[NVC Day 18] -- [Silence Amidst the Chaos] -- [Kirk/Bones]

[kirktastic]

The parts that came first, those were no problem. He had told the story before, complete and whole, during the single interview he had granted after the Narada incident. A hunk of that, a little more than half, had gone to purchasing the house on Risa. It would have been a better place to be, and Jim tried to keep the calm and peace of it in his

Comments

[dctr_mccoy]

Bones had left the courthouse, like he told Jim he would.

Then later, he came back.

Back through the rear entrance, still in his civilian clothing so no one would bother him. He'd hoped the testimony would be done around lunchtime. A vain hope, he knew, but one he clung to.

Two hours turned into three, then four, then more. Bones sat on a bench at the end of a hallway, staring at the floor. He hasn't in the room with Jim, but he was reliving it all himself - the day Vulcan was destroyed and their lives changed, when he thought he'd lost Jim to Delta Vega, and worse. Then the kidnapping, the dream of him, finding him, working on his broken body. Things about that time that Jim himself would never know, how stupid Bones was, how ruined he was by Jim's absence.

Footsteps in the hall broke his concentration, and he looked up, seeing a familiar form heading toward him.

[dctr_mccoy]

"I think so. I implied that someone on board needed to find out about relationships with Vulcan." He gave Jim a tired smirk. "Lucky for us right now, we've got multiple Vulcans on board, and it isn't easy to determine which one might be the one who's been interacting with humans."

"Also, this whole sex soda incident..." Bones hesitated, a little grin on his face despite the still-weirdness of the situation. Another thing they'd have to talk about soon, what happened. "I think they're more worried that the Enterprise or Starfleet is going to file an official protest or something with the Vulcan High Command, 'cause so many of our guys got hit with it all."

Bones twisted until he was behind Jim, and began rubbing his shoulders. "I might have let it slip that I would put in a good word with the Captain if I could get an experienced Healer whom I could trust implicitly. No first-years or anything," he added.

[kirktastic]

"I just... hope that we can trust whoever takes our case." His eyes closed and he slumped in place, putting an arm over his eyes. It was starting to fade away, the numbness, and replace it with just a bone-deep exhaustion. "I hope this works. We can get some sort of real information and not some bullshit."

The sex-soda... Jim almost smiled. "That... was some crazy shit, you know. That soda. Paula. S..." He stopped on the last word, unable to get it out as his almost-smile vanished. It was a clear sign that... that was something he didn't want to discuss yet.

[dctr_mccoy]

"Jim, the minute you feel like you wanna stop talking, we'll stop. I just think we need to get the best information before we decide, you know, about Spock." Maybe a certain amount of time had to get by before they could bring this kind of stuff up. Some distance was needed before they could discuss things calmly. Rationally.

And Bones wasn't sure he was ready to talk about what happened either.

[kirktastic]

Spock. Yea. Probably better Bones decided it was Spock and not who he had been thinking of. "I know. That's why we're doing this. Hopefully... we can talk to one of them as soon as possible."

[dctr_mccoy]

"You want me to get this rolling quick then?" It was like - he felt they needed to talk a little about it between then before they were in front of a stranger. "I'll get something set up soon, okay?"

"Jim..." Bones halted his movements on Jim's shoulders. He wasn't sure what to say. Fuck, they needed to talk... why was this so hard?

He pressed his forehead against the back of Jim's neck and breathed him in. A little smile on his face as he remembered something. "Speaking of...I hope you don't mind, but I had some flowers sent to Paula yesterday. Put both our names on it." He'd thought about giving her a call, make sure she was okay, but that was still too awkward. "Just didn't want her to feel too weird about us, you know?"

[kirktastic]

"Soon." Jim wanted to get it over with. He hated few things more than feeling in the dark about something when he had a way not to be.

Bones' comment about flowers finally got a smile on Jim's lips, however small. "...yea? Huh, look at you, being the gentleman." It was a tease, sounding almost like Jim again. "S'good idea, actually..." His voice trailed off, and he hesitated before quietly, "was it... bad? I swear I didn't mean to get infected with that stuff, and Paula... I know how you feel about other people..."

[dctr_mccoy]

"Fuck, Jim, I know it wasn't your fault. Hell, I practically threw her at you." Bones leaned over and kissed Jim's temple. "Not bad. Not bad. I mean, not normal, for us, for me-" none of it had been normal - The whole thing had reminded Bones of the night they spent with the other Spock and Jim. Or their Spock and Nyota. Just... something they did once in a while. "But I ain't gonna hold that against you."

He kissed the back of Jim's neck. "Told you, I wasn't gonna do that. Thought I was doing a good job."

[kirktastic]

"Dammit, Bones... whether or not you say something I know you're not happy with it." He half turned in Bones' arms, enough to catch a glimpse of his friend's face out of the corner of his eye. "...If we... do that, I want you to be happy about it, not just... suffering me." It was not only something like what had happened with Paula... what about Spock and Nyota?

[dctr_mccoy]

Dammit, Jim... He lifted one of his hands and cupped Jim's face with it.

"I love you. I do... but I'm not gonna be with someone like that, fucking them, if I don't want to, okay? So just stop worrying 'bout that, like you're making me do somethin' against my will. I'm not a fuckin' delicate flower, I know how to say 'no', and I know you'll understand if I ever do."

He wasn't upset, despite the gruff tone to his voice. His finger were tender against Jim's cheek as he continued. "Thought you understood that," he sighed, looking in Jim's eyes.

[kirktastic]

Jim moved, enough to lay their foreheads together. He closed his eyes, trying to find the words. This was something he didn't fully understand with Bones, to the point where it confused him. Did other people have to deal with this in their relationships? Several concepts flickered through his mind, including one or two that made him twitch, before he forced them into the very back of his mind.

"If I hadn't..." How the hell was he supposed to say this? It sounded down right stupid in his head, but seemed like something he had to get out. "If I hadn't... pushed things with Spock, I don't think any of this shit would have happened."

[dctr_mccoy]

Bones didn't answer for a while. What he thought... ultimately was immaterial. But Jim's statement might explain something he was worried about.

"You think I'm gonna blame you?"

[kirktastic]

"...I think you should blame me. Keep getting you involved in this stuff that you don't want to be. Should just be... shouldn't be this ... fucked up." His lips quirked and he closed his eyes.

[dctr_mccoy]

"Well I don't." Bones sighed, pulling back enough to see Jim's face. "Look, Jim, if this was an isolated case I might be more likely to agree, but look around us. All the Jim Kirks that we know. Well, almost all of them. With their Spocks." He dropped his eyes, hoping he didn't sound as pathetic and whiny as he felt. "There's a connection there that isn't easily explained."

"And me being there, that's not your fault either. Is like that with the others. The other Jim and Spock, not to mention Joanna's family." He immediately wished he hadn't mentioned her. Bones still hadn't spoken to her since their argument.

It was his fervent wish that Jim never find out about it, either.

[kirktastic]

"I don't care about what they've done with their lives, the other Jim Kirks. I care about this Jim Kirk when it comes to this, and the relationship I have with you." His hand moved up, pressing over Bones' heart.

He moved his head to lay his forehead against Bones' shoulder, sighing. He didn't want to talk about this, any of this, but knew they had to. With the numbness gone, he felt open and raw. I just wanna make sure that this... us... works. By talking, or whatever we have to do to make sure it does.

It was Bones he loved. Whatever it had been with Spock before all this shit had happened... it wasn't what he had, never could be what he had, with Bones.

[dctr_mccoy]

"Nothing that happens, no one else is gonna change what we got." Bones covered Jim's hand, still resting on his chest, with his own hand. His head rested on Jim's, as they curled up against each other. It felt good, the touch of each other. A physical connection.

But Jim, he still seemed worried and it was frustrating as hell. "It is my intention to spend my life with you, Vulcan bond be damned," he whispered into Jim's hair. "Tell me what I can do to make you believe that."

The chime at the door interrupted any more talk from Bones. Food was here.