Some Questions About BDSM and Clubs.

Feb 24, 2012 06:03

Yes, hello, I'm quite alive. *dusts off journal* Now then, I have a question for you, my darling f-listers ( Read more... )

non-writing update

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kiraohara February 24 2012, 15:10:05 UTC
Those sound quite interesting. Sadly, I'm way down in Orlando, so those groups would be far out of my reach. It's nice to know that something like that exists, though. That's much less daunting than the other places I thought I'd need to venture to learn about the scene. ^^;

Thank you!

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kkscatnip February 24 2012, 15:43:20 UTC
Most groups want you to attend a munch before coming to a play party, as a sort of vetting process. This applies especially to groups where their play parties are held at private residences; generally the more private a thing is, the better they want to know you before allowing you to attend ( ... )

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kiraohara February 24 2012, 23:41:04 UTC
That is all incredibly helpful, let me tell you. ♥

I'm honestly willing to hear whatever you wish to share with me. :) Knowing about the ambiance might be good, yes! I don't mind lengthy if you don't. ^^;

I might take you up on that, once I get some of it down. :3 I'm only now letting the plots truly coalesce, as before I was far too unsure that I could write them, but they're knitting together semi-well. :3

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kkscatnip February 25 2012, 00:09:40 UTC
The ambiance is generally pretty fun-loving but respectful. You do not interrupt a scene in progress--if you want someone to show you something, you ask them before the scene starts. Never, never interrupt; it's bad bad form and one of the first rules that people get down on. In contrast to that, you are always welcome to watch when people are playing in a public space. One of the dungeons that I go to in Atlanta has separate rooms in addition to having an open area, and if you really don't want people to watch very much for some reason, you can have your friends stand in the door or something, but I think generally the idea is that if you play at a play party you are going to get watched, period end of story. If you want private playing, you do it privately, not at play parties ( ... )

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kkscatnip February 25 2012, 00:10:52 UTC
Oh, and so far as toys go: you bring your own or you borrow from someone. There are normally people willing to lend you things as long as you clean them after :)

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deirdre_aithne February 24 2012, 16:02:17 UTC
A lot of it depends on the club you attend. The one hubby and I frequented in Canada, you had to actually attend the social things first, and get to know people. Then you had to do an orientation before you could become a member. If you didn't want to do that, but still wanted to go to play parties, you had to come as a guest of someone else who was a member of the club, lest they have strangers wandering in off the street to play. (I'm sure we can all imagine why that would be a very bad thing indeed)

As for what goes on, from my experience, sex out in the open is not really the norm. Nudity, likely. But unless it was a specific 'sex' party event, the play parties were mostly just that: play. Sex was not forbidden, but they did ask you to keep it subtle if you chose to do it during one of those events. *Editing to add, you also had a 'bring a towel to sit on if you plan to be naked' rule and a very strict 'Clean your space when you are finished with it' rule ( ... )

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kiraohara February 24 2012, 23:54:50 UTC
It does help! I hadn't thought of the towel rule, though the cleaning up one is a definite. I hadn't really thought that sex was a HUGE part of it, but it seems to play much less of a role than I'd thought even then - which is quite interesting ( ... )

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deirdre_aithne February 24 2012, 23:58:17 UTC
I think contracts are much more of a private thing, and from my experience, they are rare even then. I think I've met one lifestyle couple that had a contract, and I knew them online, only. Everyone I've met face-to-face, and almost everyone I've known online does not use a contract. Things are much more verbal than written like that, but obviously some people do use contracts. But I think those are rather uncommon.

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kiraohara February 25 2012, 00:09:31 UTC
Ah, very good to know! :3

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cranky__crocus February 24 2012, 23:48:16 UTC
Thank you bundles of this post! *Is reading all the comment replies, too.*

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kiraohara February 24 2012, 23:56:24 UTC
Haha, welcome! XD It's something I've been curious about for years, and finally got up the pluck to ask. Glad it's helping someone else! :D

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