Good Enough After All Chapter 2?/
American Idol 8 RPF: Good Enough After All Chapter 2/?
Rating: NC 17(overall)
Summary: Kris thinks he isn't good enough for anyone in his life- most of all, Adam.
Beta: Many thanks to the wonderful laurahellomoto
Warnings: Angst, plenty of angst. Mentions of major character suicidal thinking/attempts(don't worry nobody dies). Mentions of Adommy(but no in story scenes of anything above friendship there).
Author's notes: I am breaking a hard and steadfast rule by writing Kradam.This is my first RPF ever, for any fandom. I had said I'd never do it, but too many stories were floating around in my head for me to resist. Be gentle, but honest. Feedback rocks.
Disclaimer: I do not know these people, and this was just done for fun. No offense intended, and no profit. If you got here by googling youself or someone you know, for the love of every deity I don't believe in leave now.
http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/1677665.html#cutid1 Chapter One
Chapter 2/?
Adam stepped back from Kris, taking a deep breath. He was not surprised that Kris was unhappy that he had arrived to see him after three months apart with Tommy in tow, but he had not expected that big of an outburst. Yelling and swearing were usually not Kris Allen’s style. Adam had only heard Kris drop three F bombs the entire time he had known him, and all three times it had involved people making homophobic remarks about Adam. Something was definitely off here.
For the first time, Adam took a look around the suite. Something was different from all the other times Kris had rented rooms and suites for them to rendezvous behind Katy’s back. It didn’t look like Kris had rented the suite for a weekend. It looked lived in. Kris’s guitar was on the couch, like it usually was at his house. Several pairs of scuffed converse littered the floor, and the garbage can in the adjoining kitchen appeared to be full to the brim, as if Kris hadn’t let housekeeping service his suite for at least two or three days. But that couldn’t be right. Kris hadn’t been due to arrive back in LA until this afternoon. So why did it look like a bachelor’s pad that nobody had bothered to clean for at least a week? Adam was definitely missing something here, and that something was more than likely the key to Kris’s uncharacteristically angry response to seeing Tommy. He had to find out what it was and diffuse the situation before Tommy died of discomfort and before Kris exploded and threw them both out. Finally Adam’s consciousness registered the manila envelope that Kris was clutching as if his life depended on it. Ah. If that was what he thought it was, it explained everything.
Turning to Tommy, Adam asked gently, “Can you give us a few? I probably shouldn’t have sprung you on him like this. I’ll give you a buzz when we’ve sorted a few things out.”
Still visibly uncomfortable, but offering an understanding smile just the same, Tommy nodded. “No problem. I think I’ll rent a room a few floors down. That way I have a place to go if things don’t work the way we thought, and you two can have some privacy.”
“Thanks for understanding,” Adam said, nodding. He pulled out his wallet and handed Tommy his Visa. “It’s on me babe. It’s my fault you guys are in this situation. The least I can do is pay for everything.”
Tommy nodded, looking a little more comfortable now that he was about to escape the awkwardness of the room. “Thanks, man. Call me when you’re ready, and I’ll give you my room number. I’ll book it for the weekend, at least.” With a nod and a tentative smile in Kris’s direction, Tommy picked up the duffle bag that he had set next to Adam’s suitcase by the door and left the room.
After the door was safely closed on Tommy, Adam walked over to the plush leather loveseat and sat down, motioning for Kris to join him. He noticed that the anger of the outburst of just a few moments before was gone, and Kris just looked…lost. Defeated. And worst of all, miserably depressed. It broke his heart to think that he had been the one to make someone as lovely and sweet and damn near perfect as Kris Allen look like that. Adam had to fix this, right now.
“Kris, baby, tell me what’s going on,” he said gently. “This place looks like you’ve been living here, and what’s with the envelope? Are you in some kind of trouble?”
Kris looked down, fiddling with the tail of his blue and green plaid shirt, sitting as far away from Adam as the loveseat would allow, and refusing to meet Adam’s eyes. He put the envelope down on the black marble coffee table that sat a few feet from the love seat and was littered with take out garbage that appeared to be at least a few days old. Adam made a mental note to clean for Kris before he left, no matter what the outcome of this mess turned out to be. He hoped it would end with Kris coming home with him, but he was less than certain that that would be an option now that he was seeing Kris’s reaction to Tommy. But either way, he was going to take care of Kris in every way he could, because it was obvious that Kris was in no shape to take care of himself.
“Divorce papers, Adam. Katy filed for divorce,” he said in a defeated tone. “She’s known about us for awhile now. She just didn’t say anything. She went behind my back and got lawyers and had papers drawn up while I was doing this last leg of shows. I got back into town early, and she had all my stuff packed and the papers were waiting. She didn’t give me a choice. So I signed them, took my copies, and moved in here. I’ve been living here for the last six days.”
Kris looked like a scared little boy to Adam. He had self- hatred and disgust written all over his face. A million questions exploded in Adam’s head, but he knew he had to give Kris time, let him talk about this on his own terms, and tell his story in his own way.
Kris continued, “She did the right thing. She knows it, I know it, and of course you know it. I was too much of a coward to admit to myself over all these years that I’m gay. Then you came along and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. But instead of being a man and telling my wife and my family and even myself the truth, I cheated and pretended like I was the perfect husband and the perfect American Idol. I let everyone down, Adam. My parents, my church, my wife, my fans…and worst of all, you.”
Finally Kris looked up at Adam, tears shining in his frightened brown eyes. “I’m such a fuck up, Adam. And I am so sorry I yelled at you. You didn’t know it was over between me and Katy. You had every right to have Tommy or any other boy you wanted, because you had no idea whether I was going to be able to be with you or not. It was selfish of me to want you to put your life on hold for me.”
Kris was crying in earnest now, and Adam wrapped his arms around him, letting him let out all the pain and suffering that had no doubt been bottled up for nearly two years, maybe longer. Maybe Kris’s lifelong denial of his true orientation had finally spilled over and ripped him apart, and this was the result.
Taking another deep breath, Adam said, “You’re not a fuck up Kris. You’re the best person I know. You’re not letting anyone down by coming to terms with who and what you really are, and who you love. Anyone that can’t see how brave you are for finally deciding to be yourself isn’t worth your time. Now, I don’t deny that coming out will be difficult. You have a lot of conservative fans that will turn their backs on you, and the religious right will more than likely call you a liar and a sinner and me a heathen and a home wrecker. But I promise you, we’ll get through this together. We’re gonna be happy together Kris, I promise.”
Kris pulled away from Adam and looked at him with wide eyes puffy and bloodshot from crying. He still looked scared, but at least now Adam could see the smallest glimmer of hope in his eyes behind that fear. Maybe things would work out after all.
“But, what about Tommy?”
Adam froze. He knew that Tommy would have to be discussed before they could go any further. He quickly debated how much to tell Kris about his reasons for bringing Tommy along to the suite tonight. He knew that Kris was fragile right now, and had already had one bomb dropped on him this week. He was more than likely in no shape to deal with another. However, Adam lived by the idea that the truth was almost always preferable to lies, so he took what felt like his millionth deep breath in the forty- five minutes since he had arrived at the suite and began what would more than likely be his not so well received explanations.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about…”