fic: A Hundred and One Little Complications, Chapter 5
Title: A Hundred and One Little Complications, Chapter 5
Length: chaptered
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: PG-13 (rating subject to increase in later chapters)
Genre: AU
Pairing/Characters: Doojoon, Gikwang, Yoseob, Dongwoon, ofc of the child type
Warnings: RPS
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: Partially inspired by snb123's spy prompt and this picture. ^_^
This chapter is one of the longer ones, but they're all averaging between 4-5k. Added to the drabbles and life in general, please be patient between chapters. I've been managing a chapter every couple of weeks. Hopefully that remains true until I finish it and I don't have to take any long breaks in between chapters. Thanks to everyone who's been reading and....
A HUGE THANKS TO MY BETA, kenaressa, WITHOUT WHOM THIS FIC WOULD NEVER HAVE MADE IT OUT OF MY HEAD. LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE YOU!
Previously: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4
Side Shots: Second Chances
Summary: Doojoon is a gay reporter with too many enemies in too many places, the divorced father of a beautiful little girl. Gikwang is his deceased ex-wife’s last husband and the closest thing he has to family since his blood relatives disowned him. When an assassination attempt almost kills them all, Gikwang calls in a favor.
As if Doojoon's life isn't already complicated enough...
~*~*~
On Tuesday, Yoseob’s ‘dragon lady’ reprimanded Doojoon soundly for disturbing her staff and hinted at impressing him into volunteer service if he called the school again. The speculative look on the mercenary’s face said that he’d considered that a viable option, but Doojoon managed to restrain his urges.
By Friday, it wasn’t even that hard.
He still worried about his daughter, but each day he picked her up all safe and sound, chattering happily about her friends and teachers, the easier it was to accept that dangerous or not, school was where she needed to be.
It was a little disturbing how easily Yoseob slid into their lives.
Doojoon was starting to get accustomed to waking up with a Seobie-blanket wrapped around him.
Mornings were a whirl of getting Cheon ready for school and Gikwang - who’d spent more mornings in the Yoon household than not since Gina had died - ready for work. Yoseob made sure everyone ate breakfast and had all of their things in order. Cheon’s homework was given a cursory last minute review and though she’d been allowed to choose her own clothes for years - Doojoon always preferred she was happy about what she was wearing than whether or not she matched, something that had made Gina despair - she got a critical eye from Yoseob before being declared ready to face the world. He’d only made her change once and even Doojoon had to concede that the outfit she’d grabbed was far too small for her.
Yoseob had mumbled something about taking her shopping over the weekend after a quick check through her closet and drawers had revealed far too many ‘too small’ outfits.
He always made sure both Cheon and Gikwang had lunch packed in their things before he let them out the door.
He was better at the morning routine than Doojoon had ever been.
The time after that was companionable enough. Dongwoon had copied all of his notes and returned his hard drives, so Yoseob had shoved him into his small converted office with a not so subtle hint to get himself ready to go back to work. His first day back was looming ever closer, after all.
It took a few hours to get used to the imposed order that had overtaken his office the same day it had overtaken his house. It was easier to find everything, though, so he had to concede that maybe Yoseob had a small - infinitesimally tiny - point about keeping things neat.
Along with his own files, Dongwoon had given him new records and transcripts so it didn’t take too long before Doojoon lost himself in his own work, only occasionally paying any real attention to what his companion was getting up to.
Whenever it was time to head out to pick up Cheon, Yoseob called an end to his work day and drug him out to fetch her.
Back home meant homework. When he would have gone back to his own work, Yoseob forced him down at the coffee table next to Cheon. Tomorrow. Your job now is helping her. After that, the time was open for Doojoon and Cheon to do what they wanted.
Before, Doojoon would have brought his work into the living room and turned the television on, letting Cheon color or play at Gikwang’s as she liked.
Cheon was absolutely fascinated by Yoseob’s skills in the kitchen, though, so it became more and more routine to find her perched on a chair in the kitchen ‘helping’ with dinner.
Whenever Gikwang got in from work and cleaned up, he joined them.
Doojoon took to settling at the kitchen table, ostensibly reading a newspaper or book, but in reality, just watching them.
Yoseob had a lot more patience dealing with his helpers than Doojoon would have managed. As best as he could tell, having Gikwang and Cheon under foot doubled the work required for anything and at the very least, quadrupled the amount of clean up necessary, but Yoseob just smiled and walked them through each step.
All three had matching aprons to wear and bandanas to go over their hair. Doojoon had no idea where Yoseob had gotten them, but it was kind of ridiculously adorable to see.
He had a new wallpaper on his phone now; the little girl standing on her chair in her little red apron with the white bandana in her hair, good hand on one hip, scowling at her step-father for something or another with Yoseob looking on from the background.
There was another kitchen picture that he kept pulling up to look at as well, though he kept that one to himself.
Yoseob had walked too close to Cheon’s chair once while he was cleaning up and she’d launched herself at his back. Doojoon had scolded her this time when she’d whacked the soldier in the side of the head with her cast, but Yoseob had just laughed and shaken it off, helping her settle onto his back properly. He’d finished cleaning up with her clinging to him, holding one arm back behind himself to keep her steady.
Once he was sure Yoseob hadn’t been done permanent damage, Doojoon had decided that it was far too cute not to capture. Gikwang had given him an amused look, but had said nothing.
Dinner was served at the table by sheer necessity.
Yoseob tended to subscribe to the more traditional serving methods, which meant everyone had to be gathered around the serving bowls, not scattered around the living room. Plus, it was simply too complicated and the danger of mess was too great.
Over dinner, Gikwang shared funny stories about the gym and Cheon chattered on about her day. Doojoon hadn’t had anything particularly interesting to add since he wasn’t back at work yet, but he made up stories to keep up his own side of the entertainment.
It was fun in a way that eating in front of the television had never been.
Doojoon couldn’t remember why he’d ever objected to eating at the table and he found himself regretful for the missed opportunities he’d had when Gina had been alive.
There was minor chaos after that.
When they’d organized the house, a small mountain of board games and puzzles had been discovered. Sometimes Cheon wanted to play. Sometimes she wanted to color. More than once she simply crawled into one of their laps and directed that person’s game play. The first time it was Yoseob’s lap she crawled into had been another kodak worthy moment, but Doojoon hadn’t had his phone on him that time. The soldier had stilled completely, his expression a fast slide show of startlement, uncertainty, and another dozen things that passed by too quickly for Doojoon to really keep track of them before he’d finally wrapped an arm around her and smiled. Since they were playing Risk at the time, there was no surprise to anyone that Yoseob and Cheon won by a large margin.
Bedtime came after games, cleaning up and settling down.
It was the only time that Yoseob removed himself completely from the family unit, cloistering himself away in Doojoon’s office with his own laptop and headphones while Gikwang and Doojoon took turns reading Cheon bedtime stories until she fell asleep between them.
Since Gina’s death, it wasn’t uncommon for Gikwang to crash on Doojoon’s couch and Yoseob’s presence didn’t change that. If anything, Doojoon noticed that he stayed more often and tended to linger longer on the days he did toddle across the hall to his own condo.
Now that the wall of silence between them had finally been breached, Gikwang seemed determined to try and make up for all of the years lost as quickly as possible. He often left Doojoon to his own devices to descend upon Yoseob until his eyes started to droop and the mercenary sent him off to sleep wherever he ended up sleeping for the night.
The healing there would take time, but both seemed willing to make the effort to recapture the friendship they’d lost.
Sometimes Yoseob came out and joined Doojoon as soon as he headed towards the bedroom, sometimes he didn’t crawl into bed until well after Doojoon had fallen asleep.
It was fast becoming a daily routine, as were the random kisses Yoseob managed to steal whenever Doojoon wasn’t paying enough attention to be on guard against them. Sleepy morning kisses and cheerful nips mixed with sensual invitations for more.
Whatever had been in the kiss that Dongwoon had interrupted, it wasn’t repeated. Doojoon had a sneaking suspicion he’d gotten a glimpse of something that day that Yoseob hadn’t meant for him to see.
It circled around his thoughts, making him more curious than he already was. More than that, it was making him wish Yoseob would kiss him like that again, something he figured would probably be disastrous if it ever actually happened.
He was having a hard enough time keeping all of his reasons for not getting involved with Yoseob in mind with the more playful, no-strings-attached method of pursuit the blonde was engaged in at the moment. Doojoon had a suspicion that if the idea of Yoseob having actual feelings for him got tangled up in his thoughts, then he’d never be able to resist.
As long as it had been since he’d been able to find physical release with another person, it had been even longer since he’d had emotional release.
He’d loved Gina, but they’d started falling apart years before they’d actually divorced. She was the high school sweetheart he’d thought he could change for, only to realize too late that it was a mistake to even try.
Yoseob’s cover story aside, the truth of their divorce wasn’t that far off. He’d found himself suffocating from the lies and need to suppress his less acceptable desires. Research for one of his stories had led him into the city’s gay nightlife and he’d lost himself in it. He’d barely even realized how bad things had gotten until he’d found the divorce papers on his desk one morning.
She’d moved herself and their daughter out the night before and he hadn’t even noticed.
It would have been easy to hold Gikwang responsible for the entire mess. He’d helped her, after all, and she’d moved in with him, seeking from Gikwang what she hadn’t been getting from Doojoon for a long time.
The truth was, though, that Gikwang had been trying to steer Doojoon back to Gina for months, warning him over and over that he was spiraling down a path he wasn’t going to be able to come back from.
And it was Gikwang that mediated what could have been a much more hostile situation than it was. He played peacemaker, stepping in when tempers or bad feeling started to boil over. He was the one that suggested the shared custody arrangement, pointing out that everyone wanted what was best for Cheon, and bought the condo across from Doojoon’s to make the transition easier for the little girl - and for her parents.
Things had been tense for a while. It had been Doojoon’s family that had finally forced the trio into full solidarity.
Doojoon’s father had been ready to rain fire and brimstone down on Gina and Gikwang’s heads, determined to drag the divorce through court and shame the couple forever. In the eyes of the Yoon family, Gina was a failure of a wife and Gikwang was the worst kind of homewrecker.
Facing his family, admitting the truth… It had been one of the hardest things Doojoon had ever done.
He hadn’t been surprised when they’d turned their backs on him. That he was gay had been hard enough for them to stomach, but they’d have likely been willing to ignore it if he’d kept his marriage intact and kept his dalliances discreet.
He was surprised that they’d chosen to completely cut ties with Cheon, though. She was still the only grandchild they had and before the rift, she’d been their darling. Their disgust for him had been greater than their love for her, in the end.
He might have gone back to trying to be what they wanted him to be, but Gina, surprisingly enough, had been one of his staunchest defenders in that. She’d verbally shredded Doojoon’s father for every shortcoming the old man had ever had before dragging Doojoon away with angry declarations that he was far too good to be part of such a bigoted, small-minded family.
Doojoon had always loved that fierceness in her, though he really hadn’t expected it to ever be used for him again.
“Hey.” A soft whisper and a nudge against his shoulder brought Doojoon out of his thoughts and he turned to arch a brow at Gikwang over Cheon’s head. The little girl had gone to sleep at some point, her good hand curled around a piece of Doojoon’s shirt loosely, her head snug in the crook of Doojoon’s arm. “You’ve been a million miles away all night.”
“I was just… thinking about things.”
“Yeah? You had a silly smile on your face.” There was still a questioning note in Gikwang’s voice as he set the story book aside and gently pulled Cheon’s hand loose so he could tuck it back into the blankets.
Doojoon smiled and scooted over so he could help ease her down into bed. “I was thinking about the day Gina slapped my dad.”
Gikwang snorted. “She was so pissed at him.”
“The look on his face was priceless. I don’t think anyone had ever stood up to him like that before.”
“He deserved it. He was being an ass.” Gikwang smoothed Cheon’s hair back and dropped a kiss on her forehead before sighing. “I miss her.”
“Yeah.” Doojoon swallowed hard and glanced away. He hadn’t been in love with Gina anymore by the time she’d died, but he could still feel the sharp bite of her death. They’d become friends again once all the other mess had finally been cleared away. He’d been happy, even if he’d wished it was as easy for him to move on to someone else as it had been for her.
The other man sighed and shook his head, looking like he was trying to shake off the gloomy thoughts. He glanced towards the door, then back at Doojoon. “So why were you thinking about that?”
Doojoon bit his lip. He wasn’t really sure how much of his mental dilemmas Gikwang could actually help with, but he’d learned over the years that sometimes just talking about it helped him work it out for himself.
And maybe Gikwang could give him some insight into the man that was taking up so much of Doojoon’s thoughts lately.
“Yoseob.”
“Ah.” Gikwang made an interested sound and glanced at him. “I’m surprised you guys aren’t… you know.” He quirked a grin at Doojoon. “I know he wants to.”
Doojoon snorted and shook his head. “He’s not exactly subtle.”
“He never was.” He laughed softly. “If he wanted something, he went for it no matter what anybody else had to say about it. Even when we were kids, he didn’t bother trying to hide the fact that he liked guys as much as girls. He got a lot of shit for it, but he didn’t care. I always admired that about him.”
“What was he like?”
Gikwang made a soft sound and stared across the room at nothing, a troubled look on his face. “A lot like this, actually. Loud, bright, confident. The military… dimmed him, even when it made his confidence more solid. He got darker. Quieter. ”
That was still there, as far as Doojoon could see. For all that Yoseob’s personality could brighten a room whenever he turned it on, underneath there was always a quiet watchfulness that made Doojoon uneasy. “Gikwang… What happened?”
The younger man shook his head and bit his lip, but for once Doojoon couldn’t just let it go. “Please. This is the man you’re asking me to trust my daughter’s life with. Someone I’m…” He bit his lip and shook his head. There was no need to go there yet. "Something must have happened to make you turn away from him. I think… I need to know what that was.”
“It wasn’t his fault,” Gikwang said immediately, his eyes flying to Doojoon, denial on his face. “Don’t blame Seobie. It wasn’t him. It was… It was me.”
His hands clenched slightly and he dropped his gaze down to them. “I never really… It was so weird, but I never fit in the military like he did, even though anyone who’d known us before would have told you it’d be the opposite way around. I could push a button that’d send a rocket that would blow up a building and kill a hundred people, but if I had to look at who was dying… Yoseob was the one who got his hands dirty. He said… If you were going to kill someone, you should at least give them the respect of seeing and remembering.”
The self-disgust on Gikwang’s face was evident and Doojoon reached out to squeeze his shoulder in silent support. He couldn’t even imagine having to live that sort of life. He respected Yoseob’s morals, but he understood Gikwang’s difficulties. He wasn’t sure he could have done either one.
“In the field, I had a bad habit of hesitating at the wrong time. Yoseob pulled my rear end out of trouble all the time. I had more muscle to throw around, though, so whenever it came to bar brawls and arguments within the ranks, I was the one saving him. We used to joke about it all the time, who owed who for which save.”
He owes me a favor.
Suddenly Gikwang’s words at the start of everything made a lot more sense. It had niggled at Doojoon a little, that inconsistency.
Gikwang went silent for a moment. When he spoke again, the words were hoarse and heavy. It was easy to see how much it was costing him to dredge up this long buried part of his past. “Our last mission… Everything went wrong, it was just… It was a cluster fuck. Half our unit died out there.” He glanced up. “I can’t tell you most of it. When you get out, you have to sign confidentiality clauses. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just….”
Doojoon waved a hand. He was a reporter, but he understood that some things weren’t meant to be known by the general public. He was okay not knowing the gory details as long as they were pertinent to the issue at hand. “I get it.”
“I didn’t dig into it later. I just wanted to forget.” He swallowed hard, looking away. “Seobie almost died that day. My fault.”
The silence lingered again until Doojoon nudged Gikwang again. “What happened?”
“It was all so fast, I’m not sure… This enemy solider got the drop on us, me and Seobie…. There was a scuffle and Seobie ended up disarmed, staring down the barrel of the guy’s gun and me… I still had mine. It was a stalemate. His gun on Seobie, my gun on him. He was yelling for me to drop my gun or he’d kill Seobie and at the same time Seobie’s yelling at me to just fucking shoot already, the guy was gonna shoot him anyways.” Gikwang took a deep, shuddering breath. “And in the background there’s the worst firefight we’ve ever been in going on, guns firing all over the place, people screaming.”
He shook his head and looked up at Doojoon, his eyes pleading for understanding and forgiveness that wasn’t Doojoon’s to give. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t just… pull the trigger. Even with Seobie’s life in the balance, I didn’t have it in me.”
Doojoon swallowed. “That’s not… You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“Can’t I? I knew what would happen. The enemy has you under his gun on the field, he’s not going to show mercy, Doojoon. That’s just the way it works.” One hand lifted to touch his forehead above one eye, the same spot as the scar on Yoseob’s forehead. “No big surprise, the guy shot him. Right in the fucking head.”
“But he lived.”
Gikwang’s short laugh was bitter. “No thanks to me. Even after that, with the gun on me, I couldn’t… I couldn’t do anything. I just stood there like a fucking idiot.”
“How-”
“Yoseob killed him.” Doojoon looked away, not sure if he should comfort Gikwang or ignore the tears that had started to fall. “Barely conscious, bleeding to death, barely able to see, and Yoseob still saved my life when I just stood there and let him die. How could I even… face him after that?” He took another shuddering breath and shook his head. “As soon as we knew he’d live, I just… left. Our commanding officer expedited my discharge papers and I never looked back. I just… kept an eye out for the obits and said a few prayers.”
“He didn’t die, Gikwang.” This time Doojoon forced Gikwang to look at him. “He’s still alive. And he’s obviously not holding a grudge about it. I think it’s time that you forgave yourself for being human.”
The younger man scrubbed his face dry with his sleeve. “It’s not that easy.”
“I know.” It was easy to look in from the outside and tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do, but Doojoon understood how much harder it was when it was you. All the well-meaning friends in the world didn’t make it any easier. “But you should at least try.”
Shaking his head, Gikwang sighed. “I am trying.” He pressed another soft kiss to Cheon’s hair and finally pushed up off the bed. “I called him. That was more than I ever thought I’d be able to do.”
“He seems glad that you did.” He hadn’t known Yoseob before, but it seemed obvious to Doojoon that the soldier was happy to have his friend back in his life.
Gikwang huffed with amusement, shaking his head. “You totally changed the subject. Why aren’t you guys having sex? You want to as much as he does, I can tell.”
“Oh just shut up,” Doojoon replied, rolling his eyes as he brushed Cheon’s hair back and gave her a kiss of his own before following Gikwang out of the room. “My sex life is not-”
Just inside the living room, he almost ran into Gikwang where the younger man had stopped short.
Yoseob was sitting there, hunched in one of the chairs, loose-limbed but coiled strength. As they hovered just behind him, he tossed back a shot and refilled the small glass. There were two other shot glasses next to the bottle, each filled and waiting. He took a deep breath and sighed, not looking at them.
“Seobie…” Gikwang shifted from one foot to another before shuffling across the room and perching on the couch. He looked like he might bolt at any second. “I thought you were busy.”
The mercenary shrugged, tossing back the second shot and nudging one of the other glasses in Gikwang’s direction. “I was just going to let Doojoon know that the meeting was set up for tomorrow.”
“How much did you hear?” Doojoon moved to sit next to Gikwang on the couch. He took the other shot glass without coercion. Most of that conversation had been about Gikwang and honestly, Doojoon thought it was something they’d needed to talk about.
But it hadn’t all been about Gikwang. Hopefully Yoseob had only heard the middle bits.
The look Yoseob gave him dashed away those hopes although all the soldier said was a simple, “Enough.”
In all the years Doojoon had known him, he’d never seen Gikwang touch alcohol, but finally he grabbed it and drank it down with a grimace. “That’s nasty.”
Yoseob snorted, already refilling his again. “Sorry, I don’t carry that fruity shit you like around with me anymore. Got out of the habit after I woke up in the hospital alone.”
It was impossible read the blonde’s expression and his gaze was on his own drink, but Gikwang had paled and flinched away at Yoseob’s words. “Seobie…”
“No, you know what? Just… don’t say anything. You’re good at that.” Yoseob’s eyes clenched shut for a moment and he rubbed his forehead, drawing their attention back to the scar where the pale strip stood out against the darker skin around it.
Doojoon swallowed slightly and looked away. Yoseob’s words from their shared shower returned to his mind.
no one going for a head shot has had very good aim.
Except apparently someone had. To have walked away from that kind of injury at all was nothing short of a miracle. He wondered at how bad the recovery must have been and what it had done to Yoseob to have to go through it alone.
“I’ve spent years wondering what the hell I did that was so damned bad that my best friend, my brother would turn away from me for it. You already accepted the fact that I was a killer. How much worse could it really get? What kind of fucking monstrous thing did I end up being capable of?”
“It wasn’t-” Gikwang was half out of his seat, his expression entreating, his hands outstretched as if that could take away the bitter sound of self-loathing in Yoseob’s voice. “How could I… You almost died Yoseob. And I would have let you! How could you even want to see me after that?”
“Jesus fucking…” Yoseob covered his eyes and shuddered slightly. “I had a head injury! I woke up with half my unit dead, a giant fucking hole in my memory, you gone, and an official story that didn’t say a damned thing about how any of that actually happened. You can’t imagine half the things I thought up! And now… Now…” His short laugh was bitter. “It was all because you’re a fucking idiot.”
“I’m not an idiot!” Gikwang snapped back. “I didn’t know you wouldn’t remember!”
“Even if I had, what the hell would it have mattered?!”
Both men were on their feet now, their voices rising, and Doojoon glanced back towards Cheon’s bedroom, hoping the little girl slept through it. He didn’t want to have to explain to his daughter why the adults were getting so worked up.
“I might as well have pulled the fucking trigger myself! How can that not matter?”
“For fuck’s sake, we’re family. You and Grams have been all I’ve had my entire fucking life. Why the hell would I hold the fact that you’re not a killer against you? That’s a good thing.”
“But…” Gikwang’s mouth gaped slightly like he wanted to argue, to say anything that made any sense at all, and was coming up woefully short in the face of Yoseob’s simple declaration.
Finally Yoseob sighed and shook his head, hands settling on his hips. He even managed an air of strained amusement as he stared at the other man. “I swear, Kwangie, it’s a wonder your brain works well enough for basic functions like breathing.”
It took a minute for Gikwang to make the shift back down from his upset. He took a few shuddering breaths and stepped around the coffee table before pulling Yoseob into a tight hug.
Yoseob yelped and shimmied slightly, angling for a less tight hold. “Air, Kwangie, I can’t.. Breathe.”
The vice grip around his back eased off slightly, but Gikwang didn’t let go of him. Doojoon expected that it would take a while before the issue managed to settle down entirely, but the foundation of their previous relationship was solid and they’d been laying the groundwork for repairing it since they’d reunited.
They’d be okay, if he was any judge.
He tossed back a second drink as the realization of what that could mean settled into his stomach.
If they were okay, that’d mean that Gikwang would have no reason to keep Yoseob out of his life.
That’d mean Yoseob returning to his place as a permanent fixture of Gikwang’s life, his place as Gikwang’s family.
Blowing out a heavy breath, Doojoon glanced up at where Yoseob was trying to wiggle out of Gikwang’s strong grip. There was little doubt that Yoseob could get away if he really wanted to, but either he wasn’t willing to exert the effort or take the risk of actually hurting Gikwang.
With their relationship repaired, Yoseob was likely going to be around for good.
Doojoon poured himself another shot.
~*~*~
go to Chapter 6
Length: chaptered
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: PG-13 (rating subject to increase in later chapters)
Genre: AU
Pairing/Characters: Doojoon, Gikwang, Yoseob, Dongwoon, ofc of the child type
Warnings: RPS
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: Partially inspired by snb123's spy prompt and this picture. ^_^
This chapter is one of the longer ones, but they're all averaging between 4-5k. Added to the drabbles and life in general, please be patient between chapters. I've been managing a chapter every couple of weeks. Hopefully that remains true until I finish it and I don't have to take any long breaks in between chapters. Thanks to everyone who's been reading and....
A HUGE THANKS TO MY BETA, kenaressa, WITHOUT WHOM THIS FIC WOULD NEVER HAVE MADE IT OUT OF MY HEAD. LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE YOU!
Previously: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4
Side Shots: Second Chances
Summary: Doojoon is a gay reporter with too many enemies in too many places, the divorced father of a beautiful little girl. Gikwang is his deceased ex-wife’s last husband and the closest thing he has to family since his blood relatives disowned him. When an assassination attempt almost kills them all, Gikwang calls in a favor.
As if Doojoon's life isn't already complicated enough...
~*~*~
On Tuesday, Yoseob’s ‘dragon lady’ reprimanded Doojoon soundly for disturbing her staff and hinted at impressing him into volunteer service if he called the school again. The speculative look on the mercenary’s face said that he’d considered that a viable option, but Doojoon managed to restrain his urges.
By Friday, it wasn’t even that hard.
He still worried about his daughter, but each day he picked her up all safe and sound, chattering happily about her friends and teachers, the easier it was to accept that dangerous or not, school was where she needed to be.
It was a little disturbing how easily Yoseob slid into their lives.
Doojoon was starting to get accustomed to waking up with a Seobie-blanket wrapped around him.
Mornings were a whirl of getting Cheon ready for school and Gikwang - who’d spent more mornings in the Yoon household than not since Gina had died - ready for work. Yoseob made sure everyone ate breakfast and had all of their things in order. Cheon’s homework was given a cursory last minute review and though she’d been allowed to choose her own clothes for years - Doojoon always preferred she was happy about what she was wearing than whether or not she matched, something that had made Gina despair - she got a critical eye from Yoseob before being declared ready to face the world. He’d only made her change once and even Doojoon had to concede that the outfit she’d grabbed was far too small for her.
Yoseob had mumbled something about taking her shopping over the weekend after a quick check through her closet and drawers had revealed far too many ‘too small’ outfits.
He always made sure both Cheon and Gikwang had lunch packed in their things before he let them out the door.
He was better at the morning routine than Doojoon had ever been.
The time after that was companionable enough. Dongwoon had copied all of his notes and returned his hard drives, so Yoseob had shoved him into his small converted office with a not so subtle hint to get himself ready to go back to work. His first day back was looming ever closer, after all.
It took a few hours to get used to the imposed order that had overtaken his office the same day it had overtaken his house. It was easier to find everything, though, so he had to concede that maybe Yoseob had a small - infinitesimally tiny - point about keeping things neat.
Along with his own files, Dongwoon had given him new records and transcripts so it didn’t take too long before Doojoon lost himself in his own work, only occasionally paying any real attention to what his companion was getting up to.
Whenever it was time to head out to pick up Cheon, Yoseob called an end to his work day and drug him out to fetch her.
Back home meant homework. When he would have gone back to his own work, Yoseob forced him down at the coffee table next to Cheon. Tomorrow. Your job now is helping her. After that, the time was open for Doojoon and Cheon to do what they wanted.
Before, Doojoon would have brought his work into the living room and turned the television on, letting Cheon color or play at Gikwang’s as she liked.
Cheon was absolutely fascinated by Yoseob’s skills in the kitchen, though, so it became more and more routine to find her perched on a chair in the kitchen ‘helping’ with dinner.
Whenever Gikwang got in from work and cleaned up, he joined them.
Doojoon took to settling at the kitchen table, ostensibly reading a newspaper or book, but in reality, just watching them.
Yoseob had a lot more patience dealing with his helpers than Doojoon would have managed. As best as he could tell, having Gikwang and Cheon under foot doubled the work required for anything and at the very least, quadrupled the amount of clean up necessary, but Yoseob just smiled and walked them through each step.
All three had matching aprons to wear and bandanas to go over their hair. Doojoon had no idea where Yoseob had gotten them, but it was kind of ridiculously adorable to see.
He had a new wallpaper on his phone now; the little girl standing on her chair in her little red apron with the white bandana in her hair, good hand on one hip, scowling at her step-father for something or another with Yoseob looking on from the background.
There was another kitchen picture that he kept pulling up to look at as well, though he kept that one to himself.
Yoseob had walked too close to Cheon’s chair once while he was cleaning up and she’d launched herself at his back. Doojoon had scolded her this time when she’d whacked the soldier in the side of the head with her cast, but Yoseob had just laughed and shaken it off, helping her settle onto his back properly. He’d finished cleaning up with her clinging to him, holding one arm back behind himself to keep her steady.
Once he was sure Yoseob hadn’t been done permanent damage, Doojoon had decided that it was far too cute not to capture. Gikwang had given him an amused look, but had said nothing.
Dinner was served at the table by sheer necessity.
Yoseob tended to subscribe to the more traditional serving methods, which meant everyone had to be gathered around the serving bowls, not scattered around the living room. Plus, it was simply too complicated and the danger of mess was too great.
Over dinner, Gikwang shared funny stories about the gym and Cheon chattered on about her day. Doojoon hadn’t had anything particularly interesting to add since he wasn’t back at work yet, but he made up stories to keep up his own side of the entertainment.
It was fun in a way that eating in front of the television had never been.
Doojoon couldn’t remember why he’d ever objected to eating at the table and he found himself regretful for the missed opportunities he’d had when Gina had been alive.
There was minor chaos after that.
When they’d organized the house, a small mountain of board games and puzzles had been discovered. Sometimes Cheon wanted to play. Sometimes she wanted to color. More than once she simply crawled into one of their laps and directed that person’s game play. The first time it was Yoseob’s lap she crawled into had been another kodak worthy moment, but Doojoon hadn’t had his phone on him that time. The soldier had stilled completely, his expression a fast slide show of startlement, uncertainty, and another dozen things that passed by too quickly for Doojoon to really keep track of them before he’d finally wrapped an arm around her and smiled. Since they were playing Risk at the time, there was no surprise to anyone that Yoseob and Cheon won by a large margin.
Bedtime came after games, cleaning up and settling down.
It was the only time that Yoseob removed himself completely from the family unit, cloistering himself away in Doojoon’s office with his own laptop and headphones while Gikwang and Doojoon took turns reading Cheon bedtime stories until she fell asleep between them.
Since Gina’s death, it wasn’t uncommon for Gikwang to crash on Doojoon’s couch and Yoseob’s presence didn’t change that. If anything, Doojoon noticed that he stayed more often and tended to linger longer on the days he did toddle across the hall to his own condo.
Now that the wall of silence between them had finally been breached, Gikwang seemed determined to try and make up for all of the years lost as quickly as possible. He often left Doojoon to his own devices to descend upon Yoseob until his eyes started to droop and the mercenary sent him off to sleep wherever he ended up sleeping for the night.
The healing there would take time, but both seemed willing to make the effort to recapture the friendship they’d lost.
Sometimes Yoseob came out and joined Doojoon as soon as he headed towards the bedroom, sometimes he didn’t crawl into bed until well after Doojoon had fallen asleep.
It was fast becoming a daily routine, as were the random kisses Yoseob managed to steal whenever Doojoon wasn’t paying enough attention to be on guard against them. Sleepy morning kisses and cheerful nips mixed with sensual invitations for more.
Whatever had been in the kiss that Dongwoon had interrupted, it wasn’t repeated. Doojoon had a sneaking suspicion he’d gotten a glimpse of something that day that Yoseob hadn’t meant for him to see.
It circled around his thoughts, making him more curious than he already was. More than that, it was making him wish Yoseob would kiss him like that again, something he figured would probably be disastrous if it ever actually happened.
He was having a hard enough time keeping all of his reasons for not getting involved with Yoseob in mind with the more playful, no-strings-attached method of pursuit the blonde was engaged in at the moment. Doojoon had a suspicion that if the idea of Yoseob having actual feelings for him got tangled up in his thoughts, then he’d never be able to resist.
As long as it had been since he’d been able to find physical release with another person, it had been even longer since he’d had emotional release.
He’d loved Gina, but they’d started falling apart years before they’d actually divorced. She was the high school sweetheart he’d thought he could change for, only to realize too late that it was a mistake to even try.
Yoseob’s cover story aside, the truth of their divorce wasn’t that far off. He’d found himself suffocating from the lies and need to suppress his less acceptable desires. Research for one of his stories had led him into the city’s gay nightlife and he’d lost himself in it. He’d barely even realized how bad things had gotten until he’d found the divorce papers on his desk one morning.
She’d moved herself and their daughter out the night before and he hadn’t even noticed.
It would have been easy to hold Gikwang responsible for the entire mess. He’d helped her, after all, and she’d moved in with him, seeking from Gikwang what she hadn’t been getting from Doojoon for a long time.
The truth was, though, that Gikwang had been trying to steer Doojoon back to Gina for months, warning him over and over that he was spiraling down a path he wasn’t going to be able to come back from.
And it was Gikwang that mediated what could have been a much more hostile situation than it was. He played peacemaker, stepping in when tempers or bad feeling started to boil over. He was the one that suggested the shared custody arrangement, pointing out that everyone wanted what was best for Cheon, and bought the condo across from Doojoon’s to make the transition easier for the little girl - and for her parents.
Things had been tense for a while. It had been Doojoon’s family that had finally forced the trio into full solidarity.
Doojoon’s father had been ready to rain fire and brimstone down on Gina and Gikwang’s heads, determined to drag the divorce through court and shame the couple forever. In the eyes of the Yoon family, Gina was a failure of a wife and Gikwang was the worst kind of homewrecker.
Facing his family, admitting the truth… It had been one of the hardest things Doojoon had ever done.
He hadn’t been surprised when they’d turned their backs on him. That he was gay had been hard enough for them to stomach, but they’d have likely been willing to ignore it if he’d kept his marriage intact and kept his dalliances discreet.
He was surprised that they’d chosen to completely cut ties with Cheon, though. She was still the only grandchild they had and before the rift, she’d been their darling. Their disgust for him had been greater than their love for her, in the end.
He might have gone back to trying to be what they wanted him to be, but Gina, surprisingly enough, had been one of his staunchest defenders in that. She’d verbally shredded Doojoon’s father for every shortcoming the old man had ever had before dragging Doojoon away with angry declarations that he was far too good to be part of such a bigoted, small-minded family.
Doojoon had always loved that fierceness in her, though he really hadn’t expected it to ever be used for him again.
“Hey.” A soft whisper and a nudge against his shoulder brought Doojoon out of his thoughts and he turned to arch a brow at Gikwang over Cheon’s head. The little girl had gone to sleep at some point, her good hand curled around a piece of Doojoon’s shirt loosely, her head snug in the crook of Doojoon’s arm. “You’ve been a million miles away all night.”
“I was just… thinking about things.”
“Yeah? You had a silly smile on your face.” There was still a questioning note in Gikwang’s voice as he set the story book aside and gently pulled Cheon’s hand loose so he could tuck it back into the blankets.
Doojoon smiled and scooted over so he could help ease her down into bed. “I was thinking about the day Gina slapped my dad.”
Gikwang snorted. “She was so pissed at him.”
“The look on his face was priceless. I don’t think anyone had ever stood up to him like that before.”
“He deserved it. He was being an ass.” Gikwang smoothed Cheon’s hair back and dropped a kiss on her forehead before sighing. “I miss her.”
“Yeah.” Doojoon swallowed hard and glanced away. He hadn’t been in love with Gina anymore by the time she’d died, but he could still feel the sharp bite of her death. They’d become friends again once all the other mess had finally been cleared away. He’d been happy, even if he’d wished it was as easy for him to move on to someone else as it had been for her.
The other man sighed and shook his head, looking like he was trying to shake off the gloomy thoughts. He glanced towards the door, then back at Doojoon. “So why were you thinking about that?”
Doojoon bit his lip. He wasn’t really sure how much of his mental dilemmas Gikwang could actually help with, but he’d learned over the years that sometimes just talking about it helped him work it out for himself.
And maybe Gikwang could give him some insight into the man that was taking up so much of Doojoon’s thoughts lately.
“Yoseob.”
“Ah.” Gikwang made an interested sound and glanced at him. “I’m surprised you guys aren’t… you know.” He quirked a grin at Doojoon. “I know he wants to.”
Doojoon snorted and shook his head. “He’s not exactly subtle.”
“He never was.” He laughed softly. “If he wanted something, he went for it no matter what anybody else had to say about it. Even when we were kids, he didn’t bother trying to hide the fact that he liked guys as much as girls. He got a lot of shit for it, but he didn’t care. I always admired that about him.”
“What was he like?”
Gikwang made a soft sound and stared across the room at nothing, a troubled look on his face. “A lot like this, actually. Loud, bright, confident. The military… dimmed him, even when it made his confidence more solid. He got darker. Quieter. ”
That was still there, as far as Doojoon could see. For all that Yoseob’s personality could brighten a room whenever he turned it on, underneath there was always a quiet watchfulness that made Doojoon uneasy. “Gikwang… What happened?”
The younger man shook his head and bit his lip, but for once Doojoon couldn’t just let it go. “Please. This is the man you’re asking me to trust my daughter’s life with. Someone I’m…” He bit his lip and shook his head. There was no need to go there yet. "Something must have happened to make you turn away from him. I think… I need to know what that was.”
“It wasn’t his fault,” Gikwang said immediately, his eyes flying to Doojoon, denial on his face. “Don’t blame Seobie. It wasn’t him. It was… It was me.”
His hands clenched slightly and he dropped his gaze down to them. “I never really… It was so weird, but I never fit in the military like he did, even though anyone who’d known us before would have told you it’d be the opposite way around. I could push a button that’d send a rocket that would blow up a building and kill a hundred people, but if I had to look at who was dying… Yoseob was the one who got his hands dirty. He said… If you were going to kill someone, you should at least give them the respect of seeing and remembering.”
The self-disgust on Gikwang’s face was evident and Doojoon reached out to squeeze his shoulder in silent support. He couldn’t even imagine having to live that sort of life. He respected Yoseob’s morals, but he understood Gikwang’s difficulties. He wasn’t sure he could have done either one.
“In the field, I had a bad habit of hesitating at the wrong time. Yoseob pulled my rear end out of trouble all the time. I had more muscle to throw around, though, so whenever it came to bar brawls and arguments within the ranks, I was the one saving him. We used to joke about it all the time, who owed who for which save.”
He owes me a favor.
Suddenly Gikwang’s words at the start of everything made a lot more sense. It had niggled at Doojoon a little, that inconsistency.
Gikwang went silent for a moment. When he spoke again, the words were hoarse and heavy. It was easy to see how much it was costing him to dredge up this long buried part of his past. “Our last mission… Everything went wrong, it was just… It was a cluster fuck. Half our unit died out there.” He glanced up. “I can’t tell you most of it. When you get out, you have to sign confidentiality clauses. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just….”
Doojoon waved a hand. He was a reporter, but he understood that some things weren’t meant to be known by the general public. He was okay not knowing the gory details as long as they were pertinent to the issue at hand. “I get it.”
“I didn’t dig into it later. I just wanted to forget.” He swallowed hard, looking away. “Seobie almost died that day. My fault.”
The silence lingered again until Doojoon nudged Gikwang again. “What happened?”
“It was all so fast, I’m not sure… This enemy solider got the drop on us, me and Seobie…. There was a scuffle and Seobie ended up disarmed, staring down the barrel of the guy’s gun and me… I still had mine. It was a stalemate. His gun on Seobie, my gun on him. He was yelling for me to drop my gun or he’d kill Seobie and at the same time Seobie’s yelling at me to just fucking shoot already, the guy was gonna shoot him anyways.” Gikwang took a deep, shuddering breath. “And in the background there’s the worst firefight we’ve ever been in going on, guns firing all over the place, people screaming.”
He shook his head and looked up at Doojoon, his eyes pleading for understanding and forgiveness that wasn’t Doojoon’s to give. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t just… pull the trigger. Even with Seobie’s life in the balance, I didn’t have it in me.”
Doojoon swallowed. “That’s not… You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“Can’t I? I knew what would happen. The enemy has you under his gun on the field, he’s not going to show mercy, Doojoon. That’s just the way it works.” One hand lifted to touch his forehead above one eye, the same spot as the scar on Yoseob’s forehead. “No big surprise, the guy shot him. Right in the fucking head.”
“But he lived.”
Gikwang’s short laugh was bitter. “No thanks to me. Even after that, with the gun on me, I couldn’t… I couldn’t do anything. I just stood there like a fucking idiot.”
“How-”
“Yoseob killed him.” Doojoon looked away, not sure if he should comfort Gikwang or ignore the tears that had started to fall. “Barely conscious, bleeding to death, barely able to see, and Yoseob still saved my life when I just stood there and let him die. How could I even… face him after that?” He took another shuddering breath and shook his head. “As soon as we knew he’d live, I just… left. Our commanding officer expedited my discharge papers and I never looked back. I just… kept an eye out for the obits and said a few prayers.”
“He didn’t die, Gikwang.” This time Doojoon forced Gikwang to look at him. “He’s still alive. And he’s obviously not holding a grudge about it. I think it’s time that you forgave yourself for being human.”
The younger man scrubbed his face dry with his sleeve. “It’s not that easy.”
“I know.” It was easy to look in from the outside and tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do, but Doojoon understood how much harder it was when it was you. All the well-meaning friends in the world didn’t make it any easier. “But you should at least try.”
Shaking his head, Gikwang sighed. “I am trying.” He pressed another soft kiss to Cheon’s hair and finally pushed up off the bed. “I called him. That was more than I ever thought I’d be able to do.”
“He seems glad that you did.” He hadn’t known Yoseob before, but it seemed obvious to Doojoon that the soldier was happy to have his friend back in his life.
Gikwang huffed with amusement, shaking his head. “You totally changed the subject. Why aren’t you guys having sex? You want to as much as he does, I can tell.”
“Oh just shut up,” Doojoon replied, rolling his eyes as he brushed Cheon’s hair back and gave her a kiss of his own before following Gikwang out of the room. “My sex life is not-”
Just inside the living room, he almost ran into Gikwang where the younger man had stopped short.
Yoseob was sitting there, hunched in one of the chairs, loose-limbed but coiled strength. As they hovered just behind him, he tossed back a shot and refilled the small glass. There were two other shot glasses next to the bottle, each filled and waiting. He took a deep breath and sighed, not looking at them.
“Seobie…” Gikwang shifted from one foot to another before shuffling across the room and perching on the couch. He looked like he might bolt at any second. “I thought you were busy.”
The mercenary shrugged, tossing back the second shot and nudging one of the other glasses in Gikwang’s direction. “I was just going to let Doojoon know that the meeting was set up for tomorrow.”
“How much did you hear?” Doojoon moved to sit next to Gikwang on the couch. He took the other shot glass without coercion. Most of that conversation had been about Gikwang and honestly, Doojoon thought it was something they’d needed to talk about.
But it hadn’t all been about Gikwang. Hopefully Yoseob had only heard the middle bits.
The look Yoseob gave him dashed away those hopes although all the soldier said was a simple, “Enough.”
In all the years Doojoon had known him, he’d never seen Gikwang touch alcohol, but finally he grabbed it and drank it down with a grimace. “That’s nasty.”
Yoseob snorted, already refilling his again. “Sorry, I don’t carry that fruity shit you like around with me anymore. Got out of the habit after I woke up in the hospital alone.”
It was impossible read the blonde’s expression and his gaze was on his own drink, but Gikwang had paled and flinched away at Yoseob’s words. “Seobie…”
“No, you know what? Just… don’t say anything. You’re good at that.” Yoseob’s eyes clenched shut for a moment and he rubbed his forehead, drawing their attention back to the scar where the pale strip stood out against the darker skin around it.
Doojoon swallowed slightly and looked away. Yoseob’s words from their shared shower returned to his mind.
no one going for a head shot has had very good aim.
Except apparently someone had. To have walked away from that kind of injury at all was nothing short of a miracle. He wondered at how bad the recovery must have been and what it had done to Yoseob to have to go through it alone.
“I’ve spent years wondering what the hell I did that was so damned bad that my best friend, my brother would turn away from me for it. You already accepted the fact that I was a killer. How much worse could it really get? What kind of fucking monstrous thing did I end up being capable of?”
“It wasn’t-” Gikwang was half out of his seat, his expression entreating, his hands outstretched as if that could take away the bitter sound of self-loathing in Yoseob’s voice. “How could I… You almost died Yoseob. And I would have let you! How could you even want to see me after that?”
“Jesus fucking…” Yoseob covered his eyes and shuddered slightly. “I had a head injury! I woke up with half my unit dead, a giant fucking hole in my memory, you gone, and an official story that didn’t say a damned thing about how any of that actually happened. You can’t imagine half the things I thought up! And now… Now…” His short laugh was bitter. “It was all because you’re a fucking idiot.”
“I’m not an idiot!” Gikwang snapped back. “I didn’t know you wouldn’t remember!”
“Even if I had, what the hell would it have mattered?!”
Both men were on their feet now, their voices rising, and Doojoon glanced back towards Cheon’s bedroom, hoping the little girl slept through it. He didn’t want to have to explain to his daughter why the adults were getting so worked up.
“I might as well have pulled the fucking trigger myself! How can that not matter?”
“For fuck’s sake, we’re family. You and Grams have been all I’ve had my entire fucking life. Why the hell would I hold the fact that you’re not a killer against you? That’s a good thing.”
“But…” Gikwang’s mouth gaped slightly like he wanted to argue, to say anything that made any sense at all, and was coming up woefully short in the face of Yoseob’s simple declaration.
Finally Yoseob sighed and shook his head, hands settling on his hips. He even managed an air of strained amusement as he stared at the other man. “I swear, Kwangie, it’s a wonder your brain works well enough for basic functions like breathing.”
It took a minute for Gikwang to make the shift back down from his upset. He took a few shuddering breaths and stepped around the coffee table before pulling Yoseob into a tight hug.
Yoseob yelped and shimmied slightly, angling for a less tight hold. “Air, Kwangie, I can’t.. Breathe.”
The vice grip around his back eased off slightly, but Gikwang didn’t let go of him. Doojoon expected that it would take a while before the issue managed to settle down entirely, but the foundation of their previous relationship was solid and they’d been laying the groundwork for repairing it since they’d reunited.
They’d be okay, if he was any judge.
He tossed back a second drink as the realization of what that could mean settled into his stomach.
If they were okay, that’d mean that Gikwang would have no reason to keep Yoseob out of his life.
That’d mean Yoseob returning to his place as a permanent fixture of Gikwang’s life, his place as Gikwang’s family.
Blowing out a heavy breath, Doojoon glanced up at where Yoseob was trying to wiggle out of Gikwang’s strong grip. There was little doubt that Yoseob could get away if he really wanted to, but either he wasn’t willing to exert the effort or take the risk of actually hurting Gikwang.
With their relationship repaired, Yoseob was likely going to be around for good.
Doojoon poured himself another shot.
~*~*~
go to Chapter 6