self-convicting rapists

[klytaimnestra]

Here's a fascinating blog entry, 'Meet the Predators", from "yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com", which summarizes two recent surveys on men and rape:

yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/

Illuminating article, which reveals that

• men are much more likely to self-convict as rapists if the questionnaire doesn't use the word "rape";

Comments

[ginmar]

These guys have to have substantial numbers of enablers and fans who cheer them on. If they faced social censure, they just wouldn't try it that often. Too many men seem to live vicariously through other men who treat women badly.

the psychopath at the bar with you

[klytaimnestra]

"The Psychopath next door" is an interesting book. She (the author) argues that you can explain a hell of a lot of human evil with the following two facts:

a) 10% (her estimate, but let's go with 4%, the minimum estimate) of all human beings are psychopaths. They have no empathy, and power is their only source of pleasure in relationships.

b) 6 in 10 people will obey any order at all if it is given by someone with the appropriate trappings of authority. (Google The Stanford Prison Experiment: http://www.prisonexp.org/)

So, if a psychopath gets into a position of power, and 60% of the people under him will do anything he says ... suddenly a lot is explained.

Those enablers? They're in the 60%.

The solution is to change the culture, so that people who think rape is okay are not in a position to influence other people's opinions.

[raphaela]

My recent experience at work leads me to strongly believe my aggressor is one of these men.

I can't help but wonder

[klytaimnestra]

I was thinking of you as I read the article. From your account of the Hallowe'en party, he was trying with increasing desperation to make you NOTICE him and be upset. First he stands beside you on one side, cup displayed aggressively right by your cheek; then he stands beside you on the otherside when you turn your head away; then he sits right in front of you, legs splayed in classic look-at-my-dick position, cup bulging at you; and when you don't react, and don't react, and don't react, he grinds himself against your ass. And finally you tell him to stop it, so his reaction - like any pathetic little bully - is to think "hey! finally got her on the run!" and do it more

Re: I can't help but wonder

[raphaela]

What you've put so succinctly is why I have been having such problems with the issue. What he did physically may not have been that big a deal (didn't penetrate, didn't bruise or cut, didn't "hurt") but the intense, overwhelming feelings I was feeling, and the anger and crazy drive for power he was on, coupled with this being done in a group that thought it was funny and encouraged him was traumatizing to me. I keep dreaming about gang related things.

And part of me keeps thinking, "You could have avoided all of this if you'd just played along at the beginning, given him the reaction he wanted, and gone on about your business. If you hadn't had to be so stridently uptight about it..." Though, I know I wasn't being uptight, I was being decent.

It's sad when just being decent feels like being a Victorian prude.

Re: I can't help but wonder

[klytaimnestra]

You were correctly processing his actual motives. He wasn't trying to be funny. He was trying for dominance. And all those people laughing were used to his behaviour; or scared of him; or uneasily aware that there was something wrong and laughing because they were trying to "make nice", and make it not be so bad. Like, if your friend is drinking too much, if you ahve a beer too it "normalizes" his behaviour, so he doesn't look like such a lush. So they're laughing and encouraging him , the ones who weren't absolute creeps of course, because his behaviour was creeping them out and they were trying to make it 'normal' by laughing and pretending it WAS normal.

Makes me sick. Makes me sorry for all of the people still stuck in that company.