[FIC] Butterfly
Jin swayed his hand aside as the glint of fluorescent light penetrated his sight. Faint sounds from the TV in front of him glistened his consciousness, dancing some familiar faces on the screen. Defiantly, Jin reached for another glass of vodka, emptying another bottle on his coffee table into his glass. With one gulp, he shoved the glass aside. It’s not enough. Jin’s hand fumbled to reach a new bottle, but disappointed as he felt the bottles quickly being lifted up. Slowly he opened his eyes to study his apartment.
“Stop it, Jin,” Yamapi voiced in worry, taking away all the bottles on the table. “You drank two bottles already,” Yamapi himself wasn’t sure how long Jin had been drinking but watching Jin in complete mess already scared him. Jin grunted, rolling himself on his sofa.
“Are you okay? Your face is flushed,” Ryo’s voice kicked in. “Let me cook something for you. You didn’t eat well the past few days,”
“No, Ryo, it’s okay. I’m not hungry,” Jin immediately answered making Ryo’s steps stopped half way to the kitchen.
“Just go, Ryo. I’ll force him to eat later,” Yamapi sighed, gathering Jin’s limp body in his arms and helped the older guy to sit. Ryo nodded and entered the kitchen, trusting Jin to Yamapi at the moment.
“Seriously, what is wrong with you? You didn’t even answer our calls,” Yamapi shoved a glass of water to Jin and Jin reluctantly sipped, or rather forced to.
“Why are you watching KAT-TUN’s clips anyway?” Yamapi sighed, reaching for the remote. He almost switched the TV off but Jin suddenly snatched the remote away.
“Don’t,” Jin slurred. “I want to watch it,”
Yamapi descended a pitiful stare towards his best friend before he stood picking up the magazines that had been littered all across the floor. “You know you can always visit them whenever you wanted. It’s not like they’re going to shoo you away,” Yamapi said resting his hand on his hip. He glanced at the TV screen when the player changed the clip to another one old performance when Jin and Ueda were standing on the spotlight.
“Butterfly,” Ryo muttered, walking in with a plate of curry rice, shoving it to Yamapi so the younger take care of the ‘eating’ since he’s done ‘cooking’. Yamapi took the plate and sat by Jin’s side. He took a spoonful of the meal and shoved it into Jin’s mouth with a little low mumble about how troublesome it was that he had to feed someone older than him. Jin swayed his head around with his eyes half-closed, still not fully awake.
“It’s a symbol of personification of one’s soul,” Ryo said leaning himself against the wall with his eyes not tearing away from the screen, watching the almost static twin movements by the two. “In low numbers they meant love, in large numbers they meant bad luck. In arts, they are considered to be the reincarnation of the souls of dead warriors. The rebirth into a better new life,”
Yamapi turned his head. “Really, Ryo-chan, you know a lot,”
Ryo snorted as he sat down the opposite couch. “I read a lot,” came the Osakan answer before he shifted his gaze towards Jin. “You and Ueda did have one hell of a hot relationship back then, huh,” in Ryo’s tone, there wasn’t even a hint of acknowledgement. Given the fact that no matter how close he is to Jin, he never really understood the story between Jin and Ueda. It was indeed a very simple but complicated one, just like a butterfly.
“You performed well together,” Yamapi smiled trying to coax Jin into more meals. Jin took another bite into his mouth.
“We intended to move together,” Jin sighed, rubbing his temple as he finally got a bit grip of himself. “Because when two butterflies flying together, it symbolizes everlasting love,”
“That was the Chinese culture. I understand that,” Ryo nodded. “But you were the one who broke up with him. I really don’t get you,”
Jin snickered, more to himself. “Maybe black outfits weren’t the best color to perform the song? Since it’s obvious that black butterflies contradict the everlasting part anyway,”
“You fall out of love with him?” Ryo took another look on the screen, now starting to play a new song.
“I missed him,” Jin slurred, throwing his head back resting on the couch. It wasn’t a crime, but it should be. There should be a law that says he can't be missed; because Jin broke up with him, because he was too much of a good thing, and Jin didn't know until it was far too late.
It was the little things that make Jin ached the most, make his heart glowed and sighed in ways he thought he had forgotten because no one affected him like Ueda did. Like how Ueda daintily licked his lips and made it looked more glossy and luscious. Jin missed Ueda’s caustic replies, pretending to be high and mighty and giving haughty looks that were easily broken by his deep feeling of insecurities. He missed Ueda’s beautiful soft fair cheeks and how they changed into rose red whenever he was pleased by Jin’s thoughtfulness.
“I miss him,” Jin repeated between the memories. “So much,” and his mind continued wandering around picturing how Ueda curled into his side, knees tucking in like a child, and how Jin’s arm was a perfect fit for his waist, pulling him in closer when Jin needed him the most, and how he rest his head on Jin’s collar bone only to tease the ticklish side, and just how much Jin loved the sounds of his giggles while he writhed under Jin's touch and kisses.
“It doesn’t look like his love died,” Ryo raised his eyebrows as he watched the new song played showing Ueda with a butterfly sticker.
“Of course not,” Jin smiled. “Because he is a butterfly fairy. His love never dies,”
Ueda never really stopped Jin from walking away. He never did bind Jin to something Jin never wanted to. He took his broken heart and walked away; heels clacking on the marble floor, graceful even then.
But Ueda forgot to give Jin’s heart back in return, snatching it without a word, and not letting go.
Jin thought it would be easier if they'd part ways. Long distance relationships never worked out, after all. People grew apart, and it's never the same, talking on the phone rather than face to face.
“Then you shouldn’t have leave,” Ryo grimaced, “Why did the both of you chose the Spanish lyric inside anyway?” Ryo asked, eying his friend in curiosity.
“Because in Spanish culture, butterfly is a symbol of the longing for liberty,” Jin answered in low grumble. “It is also the reason why I left,”
This was his decision to make.
And he missed him. That's all.
~The End~
NOTE: I wrote the sequel for this if you're interested. HERE
