#8 [INFINITE, L/WOOHYUN]
Fandom: Infinite
Title: Until my heart cools off a little more
Rating: R
Pairing(s)/Focus: L/Woohyun, L-centric
Length: 2,834 words
Summary: He tells himself a story, a story of how he pieces Woohyun’s heart back together, turns tears into smiles that are even brighter.
Warnings: dysfuntional relationship, dub-con.
Remixee author: specialises | equalises
Title of work you remixed: It's My Heart That's Not Working
Link to work you remixed: here
He notices it one day, the new earring that Woohyun rarely changes, the way his smile is simply different. For a while none of the others notice, but Myungsoo does, because that’s how he is, always watching. (Watching is easier sometimes, it gives him a chance to just look in rather than force him to fumble through words and actions. Besides, what can he even say when Woohyun doesn’t say anything?)
He watches as Woohyun types out a text, smiling like a fool, while the other members are bustling about getting ready. He sees the way Woohyun fiddles with that earring like he’s imagining someone else’s touch. Woohyun looks up, catches him watching - he bites down on his lips, bites back a smile, as if he knows that Myungsoo has figured it out. And then he gives up and just grins, lets his joy spread through his features, sharing his story wordlessly.
For a while it’s their secret, and it’s kind of nice like that.
(It’s not their secret for long, with the way they live it’s impossible for anything to remain secret for long. Eventually everyone else notices, first Sunggyu, then Dongwoo, and one after another they figure it out. Myungsoo wonders if they all figured it out because of the new slant to Woohyun’s smile, warmer and happier.
Myungsoo takes a picture, because he figures this won’t last. It’s probably a cruel thought but he thinks it’s inevitable, with the way they live, because they trade away so much for this chance to live their dream - how could anything else stand in the face of that?
It’s a painful thought, and from there something grows, without him ever meaning for it to.)
Myungsoo spends a lot of time in the controlled environment of his mind. It’s the only thing he can control when the life he lives moves like a whirlwind. A photo shoot one day, a recording the next, a fansign with way too many people and too many voices screaming for him, for Infinite - and then practice in between all of that. It’s what he dreamt of years and years ago (it feels like forever) and he doesn’t regret it. That’s why he pulls back, so that he can keep his head above it all, so that he can breathe. It’s the only way he knows how to keep up with this life that gives so much but drains everything else from their lives.
He snaps a picture of Woohyun, startles him into laughing. It’s not a particularly good shot and Woohyun whines at him to delete it, but Myungsoo keeps it, to keep track of the few quiet moments they have. Besides, even if it isn’t a particularly good shot, the current Woohyun has a smile that has a colour different from everyone else. He’s glowing. (He wonders if he’s jealous - but no, that’s not it at all.)
He finds himself wondering about this new person in Woohyun’s life. Woohyun leaves their dorm quietly in the evening and comes back late (Myungsoo listens for it even though he’s tired and their schedule starts early tomorrow). Woohyun practically glitters in spite of the lack of sleep and the others tease him for it (Sunggyu and Sungyeol more than the rest). It’s like this new love coats Woohyun in a protective sheen of happiness that wards away exhaustion, wards away all the worries of the world.
Myungsoo wordlessly fixes Woohyun’s collar for him, adjusting it to obscure the faint bruise on his neck, and his gaze fixates on the colour that rises to Woohyun’s cheeks as he laughs.
He figures, it’s fine that this person will inevitably break Woohyun’s heart as long as he’s happy right now. It’s not as if anyone is ever guaranteed happiness in a relationship, their odds are just worse than the average person’s, but that’s not any reason they shouldn’t even try. Besides if (when) this ends they’ll be here for Woohyun. He’ll be here for Woohyun.
So Myungsoo takes a picture and tries not to think too far ahead, tries not to think of how it’ll end.
It’s not as if he’s hoping, he’s only being realistic. This can’t last, because they’re idols, because the life they lead won't allow this to last.
(But he tells himself that and in the next thought he tells himself a story, a story of how he pieces Woohyun’s heart back together, turns tears into smiles that are even brighter. He’s not sure when it started but by the time he notices it's already too late. He watches, not quite with anticipation, and tries to comfort himself with the heavy guilt that matches his infatuation.
Cluelessly, Woohyun continues to smile, bright and blinding.)
It lasts almost three months.
There are cracks in Woohyun’s smile. Myungsoo notices first, because Woohyun looks tired. (The others don’t because they’re all tired, but Myunsoo knows because it’s been months since he’s seen Woohyun look like this. Exhausted, drained, like his heart is a rock sinking into the dark sea. Myungsoo can see the extra weight bearing down on his shoulders. He knows because he feels it too.)
He looks at the photos he took of Woohyun’s smile and wonders if it’s ending already. He wonders, irrationally, if it’s his fault for thinking that it would inevitably end right from the start.
Isn’t this too soon?
It begins to show in other places, those thin, barely there cracks begin to grow. Myungsoo thinks that under pressure Woohyun might begin to chip and fracture until he just shatters.
His smile slips.
They’re beginning to record for their new song, beginning to prepare for their comeback. Sunggyu tells Woohyun that he needs to focus. He tells Woohyun that he can’t let his personal life affect his work - Myungsoo winces, Woohyun does as well.
He can barely watch (but he does anyways), it’s hard to see how Woohyun shrinks away, so unlike himself. It makes him want to hug Woohyun, to shield him from everything. He almost does after their practice but Sunggyu beats him to it. Woohyun leans into the hug for a moment before pulling away, smiling.
Myungsoo thinks that maybe if he takes a picture of this, of Woohyun’s strained, tight smile, then maybe this won’t last long either.
Woohyun leaves their dorm quietly in the evening and Myungsoo waits. He comes back late, the smell of alcohol and smoke clinging to his clothes. He looks exhausted, dazed but too awake at the same time. He looks at Myungsoo like he’s expecting him to morph into another person (like he’s hoping for it).
“Welcome back,” Myungsoo says lamely. At least it brings Woohyun back, makes Woohyun see him instead of whoever he’s yearning for.
Woohyun smiles a shaky smile and wobbles, legs just as unsteady. “Aw, you waited for me.”
The laugh that follows is weak and sad, Woohyun sways and Myungsoo just barely manages to catch him around the waist. Myungsoo has never been good at words, but he thinks words wouldn’t help anyways so he tries not to think about that. Instead he thinks he wants to hug Woohyun, he wants to wrap him up and protect him from the pain of his broken love. (Or maybe he wants to protect himself from the pain of watching Woohyun’s heart break.)
“It’s late, I was worried.”
Woohyun is gripping at his arm, tight and desperate.
“It is, isn’t it? Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you," he's laughing again, it's really a terrible sound.
Myungsoo can feel Woohyun’s tears more than he can see them (the lights are off because everyone else is asleep already, it’s as close as they can get to being alone). His voice shakes, Myungsoo can feel how tense Woohyun is in his arms, as if he’s trying to desperately pull into himself. He thinks that if Woohyun stays like this he’ll really break apart, crumble into dust right there in his arms.
(Myungsoo realises now that the story he told himself was stupid. Because he really doesn’t know how to start putting that heart back together, how to turn these tears into smiles that are even brighter.)
He holds Woohyun tighter against him and presses his face against Woohyun’s neck.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry.” (His voice is also shaking.)
Myungsoo kisses Woohyun, he can taste the alcohol on his lips, and he realises Woohyun is drunk enough to kiss back.
During the day Woohyun manages to maintain his smile even though the edges are strained. Sometimes he catches Myungsoo’s gaze and Myungsoo thinks he wants to say something but he just presses his lips into a thin line and looks away. Myungsoo doesn’t try to bring it up, because he did it for Woohyun, so he doesn’t push him. (Besides, what can he say when Woohyun doesn’t say anything?)
Myungsoo thinks he’s not just watching anymore. He prefers to be the one watching, if he only watches he can’t get caught fumbling. He’s not sure if it’s because he’s fumbling or because his body is exhausted, he trips over his own leg three times during practice and makes so many missteps that Sunggyu exhausts himself yelling at him and Dongwoo has to pull Sunggyu outside to cool off.
Myungsoo stares at the floor, trying to remove himself just for a few seconds to find his center and finds that he can’t.
Sungyeol’s hand lands heavily on his shoulder, he’s trying to ask Myungsoo what’s going on but he’s not listening. He looks around the studio until he finds Woohyun. Their eyes meet for a second before Woohyun breaks the eye contact, looking away.
It isn’t something that happens only once. It’s not every night but it happens again and again. Woohyun leaves their dorm quietly and when he comes back Myungsoo is waiting. They never say anything (any words that Myungsoo manages to form never make it past his throat, he’s stuck and it hurts), Woohyun just pulls Myungsoo against him and presses their lips together. Myungsoo can taste the sharp sting of alcohol again but he kisses back anyways (he wonders what Woohyun’s lips would taste like without that overpowering flavour).
Woohyun’s fingers are clumsy and cold against his skin but Myungsoo doesn’t mind. He figures that it doesn’t matter as long as this is what Woohyun wants. (And maybe Myungsoo likes it anyways, loves it. It pairs well with the guilt of having kissed Woohyun first when he shouldn’t have.)
Myungsoo struggles to keep them both quiet, muffles Woohyun’s moans with lips, swallows the sound even though he desperately wants to hear it. He wants to slow down, to touch Woohyun slowly and gently - but Woohyun’s rushing, hands already fumbling with Myungsoo’s sweatpants. Myungsoo lets him, because what right does he have to ask for anything else when he’s messed up so badly with this.
They end up sinking into the couch, Woohyun on top, pants and underwear pushed down just far enough to be out of the way. It doesn’t last long, Woohyun’s drunk and Myungsoo is sensitive. He bites down on Woohyun’s neck when he comes, leaves a mark where someone else did once (he wonders if he can overwrite the memory this way).
After Woohyun falls asleep Myungsoo cleans them both up as best as he can, pulls Woohyun’s underwear back up but strips him of his pants before carrying him to bed.
What he wants is to curl up against Woohyun, he wants to hold him while he sleeps and be there when he wakes up. Instead he does the same thing every time, he pulls the blankets up to Woohyun’s chin and shuffles out of the room. He falls asleep by himself after cleaning up so that no one will find out what happened (and Woohyun can pretend it never happened, if that’s what he wants).
Eventually Woohyun stops leaving the dorm in the evening; Myungsoo is still waiting, but he doesn’t know what for. (His smiles are less strained, instead it’s Myungsoo’s smiles that become tight.)
Myungsoo reads over the music and lyrics of their new title track a hundred times, he keeps the vocal guide on loop and hears their voices sing over it.
Because it’s my heart that’s not working, I can’t let you go like this.
He likes it.
Someone pulls out his ear bud and sits so close that their shoulders are pressed together. Myungsoo jumps, somehow he’d failed to notice Woohyun approaching him.
“What are you thinking?”
His throat feels dry and tight, like he’s swallowed a mouthful of flour and he’s choking. (What can he say? It has nothing to do with what Woohyun does and doesn’t say, Myungsoo realises, to begin with he’s never known what to say.)
He gnaws at his lip for a moment and tries to focus on the lyrics and notes written on the paper. He’d been so focused before but now he’s scattered, distracted by the warmth of Woohyun’s shoulder pressed to his.
“I, I think this song suits us.”
Woohyun smiles, a little sad but no longer fractured. “It kind of does, doesn’t it?”
This time Woohyun isn’t drunk. He quietly sits on the edge of Myungsoo’s bed after everyone else has gone to sleep and places a hand on Myungsoo’s shoulder. He’s awake already, having been waiting for something (though he’s not sure what). Myungsoo’s heart is thundering in his chest, like it’s trying to break free of his body, it’s so loud he irrationally worries it’ll wake the others. Woohyun leans over him and presses a kiss to his temple and he swallows (too loudly). His hand is shaking as he reaches to pull Woohyun closer, to guide their lips to meet.
Woohyun doesn’t tastes like much of anything, a hint of mint from his toothpaste and that’s all.
They’re careful, quiet, moving slowly because the sound of the blankets shifting or bed frame creaking might wake someone else up. Myungsoo is thankful for that, they move so slowly that he can feel every shift of their bodies like a lingering touch. They move against each other, like the clocks have slowed and stopped. (Or so Myungsoo stupidly thinks, he hopes that it means this will never end, that they can just stay there in the dark forever, tangled together.) At some point his hand stop shaking; he smooths his hand down Woohyun’s chest and abdomen as Woohyun runs a hand up his side, so slowly, and they kiss the same way, slow and gentle, like they’re breathing in each other.
It’s the only time they’ve been fully naked against each other. Myungsoo lays himself out, arms and legs spread. In a whisper he asks Woohyun to lie on top of him, to spread out the same way. He wants to feel their skin touch from their cheeks and forehead down to the tips of his toes. It’s not possible, but Woohyun does anyways and it comes close to giving Myungsoo the feeling he’s looking for when he feels Woohyun’s smile against his cheek, when Woohyun reaches for his hand and laces their fingers together.
After that everything seems to happen too fast, they’re moving slowly but every second passed feels like something slipping out of his grasp. Myungsoo wants to hold on to the feeling of Woohyun surrounding him so completely but he knows it’s impossible. He pleads desperately for Woohyun to go slower, whispers it into his shoulder.
“I don’t think I can go any slower.” Myungsoo thinks he hears and feels a hint of a laugh in that, feels it against his neck as Woohyun places a wet kiss there. He’s right, there’s no way to go any slower, no way to stop time from moving forward. Since he can’t hold on to anything else he clings to Woohyun, tightens his legs around Woohyun’s waist and claws at his shoulder as he comes. Woohyun kisses him, swallows the sound of Myungsoo moaning his name.
Woohyun falls asleep afterwards and Myungsoo watches him sleep. They’re curled up together under Myungsoo’s blanket, still naked. Carefully, slowly, he traces the shape of Woohyun’s body with his hands, just wanting to touch.
There are a lot of things he wants that was never written in the story. He wants to fall asleep with Woohyun and wake up with him. He wants to kiss him secretly and openly. He wants to tell Woohyun that he loves him. (He almost did, earlier, when Woohyun kissed him, sated and lazy. But Woohyun said ‘thank you’ - and Myungsoo realised he couldn’t.)
Myungsoo just touches Woohyun, just holds him, and he’s happy for a heartbeat before understanding sets in. He reaches blindly for his phone, one arm still wrapped around Woohyun’s waist. Myungsoo brushes his fingers through Woohyun’s fringe and he thinks he’s smiling even though he can’t match words to what he feels.
He takes a picture, because this won’t last either.
(That was the last time they kissed.)
Title: Until my heart cools off a little more
Rating: R
Pairing(s)/Focus: L/Woohyun, L-centric
Length: 2,834 words
Summary: He tells himself a story, a story of how he pieces Woohyun’s heart back together, turns tears into smiles that are even brighter.
Warnings: dysfuntional relationship, dub-con.
Remixee author: specialises | equalises
Title of work you remixed: It's My Heart That's Not Working
Link to work you remixed: here
He notices it one day, the new earring that Woohyun rarely changes, the way his smile is simply different. For a while none of the others notice, but Myungsoo does, because that’s how he is, always watching. (Watching is easier sometimes, it gives him a chance to just look in rather than force him to fumble through words and actions. Besides, what can he even say when Woohyun doesn’t say anything?)
He watches as Woohyun types out a text, smiling like a fool, while the other members are bustling about getting ready. He sees the way Woohyun fiddles with that earring like he’s imagining someone else’s touch. Woohyun looks up, catches him watching - he bites down on his lips, bites back a smile, as if he knows that Myungsoo has figured it out. And then he gives up and just grins, lets his joy spread through his features, sharing his story wordlessly.
For a while it’s their secret, and it’s kind of nice like that.
(It’s not their secret for long, with the way they live it’s impossible for anything to remain secret for long. Eventually everyone else notices, first Sunggyu, then Dongwoo, and one after another they figure it out. Myungsoo wonders if they all figured it out because of the new slant to Woohyun’s smile, warmer and happier.
Myungsoo takes a picture, because he figures this won’t last. It’s probably a cruel thought but he thinks it’s inevitable, with the way they live, because they trade away so much for this chance to live their dream - how could anything else stand in the face of that?
It’s a painful thought, and from there something grows, without him ever meaning for it to.)
Myungsoo spends a lot of time in the controlled environment of his mind. It’s the only thing he can control when the life he lives moves like a whirlwind. A photo shoot one day, a recording the next, a fansign with way too many people and too many voices screaming for him, for Infinite - and then practice in between all of that. It’s what he dreamt of years and years ago (it feels like forever) and he doesn’t regret it. That’s why he pulls back, so that he can keep his head above it all, so that he can breathe. It’s the only way he knows how to keep up with this life that gives so much but drains everything else from their lives.
He snaps a picture of Woohyun, startles him into laughing. It’s not a particularly good shot and Woohyun whines at him to delete it, but Myungsoo keeps it, to keep track of the few quiet moments they have. Besides, even if it isn’t a particularly good shot, the current Woohyun has a smile that has a colour different from everyone else. He’s glowing. (He wonders if he’s jealous - but no, that’s not it at all.)
He finds himself wondering about this new person in Woohyun’s life. Woohyun leaves their dorm quietly in the evening and comes back late (Myungsoo listens for it even though he’s tired and their schedule starts early tomorrow). Woohyun practically glitters in spite of the lack of sleep and the others tease him for it (Sunggyu and Sungyeol more than the rest). It’s like this new love coats Woohyun in a protective sheen of happiness that wards away exhaustion, wards away all the worries of the world.
Myungsoo wordlessly fixes Woohyun’s collar for him, adjusting it to obscure the faint bruise on his neck, and his gaze fixates on the colour that rises to Woohyun’s cheeks as he laughs.
He figures, it’s fine that this person will inevitably break Woohyun’s heart as long as he’s happy right now. It’s not as if anyone is ever guaranteed happiness in a relationship, their odds are just worse than the average person’s, but that’s not any reason they shouldn’t even try. Besides if (when) this ends they’ll be here for Woohyun. He’ll be here for Woohyun.
So Myungsoo takes a picture and tries not to think too far ahead, tries not to think of how it’ll end.
It’s not as if he’s hoping, he’s only being realistic. This can’t last, because they’re idols, because the life they lead won't allow this to last.
(But he tells himself that and in the next thought he tells himself a story, a story of how he pieces Woohyun’s heart back together, turns tears into smiles that are even brighter. He’s not sure when it started but by the time he notices it's already too late. He watches, not quite with anticipation, and tries to comfort himself with the heavy guilt that matches his infatuation.
Cluelessly, Woohyun continues to smile, bright and blinding.)
It lasts almost three months.
There are cracks in Woohyun’s smile. Myungsoo notices first, because Woohyun looks tired. (The others don’t because they’re all tired, but Myunsoo knows because it’s been months since he’s seen Woohyun look like this. Exhausted, drained, like his heart is a rock sinking into the dark sea. Myungsoo can see the extra weight bearing down on his shoulders. He knows because he feels it too.)
He looks at the photos he took of Woohyun’s smile and wonders if it’s ending already. He wonders, irrationally, if it’s his fault for thinking that it would inevitably end right from the start.
Isn’t this too soon?
It begins to show in other places, those thin, barely there cracks begin to grow. Myungsoo thinks that under pressure Woohyun might begin to chip and fracture until he just shatters.
His smile slips.
They’re beginning to record for their new song, beginning to prepare for their comeback. Sunggyu tells Woohyun that he needs to focus. He tells Woohyun that he can’t let his personal life affect his work - Myungsoo winces, Woohyun does as well.
He can barely watch (but he does anyways), it’s hard to see how Woohyun shrinks away, so unlike himself. It makes him want to hug Woohyun, to shield him from everything. He almost does after their practice but Sunggyu beats him to it. Woohyun leans into the hug for a moment before pulling away, smiling.
Myungsoo thinks that maybe if he takes a picture of this, of Woohyun’s strained, tight smile, then maybe this won’t last long either.
Woohyun leaves their dorm quietly in the evening and Myungsoo waits. He comes back late, the smell of alcohol and smoke clinging to his clothes. He looks exhausted, dazed but too awake at the same time. He looks at Myungsoo like he’s expecting him to morph into another person (like he’s hoping for it).
“Welcome back,” Myungsoo says lamely. At least it brings Woohyun back, makes Woohyun see him instead of whoever he’s yearning for.
Woohyun smiles a shaky smile and wobbles, legs just as unsteady. “Aw, you waited for me.”
The laugh that follows is weak and sad, Woohyun sways and Myungsoo just barely manages to catch him around the waist. Myungsoo has never been good at words, but he thinks words wouldn’t help anyways so he tries not to think about that. Instead he thinks he wants to hug Woohyun, he wants to wrap him up and protect him from the pain of his broken love. (Or maybe he wants to protect himself from the pain of watching Woohyun’s heart break.)
“It’s late, I was worried.”
Woohyun is gripping at his arm, tight and desperate.
“It is, isn’t it? Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you," he's laughing again, it's really a terrible sound.
Myungsoo can feel Woohyun’s tears more than he can see them (the lights are off because everyone else is asleep already, it’s as close as they can get to being alone). His voice shakes, Myungsoo can feel how tense Woohyun is in his arms, as if he’s trying to desperately pull into himself. He thinks that if Woohyun stays like this he’ll really break apart, crumble into dust right there in his arms.
(Myungsoo realises now that the story he told himself was stupid. Because he really doesn’t know how to start putting that heart back together, how to turn these tears into smiles that are even brighter.)
He holds Woohyun tighter against him and presses his face against Woohyun’s neck.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry.” (His voice is also shaking.)
Myungsoo kisses Woohyun, he can taste the alcohol on his lips, and he realises Woohyun is drunk enough to kiss back.
During the day Woohyun manages to maintain his smile even though the edges are strained. Sometimes he catches Myungsoo’s gaze and Myungsoo thinks he wants to say something but he just presses his lips into a thin line and looks away. Myungsoo doesn’t try to bring it up, because he did it for Woohyun, so he doesn’t push him. (Besides, what can he say when Woohyun doesn’t say anything?)
Myungsoo thinks he’s not just watching anymore. He prefers to be the one watching, if he only watches he can’t get caught fumbling. He’s not sure if it’s because he’s fumbling or because his body is exhausted, he trips over his own leg three times during practice and makes so many missteps that Sunggyu exhausts himself yelling at him and Dongwoo has to pull Sunggyu outside to cool off.
Myungsoo stares at the floor, trying to remove himself just for a few seconds to find his center and finds that he can’t.
Sungyeol’s hand lands heavily on his shoulder, he’s trying to ask Myungsoo what’s going on but he’s not listening. He looks around the studio until he finds Woohyun. Their eyes meet for a second before Woohyun breaks the eye contact, looking away.
It isn’t something that happens only once. It’s not every night but it happens again and again. Woohyun leaves their dorm quietly and when he comes back Myungsoo is waiting. They never say anything (any words that Myungsoo manages to form never make it past his throat, he’s stuck and it hurts), Woohyun just pulls Myungsoo against him and presses their lips together. Myungsoo can taste the sharp sting of alcohol again but he kisses back anyways (he wonders what Woohyun’s lips would taste like without that overpowering flavour).
Woohyun’s fingers are clumsy and cold against his skin but Myungsoo doesn’t mind. He figures that it doesn’t matter as long as this is what Woohyun wants. (And maybe Myungsoo likes it anyways, loves it. It pairs well with the guilt of having kissed Woohyun first when he shouldn’t have.)
Myungsoo struggles to keep them both quiet, muffles Woohyun’s moans with lips, swallows the sound even though he desperately wants to hear it. He wants to slow down, to touch Woohyun slowly and gently - but Woohyun’s rushing, hands already fumbling with Myungsoo’s sweatpants. Myungsoo lets him, because what right does he have to ask for anything else when he’s messed up so badly with this.
They end up sinking into the couch, Woohyun on top, pants and underwear pushed down just far enough to be out of the way. It doesn’t last long, Woohyun’s drunk and Myungsoo is sensitive. He bites down on Woohyun’s neck when he comes, leaves a mark where someone else did once (he wonders if he can overwrite the memory this way).
After Woohyun falls asleep Myungsoo cleans them both up as best as he can, pulls Woohyun’s underwear back up but strips him of his pants before carrying him to bed.
What he wants is to curl up against Woohyun, he wants to hold him while he sleeps and be there when he wakes up. Instead he does the same thing every time, he pulls the blankets up to Woohyun’s chin and shuffles out of the room. He falls asleep by himself after cleaning up so that no one will find out what happened (and Woohyun can pretend it never happened, if that’s what he wants).
Eventually Woohyun stops leaving the dorm in the evening; Myungsoo is still waiting, but he doesn’t know what for. (His smiles are less strained, instead it’s Myungsoo’s smiles that become tight.)
Myungsoo reads over the music and lyrics of their new title track a hundred times, he keeps the vocal guide on loop and hears their voices sing over it.
Because it’s my heart that’s not working, I can’t let you go like this.
He likes it.
Someone pulls out his ear bud and sits so close that their shoulders are pressed together. Myungsoo jumps, somehow he’d failed to notice Woohyun approaching him.
“What are you thinking?”
His throat feels dry and tight, like he’s swallowed a mouthful of flour and he’s choking. (What can he say? It has nothing to do with what Woohyun does and doesn’t say, Myungsoo realises, to begin with he’s never known what to say.)
He gnaws at his lip for a moment and tries to focus on the lyrics and notes written on the paper. He’d been so focused before but now he’s scattered, distracted by the warmth of Woohyun’s shoulder pressed to his.
“I, I think this song suits us.”
Woohyun smiles, a little sad but no longer fractured. “It kind of does, doesn’t it?”
This time Woohyun isn’t drunk. He quietly sits on the edge of Myungsoo’s bed after everyone else has gone to sleep and places a hand on Myungsoo’s shoulder. He’s awake already, having been waiting for something (though he’s not sure what). Myungsoo’s heart is thundering in his chest, like it’s trying to break free of his body, it’s so loud he irrationally worries it’ll wake the others. Woohyun leans over him and presses a kiss to his temple and he swallows (too loudly). His hand is shaking as he reaches to pull Woohyun closer, to guide their lips to meet.
Woohyun doesn’t tastes like much of anything, a hint of mint from his toothpaste and that’s all.
They’re careful, quiet, moving slowly because the sound of the blankets shifting or bed frame creaking might wake someone else up. Myungsoo is thankful for that, they move so slowly that he can feel every shift of their bodies like a lingering touch. They move against each other, like the clocks have slowed and stopped. (Or so Myungsoo stupidly thinks, he hopes that it means this will never end, that they can just stay there in the dark forever, tangled together.) At some point his hand stop shaking; he smooths his hand down Woohyun’s chest and abdomen as Woohyun runs a hand up his side, so slowly, and they kiss the same way, slow and gentle, like they’re breathing in each other.
It’s the only time they’ve been fully naked against each other. Myungsoo lays himself out, arms and legs spread. In a whisper he asks Woohyun to lie on top of him, to spread out the same way. He wants to feel their skin touch from their cheeks and forehead down to the tips of his toes. It’s not possible, but Woohyun does anyways and it comes close to giving Myungsoo the feeling he’s looking for when he feels Woohyun’s smile against his cheek, when Woohyun reaches for his hand and laces their fingers together.
After that everything seems to happen too fast, they’re moving slowly but every second passed feels like something slipping out of his grasp. Myungsoo wants to hold on to the feeling of Woohyun surrounding him so completely but he knows it’s impossible. He pleads desperately for Woohyun to go slower, whispers it into his shoulder.
“I don’t think I can go any slower.” Myungsoo thinks he hears and feels a hint of a laugh in that, feels it against his neck as Woohyun places a wet kiss there. He’s right, there’s no way to go any slower, no way to stop time from moving forward. Since he can’t hold on to anything else he clings to Woohyun, tightens his legs around Woohyun’s waist and claws at his shoulder as he comes. Woohyun kisses him, swallows the sound of Myungsoo moaning his name.
Woohyun falls asleep afterwards and Myungsoo watches him sleep. They’re curled up together under Myungsoo’s blanket, still naked. Carefully, slowly, he traces the shape of Woohyun’s body with his hands, just wanting to touch.
There are a lot of things he wants that was never written in the story. He wants to fall asleep with Woohyun and wake up with him. He wants to kiss him secretly and openly. He wants to tell Woohyun that he loves him. (He almost did, earlier, when Woohyun kissed him, sated and lazy. But Woohyun said ‘thank you’ - and Myungsoo realised he couldn’t.)
Myungsoo just touches Woohyun, just holds him, and he’s happy for a heartbeat before understanding sets in. He reaches blindly for his phone, one arm still wrapped around Woohyun’s waist. Myungsoo brushes his fingers through Woohyun’s fringe and he thinks he’s smiling even though he can’t match words to what he feels.
He takes a picture, because this won’t last either.
(That was the last time they kissed.)