Tony's sexuality - Discussion

Apr 23, 2010 23:37


Hi y'all,

Just wanted to start a little healthy discussion/debate about Tony's sexuality. Do you think he is Tim-sexual, bi-sexual, homosexual, pan-sexual etc? How do you factor his on-screen relations in regards to his sexuality, particularly Jeanne Benoit?

My thoughts are under this cut )

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Comments 32

burnphone April 23 2010, 23:04:43 UTC
My views on Tony are slightly different. I see him as bi but I'm not convinced he knows it himself. I can imagine that he's always had feelings for men but pushed them aside. We know how much he wants his fathers approval and being gay probably wouldn't have help with that plus he likes women too. A lot. So it's not so hard to ignore anyway. He's probably decided it was all an adolescent phase and he chooses to ignore the gay porn on his hard drive.

I think his excessive womanizing (that sounds harsh, I don't mean it badly) is probably due to his confusion but I do think he truly was attracted to Jeanne and did come to love her. He was hesitant because he was worried about hurting her feelings and that's exactly why I think Tim would always have to make the first move (even if Tony has engineered it accidentally on purpose) because Tony would be too scared to risk their relationship on what might be a one time thing for him.

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beautybecks April 23 2010, 23:30:59 UTC
Hmm, interesting. I know this sounds really cruel but I've never got the impression Tony is actually aware of other people's feelings. That he's a man of action rather than thoughts/feelings, but that could all be an act.

Tony scared is a new concept for me but I find it intriguing, especially the one time thing. Hmmm, curiouser and curiouser. Thanks for sharing your thoughts x

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rainbow_goddess April 23 2010, 23:05:24 UTC
I believe that Tony thinks he is straight, and maybe tries to convince himself that he is straight. I don't think he's exclusively gay, but he definitely has some same-sex attraction going on and is at the very least bisexual. I think he appreciates beautiful women, but possibly more in an aesthetic manner rather than a sexual manner. He might try to convince himself that he wants to have sex with them, but the fact that we haven't seen him go on a second date with anyone but Jeanne -- and she was an assignment -- leads me to wonder why.

With Tim, he's probably been fighting his attraction since Day 1. He probably tells himself that it's inappropriate due to the fact that they work together, or he tells himself that he couldn't possibly be attracted to Probie/McGeek/whatever he calls him, or he tells himself that duh, Timmy is a GUY, and Tony doesn't do guys (yeah right.)

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beautybecks April 23 2010, 23:39:05 UTC
I agree with most of your comments, except for the fact Tony codes gay to me. I can see him being asthetically attracted to women, makes it easier to drool over them, but when it comes to intimacy and sex, a woman's body is too soft, smells too sweet, too fragile, and even if it's not fragile it still scares him (like Ziva).

I don't think Tim is his usual type, he's not tanned or muscular but he smells right and he feels right, not that he's ever really got to feel him and he repeatedly tells himself that he doesn't want to feel Tim like that anyway.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write out your thoughts. It's interesting to read and also helps me understand my own. Thanks again :)

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jack_infinitude April 23 2010, 23:59:45 UTC
Tony is obviously Tim-sexual. :D

But seriously, I think that Tony is bisexual, while leaning heavily to the hetero side. It's what he's comfortable with, he knows how to handle women. We're pretty uncomplicated for him so long as we don't expect too much out of him.

When it comes to Jeanne, I'm always hesitant to make any kind of pronouncement about Tony's personality/sexuality. Nothing about the relationship was real, except his love, which came about under forced circumstances. (Huh, maybe I could argue that he bonded with Jeanne out of necessity? Like Stockholm's except not as horrifying.) So anything that came out under Jeanne's influence should always be taken with a grain of salt, I think.

It's also possible that part of his reluctance with Jeanne came from his love/attraction/loyalty to Tim. If he had a little voice in the back of his head saying You're hurting Tim, you're hurting Tim, every time he bent down for a hug or a kiss, it would make sense that he was dragging his feet on prostituting himself to Jeanne. (Have I ( ... )

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beautybecks April 24 2010, 00:15:08 UTC
Hmm, I kind of forgot about Jenny. I actually liked her, I can even forgive what she put Tony through because the Frog was her white whale. She did offer Tony his own team though, she offered him an out with Jeanne but he never took it (because he didn't want to leave Tim)

Tony is so obviously Tim-sexual, I have difficulty thinking of him with anybody else. I find it interesting to see how everybody who comments thinks he is bi-sexual, even more straight than gay. Still, I can't see it.

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jack_infinitude April 24 2010, 00:50:51 UTC
Obviously YMMV when it comes to Jenny. She trips too many of my thingamadoogies (it's a scientific term!) for me to like her. I'd forgotten that she offered Tony his own team.

Its hard for me to see Tony as purely gay, because Tim is the only man that he reacts so strongly to. (Unless we want to get into Gibbs/DiNozzo, which I don't.) He doesn't flirt with any other men, unless it links back to Tim somehow (as we saw with McCaden.) The usual Tonytage is something like "GIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSTimmy! look at me Timmy look at me look at me look at me!GIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSTimmyyyyy, you're not looking at me! Look at me look at me look at me," especially in the beginning. He does have a genuine interest in women, which we have to take into account, though I would definitely agree that it's become little more than a smokescreen these days.

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burnphone April 24 2010, 01:09:04 UTC
"GIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSTimmy! look at me Timmy look at me look at me look at me!GIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSGIRLSTimmyyyyy, you're not looking at me! Look at me look at me look at me,"

Love it :D

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snowglow1275 April 24 2010, 04:05:33 UTC
I dislike assigning something like that in strict terms; sexuality is fluid and things change. I also dislike the term bisexual because of the inherent forced dichotomy in the term. I suppose the closest term I can come up with for Tony is pansexual. He's a live and let live kind of guy and when it comes to sex it's all good. Girls are easy and convenient for him, we know his uncle, and probably father, taught him a lot of his womanizing ways so he plays it safe and sticks to what he knows. I think it probably took a while for him to realize that he was attracted to men, as well, and that he's actually alright with that. I'm sure there was a freak out in there somewhere. As for now, he's comfortable in certain social situations and doesn't like to be uncomfortable, and he never got comfortable with the social rules involved with hitting on guys (beyond clubs and such) so he just sticks to easy one night stands. I think before Tim there probably wasn't really anyone he ever wanted for more than the one night or so. There's friends and ( ... )

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beautybecks April 24 2010, 11:39:30 UTC
Yeah, I think Tony identifies himself as straight too, despite being head over heels in love with Tim, although I'm not sure he recognises and identifies that feeling. I like the idea of Jeanne/Tony being the catalyst for Tim/Tony, to move out of a fake relationship and into a real one. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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canspy April 24 2010, 04:30:18 UTC
Sexually, one of my favourite reads on Tony is that he thinks he's a big toppy alpha male, but he's intrigued by the possibility of Tim taking a bit of that control away from him for awhile. ;D

As for whether he identifies as gay or straight, I honestly don't think he's ever sat down and put a name to things. Labels have worked for him for most of his life so he's not about to reject them as too confining so he doesn't bother fiddling with them.

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beautybecks April 24 2010, 11:44:36 UTC
Nice image, I like the idea of Tony trusting Tim so much that he'd actually allow Tim to make him vulnerable (sensory deprivation, tying his arms etc)

Tony shouldn't have to put a label on his sexuality, in real life I don't think anybody should have to. Hmm, thanks for your thoughts :)

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canspy April 25 2010, 02:20:42 UTC
Do you think there's anything in his past that would freak him out about that? I know he and Tim were knocked around a lot when they rescued Ziva...

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beautybecks April 25 2010, 12:11:01 UTC
Ah, I hadn't thought of that. I've invented a few fictional reasons why Tim would freak out but I never thought about it within the actual show and never thought about it in regards to Tony. As for having hands tied or sensory deprivation, I think someone could be coaxed through it, even if it was their trigger because the partner can let their presence be known. I can't see Tim ever pushing Tony to do something he doesn't want to do but I can see Tony doing it, trying to prove something to himself. Hmmm.....

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