[Translation] DK 2002.08.04 #064 Hasegawa Kyouko
From the Chinese-subtitled clip here: http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/XLrO-MTy-no/
---
Kouichi: Today's guest is Hasegawa Kyouko. Nice to meet you.
Hase: Nice to meet you.
Kouichi: Today is our first meeting, right?
Hase: Yes, it is.
Kouichi: Welcome to Doumoto Kyoudai.
Hase: Thank you.
Kouichi: People usually call you "Hasekyou".
Hase: Yes.
Kouichi: It's a nice nickname. How are you called by the people around you?
Hase: My real friends and the staff mostly call me "Kyouko".
Kouichi: Ah, just the first name.
Hase: Just "Kyouko".
Kouichi: It's hard for us to do, right? (to Donchan) Try calling that name?
Hase: Try it, it's okay.
Donchan: Kyouko...
Everyone: (standing up to protest) You can't do that! What kind of addressing is that?
Tsuyoshi: When addressing someone, if you were friends with her, it's fine to just call her "Kyouko". But the way you did it just now felt like you are dating... What's more, it's like you're in the middle of a break-up talk...
Hase: (laugh) That's strange.
Donchan: All of you said it was okay, so I did it.
Kouichi: If it were Gakkun, it should be quite natural. Gakkun, could you try calling "Kyouko"? As a reference for everyone.
Gackt: Kyouko.
Everyone: So natural!
Hase: (laugh) How embarrassing.
Tsuyoshi: Try Enari-kun... Enari-kun, please try it.
Enari: (wide smile) Kyouko.
Everyone: It sounded like the father!
Kouichi: It's above the father, more like the grandpa.
--
Kouichi: Doumoto Special News! "Shocking! Discovery of Hasegawa Kyouko's adultery?"
Hase: What's that about?
Kouichi: What is it about? "The other party is H from N comedy group." Who is this? "The person himself will reveal Hasekyou's passionate approach, her forward approach!" What kind of method did Hasekyou use to approach the person? Let's watch the video together.
Tsuyoshi: We'd better watch and see.
(Video: Harada T*zou-san of popular comedy group N*tune)
"She likes me a lot. How shall I put it? Since I've lived for 32 years, I can roughly tell from a woman's gaze what she is thinking. Ever since the moment we met, she has been giving me the look of love.
"I guess it was about 3am at that time. The studio had this 'front room' for changing costumes. Only this one place was available, so they used curtains to partition it out. That day at about 3am, Kyouko-chan and I both needed to change our costumes, so I let her go first. Kyouko-chan thanked me and went inside. When I was smoking on the sofa, Kyouko-chan popped her head out from between the curtains. She did look cute like that.
"She called, 'Taizou-san.' (beep over the name) 'What's the matter?' I asked. --Ah, I said out my name!-- Anyway, she called, 'Taizou-san.' (beeped again) 'What is it?' I asked. (imitating cutely) 'Do you want to change together?' she asked. 'Sorry, Kyouko-chan. I am married, so I cannot do that. We can't say this sort of joke,' I said. Her whole face turned red. 'Idiot! Stupid!' Then she pulled the curtains close. Such a thing happened...
"At another occasion when we were discussing about the drama, I decided to sing karaoke, and chose the song 'Yatta!' by Happa-tai. (demonstrating) Everyone was getting in high spirits. I too was getting more and more excited, since everyone were good friends, and it was a rare occasion. When I realized it, I was already naked, singing 'Yatta! Yatta!' Everyone was happy, and I decided it was enough, so I thanked everybody and prepared to pull my pants back on.
"At that time Kyouko-chan suddenly stood up with a very scary expression. I was shocked. Everyone was shocked too, when they saw that angry expression. Then I realized that Kyouko-chan was a girl after all, and that I might have forgotten the limits. With that scary expression, Kyouko-chan said... (singsong) 'Encore! Encore!' 'Reveal more! Reveal more!' she said. I think she must like me..."
Tsuyoshi: So it's like that.
Kouichi: That was funny! There really are a lot of such people.
Hase: (embarrassed) That was funny... Taizou-san is really a good guy. Really... although not in the way he meant, I do like him.
Kouichi: (amused) That statement just now has denied everything!
Tsuyoshi: Not liking in that way...
Kouichi: What type of guy do you like? In terms of appearance, for example body height...
Hase: In terms of appearance, I prefer guys with good physique.
Tsuyoshi: Good physique, huh.
Kouichi: Do you prefer tall guys?
Hase: Just taller than me is fine.
Kouichi: (gloomy) Ah...
Tsuyoshi: (fussing with fingernails)
Kouichi: May I ask how tall you are?
Hase: 166cm.
Kouichi: (smug) Ah...
Tsuyoshi: (continued fussing with fingernails)
(Note: Kouichi <-- 168cm)
(Note: Tsuyoshi <-- 166cm)
Kouichi: (deliberately) 166.
Tsuyoshi: (straight-faced) 166. Yes.
Kouichi: Enari-kun, does your height reach 166cm?
Enari: (smile) I pass.
(Note: Enari <-- 167cm)
Kouichi: Donchan, how about you?
Donchan: ...
(Note: Donchan <-- 165cm)
Kouichi: (to Hase) Do you prefer muscular guys?
Hase: That's right, I like muscular guys.
Kouichi: You also host a martial art program 'SRS', do you... so you probably don't like guys who are skinny and weak.
Hase: Right... Not to say that the person should be like an athlete, though.
Kouichi: Gakkun often does body training, right?
Tsuyoshi: Gakkun does.
Kouichi: You once got totally naked.
Gackt: That's a different matter!
Kouichi: Different, huh... (to Enari) It's your turn to shine, Enari-kun! Show us the muscles you trained from playing golf!
Enari: In that case, I will demonstrate "the golfers' muscle" for a bit.
Kouichi: Everyone, please watch.
Enari: This, the coolest one is 'Follow through'. (demonstrating) When performing the swing, this muscle! (showing the lower arm)
Kouichi: So it's that muscle!
Hase: (touched the arm)
Enari: The muscle here.
Kouichi: Just like an old man!
Enari: This is the part that exerts power.
Hase: The veins are visible.
Enari: Isn't that cool? That the veins are visible, is that good?
Everyone: He looks very happy.
Someone: Girls are not so interested in this matter.
Tsuyoshi: Wait a minute, he is turning into Itsuki Hiroshi!
Enari: (impersonating)
Hase: (still touching the arm) I think this here is amazing.
Enari: Here? It's amazing, right?
Hase: Yes.
Someone: What a headache...
Enari: (sat down with satisfaction) The end.
Kouichi: How about Tsuyoshi-san?
Tsuyoshi: Me?
Kouichi: Recently your flesh has turned flabby.
Tsuyoshi: For me... no, recently I have slimmed down.
Kouichi: You've slimmed down? I know, I know.
Hase: (looking at Tsuyoshi) Um...
Kouichi: (laugh) 'Um...' she said.
Hase: No, no...
Tsuyoshi: (annoyed) ...
Hase: It's not that! When I met you two I was surprised that your faces are this small.
Kouichi: Our faces are considered small?
Hase: Small.
Audience: Small!
Tsuyoshi: (cupped his cheeks) You mean the face?
Hase: Yes.
Kouichi: That is to say... When people met us for the first time, we did often hear them say, "How small!" I always thought they were referring to our heights...
Tsuyoshi: No, no, no. That one does refer to the height.
Kouichi: Is it so?
Tsuyoshi: (nodding convincingly)
Kouichi: Like on the streets, "Uwah! It's Doumoto Kouichi! ...How small!" I often get that.
Tsuyoshi: That definitely refers to the height.
--
Kouichi: Next, let's look at this piece of news. "This time it's true! Hasegawa Kyouko is found to be involved in an international romance!"
Tsuyoshi: This is a tough one.
Kouichi: "The comedy duo A witnessed her in a passionate embrace with a Brazilian martial artist! Hasekyou herself laid her face on the person..."
Tsuyoshi: A martial artist, huh. Indeed it's hard not to be attracted to those muscles, right?
Kouichi: Right. Let's watch the video.
(Video: Comedy duo A*kusa Kid -- S*doubashi Hakase & T*bukuro Sujitarou)
S: If we hadn't talked to her, we wouldn't have realized that such a beautiful person...
T: Yes, the longer we chat, the more stupid it becomes...
S: The recording time is very long.
T: Yes.
S: It's not that she is stupid. She works hard at it.
T: This point of her is very good.
S: But although she works hard at it, all needs correction.
T: It's so funny, especially this-- if I am talking and Kyouko is beside me...
S: Yes, yes, like that.
T: Once she gets the chance to speak, there's no stopping her.
S: Actually we haven't said anything funny, but she is really into it.
S: On the other hand, when we say something funny, she doesn't laugh at all.
T: The gags we do cannot make her laugh.
S: She can't feel it.
T: She can't feel it.
S: That means the both of us are boring. We don't appeal to people of the world.
T: Sometimes we really feel like asking Hasegawa-san for help.
S: She is not quite like other girls.
T: We have met many girls.
S: We've met many girls in the entertainment circle who used us as a stepping stone.
T: Hasegawa-san has turned into Cinderella in the blink of an eye.
S: So, when the time comes, please don't say that you have forgotten us, or that you have never acted with us. Don't erase us from your experience.
T: If that's the case it will be tough for us.
S: We are not Shiuba athletes.
T: We will definitely run after you persistently.
S: We will bite onto you persistently.
S: Please take note of this.
--
Kouichi: Gakkun's method of greeting is waving your hand, isn't it?
Gackt: It depends on who the other party is.
Tsuyoshi: You may hug the person then?
Gackt: I may. I may kiss the person too.
Everyone: Ehh...
Gackt: Regardless of gender.
Kouichi: Enari-kun is staring with a shocked expression.
Tsuyoshi: Enari-kun doesn't do that kind of thing, right?
Enari: No way. My method of greeting is bowing at 45 degrees!
--
Kouichi: Let's look at this ad. "Doumoto Tsuyoshi's solo album, 'Rosso e... A...'"
Tsuyoshi: (licked his lips, looking with anticipation)
Kouichi: 'Ross...' --yeah. Such an album.
Tsuyoshi: Oi!
Kouichi: What?
Tsuyoshi: 'Rosso e Azzurro'!
Kouichi: Ah. "Doumoto Tsuyoshi's solo album 'Rosso e Azzurro'. 'Gai', 'De...kiai...'"
Everyone: 'Gai'...
Tsuyoshi: 'Gai'? (walked up to point at the poster) No, no, no. 'Machi', it's 'Machi'!
Kouichi: Honestly, I don't know how to read that.
Tsuyoshi: 'Machi', 'Machi'.
Kouichi: It's a splendid album.
Tsuyoshi: That's right, there's Doujima Kohei-san too. Go-Go King Recorders.
Kouichi: Everyone please take note of it. It will be released on August 7th.
--
Kouichi: There's another piece of news. Let's look at it. "Hasekyou's tennen character acting up! A crack in the social relationship too! The sad confession of model H who got stood up in Fukuoka." You stood someone up? Who is it? Let's watch.
(Video: H*no Hiroko-san)
"As we are both models, our very first meeting was at an audition. At that time I only knew her as CanCan's Hasegawa Kyouko-chan. We didn't talk to each other at that time. Several years later, I left 'SRS', and Kyouko-chan became the third generation host. When we first met, she greeted me, and gave me a good impression. She felt like a younger sister, and we got along well. Then, after that, her real personality showed!
"There was this 'Fukuoka K-1 Big Meet'. Before the K-1 match, I received a mail from Kyouko-chan saying, 'I heard you'd arrive one day earlier, so I also decided to arrive one day earlier. On that day, let's meet up to chat. *heart*' I was very happy to receive such a mail. It's been so long since we last met. I want to chat to our heart's content. But I waited half a day without seeing her. So I asked the staff, 'Is Hasekyou here yet?' The staff told me that she would only be there on the day of the match. 'But I received her mail saying that she would arrive one day earlier, so she definitely will come,' I told the staff. It turned out she didn't.
"Normally, in this kind of situation, when one finds out that she cannot come earlier, she will tell the other party and apologize -- just informing like that will be fine, won't it? I was waiting there with all my effort, but didn't see her, and that made me very sad.
"Then, on the day of the match, I greeted her as usual and asked, 'Didn't you say you would arrive one day earlier?' She replied, 'Eh? Did I?' 'Didn't you say so in the mail?' 'Is that so? Ah, I must have mistaken the time.' And the conversation ended vaguely like that. Somehow it made me very sad. In the future if such a situation arises, please drop me a mail!"
Kouichi: This person is so bad!
Hase: It's not like that. Please let me explain this misunderstanding.
Kouichi: Misunderstanding?
Hase: My original intention was to stay the night after the meet ended. Hiroko-chan also agreed to it. So the two of us promised to have a good chat that night. I remembered sending this mail. But then I found that on the following day I would need to rush to my drama filming location. In the end I had to go and return on the same day... It's strange, huh...
Kouichi: "I changed the plan, now I have to go and return on the same day," you should have sent such a mail to inform the other person!
Hase: (bowed) I'm sorry.
Kouichi: She apologized.
Hase: I was wrong.
Tsuyoshi: It's because you were too busy, right?
Kouichi: You were filming a drama too, and you needed to rush to location and all... I'm bad at sending mails, too. If you don't add emoji to it, won't it feel cold to the recipient? I rarely use them.
Hase: But isn't it fine for guys not to use them?
Kouichi: I'm so glad to hear that you think so.
Tsuyoshi: I use a lot of them.
Kouichi: He does, he does.
Tsuyoshi: For certain purposes... for example "Tomorrow's the first day, all the best!" In this situation, after "all the best" I'll add a circle.
Kouichi: "All the best" then sparklies. Or "something-something" then a spiral. Everyone, do you add emoji to your mails? Those who don't please raise your hand.
(Gackt, Donchan, Tsucchi raised their hands.)
Someone: Gakkun seems like someone who won't.
Tsucchi: At most when it's "good weather" I'll add a sun.
Everyone: How weird...
Kouichi: Makoto-kun didn't raise his hand just now.
Makoto: I've never sent mails. My mobile phone doesn't have this feature.
Everyone: Ehhh?
Kouichi: That's amazing.
Makoto: I cannot change the ringtone either.
Kouichi: My ringtone right now is-- (imitating Gackt's voice) "Kou-chan, you've got mail." It gives me a shock every time! I never get used to it! Because it's a human voice.
--
Kouichi: Please take a look at this ad. "Super spicy curry shop, Hasekyou! Level 5, level 10 spiciness is normal. Come and challenge her!" That's the ad. (to Hase) Do you like spicy food?
Hase: I like spicy food very much.
Tsuyoshi: Again? (Another spicy eating contest?)
Kouichi: You seem rather intimidated.
(Note: Previously Tsuyoshi had lost to Sakai Maki in a curry eating contest.)
Kouichi: It's extremely exciting!
Tsuyoshi: Why is that~!
Kouichi: Since Hasegawa-san also likes to eat spicy curry, let's ask her to enter this challenge. Doumoto Super Spicy Curry Contest II!
Kouichi: Hasegawa-san, do you have confidence for this?
Hase: I do... but this looks very spicy, so I'm not very confident.
Kouichi: Last time we sent Tsuyoshi alone, and ended up losing. This time we send five members to compete.
(Contestants: Tsuyoshi, Enari, Tobu, Donchan, Gackt)
Tsuyoshi: Five members together. We who have such good reactions.
Makoto: The elderlies at this side, it would be bad if we die of spiciness.
(Non-contestants: Kouichi, Tsucchi, Makoto, Onda)
Kouichi: First one is this. 'Standard'.
Someone: 'Standard' is the most delicious.
Kouichi: First of all we will try it out.
(Non-contestants tried a spoonful each.)
Kouichi: This is delicious! Well, the 'standard' one is still a little spicy. It feels spicy shortly after it enters the mouth.
Kouichi: (to contestants) Then, please get ready.
Tsuyoshi: That commentary feels rather off!
Kouichi: Ready... go! (supervising) Please finish it up. Eat in big portions. Is it delicious?
Enari: This one is very delicious.
Kouichi: This is the 'standard' level. Next one is level 5. (touting) Level 5! Level 5!
Tsuyoshi: Shouldn't it be "Level 2! Level 2!"?
Kouichi: (after trying) You know... HAHAHA! ...it's very spicy.
Tsuyoshi: (frowning) Those three persons at the back have no comment already.
(Tsucchi, Makoto, Onda seemed to be struggling.)
Hase: We can tell just from their faces!
Enari: If you say "Spicy!" you lose, is that so?
Kouichi: If you say "Spicy!" you lose. Ready... go! (supervising) Level 5! This one will really be spicy, you know.
(Contestants ate up.)
Someone: Could there be something wrong?
Kouichi: It can't be. It's really spicy.
Someone: Amazing.
Kouichi: All of you are weird! Hasegawa-san, how was it?
Hase: (nodded and signaled "OK")
Kouichi: It's all right? Amazing.
Someone: It can't be. There must be something wrong with the taste.
Hase: I heard that you shouldn't speak much, and that you would feel the spiciness when you open your mouth.
Kouichi: Is that so? But since you're the guest, please speak more.
Hase: I'll be fine.
Someone: Level 5 and still not feeling spicy, that's so cool.
Kouichi: Next one is this. Level 10!
Someone: It's scary.
Someone: The color is different.
Someone: It must be more than just that.
Kouichi: (after trying) It tastes strange!
Someone: How spicy!
Kouichi: (to contestants) Please start eating. This is level 10. Ready... go!
Tsuyoshi: (to Hase) You may get a cough fit from this, you know?
Kouichi: Is it spicy?
Enari: (wincing) Not at all!
Kouichi: Gakkun, is it okay?
Gackt: This is delicious.
Kouichi: Delicious?
Gackt: I like it a lot.
Kouichi: Everyone is starting to sweat. Sweating a lot. Tsuyoshi is sweating a lot. How is it, Hasegawa-san?
Hase: (helpless laugh) It's all right.
Kouichi: It's turning into a 'bear with it' situation. Well, that was level 10 curry. Next is... Level 20! It's double the previous level.
Tsuyoshi: (wiping sweat) Somehow, isn't it hot? It's very hot today.
Someone: How spicy!
Kouichi: (to contestants) Please start!
Someone: This is too...
Enari: (suddenly) AHAHAHA...
Tsuyoshi: (to Enari) Director!
Kouichi: Director, what are you laughing about?
Enari: (stood up and left the table)
Kouichi: This will be considered a walk-out! (pulled him back to sit)
Tsuyoshi: (patting Enari's shoulder) There, there, Director! Director! You've drunk too much!
Enari: I can't take this!
Tsuyoshi: (innocently) Is it spicy?
Kouichi: The winner will get some wonderful prizes. Please work hard. Gakkun, how is it going?
Gackt: It feels good.
Kouichi: Hasegawa-san, how is it?
Hase: My hand is shaking...
Kouichi: The next one is level 100.
Someone: This one is definitely very spicy!
Someone: The color is strange!
Kouichi: (laugh)
Tsucchi: (bent over covering mouth)
Someone: Water, water...
Someone: Master! Master!
Kouichi: (to contestants) Please start.
Tsucchi: It's better not to force yourself.
Kouichi: Level 100 curry. Ready... go!
Donchan: (tasting) Ahhh.
Tsuyoshi: It's scary.
Hase: (helpless laugh) No way, I don't want to eat this...
Tsuyoshi: Hasegawa-san, I think you'd better not force yourself.
Someone: If you can't take it already, please go to rest over there.
Kouichi: Tsuyoshi-san, please do force yourself.
Tsuyoshi: (struggling and bending over)
Kouichi: Tsuyoshi, is it spicy?
Tsuyoshi: (wide-eyed) No, it's delicious...!
Someone: How about changing the rule to just one spoonful?
Gackt: (to Donchan) Won't your stomach hurt?
Donchan: (continued to eat)
Someone: I sweated a lot too.
Tsuyoshi: That musician over at that side is so weird!
Donchan: (cheerful victory pose)
(Arrow to Donchan: "the weird musician")
Hase: (coughing)
Kouichi: Are you alright? Hasegawa-san.
Hase: (croaky voice) It's alright.
Kouichi: (to Gackt) How do you feel?
Gackt: It's very pressurizing.
Kouichi: It's amazing, everyone has finished it up.
Someone: It's going on the show.
Kouichi: This is the last one. Level 200.
Someone: Will it be alright?
Someone: It must be so spicy.
Tsuyoshi: Even if right now a girl I like very much says that she will date me--
Kouichi: (to contestants) Please eat up!
Tsuyoshi: --I'll say, 'No, sorry...'
Kouichi: Those who can finish this will be the winners. Ready... go! For this one, really, please don't force yourself.
Tsuyoshi: (after tasting) Okay. Sorry! (drew back)
Kouichi: Regretfully, Tsuyoshi-san is now out of the competition. (to Tsuyoshi) You should persevere until the last moment!
(Attention: Gackt and Donchan who were just finishing up.)
Tobu: (to Gackt and Donchan) How cool!
Kouichi: Donchan and Gakkun have finished it up!
Kouichi: Gakkun is sweating a whole lot.
Gackt: I... (touching neck) ...am still feeling pretty good.
Kouichi: It's like in a sauna.
Gackt: Sweating this much without doing any exercise is miraculous.
Tobu: I give up.
Kouichi: Tobu-san has announced her defeat. Hasegawa-san is still not giving up. Is it okay? Can you still take it?
Hase: (nodded at Kouichi)
Kouichi: She gave up. That means the winners are Donchan and Gakkun! These are the prizes!
(Donchan got a wooden hammer. Gackt got a small gong set.)
Someone: For real?!
Tsuyoshi: I wouldn't want that~! Thank goodness I didn't persevere~!
Gackt: I am happy with this.
--
Kouichi: Doumoto Lover Selection, The Red Thread Legend!
(Members lined up.)
Kouichi: Lately noone has been choosing me. Could it be because I stand at the center?
Someone: Do you want to try going to the sides?
Someone: Please!
Someone: My head hurts.
(Hase tapped Donchan.)
Kouichi: It's over.
Everyone: How boring.
Tsuyoshi: (to Hase) What is the reason for choosing this person?
Hase: When he was eating curry, the speed was fast. It was manly.
Kouichi: Really? But he is not tall enough. (pulled Donchan to stand beside Hase)
(Note: Hase <-- 166cm)
(Note: Donchan <-- 165cm)
Hase: (laugh) That's true...! Then it can't be, sorry...
Donchan: ... (turned and went to the back)
Hase: I was kidding! (went after Donchan)
Tsuyoshi: (crowding in) Later on I will give both of you a call.
Hase: (pulled Donchan back to the front) It was a lie. Sorry.
Donchan: It's all right.
Hase: Sorry.
Kouichi: (to Hase) So it is his manliness that has attracted you.
Donchan: So it is.
Kouichi: Girls will think that way.
Hase: (to Donchan) I was kidding just now. Sorry.
Donchan: My feelings were really hurt.
---
---
Kouichi: Today's guest is Hasegawa Kyouko. Nice to meet you.
Hase: Nice to meet you.
Kouichi: Today is our first meeting, right?
Hase: Yes, it is.
Kouichi: Welcome to Doumoto Kyoudai.
Hase: Thank you.
Kouichi: People usually call you "Hasekyou".
Hase: Yes.
Kouichi: It's a nice nickname. How are you called by the people around you?
Hase: My real friends and the staff mostly call me "Kyouko".
Kouichi: Ah, just the first name.
Hase: Just "Kyouko".
Kouichi: It's hard for us to do, right? (to Donchan) Try calling that name?
Hase: Try it, it's okay.
Donchan: Kyouko...
Everyone: (standing up to protest) You can't do that! What kind of addressing is that?
Tsuyoshi: When addressing someone, if you were friends with her, it's fine to just call her "Kyouko". But the way you did it just now felt like you are dating... What's more, it's like you're in the middle of a break-up talk...
Hase: (laugh) That's strange.
Donchan: All of you said it was okay, so I did it.
Kouichi: If it were Gakkun, it should be quite natural. Gakkun, could you try calling "Kyouko"? As a reference for everyone.
Gackt: Kyouko.
Everyone: So natural!
Hase: (laugh) How embarrassing.
Tsuyoshi: Try Enari-kun... Enari-kun, please try it.
Enari: (wide smile) Kyouko.
Everyone: It sounded like the father!
Kouichi: It's above the father, more like the grandpa.
--
Kouichi: Doumoto Special News! "Shocking! Discovery of Hasegawa Kyouko's adultery?"
Hase: What's that about?
Kouichi: What is it about? "The other party is H from N comedy group." Who is this? "The person himself will reveal Hasekyou's passionate approach, her forward approach!" What kind of method did Hasekyou use to approach the person? Let's watch the video together.
Tsuyoshi: We'd better watch and see.
(Video: Harada T*zou-san of popular comedy group N*tune)
"She likes me a lot. How shall I put it? Since I've lived for 32 years, I can roughly tell from a woman's gaze what she is thinking. Ever since the moment we met, she has been giving me the look of love.
"I guess it was about 3am at that time. The studio had this 'front room' for changing costumes. Only this one place was available, so they used curtains to partition it out. That day at about 3am, Kyouko-chan and I both needed to change our costumes, so I let her go first. Kyouko-chan thanked me and went inside. When I was smoking on the sofa, Kyouko-chan popped her head out from between the curtains. She did look cute like that.
"She called, 'Taizou-san.' (beep over the name) 'What's the matter?' I asked. --Ah, I said out my name!-- Anyway, she called, 'Taizou-san.' (beeped again) 'What is it?' I asked. (imitating cutely) 'Do you want to change together?' she asked. 'Sorry, Kyouko-chan. I am married, so I cannot do that. We can't say this sort of joke,' I said. Her whole face turned red. 'Idiot! Stupid!' Then she pulled the curtains close. Such a thing happened...
"At another occasion when we were discussing about the drama, I decided to sing karaoke, and chose the song 'Yatta!' by Happa-tai. (demonstrating) Everyone was getting in high spirits. I too was getting more and more excited, since everyone were good friends, and it was a rare occasion. When I realized it, I was already naked, singing 'Yatta! Yatta!' Everyone was happy, and I decided it was enough, so I thanked everybody and prepared to pull my pants back on.
"At that time Kyouko-chan suddenly stood up with a very scary expression. I was shocked. Everyone was shocked too, when they saw that angry expression. Then I realized that Kyouko-chan was a girl after all, and that I might have forgotten the limits. With that scary expression, Kyouko-chan said... (singsong) 'Encore! Encore!' 'Reveal more! Reveal more!' she said. I think she must like me..."
Tsuyoshi: So it's like that.
Kouichi: That was funny! There really are a lot of such people.
Hase: (embarrassed) That was funny... Taizou-san is really a good guy. Really... although not in the way he meant, I do like him.
Kouichi: (amused) That statement just now has denied everything!
Tsuyoshi: Not liking in that way...
Kouichi: What type of guy do you like? In terms of appearance, for example body height...
Hase: In terms of appearance, I prefer guys with good physique.
Tsuyoshi: Good physique, huh.
Kouichi: Do you prefer tall guys?
Hase: Just taller than me is fine.
Kouichi: (gloomy) Ah...
Tsuyoshi: (fussing with fingernails)
Kouichi: May I ask how tall you are?
Hase: 166cm.
Kouichi: (smug) Ah...
Tsuyoshi: (continued fussing with fingernails)
(Note: Kouichi <-- 168cm)
(Note: Tsuyoshi <-- 166cm)
Kouichi: (deliberately) 166.
Tsuyoshi: (straight-faced) 166. Yes.
Kouichi: Enari-kun, does your height reach 166cm?
Enari: (smile) I pass.
(Note: Enari <-- 167cm)
Kouichi: Donchan, how about you?
Donchan: ...
(Note: Donchan <-- 165cm)
Kouichi: (to Hase) Do you prefer muscular guys?
Hase: That's right, I like muscular guys.
Kouichi: You also host a martial art program 'SRS', do you... so you probably don't like guys who are skinny and weak.
Hase: Right... Not to say that the person should be like an athlete, though.
Kouichi: Gakkun often does body training, right?
Tsuyoshi: Gakkun does.
Kouichi: You once got totally naked.
Gackt: That's a different matter!
Kouichi: Different, huh... (to Enari) It's your turn to shine, Enari-kun! Show us the muscles you trained from playing golf!
Enari: In that case, I will demonstrate "the golfers' muscle" for a bit.
Kouichi: Everyone, please watch.
Enari: This, the coolest one is 'Follow through'. (demonstrating) When performing the swing, this muscle! (showing the lower arm)
Kouichi: So it's that muscle!
Hase: (touched the arm)
Enari: The muscle here.
Kouichi: Just like an old man!
Enari: This is the part that exerts power.
Hase: The veins are visible.
Enari: Isn't that cool? That the veins are visible, is that good?
Everyone: He looks very happy.
Someone: Girls are not so interested in this matter.
Tsuyoshi: Wait a minute, he is turning into Itsuki Hiroshi!
Enari: (impersonating)
Hase: (still touching the arm) I think this here is amazing.
Enari: Here? It's amazing, right?
Hase: Yes.
Someone: What a headache...
Enari: (sat down with satisfaction) The end.
Kouichi: How about Tsuyoshi-san?
Tsuyoshi: Me?
Kouichi: Recently your flesh has turned flabby.
Tsuyoshi: For me... no, recently I have slimmed down.
Kouichi: You've slimmed down? I know, I know.
Hase: (looking at Tsuyoshi) Um...
Kouichi: (laugh) 'Um...' she said.
Hase: No, no...
Tsuyoshi: (annoyed) ...
Hase: It's not that! When I met you two I was surprised that your faces are this small.
Kouichi: Our faces are considered small?
Hase: Small.
Audience: Small!
Tsuyoshi: (cupped his cheeks) You mean the face?
Hase: Yes.
Kouichi: That is to say... When people met us for the first time, we did often hear them say, "How small!" I always thought they were referring to our heights...
Tsuyoshi: No, no, no. That one does refer to the height.
Kouichi: Is it so?
Tsuyoshi: (nodding convincingly)
Kouichi: Like on the streets, "Uwah! It's Doumoto Kouichi! ...How small!" I often get that.
Tsuyoshi: That definitely refers to the height.
--
Kouichi: Next, let's look at this piece of news. "This time it's true! Hasegawa Kyouko is found to be involved in an international romance!"
Tsuyoshi: This is a tough one.
Kouichi: "The comedy duo A witnessed her in a passionate embrace with a Brazilian martial artist! Hasekyou herself laid her face on the person..."
Tsuyoshi: A martial artist, huh. Indeed it's hard not to be attracted to those muscles, right?
Kouichi: Right. Let's watch the video.
(Video: Comedy duo A*kusa Kid -- S*doubashi Hakase & T*bukuro Sujitarou)
S: If we hadn't talked to her, we wouldn't have realized that such a beautiful person...
T: Yes, the longer we chat, the more stupid it becomes...
S: The recording time is very long.
T: Yes.
S: It's not that she is stupid. She works hard at it.
T: This point of her is very good.
S: But although she works hard at it, all needs correction.
T: It's so funny, especially this-- if I am talking and Kyouko is beside me...
S: Yes, yes, like that.
T: Once she gets the chance to speak, there's no stopping her.
S: Actually we haven't said anything funny, but she is really into it.
S: On the other hand, when we say something funny, she doesn't laugh at all.
T: The gags we do cannot make her laugh.
S: She can't feel it.
T: She can't feel it.
S: That means the both of us are boring. We don't appeal to people of the world.
T: Sometimes we really feel like asking Hasegawa-san for help.
S: She is not quite like other girls.
T: We have met many girls.
S: We've met many girls in the entertainment circle who used us as a stepping stone.
T: Hasegawa-san has turned into Cinderella in the blink of an eye.
S: So, when the time comes, please don't say that you have forgotten us, or that you have never acted with us. Don't erase us from your experience.
T: If that's the case it will be tough for us.
S: We are not Shiuba athletes.
T: We will definitely run after you persistently.
S: We will bite onto you persistently.
S: Please take note of this.
--
Kouichi: Gakkun's method of greeting is waving your hand, isn't it?
Gackt: It depends on who the other party is.
Tsuyoshi: You may hug the person then?
Gackt: I may. I may kiss the person too.
Everyone: Ehh...
Gackt: Regardless of gender.
Kouichi: Enari-kun is staring with a shocked expression.
Tsuyoshi: Enari-kun doesn't do that kind of thing, right?
Enari: No way. My method of greeting is bowing at 45 degrees!
--
Kouichi: Let's look at this ad. "Doumoto Tsuyoshi's solo album, 'Rosso e... A...'"
Tsuyoshi: (licked his lips, looking with anticipation)
Kouichi: 'Ross...' --yeah. Such an album.
Tsuyoshi: Oi!
Kouichi: What?
Tsuyoshi: 'Rosso e Azzurro'!
Kouichi: Ah. "Doumoto Tsuyoshi's solo album 'Rosso e Azzurro'. 'Gai', 'De...kiai...'"
Everyone: 'Gai'...
Tsuyoshi: 'Gai'? (walked up to point at the poster) No, no, no. 'Machi', it's 'Machi'!
Kouichi: Honestly, I don't know how to read that.
Tsuyoshi: 'Machi', 'Machi'.
Kouichi: It's a splendid album.
Tsuyoshi: That's right, there's Doujima Kohei-san too. Go-Go King Recorders.
Kouichi: Everyone please take note of it. It will be released on August 7th.
--
Kouichi: There's another piece of news. Let's look at it. "Hasekyou's tennen character acting up! A crack in the social relationship too! The sad confession of model H who got stood up in Fukuoka." You stood someone up? Who is it? Let's watch.
(Video: H*no Hiroko-san)
"As we are both models, our very first meeting was at an audition. At that time I only knew her as CanCan's Hasegawa Kyouko-chan. We didn't talk to each other at that time. Several years later, I left 'SRS', and Kyouko-chan became the third generation host. When we first met, she greeted me, and gave me a good impression. She felt like a younger sister, and we got along well. Then, after that, her real personality showed!
"There was this 'Fukuoka K-1 Big Meet'. Before the K-1 match, I received a mail from Kyouko-chan saying, 'I heard you'd arrive one day earlier, so I also decided to arrive one day earlier. On that day, let's meet up to chat. *heart*' I was very happy to receive such a mail. It's been so long since we last met. I want to chat to our heart's content. But I waited half a day without seeing her. So I asked the staff, 'Is Hasekyou here yet?' The staff told me that she would only be there on the day of the match. 'But I received her mail saying that she would arrive one day earlier, so she definitely will come,' I told the staff. It turned out she didn't.
"Normally, in this kind of situation, when one finds out that she cannot come earlier, she will tell the other party and apologize -- just informing like that will be fine, won't it? I was waiting there with all my effort, but didn't see her, and that made me very sad.
"Then, on the day of the match, I greeted her as usual and asked, 'Didn't you say you would arrive one day earlier?' She replied, 'Eh? Did I?' 'Didn't you say so in the mail?' 'Is that so? Ah, I must have mistaken the time.' And the conversation ended vaguely like that. Somehow it made me very sad. In the future if such a situation arises, please drop me a mail!"
Kouichi: This person is so bad!
Hase: It's not like that. Please let me explain this misunderstanding.
Kouichi: Misunderstanding?
Hase: My original intention was to stay the night after the meet ended. Hiroko-chan also agreed to it. So the two of us promised to have a good chat that night. I remembered sending this mail. But then I found that on the following day I would need to rush to my drama filming location. In the end I had to go and return on the same day... It's strange, huh...
Kouichi: "I changed the plan, now I have to go and return on the same day," you should have sent such a mail to inform the other person!
Hase: (bowed) I'm sorry.
Kouichi: She apologized.
Hase: I was wrong.
Tsuyoshi: It's because you were too busy, right?
Kouichi: You were filming a drama too, and you needed to rush to location and all... I'm bad at sending mails, too. If you don't add emoji to it, won't it feel cold to the recipient? I rarely use them.
Hase: But isn't it fine for guys not to use them?
Kouichi: I'm so glad to hear that you think so.
Tsuyoshi: I use a lot of them.
Kouichi: He does, he does.
Tsuyoshi: For certain purposes... for example "Tomorrow's the first day, all the best!" In this situation, after "all the best" I'll add a circle.
Kouichi: "All the best" then sparklies. Or "something-something" then a spiral. Everyone, do you add emoji to your mails? Those who don't please raise your hand.
(Gackt, Donchan, Tsucchi raised their hands.)
Someone: Gakkun seems like someone who won't.
Tsucchi: At most when it's "good weather" I'll add a sun.
Everyone: How weird...
Kouichi: Makoto-kun didn't raise his hand just now.
Makoto: I've never sent mails. My mobile phone doesn't have this feature.
Everyone: Ehhh?
Kouichi: That's amazing.
Makoto: I cannot change the ringtone either.
Kouichi: My ringtone right now is-- (imitating Gackt's voice) "Kou-chan, you've got mail." It gives me a shock every time! I never get used to it! Because it's a human voice.
--
Kouichi: Please take a look at this ad. "Super spicy curry shop, Hasekyou! Level 5, level 10 spiciness is normal. Come and challenge her!" That's the ad. (to Hase) Do you like spicy food?
Hase: I like spicy food very much.
Tsuyoshi: Again? (Another spicy eating contest?)
Kouichi: You seem rather intimidated.
(Note: Previously Tsuyoshi had lost to Sakai Maki in a curry eating contest.)
Kouichi: It's extremely exciting!
Tsuyoshi: Why is that~!
Kouichi: Since Hasegawa-san also likes to eat spicy curry, let's ask her to enter this challenge. Doumoto Super Spicy Curry Contest II!
Kouichi: Hasegawa-san, do you have confidence for this?
Hase: I do... but this looks very spicy, so I'm not very confident.
Kouichi: Last time we sent Tsuyoshi alone, and ended up losing. This time we send five members to compete.
(Contestants: Tsuyoshi, Enari, Tobu, Donchan, Gackt)
Tsuyoshi: Five members together. We who have such good reactions.
Makoto: The elderlies at this side, it would be bad if we die of spiciness.
(Non-contestants: Kouichi, Tsucchi, Makoto, Onda)
Kouichi: First one is this. 'Standard'.
Someone: 'Standard' is the most delicious.
Kouichi: First of all we will try it out.
(Non-contestants tried a spoonful each.)
Kouichi: This is delicious! Well, the 'standard' one is still a little spicy. It feels spicy shortly after it enters the mouth.
Kouichi: (to contestants) Then, please get ready.
Tsuyoshi: That commentary feels rather off!
Kouichi: Ready... go! (supervising) Please finish it up. Eat in big portions. Is it delicious?
Enari: This one is very delicious.
Kouichi: This is the 'standard' level. Next one is level 5. (touting) Level 5! Level 5!
Tsuyoshi: Shouldn't it be "Level 2! Level 2!"?
Kouichi: (after trying) You know... HAHAHA! ...it's very spicy.
Tsuyoshi: (frowning) Those three persons at the back have no comment already.
(Tsucchi, Makoto, Onda seemed to be struggling.)
Hase: We can tell just from their faces!
Enari: If you say "Spicy!" you lose, is that so?
Kouichi: If you say "Spicy!" you lose. Ready... go! (supervising) Level 5! This one will really be spicy, you know.
(Contestants ate up.)
Someone: Could there be something wrong?
Kouichi: It can't be. It's really spicy.
Someone: Amazing.
Kouichi: All of you are weird! Hasegawa-san, how was it?
Hase: (nodded and signaled "OK")
Kouichi: It's all right? Amazing.
Someone: It can't be. There must be something wrong with the taste.
Hase: I heard that you shouldn't speak much, and that you would feel the spiciness when you open your mouth.
Kouichi: Is that so? But since you're the guest, please speak more.
Hase: I'll be fine.
Someone: Level 5 and still not feeling spicy, that's so cool.
Kouichi: Next one is this. Level 10!
Someone: It's scary.
Someone: The color is different.
Someone: It must be more than just that.
Kouichi: (after trying) It tastes strange!
Someone: How spicy!
Kouichi: (to contestants) Please start eating. This is level 10. Ready... go!
Tsuyoshi: (to Hase) You may get a cough fit from this, you know?
Kouichi: Is it spicy?
Enari: (wincing) Not at all!
Kouichi: Gakkun, is it okay?
Gackt: This is delicious.
Kouichi: Delicious?
Gackt: I like it a lot.
Kouichi: Everyone is starting to sweat. Sweating a lot. Tsuyoshi is sweating a lot. How is it, Hasegawa-san?
Hase: (helpless laugh) It's all right.
Kouichi: It's turning into a 'bear with it' situation. Well, that was level 10 curry. Next is... Level 20! It's double the previous level.
Tsuyoshi: (wiping sweat) Somehow, isn't it hot? It's very hot today.
Someone: How spicy!
Kouichi: (to contestants) Please start!
Someone: This is too...
Enari: (suddenly) AHAHAHA...
Tsuyoshi: (to Enari) Director!
Kouichi: Director, what are you laughing about?
Enari: (stood up and left the table)
Kouichi: This will be considered a walk-out! (pulled him back to sit)
Tsuyoshi: (patting Enari's shoulder) There, there, Director! Director! You've drunk too much!
Enari: I can't take this!
Tsuyoshi: (innocently) Is it spicy?
Kouichi: The winner will get some wonderful prizes. Please work hard. Gakkun, how is it going?
Gackt: It feels good.
Kouichi: Hasegawa-san, how is it?
Hase: My hand is shaking...
Kouichi: The next one is level 100.
Someone: This one is definitely very spicy!
Someone: The color is strange!
Kouichi: (laugh)
Tsucchi: (bent over covering mouth)
Someone: Water, water...
Someone: Master! Master!
Kouichi: (to contestants) Please start.
Tsucchi: It's better not to force yourself.
Kouichi: Level 100 curry. Ready... go!
Donchan: (tasting) Ahhh.
Tsuyoshi: It's scary.
Hase: (helpless laugh) No way, I don't want to eat this...
Tsuyoshi: Hasegawa-san, I think you'd better not force yourself.
Someone: If you can't take it already, please go to rest over there.
Kouichi: Tsuyoshi-san, please do force yourself.
Tsuyoshi: (struggling and bending over)
Kouichi: Tsuyoshi, is it spicy?
Tsuyoshi: (wide-eyed) No, it's delicious...!
Someone: How about changing the rule to just one spoonful?
Gackt: (to Donchan) Won't your stomach hurt?
Donchan: (continued to eat)
Someone: I sweated a lot too.
Tsuyoshi: That musician over at that side is so weird!
Donchan: (cheerful victory pose)
(Arrow to Donchan: "the weird musician")
Hase: (coughing)
Kouichi: Are you alright? Hasegawa-san.
Hase: (croaky voice) It's alright.
Kouichi: (to Gackt) How do you feel?
Gackt: It's very pressurizing.
Kouichi: It's amazing, everyone has finished it up.
Someone: It's going on the show.
Kouichi: This is the last one. Level 200.
Someone: Will it be alright?
Someone: It must be so spicy.
Tsuyoshi: Even if right now a girl I like very much says that she will date me--
Kouichi: (to contestants) Please eat up!
Tsuyoshi: --I'll say, 'No, sorry...'
Kouichi: Those who can finish this will be the winners. Ready... go! For this one, really, please don't force yourself.
Tsuyoshi: (after tasting) Okay. Sorry! (drew back)
Kouichi: Regretfully, Tsuyoshi-san is now out of the competition. (to Tsuyoshi) You should persevere until the last moment!
(Attention: Gackt and Donchan who were just finishing up.)
Tobu: (to Gackt and Donchan) How cool!
Kouichi: Donchan and Gakkun have finished it up!
Kouichi: Gakkun is sweating a whole lot.
Gackt: I... (touching neck) ...am still feeling pretty good.
Kouichi: It's like in a sauna.
Gackt: Sweating this much without doing any exercise is miraculous.
Tobu: I give up.
Kouichi: Tobu-san has announced her defeat. Hasegawa-san is still not giving up. Is it okay? Can you still take it?
Hase: (nodded at Kouichi)
Kouichi: She gave up. That means the winners are Donchan and Gakkun! These are the prizes!
(Donchan got a wooden hammer. Gackt got a small gong set.)
Someone: For real?!
Tsuyoshi: I wouldn't want that~! Thank goodness I didn't persevere~!
Gackt: I am happy with this.
--
Kouichi: Doumoto Lover Selection, The Red Thread Legend!
(Members lined up.)
Kouichi: Lately noone has been choosing me. Could it be because I stand at the center?
Someone: Do you want to try going to the sides?
Someone: Please!
Someone: My head hurts.
(Hase tapped Donchan.)
Kouichi: It's over.
Everyone: How boring.
Tsuyoshi: (to Hase) What is the reason for choosing this person?
Hase: When he was eating curry, the speed was fast. It was manly.
Kouichi: Really? But he is not tall enough. (pulled Donchan to stand beside Hase)
(Note: Hase <-- 166cm)
(Note: Donchan <-- 165cm)
Hase: (laugh) That's true...! Then it can't be, sorry...
Donchan: ... (turned and went to the back)
Hase: I was kidding! (went after Donchan)
Tsuyoshi: (crowding in) Later on I will give both of you a call.
Hase: (pulled Donchan back to the front) It was a lie. Sorry.
Donchan: It's all right.
Hase: Sorry.
Kouichi: (to Hase) So it is his manliness that has attracted you.
Donchan: So it is.
Kouichi: Girls will think that way.
Hase: (to Donchan) I was kidding just now. Sorry.
Donchan: My feelings were really hurt.
---