A Mirror of Imperfections
Title: A Mirror of Imperfections
Author: Cassie
Prompt: Passing Notes
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts/self-hatred
Words: 1009
Jared had faced many frustrations in his short seventeen years, none more embarrassing than the lines crisscrossing his wrist. Each swipe of the razor had brought him freedom, freedom from his abusive boyfriend, freedom from his own self-disgust. Each swipe of the razor had brought him closer to his end, and closer to the ultimate freedom he couldn’t help but lust for. Each swipe of the razor earned him severe punishment from Chad for harming his “plaything”, as he often referred to Jared. Jared had no idea that the thin drops of blood were all pointing to his loss of freedom.
Chad Michael Murray was everything Jared had ever hoped to be; perfect blond hair, perfectly colored blue eyes, perfectly sculpted body and perfectly formed facial features. Jared on the other hand had a mop of brown hair hanging constantly over his hazel eyes, his skin showing a million imperfections, including a mole near his nose. Jared was too tall and too clumsy to not be socially awkward, he thanked all of the known deities for Chad even noticing him. Jared was all too aware that Chad deserved perfection and would eventually seek it in another partner. Jared relied on Chad’s constant reminder of his imperfections, without Chad Jared was lost.
It took months for Sharon Padalecki to notice the scars riddling Jared’s body, to notice the constant presence of bruises left by her son’s only friend. The decision to move away seemed to be the only way to save Jared from himself and from the hands of Chad. Jared had screamed when his mother told him, then he cried and finally he let Chad punish him for leaving. He deserved every bruise, and as each bruise began to fade he forced it to stay. Beating himself when Chad was unable seemed to be the only alternative to cutting. Chad had forbid him from causing more scars on his plaything’s skin. Jared belonged to Chad.
Jared had learned to accept disappointment and blame; he had come to understand that most of life’s problems were in direct relation to his existence. A prime example was his father’s decision to stay behind while Sharon and Jared made a new life together. Gerald had claimed he needed to continue with his job if he was ever going to make partner. Jared knew better than to believe that man, he was all too aware how disappointing he was as a son. Gerald was abandoning his mother because his son was a good for nothing. It was understandable; Jared would leave himself if he could too.
XOXO
As Jared walked into his new school he felt a million eyes judging and degrading his every move. He heard the whispers about his flaws, the rumors already spreading. Jared was ruining the school simply with his presence, a poison slowly leaking into the core of the institution. All he could do was smile apologetically and rush into his appointed classroom. The room was sullen, off white walls with no windows. The only open seat was in the far back, next to a pretty boy with gleaming blue eyes. Jared felt guilty for having to interrupt his beauty by sitting next to him.
“Your new, right?” The boys voice was the perfect shade of deep, his lips curling into a friendly smile. Jared wanted to sink into the ground, to gather with his only equals; rotting corpses and millions of horrific insects.
“Yes,” Jared’s voice shook slightly, his eyes locked on his desk.
“Are you okay? I’m Misha by the way.” The boy leaned forward in an attempt to catch Jared’s eye, only causing Jared to slam them shut.
“Yes,” Jared mumbled as the late bell sounded, the room falling into a deafening silence.
Jared couldn’t help but feel completely out of place in the presence of all the beautiful people. Even the teacher was stunning, brown hair tinted blond, piercing green eyes and tan skin spotted with freckles. He was even more beautiful than the boy seated next to Jared. Self-consciously Jared began to run his fingers along the scars on his wrist, finding comfort in the deformities. A rustling of paper caused Jared’s attention to shift from the subtly lifted scars to the paper set out before him. In perfect handwriting a small note was set before him by Misha, each letter only furthering Jared’s feelings of inadequacy.
Dear Mr. New Kid,
Are you okay? Did I upset you? Are those scars? Can we be friends?
Misha Collins
Jared’s eyes raced over the words a thousand times before he finally pressed his pen to the paper to reply. His own lettering was far from perfect, and much like the two writers it was clear who was beautiful and who was worthless.
Misha,
No, you didn’t bother me. Scars are scars. I’m not sure why you would want to be friends with someone like me when you could be friends with anyone.
Jared Padalecki
Jared slid the note silently over to the boy, his eyes fixed on the chalkboard. Jared was almost afraid to look the teacher in the eye, afraid that his imperfections might contaminate the beautiful man. Almost in a trance Jared was completely caught off guard by the note being subtly passed onto his desk.
Jared,
Don’t be silly, why wouldn’t I want to be friends with the hottest guy I’ve ever seen?
Misha
Jared turned to stare at the boy next to him, his eyes wide with shock. Just as he lifted his pen to write the paper was pulled from his desk. The teacher read through the notes quickly, his green eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. A deep laugh echoed from his throat momentarily before he turned to Jared.
“I would like to see you after school, Mr. Padalecki, 3:30 sharp.” The teacher did not seem to be upset, only mildly amused by the situation. Jared instantly felt fear rise in his stomach, and all at once missed Chad. Jared craved punishment for the impure thoughts sifting through his mind.
Chapter 2,