Kink Me! #4
Kink Me! #4 Closed to new prompts Welcome to Kink Me! Merlin #4!
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It doesn't seem like any time at all until it's the last day of term, and they're heading out of the school gate with Morgana, Elena and a couple of their friends. Arthur is dreading the holidays; he still doesn't see Merlin much at school, but he's grown used to him being there. It's only now, that it's about to be taken away, that he realises exactly how much his presence has come to mean to him.
'What are you doing for New Years?' Arthur asks, as they fall back, momentarily, from the others.
'Nothing, probably,' Merlin says, and they walk along side by side, elbows almost touching. 'What about you?'
Elena who is, Arthur always thinks, much more stable on a horse, leans back and nearly goes flying in her effort to join their conversation. 'Why don't you come to the village hall with us, if you've got nothing better to do?' she says, slipping between him and Merlin, and linking arms with both of them. 'It's not the most exciting thing in the world, but Arthur gets to take me every year.'
'Elena's your date?' Merlin asks, ( ... )
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Uther's waiting for him when he gets in. He doesn't say anything at first, just looks him up and down slowly, before issuing a curt goodnight. Arthur watches from the hallway as his father disappears up the stairs, at a loss for what to think, let alone say.
It feels worse, in a way, than if Uther had demanded to know where he'd been. He's edgier now, knowing that although his transgression hasn't been addressed, it's been noted, and it won't be forgotten.
Arthur knows he might as well forget sleep for a while. He goes into the kitchen, and as he sits alone at the table, something ugly takes hold of him and he feels his hands start to shake. He tries to fight it. He doesn't want to be angry with Uther, who's spent his life taking care of him, but still, he can't help resenting how easily his father can do this; how he can turn something that was starting to feel a little bit brilliant into something that he feels ashamed of, with just a look and a word ( ... )
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Even though Uther doesn't mention it again, his behaviour towards Arthur changes almost immediately.
Each minute outside the house needs to be justified, and any activity Uther disapproves of is vetoed. One night, Uther calls him into his study and spends an hour going through every number on Arthur's phone bill until they're all accounted for. Uther's been opening his mail for years, so that's nothing new. Arthur's not quite sure how long he's been checking his browsing history, but he's never been stupid enough to have left anything incriminating.
It's not as if Uther didn't keep a close eye on him before, but now it feels like the walls are closing in on him. It wouldn't have been so bad if Merlin hadn't been part of the equation, not that it would matter either way, as he can't change things. Short of turning Uther into a completely different person, he thinks, but he doesn't want that, not really. It's unfair to think that when knows how impossible it would be to change who he is ( ... )
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At home, Arthur has too much time to think and without the distraction of school his mind slips back, easily, to Merlin, and what things could be like if things were different. There are a few times where he's almost got himself convinced that maybe, somehow, it could work, but Uther always brings him firmly back to earth.
By Friday evening, when he and Uther have their regular weekly meal together, Arthur has made it through one almost Merlin-free week. He chews his food, disinterested, forcing each bite down.
'I need to speak to you about your future,' Uther says, looking up from his laptop. 'The business is taking a new direction, and I need you to be there to lead it, when the time comes.'
Arthur nods away while Uther drones on about business and politics. He's long known Uther's feelings on what he terms as society's moral decay but now, it seems, he might have enough money to do something about it, and Arthur is apparently very much part of the plan ( ... )
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'I lied,' Arthur says, when the door finally clicks shut. 'I'm not okay. Nothing's okay, really.'
Merlin is leaning against a desk, one ankle over the other, watching him pace around nervously through distant, uncertain eyes.
Merlin shakes his head. 'Arthur,' he says, 'If you made a mistake, I'd rather you just came out and said it. You don't need to ignore me. Anything's better than this. The last few days ...'
'It's Uther,' Arthur says, coming to a stop in front of Merlin. 'I thought he knew. About us. Merlin, you don't know what he'd do if he found out.'
Merlin glared darkly at a spot on the wall. 'I think I've got a pretty good idea,' he says. 'But Arthur,' and his voice is softer this time, 'you can't let him rule your life like this.'
'It's better this way,' Arthur says. 'It's easier for everyone.'
'So the stalking around outside my house on Sunday?' Merlin says, one eyebrow raised. 'That was things being easy for you, was it?'
'You weren't at church,' Arthur says, thinking Fuck. 'I wanted to know where you were ( ... )
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After that everything seems to slip, unremarkably, into place.
Months later, when things have changed again - irreversibly, Arthur will come to think - it will seem like the few weeks they had left were charmed, somehow ( ... )
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Sometime later - it could be minutes, or hours, for all he knows - he feels a tugging at his elbow and then a light pressure, urging him to turn. He knows who it is without looking.
Arthur forces himself to look up. He has no idea how he's ended up at the art block.
'I wanted to tell you myself,' Merlin says. 'I wanted to tell you before the others got there, but Gaius must have said something and ... you know how fast word travels here.'
'It doesn't matter,' Arthur says with a short laugh. 'I knew you weren't here forever.'
'I'm sorry,' Merlin says. 'I don't know what to say to make it better. I mean. I knew I'd be going back, and it's great news for me and Mum, but ...'
But what? Arthur thinks. He knows he doesn't mean it, really, but all he wants to do right now is push away every memory of him and Merlin and forget any of it ever happened. If this is the end, he doesn't want any long, drawn out goodbyes. He doesn't want memories to torture himself with for months - years, maybe - to come. He'd rather have nothing, than ( ... )
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'It's not your fault,' Merlin says, taking Arthur's hands in his, long fingers stroking over broad wrists. 'I handled it all wrong. I should have known Gaius couldn't keep his mouth shut. I should have said something to him.'
'Not your fault either,' Arthur whispers. He looks down at where their fingers interlock; he's never felt the passing of time, and its irreversible effects, as keenly as he does in this moment. I might never get to do this again, he thinks, and pulls Merlin closer to him ( ... )
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