Fic for lonelybusiness
Title: THE BIG, EPIC AKAME LOVE STORY (as told by Tanaka Koki)
By: littlealex
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13
Genre/Warnings: This is so gen it's not funny. But actually it is sort of funny.
Prompt (if used): N/A
Notes: I'm not sure this is what anyone would have asked for, but I hope you enjoy it lonelybusiness! ♥
Summary: So, I have these friends. They're idiots. I mean that with all the affection in the world, but seriously, they're idiots. They've been in love with each other for years, and -- wait. I should start from the beginning.
So, I have these friends. They're idiots. I mean that with all the affection in the world, but seriously, they're idiots. They've been in love with each other for years, and -- wait. I should start from the beginning.
This all started a very long time ago. It was a sunny spring day in 1998 when I first met them. They turned up to the rehearsal room with a bunch of other new juniors, and from the outset I could see that they gravitated towards each other. I didn't really know why. One of them looked like he wanted to be somewhere else, and the other one looked as though he was just there for the free snacks, and I didn't want to have very much to do with them. I hadn't been at the agency for very long myself, but in Johnny's world, months made a difference when it comes to the senpai/kouhai divide.
Anyway, they both looked like they didn't really care if they were there or not at the beginning, but they definitely hung around each other, at least during rehearsals, and eventually they started to enjoy themselves. Back dancing was a drag, but being on television was a buzz for anyone, and after making fools of themselves on a few variety shows, it came easier. The kid who wanted to be practicing baseball instead of footwork became Kamenashi Kazuya, and the kid who didn't have aspirations beyond snack time became Akanishi Jin.
But that's about work. What happened outside of work and during breaks is the interesting part. As they settled into work, they settled into friendship, and the two parts of their lives seemed to flow together seamlessly. It wasn't a good move, though, because people were thrown together and split apart at the drop of a hat, and feelings easily got hurt. Just look at Toma and Yamapi.
Luckily for Jin and Kame, after three years or so they were put together in a more permanent way. KAT-TUN was formed, with Jin, Kame, myself, and three other guys whose names I'll eventually drop into the story. Now, I say we were a group, but what it really should have been called is "Jin & Kame And Their Backup Singers". I'm not bitter about it (anymore), but seriously, you should see some old footage. Even when we debuted, the rest of us barely got to speak. It was always about Jin and Kame.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The six of us were thrown together in what seemed like one of the worst moves in Johnny's Entertainment history. Apart from Akame (as they had already been dubbed by the fan world), we just didn't fit together. We were completely different people with different aspirations and different personalities (we still are; we just manage it better). The focus was all on Jin and Kame, and while it worked from a marketing perspective, it was hard on the rest of us. We all wanted to debut, and while being a group was the way to go, we felt lower on the rungs than juniors back dancing for senpai. We were back dancing for juniors, one of whom was the youngest in our group, and it stung.
But this story isn't about me. This story is about them, because it's always been about them. Right from the beginning, Jin and Kame were all anyone would talk about. And rightly so. They were young, pretty, good in front of a camera, and at least Jin could sing well. The fangirls loved them, and that was what sold. But it became increasingly obvious to everyone, if not Jin and Kame themselves, that the great friendship behind the cameras was getting mixed up with the homoerotic playfulness going on in front of the cameras.
I'd had my theories about them from the start, but I'd never seen or heard anything until KAT-TUN took a trip to New York. It was a whirlwind trip, just one night in the Big Apple before turning on our heels back to Tokyo, and everything was running on overdrive. Junno made more puns than usual, Ueda saw more fairies than usual, Nakamaru was more anxious than usual, and Jin and Kame? Well, they were more obvious than usual.
Behind the moments printed and bound into a photobook were others, ones we all saw but were contractually obliged never to mention. There's the photo of Jin feeding Kame a hot dog? As if that phallic imagery wasn't enough, later when the cameras were off, I caught Kame licking ketchup off Jin's fingers. Now, I don't know about the way your friendships work, but in my world friends don't lick other friends' fingers.
(And yes, you might point out other photos, like the one of Kame holding Nakamaru a little too close for some ballroom dancing. But the subsequent minutes then did not lead to inappropriate slow-dancing on Broadway. In fact, it led to Jin "jokingly" breaking them up and nearly pushing Nakamaru into oncoming traffic. Which sort of helps my point, not yours.)
Of course, it didn't stop there. It just got worse.
Jin and Kame starring in Gokusen was big for KAT-TUN as a group in lots of ways, and everyone has speculated what it did to our dynamics. Well, it did almost exactly what everyone thinks: drove a wedge between Akame and the rest of us, pushing them together into the spotlight and us further into their shadows. I'm probably not the most unbiased spectator of this period, but they were insufferable. They had always been joined at the hip, but it got worse.
They had their own private jokes about the Gokusen set, turned up late to rehearsals from filming, and basically lived in their own little world while they were around us. Kame would practically sit in Jin's lap backstage in green rooms, they'd play around slapping each other with t-shirts while getting dressed, but what bothered me the most was showering together after concerts. Okay, so the showering together happened before they started Gokusen, but my point still holds.
I tried to ignore it. They weren't admitting anything to anyone - I'm still not sure if they even admitted it to themselves - so it was easier to let them have their friendship jewelry and obvious clothes sharing rather than to confront them about it. It got to ridiculous levels - at least behind the scenes - just before Gokusen ended, though. I don't know what happened, but all I know is that it got increasingly difficult to ignore the smitten smiles and adoring gazes and the cheerful trips to the bathroom between taping Utawara segments.
It wasn't just us who noticed, either. After shooting for Utawara one day, Matsumoto Jun of all people pulled me aside into an empty stairwell to ask questions.
"What's going on between Akanishi and Kame?" He didn't bother with any preface, though I thought a 'hello' might have been nice, since the most he'd ever said to me before that was the perfunctory 'yoroshiku onegaishimasu'.
"I don't know," I replied honestly. I didn't know anything.
Unfortunately, Matsujun was well versed in the ways of semantics. "Then what do you guess is going on?"
"I'm guessing that they're just really good friends, Matsumoto. Just like Nino and Ohno." I didn't really know anything about Nino and Ohno, except that they'd obviously had the surgery to attach their hips long ago. Matsujun raised an eyebrow in a way that very clearly said 'touché'.
"Well, I just hope you all remember you're not safe until you're debuted." It was a warning, but I've still yet to work out why he warned me instead of the offenders themselves. "Of course, that doesn't seem to mean much these days." We weren't really allowed to speak about the suspension of NewS, but it made the warning even stronger. "Just don't let it ruin everything."
At the time, I should have listened. Matsujun is my senpai, after all, and just because he had become this big asshole superstar because of some stupid drama role didn't mean I should have ignored him. I'm not sure I could have done anything to prevent what happened, but I didn't do anything. I just sat back and watched the close bond that Jin and Kame had cultivated over seven years ruin everything.
It happened before the whole Nobuta thing, too, if that's what you're thinking. I didn't know what happened, but it was bad. I might sound like I'm being melodramatic, but seriously, one day there's inappropriate touching and giggling and joint trips to the bathroom, and the next day, Jin turns up half an hour late to a location shoot with a light but obvious black eye while Kame crosses his arms and glares daggers. The rest of us were, understandably, rattled by the events, and huddled away from the both of them as Jin had his makeup done.
"Lover's quarrel?" Junno suggested.
"Looks more like an explosive breakup to me," Nakamaru mumbled, even though we were well out of earshot.
"I didn't think Kame was the violent type," Ueda noted, and it was obvious that he didn't care at all. Which was fine for him, but an uncomfortable feeling had started to settle in the pit of my stomach and I knew then that nothing good was going to come of this fight.
"We're fucked," I said. It was one of the few times in my lives I wish I had been wrong.
I wasn't wrong, though. The freezing out started that day, and it didn't get better. They avoided each other when they could, didn't look at each other when they absolutely had to talk, and were generally more distant. Which might have been fine if we were any other group, but this was "Jin & Kame And Their Backup Singers". Without Jin and Kame up front stealing the show, the rest of us didn't know how to pick up the slack. But what was worse than having Jin and Kame at odds, though, was realizing that the rest of us were very little, if not nothing, without them. It was the first time I realized that we needed the idiots, but only as a matter of not knowing what we had until it was gone.
That awkwardness was just child's play, though. Jin was off filming Anego most of the time, and we were busy with Dream Boys, so there wasn't that much time to feel the full force of a severe relationship breakdown until the work was over. Which just happened to coincide with all things Nobuta wo Produce.
Now, don't get me wrong. I loved Nobuta the drama as much as anyone else did. I tuned in every week and forgot that Kame was the one behind Shuuji, and Tegoshi cajoled me into prank-calling Yamapi with "kon-kons" one night, but in the world outside of my living room, Nobuta meant nothing but pain.
First, the casting itself. Jin got passed over for the role (or, if you ask him, Johnny told them not to give it to him), which was bad enough, but the fact that the male leads were his best friend and his ex, he just about shat a brick. Which in Jin land means sulking, ignoring calls, and ranting at anyone who would listen.
"It's not going to work, you know," Jin said to me one day, out of the blue. We were in a green room somewhere, and I don't remember why the others weren't there, but I knew exactly what he was talking about.
"What makes you say that?" I have always liked playing devil's advocate a little too much.
"Yamapi hates Kame." Which was all Jin's fault, of course. Best friends are fated to hate exes; that's how friendship works. "And Kame can't pull off Shuuji. He'll overact it, start yelling at everyone. Yelling was the only thing he did in Gokusen anyway."
I managed not to ask what he thought he had brought to Gokusen and made an agreeing sort of noise.
"They'll see! It's going to tank. I feel bad for Yamapi. And Maki, poor girl."
Jin was wrong. Spectacularly wrong. As the series progressed and got more popular, I could see Jin start to fade. I couldn't blame him, really. He'd been riding high while Gokusen was successful, but then everything went downhill. He was chastised for taking a role that wasn't approved, he had a falling out with his best friend/lover/co-worker, and then had to watch that person rise to even higher climbs of stardom. And we hadn't even debuted yet.
"If we don't debut in the next twelve months, I'm out of here," Jin said to me one night. It was in the middle of the drama season, the beginning of a cold snap, and he'd invited me out. I get the feeling he invited me out for the express purpose of revealing this to me, but at the time all I knew is I needed a drink at the end of the week I'd had.
"Come on, man," I said, not entirely sober at the time. "You can't throw in the towel just because Johnny's holding out on us. We're going to debut." Back then, the days we were certain we were going to debut were few, what with Kame running around in a "temporary" unit with a technically untethered and very popular Yamapi at his side, but alcohol usually helped my certainty.
"You don't know that," Jin said, holding my gaze so steady it made me a little nauseous. There was something in his eyes that said more than 'you're a fool for believing we'll debut', and it shot right through me. Then he blinked, and I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding as the moment ended. "I need to get away from all this bullshit."
It was that exact moment that made it so easy for me to believe what happened over the next year.
But I haven't told Kame's side of the story yet. While Jin dealt with the breakup by fading, Kame dealt with it by bursting forth. Nobuta helped with that, of course, but he threw himself into it. Fully. We've all seen the comparative pictures, and everyone worried about his health, but I'm not sure Kame could have handled it any better. He worked himself into oblivion, and it kept his mind so busy that nothing had time to fester and get overwhelming unlike Jin.
I didn't Kame very often while he was filming, but at one point I (like everyone else he knew, I'm sure) insisted in taking him out to dinner on one of his only free nights.
"I know why you did this," he said after we'd eaten. (I never worried about Kame having an eating problem, because he was always eating. He just used up more energy than he consumed.) I didn't bother to feign innocence, because Kame wasn't stupid. "I know you're worried about me. But I'm okay. I'm eating. I'm sleeping. I won't die, promise."
"That's not what I'm worried about."
That stumped him. "Well, what is it?" But a bit of good nonverbal communication and he knew exactly what I was getting at. "Look, I don't... I don't have time for Jin's bullshit anymore. I'm done with him. As done as I'm ever going to be, and as far as I'm concerned, if anything's going to change it'll be because he's apologized."
I didn't ask then, but I found out later what happened, and it goes something like this: Kame had heard Jin getting a blow job (don't ask me how he knew; I didn't want to find out) in the bathrooms at the Gokusen wrap party, held onto the information until he couldn't stand it anymore, and then confronted him. Jin pleaded his innocence, but Kame didn't believe him. That's when the black eye happened.
At the time, all I said was "I just hope you know what you're doing" and let it slide.
The next time I brought it up (with similar results), Jin was gone.
The year between the end of Nobuta and the beginning of Jin's hiatus was mind-blowing. After debuting, we were so busy that we were too busy to sleep, eat, or think. The only thoughts we had were reserved for work: songs and lyrics and PVs and tours and photo shoots filled our brains, invaded the few dreams we had. We've been that busy since, and will be so again, but the first time is always the worst. And time management is difficult enough without two of your team avoiding each other.
24 Hour Television was the worst. As if we weren't all sleep-deprived enough, we spent that day popping caffeine pills with our commercial break bananas just to keep ourselves awake through the emotional wringer. It was painful, in more ways than one, but instead of ending up in tears, we ended up in an argument.
We were sitting backstage when it was over, tired but still awake because of the caffeine in our bloodstreams, feeling like we'd hit our heads against the wall repeatedly. I don't know why we were all there, but we must have been waiting for something. Anyway, at some point, presumably to break the silence, Ueda stood up and raised his arms.
"I have something to say," he said, a little unnecessarily. "I know we've never held group meetings, but I would like to put forth the motion that Akanishi and Kame start talking again. I don't really care what happened, but I would like the two of you to get over it. I know you were 'in love' or whatever, but this is Johnny's. Your feelings are not as important as KAT-TUN."
Then he sat down again.
Nothing happened for a few seconds. Junno, Nakamaru and I sat very still in our chairs lest the smallest movement bring about World War Three, and waited as Kame and Jin finally managed to look at each other. Kame looked defiant, while Jin looked unapologetic, bordering on apathetic. The apathy triggered anger in Kame and he pushed back from the table and stood up, turning to look down at Ueda seated next to him.
"I'm not talking to him until he apologizes," Kame said, and though his voice was flat, his eyes were screaming.
"And I'm not apologizing until you talk to me," Jin said (and I realized, then, that I hadn't heard him say one non-scripted word that wasn't pleasantries for the entire twenty-four hours). His voice was flat as well, but exhausted beyond sleep deprivation, and his eyes were heavy as they moved from Kame to Ueda.
"Sounds like you're at a stalemate," Ueda said blithely, inspecting his cuticles. He didn't care that they were at said stalemate or why they were, and he wasn't pretending that he did; all he cared about was that they got over it. It sounded reasonable, if difficult to achieve, but Nakamaru took issue with it and half-stood, waving Kame down into his seat again.
"Come on," he said tiredly, looking at me and Junno for support. "Guys, just... not now. We're all tired and need some sleep, let's just -"
"This won't go away with sleep," Jin interrupted, the nebulous word 'this' practically devouring what he actually said. I was reminded of him speaking about getting away months before we debuted, back when he was fully rested and thinking about everything clearly and wondered, right then, whether he would make it through the whirlwind of our debut year.
"I thought we promised not to fight anymore," Junno said, quiet and plaintive, and while I agreed with him, the death glare that Kame rounded on him made sure I didn't stick up for him.
"This is not the same fight as fucking missed steps or cake on the floor, all right?" Kame said, each word shaking his body with the force of the emotions behind them. It was difficult to watch such raw emotion out on Kame's sleeve, and it made my insides twist with sympathetic pain, but I didn't say anything. It was sort of like watching a train wreck.
"I don't care what it's about," Ueda said, looking up at Kame. I've never quite known if Ueda was brave, then, or stupid. "He could have fucked your mother and I would tell you the same thing. Get over it. It's been too long and I've run out of patience for your awkward silences and avoiding each other's eyes. We're all going to suffer if you can't get your shit together and play nice for the cameras, and I for one am going to be really fucking pissed off if we flop just because you two are having a lover's spat."
It became clear, later, that the subtext to Ueda's words didn't actually read "you douches, I hate you for ruining things", like we all heard. What he actually meant was "get back together, because things were better then".
All I could think was "holy shit, Kame's going to punch Ueda".
He didn't, though. He was fuming, red in the face and fists clenched by his sides, but he didn't punch Ueda. He stared for a while, the sort of stare that would make someone spontaneously combust, before spitting out a good old-fashioned "fuck you" and storming out of the room. Ueda looked over at Jin, who leaned back in his seat and just shrugged.
"He must be on his period."
Ueda's group meeting motion didn't really change anything. Things were still awkward, Jin and Kame still avoided talking to each other, and the rest of us were just more aware of the tension in the room. Things remained in a stalemate as the year went on, and then one day, it all fell apart.
Jin gathered us all at a yakiniku restaurant to tell us he was leaving. Since he still wasn't talking to Kame, he got Nakamaru to ask him, but it sort of backfired as soon as Kame turned up to the private room and realized what had happened. (Personally, I was surprised that Maru managed to lie effectively enough to get Kame to come at all.)
"Oh, no." Kame said as soon as he walked in. We had all gotten there earlier, and Jin was sitting at the seat directly facing the door, making him the first thing Kame saw as he entered the room. "I'm not staying for this." Kame turned to leave but Maru grabbed his arm and Jin stood up.
"Kame," Jin said in a quiet but firm voice. None of us had any idea what was coming at that point, but the fact that he directly addressed Kame made us all a little uncomfortable. "Please stay. There's something you need to hear." He addressed the room, but the way he was looking at Kame made it clear to all of us that it was Kame he wanted to tell most of all.
Now, personally, I'm not good with watching people bicker, so I tried my best to rally some positive energy. "Come on, Kame. He said he'd pay. Get some lobster and clean him out." It might not have been the most suave injection of humor into a situation, but it did the trick. Kame looked at me and smirked, heading back into the room.
Jin insisted that we eat first, so we ordered plenty of food and booze so that after an hour or so, we were all hazy and relaxed from stuffing ourselves. Even Kame had let go a little and was laughing along with everyone, managing to look at and speak in the general direction of Jin now and then. It was a good night, but I couldn't help the sinking feeling as the night wore on. I was too used to KAT-TUN's highs being followed by spectacular lows.
"Okay, guys," Jin said after our plates were cleared, standing up from his chair with as much balance as he could muster with his sixth (or so, I wasn't counting) glass of beer in his hand. "I have something to say."
"You already said that!" Ueda complained, pouring himself some more beer. "Get on with it!"
"Spit it out!" I called, because it was easy to get caught up in heckling Jin, even if I didn't really want to hear what it was he had to say.
"Okay! Okay. Well, next month... in the middle of October... I'm going to America. LA." The announcement itself didn't get much of a reaction, because there were no details. We all blinked around at each other before Junno finally asked him to elaborate. "I'm going to study English. For... six months, maybe a year."
It didn't take long for our confusion to turn to anger. Nakamaru stood up first. "What the fuck? We haven't even been debuted for six months and you're pissing off for a year?"
Ueda followed quickly behind, threatening bodily harm if Jin didn't stay on Japanese soil. Even Junno got into it, standing up as well and reminding Jin that there were English classes he could take in Japan, on the road, with a set of headphones as he went places. I was angry too, don't get me wrong, and I'd stood up and yelled something pointless about responsibility to the group or whatever, but I was the only one who noticed that Kame hadn't said anything.
I sat down again, scooting my chair over closer to Kame, who was just staring at his beer. I didn't know what to say, but I looked over at Jin and could see that he was keeping an eye on Kame as he fought off the others' arguments. "I don't think he'll stay," I said, turning back to Kame.
"But he's leaving, isn't he?" Kame said quietly, looking over at me. His eyes were shiny with tears and I just wanted to hug him. "He's running away from this, from us, from me, and I just...." Kame didn't finish his sentence, and I didn't make him. He'd turned to look over at Jin, and I will never forget the moment that their eyes met. Instead of the sadness I'd seen moments earlier, a spark of anger flared in Kame's eyes and I could see the fiery pain of betrayal. I looked over at Jin, but he was a blank slate. His expression gave nothing away, at least as far as I could see, but there was something in the way he had to tear his eyes from Kame's that made me think that there wasn't nothing there.
There was always something between Kame and Jin. There always had been, and there always would be. Part of me was convinced that even if Jin did end up married to some girl and have the twelve daughters he wanted, he'd still be in love with Kame. So while Jin was away, it didn't surprise me - or any of us - that Kame seemed to start romanticizing their relationship and showing the first signs of accepting his part in how things went wrong.
The problem is, Kame is a stubborn bastard. He'd never say any of it out loud, and so while he spent a lot of Jin's hiatus moping and wondering if Jin would come back, he never actually called Jin to tell him he was willing to listen to his side, to forgive him, because he wanted him back. And Jin, for his part, never called to say that he missed Kame and wanted his forgiveness and would come back. That would have been too easy, and those two were renowned for making their own lives difficult.
The first three months of Jin's absence were the hardest. There was a definite lull in our workload after he left, and though we were sent fairly quickly into the recording studio, that threw into sharp relief what we were missing. It wasn't just hard for Kame, either; the rest of us, no matter how much we might have complained about Jin for the eight years preceding, came to realize that KAT-TUN wasn't the same without him.
"I can't believe I actually miss the idiot," Ueda said to me one day, out of the blue. It was a sobering moment.
It was the worst on Kame, though, of course. Not just emotionally, but now - because KAT-TUN was always "Jin & Kame And Their Backup Singers" - he was forced to carry the group. We stepped in as much as we could, especially Maru (who I swear lay awake at night wringing his hands worrying about Kame), but that's not what the public wanted. Junno and I took dramas in the spring, but they tanked. It was painfully obvious that Kame was the only point of interest for KAT-TUN anymore, which was a large load to carry.
Kame tried to be stoic about it all, but it was difficult. Without Jin there to play the part of "unnecessarily close friend", Kame had subtly been auditioning us all for the part since the falling out; once Jin left, it became obvious that he had chosen me for the role. I played along, but it's the sort of thing that has to come with a little communication when one party has a gaping emotional hole to fill. I didn't want to replace Jin, and every now and then Kame would lean into me when the cameras were off, and the innocent touches were filled with a longing that I couldn't handle. And because Kame is the most incommunicative person ever, it fell to me to bring it up.
"You know," I said one day, slipping out of Kame's grasp as we walked back to the dressing rooms after a photo shoot. "You shouldn't be doing this with me." It was a little oblique, but I didn't want to outright accuse him of anything.
Kame tried to look confused, but he knew what I was talking about because he took a step away and folded his arms over his stomach. "It doesn't mean anything."
"I'm your friend," I said, closing the space between us so that we walked shoulder to shoulder. "But I can't be everything you want." The implication that all he really wanted was Jin, no matter what had happened, was loud and clear, and Kame didn't say anything for a while, his jaw set and a resolute look in his eye as he stared straight ahead.
Just as we reached the dressing room, Kame turned to me with his hand on the doorknob. The look in his eyes was sad, resigned, and a little lost. "I know," he said - two words that spoke volumes - and then pushed through the door.
A few weeks later, in the van between the promo shots for the album and a Cartoon KAT-TUN meeting, our manager told us that Jin was coming back. I heaved a sigh of relief, Nakamaru said something appropriately congratulatory and pleased, Junno made some sort of frog-return pun, and even though Ueda looked unmoved I could see he was happy. Kame just asked when Jin was coming back. It was then that we found out we were going to all meet up in New York for a photo shoot.
New York wasn't as bad as we all thought it was going to be. Kame didn't say anything, but the rest of us were convinced that they would have some flash back to 2003 and either start licking ketchup off each other's hands again or giving each other the silent treatment. Neither happened. The first time they saw each other again, it was awkward; but then, it was awkward for all of us. We all stared at our shoes and made stupid jokes and talked about the weather, but things started to get easier as we started work. We all pretended as though nothing had happened, as we'd been doing for the last few months, and we got through the day.
What happened that evening, however, has been a matter of contention between the four Backup Singers of the Jin & Kame troupe for years now. The two of them don't help by remaining completely silent on the matter, but we each came up with our own ideas the morning after at breakfast.
Jin and Kame had just left the table, after a very pleasant breakfast of polite and comfortable conversation, complete with stupid jokes, laughter, and passing each other toast and pieces of fruit. It wasn't as sickening as they'd been before, but it was in stark contrast to everything we had come to know, and it confused the hell out of us.
"What the fuck?" I broke the ice, blinking over at the other three as they stared at Jin and Kame's retreating backs.
"I bet they had angry makeup sex," Ueda said, sending a horrifying image into all of our minds.
"Dude, that's gross," Nakamaru said, looking like he was going to throw up the eggs he'd just eaten.
"They didn't," Junno said, sounding a little too confident. In response to our questioning looks, though, he just said, "we would have heard them through the wall," which didn't help erase the image.
"I'm sure they just talked things over," Nakamaru said, trying to sound comforted by the thought, but the image Ueda had conjured wasn't going to disappear any time soon.
I wasn't convinced. "I don't know, man. That's almost a year of bullshit to get through, you think it just changed over one night?"
"Maybe they just decided to forgive and forget," Junno suggested with a shrug.
"Like either of them would ever just give in like that," Ueda pointed out. "Kame would sooner die than admit he was wrong."
"I bet they got wasted first." I'm pretty sure that they talked, but they couldn't have talked completely sober. "Got wasted and then talked about everything. Kame probably cried himself to sleep." I didn't really think that, but it made the story sound better.
"Whatever happened," Nakamaru said still looking a little nauseous, "they're fine now. Let's not bring it up again."
And we didn't. We didn't have to, either. Jin came back to Japan, our tour continued, Cartoon KAT-TUN went on to be a reasonable success, Junno and Jin did Yukan Club, and everything got back to some semblance of normal. We grew up from then, knowing what it was like to be without a member, and settled into an easy routine. We were still the same group of misfits, but we understood a little more what it meant to work both with and for each other, and slowly it began to feel less like the Jin & Kame group and more like KAT-TUN.
Jin and Kame themselves settled down as well. Their story no longer included the idiotic highs and lows they'd had before; now they were just friends. Not the sitting in each other's laps feeding each other type of friends, but the normal kind with going to lunch and sharing interests and talking about work. It was nice for all of us. Everyone was sick of the rollercoaster ride that was their relationship, because it not only put us all on edge, but it put the group and our careers in jeopardy.
Something was missing, though. As usual, Ueda said it best. "It was better when they were fucking."
Nakamaru spat out his peppermint tea and Junno choked on his onigiri. I didn't have anything in my mouth at the time, so I tried to suppress any mental images and assess Ueda's statement logically. "Really? Weren't you the one that complained about them sharing bentos like a married couple at the office cafeteria?"
"Well, I don't miss that," Ueda said, passing Junno a fresh bottle of water as he continued to choke. "But when they weren't having public displays of affection all over the place, they were better. They were good together, and they were better as individuals. It served us well, too, having a leading couple like that. Took the pressure off."
It was a bold statement, and it made all of us think. It wasn't just practical, as Ueda often was, it was personal and emotional for them, too. They might have pushed each other too far sometimes, but I had to admit that Gokusen was a high for all of us. If there was some way to find a good middle ground, it would be good for everyone.
"We can't ask them to get back together for the good of the group," Nakamaru said, mopping up the rest of the tea on the table.
"We could try to set them up. Drop hints and get them to meet at a cafe," Junno suggested.
"You've been watching too many dramas," Ueda said.
"They won't fall for it anyway," I said. "They'll see it a mile off. We just have to wait."
We didn't have to wait very long. They were subtle about it, but by the time 2009 rolled around, we could all see the changes. They arrived and left places together, wore their "friendship" jewlery on-and-off again, disappeared from set during break at the same time, and started sharing clothes again. They didn't sit in each other's laps or eat from each other's chopsticks or giggle as they ran off to the bathroom together, but we still noticed.
"Good to see things back to their natural order," Ueda said at an alcohol-soaked dinner before our record-breaking Tokyo Dome tour started, clamping his hands down on Jin and Kame's shoulders. They looked a little confused for a moment, but looking around at our knowing grins seemed to tip them off. Kame turned redder than the wine he was drinking, and Jin stood up to deliver empty threats to Ueda.
"I would like to propose a toast," I said, raising my glass and standing up. It seemed like a good idea to deflect some attention. "To our ridiculous, stupid friends who, after nearly a decade of dancing around each other, have finally learned to be together like the relatively normal human beings they dubiously are. And to the rest of us, for having put up with their bullshit for that decade! To KAT-TUN!"
"KAT-TUN!" three people called back. Jin and Kame just sort of glared, but raised their glasses anyway. I like to think they were cheering on the inside.
Things aren't perfect now, of course. We're still learning how to be a good group, who we are and how we fit with each other, and it's hard to learn our dynamics when there's a married couple in our midst. But on the whole, we're better off now. It's just like Ueda said: they're better together and individually this way. The pressure is off us to carry a group we were never taught to carry, and while Jin will always have days when he dreams aloud of leaving, we know it's not going to happen. Jin and Kame have always been together, and I might not be a psychic but I'm pretty sure they always will. And 'pretty sure' is as good as you get in life.
So the big, epic love story of my two stupid friends? Hasn't ended, but it's definitely happily ever after.
By: littlealex
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13
Genre/Warnings: This is so gen it's not funny. But actually it is sort of funny.
Prompt (if used): N/A
Notes: I'm not sure this is what anyone would have asked for, but I hope you enjoy it lonelybusiness! ♥
Summary: So, I have these friends. They're idiots. I mean that with all the affection in the world, but seriously, they're idiots. They've been in love with each other for years, and -- wait. I should start from the beginning.
So, I have these friends. They're idiots. I mean that with all the affection in the world, but seriously, they're idiots. They've been in love with each other for years, and -- wait. I should start from the beginning.
This all started a very long time ago. It was a sunny spring day in 1998 when I first met them. They turned up to the rehearsal room with a bunch of other new juniors, and from the outset I could see that they gravitated towards each other. I didn't really know why. One of them looked like he wanted to be somewhere else, and the other one looked as though he was just there for the free snacks, and I didn't want to have very much to do with them. I hadn't been at the agency for very long myself, but in Johnny's world, months made a difference when it comes to the senpai/kouhai divide.
Anyway, they both looked like they didn't really care if they were there or not at the beginning, but they definitely hung around each other, at least during rehearsals, and eventually they started to enjoy themselves. Back dancing was a drag, but being on television was a buzz for anyone, and after making fools of themselves on a few variety shows, it came easier. The kid who wanted to be practicing baseball instead of footwork became Kamenashi Kazuya, and the kid who didn't have aspirations beyond snack time became Akanishi Jin.
But that's about work. What happened outside of work and during breaks is the interesting part. As they settled into work, they settled into friendship, and the two parts of their lives seemed to flow together seamlessly. It wasn't a good move, though, because people were thrown together and split apart at the drop of a hat, and feelings easily got hurt. Just look at Toma and Yamapi.
Luckily for Jin and Kame, after three years or so they were put together in a more permanent way. KAT-TUN was formed, with Jin, Kame, myself, and three other guys whose names I'll eventually drop into the story. Now, I say we were a group, but what it really should have been called is "Jin & Kame And Their Backup Singers". I'm not bitter about it (anymore), but seriously, you should see some old footage. Even when we debuted, the rest of us barely got to speak. It was always about Jin and Kame.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The six of us were thrown together in what seemed like one of the worst moves in Johnny's Entertainment history. Apart from Akame (as they had already been dubbed by the fan world), we just didn't fit together. We were completely different people with different aspirations and different personalities (we still are; we just manage it better). The focus was all on Jin and Kame, and while it worked from a marketing perspective, it was hard on the rest of us. We all wanted to debut, and while being a group was the way to go, we felt lower on the rungs than juniors back dancing for senpai. We were back dancing for juniors, one of whom was the youngest in our group, and it stung.
But this story isn't about me. This story is about them, because it's always been about them. Right from the beginning, Jin and Kame were all anyone would talk about. And rightly so. They were young, pretty, good in front of a camera, and at least Jin could sing well. The fangirls loved them, and that was what sold. But it became increasingly obvious to everyone, if not Jin and Kame themselves, that the great friendship behind the cameras was getting mixed up with the homoerotic playfulness going on in front of the cameras.
I'd had my theories about them from the start, but I'd never seen or heard anything until KAT-TUN took a trip to New York. It was a whirlwind trip, just one night in the Big Apple before turning on our heels back to Tokyo, and everything was running on overdrive. Junno made more puns than usual, Ueda saw more fairies than usual, Nakamaru was more anxious than usual, and Jin and Kame? Well, they were more obvious than usual.
Behind the moments printed and bound into a photobook were others, ones we all saw but were contractually obliged never to mention. There's the photo of Jin feeding Kame a hot dog? As if that phallic imagery wasn't enough, later when the cameras were off, I caught Kame licking ketchup off Jin's fingers. Now, I don't know about the way your friendships work, but in my world friends don't lick other friends' fingers.
(And yes, you might point out other photos, like the one of Kame holding Nakamaru a little too close for some ballroom dancing. But the subsequent minutes then did not lead to inappropriate slow-dancing on Broadway. In fact, it led to Jin "jokingly" breaking them up and nearly pushing Nakamaru into oncoming traffic. Which sort of helps my point, not yours.)
Of course, it didn't stop there. It just got worse.
Jin and Kame starring in Gokusen was big for KAT-TUN as a group in lots of ways, and everyone has speculated what it did to our dynamics. Well, it did almost exactly what everyone thinks: drove a wedge between Akame and the rest of us, pushing them together into the spotlight and us further into their shadows. I'm probably not the most unbiased spectator of this period, but they were insufferable. They had always been joined at the hip, but it got worse.
They had their own private jokes about the Gokusen set, turned up late to rehearsals from filming, and basically lived in their own little world while they were around us. Kame would practically sit in Jin's lap backstage in green rooms, they'd play around slapping each other with t-shirts while getting dressed, but what bothered me the most was showering together after concerts. Okay, so the showering together happened before they started Gokusen, but my point still holds.
I tried to ignore it. They weren't admitting anything to anyone - I'm still not sure if they even admitted it to themselves - so it was easier to let them have their friendship jewelry and obvious clothes sharing rather than to confront them about it. It got to ridiculous levels - at least behind the scenes - just before Gokusen ended, though. I don't know what happened, but all I know is that it got increasingly difficult to ignore the smitten smiles and adoring gazes and the cheerful trips to the bathroom between taping Utawara segments.
It wasn't just us who noticed, either. After shooting for Utawara one day, Matsumoto Jun of all people pulled me aside into an empty stairwell to ask questions.
"What's going on between Akanishi and Kame?" He didn't bother with any preface, though I thought a 'hello' might have been nice, since the most he'd ever said to me before that was the perfunctory 'yoroshiku onegaishimasu'.
"I don't know," I replied honestly. I didn't know anything.
Unfortunately, Matsujun was well versed in the ways of semantics. "Then what do you guess is going on?"
"I'm guessing that they're just really good friends, Matsumoto. Just like Nino and Ohno." I didn't really know anything about Nino and Ohno, except that they'd obviously had the surgery to attach their hips long ago. Matsujun raised an eyebrow in a way that very clearly said 'touché'.
"Well, I just hope you all remember you're not safe until you're debuted." It was a warning, but I've still yet to work out why he warned me instead of the offenders themselves. "Of course, that doesn't seem to mean much these days." We weren't really allowed to speak about the suspension of NewS, but it made the warning even stronger. "Just don't let it ruin everything."
At the time, I should have listened. Matsujun is my senpai, after all, and just because he had become this big asshole superstar because of some stupid drama role didn't mean I should have ignored him. I'm not sure I could have done anything to prevent what happened, but I didn't do anything. I just sat back and watched the close bond that Jin and Kame had cultivated over seven years ruin everything.
It happened before the whole Nobuta thing, too, if that's what you're thinking. I didn't know what happened, but it was bad. I might sound like I'm being melodramatic, but seriously, one day there's inappropriate touching and giggling and joint trips to the bathroom, and the next day, Jin turns up half an hour late to a location shoot with a light but obvious black eye while Kame crosses his arms and glares daggers. The rest of us were, understandably, rattled by the events, and huddled away from the both of them as Jin had his makeup done.
"Lover's quarrel?" Junno suggested.
"Looks more like an explosive breakup to me," Nakamaru mumbled, even though we were well out of earshot.
"I didn't think Kame was the violent type," Ueda noted, and it was obvious that he didn't care at all. Which was fine for him, but an uncomfortable feeling had started to settle in the pit of my stomach and I knew then that nothing good was going to come of this fight.
"We're fucked," I said. It was one of the few times in my lives I wish I had been wrong.
I wasn't wrong, though. The freezing out started that day, and it didn't get better. They avoided each other when they could, didn't look at each other when they absolutely had to talk, and were generally more distant. Which might have been fine if we were any other group, but this was "Jin & Kame And Their Backup Singers". Without Jin and Kame up front stealing the show, the rest of us didn't know how to pick up the slack. But what was worse than having Jin and Kame at odds, though, was realizing that the rest of us were very little, if not nothing, without them. It was the first time I realized that we needed the idiots, but only as a matter of not knowing what we had until it was gone.
That awkwardness was just child's play, though. Jin was off filming Anego most of the time, and we were busy with Dream Boys, so there wasn't that much time to feel the full force of a severe relationship breakdown until the work was over. Which just happened to coincide with all things Nobuta wo Produce.
Now, don't get me wrong. I loved Nobuta the drama as much as anyone else did. I tuned in every week and forgot that Kame was the one behind Shuuji, and Tegoshi cajoled me into prank-calling Yamapi with "kon-kons" one night, but in the world outside of my living room, Nobuta meant nothing but pain.
First, the casting itself. Jin got passed over for the role (or, if you ask him, Johnny told them not to give it to him), which was bad enough, but the fact that the male leads were his best friend and his ex, he just about shat a brick. Which in Jin land means sulking, ignoring calls, and ranting at anyone who would listen.
"It's not going to work, you know," Jin said to me one day, out of the blue. We were in a green room somewhere, and I don't remember why the others weren't there, but I knew exactly what he was talking about.
"What makes you say that?" I have always liked playing devil's advocate a little too much.
"Yamapi hates Kame." Which was all Jin's fault, of course. Best friends are fated to hate exes; that's how friendship works. "And Kame can't pull off Shuuji. He'll overact it, start yelling at everyone. Yelling was the only thing he did in Gokusen anyway."
I managed not to ask what he thought he had brought to Gokusen and made an agreeing sort of noise.
"They'll see! It's going to tank. I feel bad for Yamapi. And Maki, poor girl."
Jin was wrong. Spectacularly wrong. As the series progressed and got more popular, I could see Jin start to fade. I couldn't blame him, really. He'd been riding high while Gokusen was successful, but then everything went downhill. He was chastised for taking a role that wasn't approved, he had a falling out with his best friend/lover/co-worker, and then had to watch that person rise to even higher climbs of stardom. And we hadn't even debuted yet.
"If we don't debut in the next twelve months, I'm out of here," Jin said to me one night. It was in the middle of the drama season, the beginning of a cold snap, and he'd invited me out. I get the feeling he invited me out for the express purpose of revealing this to me, but at the time all I knew is I needed a drink at the end of the week I'd had.
"Come on, man," I said, not entirely sober at the time. "You can't throw in the towel just because Johnny's holding out on us. We're going to debut." Back then, the days we were certain we were going to debut were few, what with Kame running around in a "temporary" unit with a technically untethered and very popular Yamapi at his side, but alcohol usually helped my certainty.
"You don't know that," Jin said, holding my gaze so steady it made me a little nauseous. There was something in his eyes that said more than 'you're a fool for believing we'll debut', and it shot right through me. Then he blinked, and I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding as the moment ended. "I need to get away from all this bullshit."
It was that exact moment that made it so easy for me to believe what happened over the next year.
But I haven't told Kame's side of the story yet. While Jin dealt with the breakup by fading, Kame dealt with it by bursting forth. Nobuta helped with that, of course, but he threw himself into it. Fully. We've all seen the comparative pictures, and everyone worried about his health, but I'm not sure Kame could have handled it any better. He worked himself into oblivion, and it kept his mind so busy that nothing had time to fester and get overwhelming unlike Jin.
I didn't Kame very often while he was filming, but at one point I (like everyone else he knew, I'm sure) insisted in taking him out to dinner on one of his only free nights.
"I know why you did this," he said after we'd eaten. (I never worried about Kame having an eating problem, because he was always eating. He just used up more energy than he consumed.) I didn't bother to feign innocence, because Kame wasn't stupid. "I know you're worried about me. But I'm okay. I'm eating. I'm sleeping. I won't die, promise."
"That's not what I'm worried about."
That stumped him. "Well, what is it?" But a bit of good nonverbal communication and he knew exactly what I was getting at. "Look, I don't... I don't have time for Jin's bullshit anymore. I'm done with him. As done as I'm ever going to be, and as far as I'm concerned, if anything's going to change it'll be because he's apologized."
I didn't ask then, but I found out later what happened, and it goes something like this: Kame had heard Jin getting a blow job (don't ask me how he knew; I didn't want to find out) in the bathrooms at the Gokusen wrap party, held onto the information until he couldn't stand it anymore, and then confronted him. Jin pleaded his innocence, but Kame didn't believe him. That's when the black eye happened.
At the time, all I said was "I just hope you know what you're doing" and let it slide.
The next time I brought it up (with similar results), Jin was gone.
The year between the end of Nobuta and the beginning of Jin's hiatus was mind-blowing. After debuting, we were so busy that we were too busy to sleep, eat, or think. The only thoughts we had were reserved for work: songs and lyrics and PVs and tours and photo shoots filled our brains, invaded the few dreams we had. We've been that busy since, and will be so again, but the first time is always the worst. And time management is difficult enough without two of your team avoiding each other.
24 Hour Television was the worst. As if we weren't all sleep-deprived enough, we spent that day popping caffeine pills with our commercial break bananas just to keep ourselves awake through the emotional wringer. It was painful, in more ways than one, but instead of ending up in tears, we ended up in an argument.
We were sitting backstage when it was over, tired but still awake because of the caffeine in our bloodstreams, feeling like we'd hit our heads against the wall repeatedly. I don't know why we were all there, but we must have been waiting for something. Anyway, at some point, presumably to break the silence, Ueda stood up and raised his arms.
"I have something to say," he said, a little unnecessarily. "I know we've never held group meetings, but I would like to put forth the motion that Akanishi and Kame start talking again. I don't really care what happened, but I would like the two of you to get over it. I know you were 'in love' or whatever, but this is Johnny's. Your feelings are not as important as KAT-TUN."
Then he sat down again.
Nothing happened for a few seconds. Junno, Nakamaru and I sat very still in our chairs lest the smallest movement bring about World War Three, and waited as Kame and Jin finally managed to look at each other. Kame looked defiant, while Jin looked unapologetic, bordering on apathetic. The apathy triggered anger in Kame and he pushed back from the table and stood up, turning to look down at Ueda seated next to him.
"I'm not talking to him until he apologizes," Kame said, and though his voice was flat, his eyes were screaming.
"And I'm not apologizing until you talk to me," Jin said (and I realized, then, that I hadn't heard him say one non-scripted word that wasn't pleasantries for the entire twenty-four hours). His voice was flat as well, but exhausted beyond sleep deprivation, and his eyes were heavy as they moved from Kame to Ueda.
"Sounds like you're at a stalemate," Ueda said blithely, inspecting his cuticles. He didn't care that they were at said stalemate or why they were, and he wasn't pretending that he did; all he cared about was that they got over it. It sounded reasonable, if difficult to achieve, but Nakamaru took issue with it and half-stood, waving Kame down into his seat again.
"Come on," he said tiredly, looking at me and Junno for support. "Guys, just... not now. We're all tired and need some sleep, let's just -"
"This won't go away with sleep," Jin interrupted, the nebulous word 'this' practically devouring what he actually said. I was reminded of him speaking about getting away months before we debuted, back when he was fully rested and thinking about everything clearly and wondered, right then, whether he would make it through the whirlwind of our debut year.
"I thought we promised not to fight anymore," Junno said, quiet and plaintive, and while I agreed with him, the death glare that Kame rounded on him made sure I didn't stick up for him.
"This is not the same fight as fucking missed steps or cake on the floor, all right?" Kame said, each word shaking his body with the force of the emotions behind them. It was difficult to watch such raw emotion out on Kame's sleeve, and it made my insides twist with sympathetic pain, but I didn't say anything. It was sort of like watching a train wreck.
"I don't care what it's about," Ueda said, looking up at Kame. I've never quite known if Ueda was brave, then, or stupid. "He could have fucked your mother and I would tell you the same thing. Get over it. It's been too long and I've run out of patience for your awkward silences and avoiding each other's eyes. We're all going to suffer if you can't get your shit together and play nice for the cameras, and I for one am going to be really fucking pissed off if we flop just because you two are having a lover's spat."
It became clear, later, that the subtext to Ueda's words didn't actually read "you douches, I hate you for ruining things", like we all heard. What he actually meant was "get back together, because things were better then".
All I could think was "holy shit, Kame's going to punch Ueda".
He didn't, though. He was fuming, red in the face and fists clenched by his sides, but he didn't punch Ueda. He stared for a while, the sort of stare that would make someone spontaneously combust, before spitting out a good old-fashioned "fuck you" and storming out of the room. Ueda looked over at Jin, who leaned back in his seat and just shrugged.
"He must be on his period."
Ueda's group meeting motion didn't really change anything. Things were still awkward, Jin and Kame still avoided talking to each other, and the rest of us were just more aware of the tension in the room. Things remained in a stalemate as the year went on, and then one day, it all fell apart.
Jin gathered us all at a yakiniku restaurant to tell us he was leaving. Since he still wasn't talking to Kame, he got Nakamaru to ask him, but it sort of backfired as soon as Kame turned up to the private room and realized what had happened. (Personally, I was surprised that Maru managed to lie effectively enough to get Kame to come at all.)
"Oh, no." Kame said as soon as he walked in. We had all gotten there earlier, and Jin was sitting at the seat directly facing the door, making him the first thing Kame saw as he entered the room. "I'm not staying for this." Kame turned to leave but Maru grabbed his arm and Jin stood up.
"Kame," Jin said in a quiet but firm voice. None of us had any idea what was coming at that point, but the fact that he directly addressed Kame made us all a little uncomfortable. "Please stay. There's something you need to hear." He addressed the room, but the way he was looking at Kame made it clear to all of us that it was Kame he wanted to tell most of all.
Now, personally, I'm not good with watching people bicker, so I tried my best to rally some positive energy. "Come on, Kame. He said he'd pay. Get some lobster and clean him out." It might not have been the most suave injection of humor into a situation, but it did the trick. Kame looked at me and smirked, heading back into the room.
Jin insisted that we eat first, so we ordered plenty of food and booze so that after an hour or so, we were all hazy and relaxed from stuffing ourselves. Even Kame had let go a little and was laughing along with everyone, managing to look at and speak in the general direction of Jin now and then. It was a good night, but I couldn't help the sinking feeling as the night wore on. I was too used to KAT-TUN's highs being followed by spectacular lows.
"Okay, guys," Jin said after our plates were cleared, standing up from his chair with as much balance as he could muster with his sixth (or so, I wasn't counting) glass of beer in his hand. "I have something to say."
"You already said that!" Ueda complained, pouring himself some more beer. "Get on with it!"
"Spit it out!" I called, because it was easy to get caught up in heckling Jin, even if I didn't really want to hear what it was he had to say.
"Okay! Okay. Well, next month... in the middle of October... I'm going to America. LA." The announcement itself didn't get much of a reaction, because there were no details. We all blinked around at each other before Junno finally asked him to elaborate. "I'm going to study English. For... six months, maybe a year."
It didn't take long for our confusion to turn to anger. Nakamaru stood up first. "What the fuck? We haven't even been debuted for six months and you're pissing off for a year?"
Ueda followed quickly behind, threatening bodily harm if Jin didn't stay on Japanese soil. Even Junno got into it, standing up as well and reminding Jin that there were English classes he could take in Japan, on the road, with a set of headphones as he went places. I was angry too, don't get me wrong, and I'd stood up and yelled something pointless about responsibility to the group or whatever, but I was the only one who noticed that Kame hadn't said anything.
I sat down again, scooting my chair over closer to Kame, who was just staring at his beer. I didn't know what to say, but I looked over at Jin and could see that he was keeping an eye on Kame as he fought off the others' arguments. "I don't think he'll stay," I said, turning back to Kame.
"But he's leaving, isn't he?" Kame said quietly, looking over at me. His eyes were shiny with tears and I just wanted to hug him. "He's running away from this, from us, from me, and I just...." Kame didn't finish his sentence, and I didn't make him. He'd turned to look over at Jin, and I will never forget the moment that their eyes met. Instead of the sadness I'd seen moments earlier, a spark of anger flared in Kame's eyes and I could see the fiery pain of betrayal. I looked over at Jin, but he was a blank slate. His expression gave nothing away, at least as far as I could see, but there was something in the way he had to tear his eyes from Kame's that made me think that there wasn't nothing there.
There was always something between Kame and Jin. There always had been, and there always would be. Part of me was convinced that even if Jin did end up married to some girl and have the twelve daughters he wanted, he'd still be in love with Kame. So while Jin was away, it didn't surprise me - or any of us - that Kame seemed to start romanticizing their relationship and showing the first signs of accepting his part in how things went wrong.
The problem is, Kame is a stubborn bastard. He'd never say any of it out loud, and so while he spent a lot of Jin's hiatus moping and wondering if Jin would come back, he never actually called Jin to tell him he was willing to listen to his side, to forgive him, because he wanted him back. And Jin, for his part, never called to say that he missed Kame and wanted his forgiveness and would come back. That would have been too easy, and those two were renowned for making their own lives difficult.
The first three months of Jin's absence were the hardest. There was a definite lull in our workload after he left, and though we were sent fairly quickly into the recording studio, that threw into sharp relief what we were missing. It wasn't just hard for Kame, either; the rest of us, no matter how much we might have complained about Jin for the eight years preceding, came to realize that KAT-TUN wasn't the same without him.
"I can't believe I actually miss the idiot," Ueda said to me one day, out of the blue. It was a sobering moment.
It was the worst on Kame, though, of course. Not just emotionally, but now - because KAT-TUN was always "Jin & Kame And Their Backup Singers" - he was forced to carry the group. We stepped in as much as we could, especially Maru (who I swear lay awake at night wringing his hands worrying about Kame), but that's not what the public wanted. Junno and I took dramas in the spring, but they tanked. It was painfully obvious that Kame was the only point of interest for KAT-TUN anymore, which was a large load to carry.
Kame tried to be stoic about it all, but it was difficult. Without Jin there to play the part of "unnecessarily close friend", Kame had subtly been auditioning us all for the part since the falling out; once Jin left, it became obvious that he had chosen me for the role. I played along, but it's the sort of thing that has to come with a little communication when one party has a gaping emotional hole to fill. I didn't want to replace Jin, and every now and then Kame would lean into me when the cameras were off, and the innocent touches were filled with a longing that I couldn't handle. And because Kame is the most incommunicative person ever, it fell to me to bring it up.
"You know," I said one day, slipping out of Kame's grasp as we walked back to the dressing rooms after a photo shoot. "You shouldn't be doing this with me." It was a little oblique, but I didn't want to outright accuse him of anything.
Kame tried to look confused, but he knew what I was talking about because he took a step away and folded his arms over his stomach. "It doesn't mean anything."
"I'm your friend," I said, closing the space between us so that we walked shoulder to shoulder. "But I can't be everything you want." The implication that all he really wanted was Jin, no matter what had happened, was loud and clear, and Kame didn't say anything for a while, his jaw set and a resolute look in his eye as he stared straight ahead.
Just as we reached the dressing room, Kame turned to me with his hand on the doorknob. The look in his eyes was sad, resigned, and a little lost. "I know," he said - two words that spoke volumes - and then pushed through the door.
A few weeks later, in the van between the promo shots for the album and a Cartoon KAT-TUN meeting, our manager told us that Jin was coming back. I heaved a sigh of relief, Nakamaru said something appropriately congratulatory and pleased, Junno made some sort of frog-return pun, and even though Ueda looked unmoved I could see he was happy. Kame just asked when Jin was coming back. It was then that we found out we were going to all meet up in New York for a photo shoot.
New York wasn't as bad as we all thought it was going to be. Kame didn't say anything, but the rest of us were convinced that they would have some flash back to 2003 and either start licking ketchup off each other's hands again or giving each other the silent treatment. Neither happened. The first time they saw each other again, it was awkward; but then, it was awkward for all of us. We all stared at our shoes and made stupid jokes and talked about the weather, but things started to get easier as we started work. We all pretended as though nothing had happened, as we'd been doing for the last few months, and we got through the day.
What happened that evening, however, has been a matter of contention between the four Backup Singers of the Jin & Kame troupe for years now. The two of them don't help by remaining completely silent on the matter, but we each came up with our own ideas the morning after at breakfast.
Jin and Kame had just left the table, after a very pleasant breakfast of polite and comfortable conversation, complete with stupid jokes, laughter, and passing each other toast and pieces of fruit. It wasn't as sickening as they'd been before, but it was in stark contrast to everything we had come to know, and it confused the hell out of us.
"What the fuck?" I broke the ice, blinking over at the other three as they stared at Jin and Kame's retreating backs.
"I bet they had angry makeup sex," Ueda said, sending a horrifying image into all of our minds.
"Dude, that's gross," Nakamaru said, looking like he was going to throw up the eggs he'd just eaten.
"They didn't," Junno said, sounding a little too confident. In response to our questioning looks, though, he just said, "we would have heard them through the wall," which didn't help erase the image.
"I'm sure they just talked things over," Nakamaru said, trying to sound comforted by the thought, but the image Ueda had conjured wasn't going to disappear any time soon.
I wasn't convinced. "I don't know, man. That's almost a year of bullshit to get through, you think it just changed over one night?"
"Maybe they just decided to forgive and forget," Junno suggested with a shrug.
"Like either of them would ever just give in like that," Ueda pointed out. "Kame would sooner die than admit he was wrong."
"I bet they got wasted first." I'm pretty sure that they talked, but they couldn't have talked completely sober. "Got wasted and then talked about everything. Kame probably cried himself to sleep." I didn't really think that, but it made the story sound better.
"Whatever happened," Nakamaru said still looking a little nauseous, "they're fine now. Let's not bring it up again."
And we didn't. We didn't have to, either. Jin came back to Japan, our tour continued, Cartoon KAT-TUN went on to be a reasonable success, Junno and Jin did Yukan Club, and everything got back to some semblance of normal. We grew up from then, knowing what it was like to be without a member, and settled into an easy routine. We were still the same group of misfits, but we understood a little more what it meant to work both with and for each other, and slowly it began to feel less like the Jin & Kame group and more like KAT-TUN.
Jin and Kame themselves settled down as well. Their story no longer included the idiotic highs and lows they'd had before; now they were just friends. Not the sitting in each other's laps feeding each other type of friends, but the normal kind with going to lunch and sharing interests and talking about work. It was nice for all of us. Everyone was sick of the rollercoaster ride that was their relationship, because it not only put us all on edge, but it put the group and our careers in jeopardy.
Something was missing, though. As usual, Ueda said it best. "It was better when they were fucking."
Nakamaru spat out his peppermint tea and Junno choked on his onigiri. I didn't have anything in my mouth at the time, so I tried to suppress any mental images and assess Ueda's statement logically. "Really? Weren't you the one that complained about them sharing bentos like a married couple at the office cafeteria?"
"Well, I don't miss that," Ueda said, passing Junno a fresh bottle of water as he continued to choke. "But when they weren't having public displays of affection all over the place, they were better. They were good together, and they were better as individuals. It served us well, too, having a leading couple like that. Took the pressure off."
It was a bold statement, and it made all of us think. It wasn't just practical, as Ueda often was, it was personal and emotional for them, too. They might have pushed each other too far sometimes, but I had to admit that Gokusen was a high for all of us. If there was some way to find a good middle ground, it would be good for everyone.
"We can't ask them to get back together for the good of the group," Nakamaru said, mopping up the rest of the tea on the table.
"We could try to set them up. Drop hints and get them to meet at a cafe," Junno suggested.
"You've been watching too many dramas," Ueda said.
"They won't fall for it anyway," I said. "They'll see it a mile off. We just have to wait."
We didn't have to wait very long. They were subtle about it, but by the time 2009 rolled around, we could all see the changes. They arrived and left places together, wore their "friendship" jewlery on-and-off again, disappeared from set during break at the same time, and started sharing clothes again. They didn't sit in each other's laps or eat from each other's chopsticks or giggle as they ran off to the bathroom together, but we still noticed.
"Good to see things back to their natural order," Ueda said at an alcohol-soaked dinner before our record-breaking Tokyo Dome tour started, clamping his hands down on Jin and Kame's shoulders. They looked a little confused for a moment, but looking around at our knowing grins seemed to tip them off. Kame turned redder than the wine he was drinking, and Jin stood up to deliver empty threats to Ueda.
"I would like to propose a toast," I said, raising my glass and standing up. It seemed like a good idea to deflect some attention. "To our ridiculous, stupid friends who, after nearly a decade of dancing around each other, have finally learned to be together like the relatively normal human beings they dubiously are. And to the rest of us, for having put up with their bullshit for that decade! To KAT-TUN!"
"KAT-TUN!" three people called back. Jin and Kame just sort of glared, but raised their glasses anyway. I like to think they were cheering on the inside.
Things aren't perfect now, of course. We're still learning how to be a good group, who we are and how we fit with each other, and it's hard to learn our dynamics when there's a married couple in our midst. But on the whole, we're better off now. It's just like Ueda said: they're better together and individually this way. The pressure is off us to carry a group we were never taught to carry, and while Jin will always have days when he dreams aloud of leaving, we know it's not going to happen. Jin and Kame have always been together, and I might not be a psychic but I'm pretty sure they always will. And 'pretty sure' is as good as you get in life.
So the big, epic love story of my two stupid friends? Hasn't ended, but it's definitely happily ever after.