(no subject)
3am.
That’s what the clock says when Jared blinks awake, eyes blurring for a second before everything clears a little. Even in the dim light the moon offers he can see his reflection in the wall-length mirror, legs tangled in the blanket that comes to rest just above his hip. His eyes fall upon the hand that rests across his waist.
The decidedly male hand.
Not that he was expecting any different, considering what had occurred the night before.
Five years old, trembling slightly, still not quite sure how his mom could live with herself after dropping him off in this place again, Jared was stood in the school yard, back-pack hanging from his shoulders, shoe laces undone, and a snotty nose from the last twenty minutes of crying and begging his mommy to not make him go to school.
Yesterday had been bad enough, panic worse than the time he’d gotten lost in the supermarket rising up in his tummy as his mommy had let go of his hand. That sudden realisation that she was going to leave him here had stayed with him all day, a sick feeling that wouldn’t go away, even after he’d been picked up. Now here he was again, tears streaming steadily down his face, blurring his vision and he stood alone.
He’d been too shy to really make any friends, and the only one who’d approached him, Chad, seemed kind of…well…kind of like a bully. And Jared’s mom had told him that only bullies make friends with bullies.
The theory of Chad being one of these bullies was, of course, proven only when the boy turned his attention to Jared, three other five year olds stood behind him in a line as he pointed and laughed at Jared, shouting “Crybaby misses his mommy!”.
All over again Jared felt that sick feeling in his tummy.
“Hey!” But then there he was. Jared didn’t know it at the time of course, but that day he’d been saved by his future best friend. Suddenly looming over Chad and poking him hard in the chest, the older boy’s freckled nose wrinkled in a scowl. “Leave him alone. We don’t torrelate bullies here!”
By the time Jared’s tears had cleared enough to see, Chad and his friends were long gone. The older boy nodded at him, and opened his mouth to speak.
“-Jensen!”
Interrupted by some other boys from across the playground, the boy flashed Jared a smile before racing off, leaving Jared to wipe his runny nose on the sleeve of his jumper and kick at stones.
Four weeks in and Jared had made some friends in his class. Even at five he knew they weren’t life friends, but they were nice to him, shared their toys and their crayons.
Every day he saw that bigger boy in the yard, and he’d smile, wide and sincere, thankful. Each time his smile was returned before the boy would run off back to his friends to play football or tag, and Jared would grin proudly at his friends because he knew an older kid.
And Chad hadn’t even looked at him wrong since that day.
It was parent-teacher night when the life changing thing occurred. He was walking down the crowded corridor, this time with a smile cause his momma was there holding his hand (and Miss Spelling had just told her what a lovely boy he was) when she suddenly stopped, shrieking a little and letting go of his hand to grab a blonde lady into a hug.
“Donna!” she yelled, and even from behind her Jared would have recognised the smile in her voice…if he hadn’t been so distracted. Jensen, his hero, the boy from his second day of school was standing behind the blonde lady, brow drawn as he watched the exchange, not even noticing Jared.
“Wow. It’s so good to see you!” His mom went on to say, stepping back and reaching out for Jared’s hand again, her attention suddenly fixed on Jensen. “Oh, Donna…is this your son?” she smiled, dipping slightly to give the boy a smile.
The blonde lady answered in the affirmative and Jensen smiled, finally turning a little to see Jared. The way his smile widened made Jared’s tummy fill with pride, and he gave an answering grin. “I had no idea your son came here.” The conversation continued, both boys still sharing a smile. “This is my son, Jared. Oh, you’ll have to come over for dinner one night.”
The doorbell rang just as his mom was spitting on a tissue to wipe his face. Thankful for the excuse, Jared made his escape, running to open the door. He shouted “Who is it?” like he’d been taught, just as his mom came up behind him and swung the door open.
“Hi, hi, come on in.” Jared stepped back as his mom welcomed the group of three inside.
“It’s just the three of us tonight, Josh is over at Ben Harper’s, for the sleepover.” Jared and his mom both nodded, Jeff was there too. “Still,” Donna smiled, placing her hand on top of her other son’s head. “Jensen’s here, so you boys can play.”
Jared watched his mom nod. “Why don’t you boys go upstairs while dinner finishes cooking?”
Jared nodded and raced off in the direction of his bedroom, stopping in front of the door and waiting for Jensen to catch up. When he did, Jared pointed at his hand-made sign.
“It’s a rule.” He stated, just so they were clear, and Jensen nodded solemnly.
Pushing open the door, Jared reached up on tip-toes to turn on the light, closing the door behind them and sitting cross-legged on his bed.
“Star Wars!” Jensen said, running over to the window and reaching up to take hold of Jared’s prized possession, his nine inch Luke Skywalker figurine, before remembering his manners and turning over his shoulder. “Can I?”
He actually asked permission. Unlike stupid Jeff, Jared’s brother, who just stole Luke and shook him around the place on a regular basis. Jared smiled and nodded at Jensen, who took hold of the figure and lifted it to face level in awe.
“Cool…”
Slowly their time at school changed. Jared started racing right over to meet Jensen and his friends as soon as the bell for recess rang, and then eventually even those other boys got boring too and Jared and Jensen would end up running off to play together somewhere else.
They both got told off once for endangering other children after one particularly enthusiastic light-sabre fight. Of course, looking back, their choice to substitute the glowing sci-fi weapons with huge sticks maybe wasn’t the best idea.
At lunch they’d trade all their food, and Jared even started asking his mom to fill his sandwiches with tuna just so Jensen would smile big when they switched. Jensen liked tuna. A lot. Jared didn’t. And with tuna being the only subject they ever disagreed on, Jared considered them the bestest friends in the world.
Jared was six when Jensen’s little sister was born. The pair of them stood on tiptoes leaning over her cot, blowing raspberries at the baby and then laughing at the noises she made. Jared had upset Mrs Ackles by telling her that the baby looked like a monkey but Jensen had assured him that honesty was always best.
“A girl, Jensen. In your house from now on.” Jared whispered, pulling a face at the wiggling child. Jensen nodded, serious expression as he looked at his friend.
“Everything is going to change.” He answered, dramatically.
“Donna, of course he can stay here. I know how it is. Jeff hardly slept at all when Jared was born. We’d be happy to have him.” Before she’d even finished the phone call Jared was at her feet, tugging on her sleeve and bouncing excitedly.
“Jensen’s sleeping over?! Is he?!” Getting no reply he tugged harder. “MOM, IS HE?!”
All it earned him was an annoyed slap on the hand, but four hours later as he lay in bed next to Jensen, both of them in almost-matching Superman pyjamas and whispering in the dark, he couldn’t help but smile.
“It’s so cool that you have a baby in the house.” He grinned. “They’re letting you sleep over on a school night.”
Jensen nodded happily and grinned back, before kicking at him from under the sheet and holding one finger over his mouth in a bid to make Jared quieten down a little. Wracking their brains, they came up with game after game to play quietly while they were supposed to be sleeping, starting with ‘I spy’ and eventually coming to an energy-free halt with “Hey Jensen…bet you can’t guess what letter I’m thinking of.”
As Jared’s parents passed in the hallway, heading to bed themselves, the boys lay quietly, and eventually, *pretending* to be sleeping became actually sleeping. Just as they were drifting off to, Jared felt a gentle finger-poke in his side.
“Hey Jared…” Jensen whispered, voice tired and full of sleep. “You’re my best friend.”
The shifting body behind Jared brings him from his memories back into the warm room, air thick and tasting like sex in his mouth, sweat making the skin of his back cling to the chest of his lover.
Regret washes over him in the dark, as he thinks about the mess they made of things, and as he lets himself drift back to sleep, he thinks about all of the things he’d do differently if given a second chance.
Part One I Part Two l Part Three A I Part Three B I Epilogue
That’s what the clock says when Jared blinks awake, eyes blurring for a second before everything clears a little. Even in the dim light the moon offers he can see his reflection in the wall-length mirror, legs tangled in the blanket that comes to rest just above his hip. His eyes fall upon the hand that rests across his waist.
The decidedly male hand.
Not that he was expecting any different, considering what had occurred the night before.
Five years old, trembling slightly, still not quite sure how his mom could live with herself after dropping him off in this place again, Jared was stood in the school yard, back-pack hanging from his shoulders, shoe laces undone, and a snotty nose from the last twenty minutes of crying and begging his mommy to not make him go to school.
Yesterday had been bad enough, panic worse than the time he’d gotten lost in the supermarket rising up in his tummy as his mommy had let go of his hand. That sudden realisation that she was going to leave him here had stayed with him all day, a sick feeling that wouldn’t go away, even after he’d been picked up. Now here he was again, tears streaming steadily down his face, blurring his vision and he stood alone.
He’d been too shy to really make any friends, and the only one who’d approached him, Chad, seemed kind of…well…kind of like a bully. And Jared’s mom had told him that only bullies make friends with bullies.
The theory of Chad being one of these bullies was, of course, proven only when the boy turned his attention to Jared, three other five year olds stood behind him in a line as he pointed and laughed at Jared, shouting “Crybaby misses his mommy!”.
All over again Jared felt that sick feeling in his tummy.
“Hey!” But then there he was. Jared didn’t know it at the time of course, but that day he’d been saved by his future best friend. Suddenly looming over Chad and poking him hard in the chest, the older boy’s freckled nose wrinkled in a scowl. “Leave him alone. We don’t torrelate bullies here!”
By the time Jared’s tears had cleared enough to see, Chad and his friends were long gone. The older boy nodded at him, and opened his mouth to speak.
“-Jensen!”
Interrupted by some other boys from across the playground, the boy flashed Jared a smile before racing off, leaving Jared to wipe his runny nose on the sleeve of his jumper and kick at stones.
Four weeks in and Jared had made some friends in his class. Even at five he knew they weren’t life friends, but they were nice to him, shared their toys and their crayons.
Every day he saw that bigger boy in the yard, and he’d smile, wide and sincere, thankful. Each time his smile was returned before the boy would run off back to his friends to play football or tag, and Jared would grin proudly at his friends because he knew an older kid.
And Chad hadn’t even looked at him wrong since that day.
It was parent-teacher night when the life changing thing occurred. He was walking down the crowded corridor, this time with a smile cause his momma was there holding his hand (and Miss Spelling had just told her what a lovely boy he was) when she suddenly stopped, shrieking a little and letting go of his hand to grab a blonde lady into a hug.
“Donna!” she yelled, and even from behind her Jared would have recognised the smile in her voice…if he hadn’t been so distracted. Jensen, his hero, the boy from his second day of school was standing behind the blonde lady, brow drawn as he watched the exchange, not even noticing Jared.
“Wow. It’s so good to see you!” His mom went on to say, stepping back and reaching out for Jared’s hand again, her attention suddenly fixed on Jensen. “Oh, Donna…is this your son?” she smiled, dipping slightly to give the boy a smile.
The blonde lady answered in the affirmative and Jensen smiled, finally turning a little to see Jared. The way his smile widened made Jared’s tummy fill with pride, and he gave an answering grin. “I had no idea your son came here.” The conversation continued, both boys still sharing a smile. “This is my son, Jared. Oh, you’ll have to come over for dinner one night.”
The doorbell rang just as his mom was spitting on a tissue to wipe his face. Thankful for the excuse, Jared made his escape, running to open the door. He shouted “Who is it?” like he’d been taught, just as his mom came up behind him and swung the door open.
“Hi, hi, come on in.” Jared stepped back as his mom welcomed the group of three inside.
“It’s just the three of us tonight, Josh is over at Ben Harper’s, for the sleepover.” Jared and his mom both nodded, Jeff was there too. “Still,” Donna smiled, placing her hand on top of her other son’s head. “Jensen’s here, so you boys can play.”
Jared watched his mom nod. “Why don’t you boys go upstairs while dinner finishes cooking?”
Jared nodded and raced off in the direction of his bedroom, stopping in front of the door and waiting for Jensen to catch up. When he did, Jared pointed at his hand-made sign.
“It’s a rule.” He stated, just so they were clear, and Jensen nodded solemnly.
Pushing open the door, Jared reached up on tip-toes to turn on the light, closing the door behind them and sitting cross-legged on his bed.
“Star Wars!” Jensen said, running over to the window and reaching up to take hold of Jared’s prized possession, his nine inch Luke Skywalker figurine, before remembering his manners and turning over his shoulder. “Can I?”
He actually asked permission. Unlike stupid Jeff, Jared’s brother, who just stole Luke and shook him around the place on a regular basis. Jared smiled and nodded at Jensen, who took hold of the figure and lifted it to face level in awe.
“Cool…”
Slowly their time at school changed. Jared started racing right over to meet Jensen and his friends as soon as the bell for recess rang, and then eventually even those other boys got boring too and Jared and Jensen would end up running off to play together somewhere else.
They both got told off once for endangering other children after one particularly enthusiastic light-sabre fight. Of course, looking back, their choice to substitute the glowing sci-fi weapons with huge sticks maybe wasn’t the best idea.
At lunch they’d trade all their food, and Jared even started asking his mom to fill his sandwiches with tuna just so Jensen would smile big when they switched. Jensen liked tuna. A lot. Jared didn’t. And with tuna being the only subject they ever disagreed on, Jared considered them the bestest friends in the world.
Jared was six when Jensen’s little sister was born. The pair of them stood on tiptoes leaning over her cot, blowing raspberries at the baby and then laughing at the noises she made. Jared had upset Mrs Ackles by telling her that the baby looked like a monkey but Jensen had assured him that honesty was always best.
“A girl, Jensen. In your house from now on.” Jared whispered, pulling a face at the wiggling child. Jensen nodded, serious expression as he looked at his friend.
“Everything is going to change.” He answered, dramatically.
“Donna, of course he can stay here. I know how it is. Jeff hardly slept at all when Jared was born. We’d be happy to have him.” Before she’d even finished the phone call Jared was at her feet, tugging on her sleeve and bouncing excitedly.
“Jensen’s sleeping over?! Is he?!” Getting no reply he tugged harder. “MOM, IS HE?!”
All it earned him was an annoyed slap on the hand, but four hours later as he lay in bed next to Jensen, both of them in almost-matching Superman pyjamas and whispering in the dark, he couldn’t help but smile.
“It’s so cool that you have a baby in the house.” He grinned. “They’re letting you sleep over on a school night.”
Jensen nodded happily and grinned back, before kicking at him from under the sheet and holding one finger over his mouth in a bid to make Jared quieten down a little. Wracking their brains, they came up with game after game to play quietly while they were supposed to be sleeping, starting with ‘I spy’ and eventually coming to an energy-free halt with “Hey Jensen…bet you can’t guess what letter I’m thinking of.”
As Jared’s parents passed in the hallway, heading to bed themselves, the boys lay quietly, and eventually, *pretending* to be sleeping became actually sleeping. Just as they were drifting off to, Jared felt a gentle finger-poke in his side.
“Hey Jared…” Jensen whispered, voice tired and full of sleep. “You’re my best friend.”
The shifting body behind Jared brings him from his memories back into the warm room, air thick and tasting like sex in his mouth, sweat making the skin of his back cling to the chest of his lover.
Regret washes over him in the dark, as he thinks about the mess they made of things, and as he lets himself drift back to sleep, he thinks about all of the things he’d do differently if given a second chance.
Part One I Part Two l Part Three A I Part Three B I Epilogue