Dear Universe

[kinkme]

If you wish me to not quote Star Trek in this essay, could you please provide me with references that don't quote Star Trek themselves?

This is the third time I've hit a webpage with the friggin' Horta, I am not putting "Dammit, lecturer, I'm a silicon-based life form, not an Earth-like organism" in my work.

NO.

BAD INTERNET.

Comments

[_samalander]

WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT

[_samalander]

YES IT IS ALSO I WORRY ABOUT FORESKIN BECUASE I'M A JEWISH AMERICAN AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN ONE IN REAL LIFE SO AS FAR AS I KNOW THEY ARE MAGICAL DICK SOCKS.

FUCK YEAH. DON'T FORGET DINOSAUCERS AND ZOOBILIE ZOO AND LADY LOVLIE LOCKS AND MOTHERFUCKING STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE.

[secret_weapon]

O_O I HAVE NEVER SEEN ONE EITHER. NOW I AM ALSO WORRIED.

Magical dick socks make me think of an iPod sock. LOL at some point Sulu should make a joke about how he can't have sex because his dick is cold (it's for some other reason IDK maybe he sprained something) and Chekov is like OH NOES! HOW WILL I LIVE WITHOUT YOUR PEEN? so he makes Sulu a little dick sock.

HE-MAN AND MUMRA THE EVERRRR LIVING!

Mumra was so freaky when I was little. Or was he from Thunder cats? I get confused between him and Skeletor.

[_samalander]

SEE I'M SAYING THERE'S PORN OUT THERE WHERE THEY DESCRIBE IT AS STRETCHY AND i THINK OF LIKE, STRETCH ARMSTRONG AND THEN I WTF ALL OVER THE PLACE

[secret_weapon]

REALLY? WELL... I SUPPOSE IT WOULD BE ... LOL STRETCHY LIKE MRS INCREDIBLE? ELASTIDICK AWAY!

OMG that song is awesome!

Do you think kink minds that we've highjacked her journal to talk about peens and the eighties.

[_samalander]

I. D. K. ALL I KNOW IS THAT DURING RETRACTION THE PENIS LOOKS LIKE A HORRIBLE FLOWER. CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK IT IS SOME PENIS.

I fucking love Something Corporate. True story: I was on a little girl t-ball team (call the Beavers, lol) and I totes played baseball in my jellie shoes at the age of 5.

Um. It's Kink. I'm rather shocked she isn't helping.

[secret_weapon]

*HEADTILT*

Oh my!

HAHAHAHAHAHA. OH GOD IF I EVER SEE THAT HAPPEN IRL I WILL DIE LAUGHING.

The... beavers? Aww, bless.

LOL I didn't mean she'd mind about the topic of conversation, just that at some point she's going to come back to her inbox and this massive conversation about ugly penis flowers and TEH EIGHTIES.

[_samalander]

IKR!! I WILL BE LIKE DUDE, YOUR DICK IS A JACK IN THE BOX WTF DO IT AGAIN.

All girls team. The Beavers. Apparently the parents had a riot.

I HAVE CHOSEN TO BELIEVE THAT SHE WILL GIGGLE AND SAY SOMETHING BRITISH LIKE "OI TEA AND KNICKERS AND THE QUEEN OR SOME RUBBISH"

[secret_weapon]

YOUR DICK IS A JACK-IN-THE-BOX! ALL ARGUMENTS ARE INVALID.

Hehehe I bet they did.

OI! I AM BRITISH ALSO... WELL... SOMEWHAT BRITISH.
TEA AND KICKERS AND THE QUEEN??????

[_samalander]

I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYONE WOULD EVEN TRY TO ARGUE WITH A DICK IN THE BOX.

I asked my parents the next year why my team went away. That was a GREAT conversation.

WELL THERE YOU GO YOU SAVED KINK THE TROUBLE.

....BRITISH ENGLISH IS HARD ONE TIME IN ENGLAND I SPILLED ON MYSELF AND SAID "OH I GOT CRAP ON MY PANTS" AND IT DID NOT MEAN WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD.

[secret_weapon]

The only thing better is to give her DICK IN THE BOX LIKE A BAWS ON A BOAT!

Hehe little kids are fun when they ask awkward questions... to other people that is. Not to me.

LOL. FANNY IS ALSO A WORD THAT DOES NOT MEAN WHAT AMERICANS THINK IT MEANS. GOOD THING YOU DIDN'T START TO TALK TO SOME LITTLE OLD LADY ABOUT YOUR FANNY PACK OR THINGS WOULD HAVE GOT AWKWARD REAL FAST.

[_samalander]

WHAT IS BAWS?

Yeah, I did that a lot. My parents took me to "A Chorus Line" when I was 8 or so and I really needed to know what "Tits and Ass" was.

WE ALSO THINK A RUBBER IS A CONDOM.AND THAT FOOTBALL IS PLAYED WITH PADS AND SOCIALISM IS ANYTHING WE DISAGREE WITH. WE ARE NOT SO GOOD AT THINGS.

[secret_weapon]

BAWS IS ME TRYING TO SAY "BOSS" IN AN AMERICAN ACCENT LIKE IN THIS. OBS I FAILED.

Lol I would never ask my parents anything! I just looked it all up in the dictionary.

YOU ALSO CALL A LIFT AN ELEVATOR AND THE BOOT OF A CAR THE TRUNK AND DUSTBIN A TRASHCAN AND THE PAVEMENT THE SIDEWALK. WHEN I GO TO AMERICA I AM SO CONFUSED.

ps: friends?

[_samalander]

AMERICAN ACCENTS ARE HARD I KNOW I HAVE ONE. (I KEEP IT HERE.)

I had a mouth on me. And an older brother. I have a very early memory of my mother yelling at my brother, "DAVID LEON IF YOU ARE GOING TO USE THAT FINGER YOU USE IT IN YOUR ROOM!" and my brother marching upstairs, middle fingers displayed for the word to see. I asked him what it meant. "What the fuck do you think it means?" So yeah. Not many secrets in the universe for me.

WE SAY ERB AND YOU SAY HERB BECAUSE THERE'S A FUCKING H IN IT.

added. :) I meet the best people in Kink's journal.

[secret_weapon]

I LOVE YOUR ACCENT! ALTHOUGH I AM AT WORK SO WAS LISTENING TO THAT WITH MY HEADPHONES ON SO WHEN YOU WENT "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!" IT MADE ME JUMP AND NOW EVERYONE HERE THINKS THAT I FELL ASLEEP AND JUST JERKED AWAKE.

I once asked my parents what the finger meant. But I already knew at that point and was just feeling mischievous.

EDDIE! YOU SAY CATERPILLER AND WE SAY CATERPILLER!

added back. :)

[_samalander]

IT IS A VERY NORMAL ACCENT IT IS NOT VERY INTERESTING. SORRY THAT I SCARED YOU SNOW IS HARD.

One time my brother came home from school and told my mom he heard a dirty word. It was "penis." She said, "Yes, that's a very dirty word. Like Elbow." Then when we laughed she started chanting "PENIS PENIS PENIS" in the car. My mom is... yeah.

I LOVE EDDIE. ALSO WE GET IN LINES AND YOU QUEUE.