Better yet, think of the dirtiest fantasy you've ever had, okay?"
Kris blushes, turns and meets his eyes. Adam vaguely hears the clicking of the cameras and wants to punch someone, because Kris is looking at him soft and wanting, and he doesn't know the cameras are there because he's open and relaxed and focused on Adam.
"Move your shoulders, turn your heads sideways, so we get more of your profiles." The photographer isn't yelling, for once--he's hushed as if he knows they shouldn't be disturbed; Adam knows that they're moving lights and that Danny and Matt are off to the side, watching them. He doesn't care.
He squeezes again. "Kris?"
Kris smiles, almost dreamily, and tells him he heard him. Adam steps backward, turns almost sideways, and both their heads are turned and they're still looking at each other. Then, Kris blinks and he looks back at the camera, and he's smiling, happy and a little like he's got a secret, and before the expression can be lost the photographer takes the picture, preserving it.
"Thanks, guys." Adam thinks that's the happiest he's ever heard the jackass behind the camera sound, and he's furious that Kris' attention has been pulled away from him, even though he knows that Kris wasn't looking at him, not really. He gets a burst of courage and an idea.
"Hold on!" Everyone looks at him. He steps up behind Kris, slightly to the side, and curves both of his hands over his hips, feels Kris shudder and lean into him, shocked. And then Kris is turning to look at him and their faces are inches away and Adam is pressed the length of Kris' warmth, burning through their clothes, and neither of them is breathing and Adam knows this because Kris finally steps away and breathes in and it's a gasp and Adam knows there were a million pictures taken right then and Adam knows he overstepped his boundaries and Matt is looking at him as if the world's about to end and he doesn't know what to do about it and Adam can't regret any of it because there's Kris over to the side and he's flushed but it's not with embarrassment and there are pictures that Adam will have for as long as he wants them and Adam really can't regret any of it.
---
Matt grabs him before they get in the car to go back to the house -- Kris is already in, pressed against the window, hiding and confused, Danny talking about everything and nothing, and Adam doesn't know if he's that oblivious or if he's smart enough to pretend he is, and it doesn't matter, because the last thing Adam thinks Kris needs right now is questions and suspicions and expectations -- and Matt is furious with him. "What the fuck was that?" It would be a yell if it weren't a hiss.
"That?" Adam smirks, and it's wicked and dirty and not very nice at all. "That was my issue."
And Matt looks at him as if the sun just came up, knowledge dawning, and Adam waits to see disgust or pity, but instead the anger melts away, and there's a little bit of awe and a lot of amusement. "Dude, is that all?"
Adam wants to smack him when he won't tell him why it's not a big deal.
---
They get back and Kris is out of the car and away before any of them can say a word -- Danny talked the whole way home (not home, home is elsewhere, home is outside) and Adam's still thankful, but -- and Kris is gone, and Matt is dragging him over to Lil and Allison is veering off after Kris and Adam thinks this is an intervention.
He's pushed into a chair and told by a stern Lil to stay put, and then they go off and whisper to each other. Adam wants to laugh as he remembers high school, but then he remembers Allison's in high school still and she's with Kris right now and Kris is gone somewhere, upset, and he's royally fucked. Up.
"Oh, so you just got it, did you?" Matt's half-glowering, half-laughing at him.
Adam snarls. "Got what, fucker?"
He looks like he's about to snap back, but Lil interrupts, clearing her throat and looking pointedly at them. She sits on the arm of Adam chair and peers down at him thoughtfully. "You're in love with Kris."
Adam jerks, wants to hide away; because yeah, he knew, and knew Lil did and obviously Matt now, but. Hearing it. And for the first time in years Adam wants to cry.
Lil smiles. "Sweetie, it's a good thing. I know you don't think it is, but really." Adam doesn't think her assurances will help him this time.
"Okay, bitch, listen." And Matt's being a jerk, reliably. Lil glares. "This was gonna happen. I mean, seriously? We're holed up together. It's a bit like Stockholm syndrome, but with each other." Adam thinks Matt has no idea what he's saying, and his expression shows the disbelief, because Matt's giving him the finger and still talking. "You two have been screwing with each other for weeks. You might as well actually screw while you're at it."
Adam knows Matt just lost him, and so does Lil, cause she waves Matt off and leans heavily into Adam. "Babe, you don't listen to him talk to his wife."
Adam flinches, and Lil pokes him. He clears his throat, uncomfortable. "No. He goes into the hallway or somewhere."
Lil nods, all-knowing. "He doesn't want to talk to her when he's with you. He talks about you, all the time -- yes, we listen, it's not as if it's a sin -- but he keeps all mention of her to a minimum whenever you're near."
Skeptical, Adam nods; she has no clue what she's talking about.
"Listen, I cheated on a girlfriend once." Adam looks at Matt, confused by the non-sequitur. "They were friends, not close, but friends. I liked the other chick more than my girlfriend; I refused to talk about my girlfriend when I was with her, but my girlfriend found out about us later and said that it was obvious because I talked about her friend more than she did."
Adam looks at him sideways; Matt squirms a little, opens his mouth to clarify. To save them the pain, Adam sighs. "I get what you're saying. I don't think you're right, but I get it. But Matt?"
Matt nods at him, carefully. "How long were you with the friend once you and your girlfriend broke up?"
When he refused to answer, Adam smiled humorlessly. "Exactly. So no thanks."
Matt sighs, sharp and irritated. "You're not her, and Kris isn't me. Grow a pair, asshole, and fucking try."
Lil tugs on his ear, sharp enough to hurt. "You've already screwed over the platonic relationship. Groping him? On camera?" Adam wants to object, but she glares him into submission. "You've both kept it only barely beneath the surface so far. This blew it so out you won't be able to ignore it any more. So deal with it."
Adam smiles, worried but resigned. "If we won't be able to ignore it anyway, what's all this lecturing for?"
Lil looks at him, exasperated. "We're trying to make sure you won't try to ignore it, anyway; and we wanted you to know that you don't have as small a chance as you seem to think."
He shakes his head, roughly. "He's married."
"He could get divorced. And he doesn't call her anyway. The only time they talk is when she calls him. And he hung up on her the night before last, when you were in your snit." Adam really does think Matt is an asshole.
But he sighs defeat, and Matt hops cheerfully, hollering at them about going swimming. Anoop comes over and asks them why everyone but him was involved in great debates, and Lil told him he was above all of it. Dragged off by Matt to change to go swimming, Adam wants to look for Kris, but Lil whispers, "Give him time. Just til tonight, babe, okay?"
And Adam does.
---
They somehow managed to miss each other completely at dinner, and then Matt and Danny kidnapped Kris into their room and kicked Adam downstairs, so the only contact they had was a brief, startled flash as Matt and Danny's door shut in Adam's face.
Lil makes him watch an awful comedy with her and Allison, and neither of them have the heart to tell her that Anoop really is the only other one who enjoys the sentiments within. Allison asks if he'll paint her nails, and he's about to say no when he sees their truly pathetic state, and he hasn't the heart. He asks her what color, and she rattles off, like, four, so he tells her to pick one more and he'll do each nail a different color. Afterwards, she does his, but badly so he has to redo them and then she's yawning (entirely faked, Adam saw Lil nudge her) and they all leave Anoop behind on the couch, content to have the television to himself when they head upstairs. When he gets to his hallway, Matt is sneaking around the corner very obviously, and he gives him a pointed glare.
Matt sneers and tells him to go fuck himself, he doesn't like playing matchmaker, but while they're at it why doesn't he fuck Kris too?
And Adam almost wants to blush. Matt crows victory and continues sneaking away.
He pauses outside the door, considers waiting until Kris should be asleep, remembers Lil and Matt's "encouragement" and can't bring himself to face it again. Breathing deep and determinedly, he opens the door as if he knows exactly what he's doing, and is utterly surprised to find the room empty. Oh. Kris is in the bathroom.
Sort of upset by the ruination of his dramatic entrance, Adam sits loudly onto the edge of his bed and takes off his shoes, watching the clock until Kris comes out of the bathroom. When almost thirty minutes have gone by and there's been nothing so much as a sound, Adam swears, loudly, and goes to open the door. He's not surprised to find it locked, but the locks on bathrooms are generally cheap and sliding a credit card in allows the door to slip open. Kris gives no response to the door opening, just sits on the toilet and stares at the wall. Probably, Adam realizes, as he's been doing ever since he was sent back to their room. Any irritation he felt fades, and he wants nothing more suddenly than to make all of this go away for Kris, to give him a happy life, an easy path, never mind Adam or American Idol or anything else that's ever been a source of trouble for him.
"I don't like guys." Kris speaks suddenly, and Adam wonders if he's trying to actually convince either of them. And then he's turning and looking at him, and Adam feels the world drop out from underneath him at the anguish and need and fear and hope in Kris' eyes. "I don't. But." And he stands, steps closer, and Adam feels frozen, wondering where all of his supposed courage went. He was the one who wasn't married, knew he liked guys, knew everything, and he was older, even. But Kris is still moving closer. They are only two steps away, if Kris moves. Adam only has to take one.
And he does.
The theatrical production would have them kiss, have Adam tip Kris' mouth up to meet his and steal his breath away. He doesn't. Because this isn't a movie, this isn't a play, this isn't even American Idol.
This is just Adam and Kris, and Kris is scared and Adam wants only to make the fear go away. So he hugs him, pulls him close and tucks his head into his shoulder, where he feels Kris breathe, unsteady and quick, and wraps Kris' scent around him like a winter snowstorm, biting and foreign and real. And Kris makes a noise, and backs away, and Adam thinks his heart is breaking, and then. Kris.
And Adam discovers that he needs to stop thinking, because almost everything he's been thinking for the past three days (he can't believe it's three, only three, how could this have happened so fast and taken so long?) has been proven wrong, because his heart isn't breaking and Matt wasn't wrong and Lil was right and Kris' mouth is under his and he takes a deep breath and fits their mouths together properly, because Kris really is too nervous to do it properly but they both need it and this is familiar to him, has always been right.
He tilts his head down, runs his hand up Kris' back, soothing pressure and guidance, and Kris stands up straighter, pressing against Adam, and Adam licks at his lip because he can, and Kris' hand is smoothing along his cheek and neck, tentative, thumb finding the pulse point and Adam laughs against Kris' mouth.
Kris pulls back, almost smiles. "What?" So vulnerable.
Adam laughs again, low, shakes his head, slides his hand through Kris' hair and scratches at his scalp and the reaction when he's awake is so much better because his head drops back and he moans. And Adam doesn't resist, doesn't want to doesn't have to doesn't. doesn't. So he kisses him, licking replaced by biting and then Kris' mouth opens for him when he scratches his nails along the back of his neck and he knew the manicures would be good for something someday, because Kris' mouth is open. for him.
And he doesn't taste like anything in particular but Kris, every mumble and sigh at night that woke Adam and Adam thinks distantly that he'll probably be woken by Kris even more when he's in such close proximity from now on, but right now he's awake and he's licking along Kris' tongue and then Kris is sucking on his tongue and Adam groans, low in his throat, and Kris jerks at the noise and pulls away.
"Adam." He's blinking at him, but he doesn't look scared, not anymore. He also doesn't look confused, which is good, because Adam certainly is.
"You shouldn't move away." His voice is thick with want, and he sees Kris swallow hard.
"I don't know what I'm doing." And his eyes search Adam's, for reassurance, for encouragement. But he has certainty enough for both of them.
And Adam smiles, and tells him he'll show him.
---
He pushes Kris onto his bed, laughing delightedly when Kris glowers and swats at him. "Don't fuss."
Kris looks incredulous. "You shoved me! And I'm hardly fussing. I should be pissed."
Adam kneels on the bed over him, almost a safe distance away. Almost. "So? Are you? Cause if you're not, there's not much point in this discussion, is there?" He doesn't wait for an answer, bites at Kris' shoulder through his t-shirt. Kris turns his head, watches him, and his eyes are dark, pupils blown wide with want.
"I'll get you back later." And Adam wants to roll in the sound of his voice, heavy and distracted and just. for. him.
Adam slides his hands along the hem of Kris' shirt, tugs gently, hinting. Kris doesn't oblige, just tilts his head, and he's offering a kiss and Adam takes it but he yanks Kris up from where he's leaning back on his elbows, and forces their mouths apart when he drags the shirt over his head. Kris makes an irritated noise and closes his hand in Adam's hair, and this, this is why Adam likes guys, when even inexperienced, Kris is willing to force his mouth open cause he's pissed. So he sucks on his tongue, licks along his lip, drags away with a lingering bite, and then places soft fluttering pressure at the corner of his mouth, until Kris yanks at his hair and pulls him in again.
Kris' hands are scrabbling under his shirts, and he only has two on but he has a jacket on over, and when Kris tries to start dragging up it doesn't work. Adam swears softly into Kris' mouth and leans back, as Kris makes a heartbroken whine in protest at the separation, and Adam's pulling his jacket off, stripping off his shirts. He slides his hand across Kris' lower back, ignoring the way Kris is flushing because it's not worry or regret, he knows, it's just embarrassment from Adam's scrutiny and the dawning realization that he's touching another guy. Kris leans forward, mouths over his neck, bites gently. Adam laughs, tells him, "You'll have to do more than that to mark me," because he's forgotten that the marks may be what started all of this, but Kris hasn't and his eyes grow dark.
Adam blinks, realizes, wants to apologize. "Fuck, Kris--"
Teeth sink in, hard. He yelps, in surprise and maybe a little bit of real pain, and Kris is sucking at his teeth marks and Adam can feel from the pressure that it will take days to fade. And he thrills in the fact that everyone will know what they've done, but for now Kris is pale and unmarred and he needs to fix that.
He grips the back of Kris' neck, tugs gently then more firmly, and his skin twinges from the bruise when he bends his neck to kiss and lick at Kris' mouth, already red, and the brown eyes are blinking up at him defiantly. Adam knows he can't say that Brad means nothing, that they aren't involved, because that would mean he was saying he was available, or worse, would belong to, with Kris, but Kris wasn't available, maybe (and Adam cringed from the idea) never would really be, except for this, so he says nothing and kisses, kisses. He slides slowly along Kris' legs, until he's kneeling right over him and instead of leaning forward Kris has to lean back, tilt back, because Adam is almost a full head taller and it's almost frighteningly obvious right now.
Adam moves until his knee is between Kris' thighs, and the way Kris opens for him is unbelievably hot, good little Christian boy spreading his legs, and Adam forces down his darker urges and brings both hands to Kris' head, scratching behind his ears and tugging at his hair, and then one hand trails up and down his spine, reassuringly, as Adam's mouth moves to his collarbone and he licks, determinedly, repeatedly, and sucks, harder and harder. And when Kris is squirming and trying to pull him away from over-sensitized skin Adam bites, not nearly as hard as Kris but there, it was as close to permanent as he could do.
Kris swears softly, moans, pulls Adam over him and lays back, not intentionally submitting, Adam knows, but opening himself up nonetheless. Adam drops over him fully, finally, the length of his body heavy and taut and demanding against Kris, and Kris gasps, quick and startled, as Adam puts pressure over his trapped cock. Adam strokes hard against them both, rubs them together, but jeans aren't good enough and he sits back to unfasten their pants.
He pauses once the button and zipper are undone, looking over Kris with flushed skin and swollen mouth and dark eyes and so embarrassed to have Adam looking at him. "Adam--"
He kisses him, firmly, then stands to slide his own pants down. He pokes at Kris' hip. "Hips, up, lover." And he knows his smile is dark.
Kris squirms, looks away, and Adam loses patience, slides his hand under Kris' lower back and strokes over his jeans, harsh, and Kris arches and Adam pulls. Kris makes a noise, probably in protest, but he's learned his lesson because he helps Adam push down his briefs. And Adam crawls over him, naked, and ignores the way Kris stares at him in a little bit of unease. He settles himself, straddling one of Kris' legs, and drops his lips onto his forehead. He has to ask, at least once. "Okay?"
Kris swallows, shudders, and arches up against him, a soft murmur of assent emitted before he moans into Adam's mouth. Adam smiles, licks at his mouth gently, lovingly, and takes one of his hands to guide to both of their cocks, rubs them together. Kris hisses, then cries out. Adam smiles, sly and happy. "Okay?"
Kris whines, low in his throat, then opens his eyes and, "Please," and Adam has never liked his voice as much as he does at this moment. He's tentative but unashamed, touching them both gently and cautiously, as if he'd never before felt himself. Adam lets him, knows he's new and curious and, somewhere inside, at least a little shocked. Then he grips, firmly, and Adam remembers that this is Kris, and Kris is a shit and he loves him for it, because Kris smiles coyly even as he fists them together and twists. Adam groans, long and loud and unexpected, and then his patience runs out.
He grabs Kris' hands, presses them down beside his head as he lowers his mouth and kisses him fiercely, possessively, then drops their hips together and grinds. He takes them both in hand, dry and rough and friction almost too much, and Kris is panting and writhing beneath him, and Adam finds the bruise, dark on Kris' throat to suck at.
"Adam." Kris is growling, and even as Adam scratches his nails over his scalp -- god, he's sensitive, and Adam wants to pull on his hair, tight, and make him cry out -- and twists his hand tighter, and knows they're both so close; even during all of this Kris pulls his head up and bites at his mark on Adam's throat, and Adam knows turn about is fair play but it fucking hurts, and then he's growling too, and he kisses Kris; and then Kris is shaking against him, crying out as he comes, wet and heavy and loud, and Adam moans, a long continuous noise as he bites his lip and follows when Kris cries out for him.
---
They're tired and sweaty and smiling and can't quite meet each other's eyes from happiness and embarrassment, and Adam goes to get a towel. He wipes them off, yanks them over to Kris' bed (clean bedclothes) and Kris doesn't protest, just goes with him quietly and contentedly, head lolling against his shoulder. He curls around him, and Kris purrs at the contact turning where Adam knows he's listening to his heart beat.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Kris is quiet when Adam doesn't answer, but Adam knows the question isn't one he can ignore. "You're married."
Kris goes worryingly still, then turns and props himself to look down at Adam. "I've never felt anything like this for her."
And Adam knows what's coming. "But you love her."
Kris bites his lip, nods, almost ashamed. And Adam finds that he really doesn't care what Kris has to do. He can wait.
Kris takes a deep breath, sighs. "Just, give me time, yeah? I need you, but. Well. I don't know yet."
And Adam finds that he's a big enough person that he can smile and say of course, and mean it.
End.