not a lady

[kindkit]

Say that someone makes a post to a fandom community and addresses the members of that community as "ladies." Is it okay to politely respond that not everyone in the fandom/on the comm is a woman? Some of us are men (trans* or cis), some of us are genderqueer, androgynous, or otherwise not women. (And I'd imagine some of the women in the fandom don'

Comments

[vilakins]

It's a change on people being assumed to be male by default, but I'd definitely say something if I were in that comm. I don't like assumptions, and I don't like the term "ladies" either.

And don't get me started on "ma'am" which seems to be endemic here now. Worst import from the US ever.

[kindkit]

I hate "ma'am," but now that I'm working retail, I find myself saying it all the damn time. Oh, how I wish English had a gender-neutral honorific.

It's a change on people being assumed to be male by default

Absolutely. As I said in another comment, I'm not worried about the feelings of cis men who, in online fandom and almost nowhere else, get to experience what it's like to not be dominant. My concern is for people like me--trans*, genderqueer, androgynous, etc. folks who have to deal with misgendering all the time.

[vilakins]

[nods] Did you say anything? I hope someone did.

[kindkit]

I posted this a few minutes ago:Actually, not everyone on the community is a woman. It's no big deal--so many people in fandom are women that it's an understandable assumption to make--but, well, some of us are men. There may also be people who are genderqueer, androgynous, or have another identity and don't consider themselves women or men.

As I said, it's not the biggest deal in the world, but I thought I'd mention it.
The OP has responded, being very cool about it--they even said thanks for calling their attention to the error.

[kindkit]

I've tried to stop using "guys" as though it's gender neutral and substitute "folks" or "people" or something else. But I see what you mean.

[astrogirl2]

Despite my answer, I think it actually falls somewhere between "not a big deal" and "important." Meaning that I regard it as a reasonably good thing to gently and politely point out, especially if it bothers you personally, but not exactly a vital issue, as issues go. (Mind you, this is coming from a person who has never quite been able to understand why people get all embarrassed and apologetic when they get her gender wrong in person, so it may represent an idiosyncratic and/or biased viewpoint.)

[kindkit]

*nods* I'm not in a state of outrage over it or anything, but gender-related assumptions are a bit of a personal issue for me (and, I think, for many people who aren't cisgendered). And part of the problem is the fact that these assumptions are so innate to our culture that people make them without being aware of it and without meaning the least harm.

[beix_brittany]

we, "ladies", have to live in such a macho world and are requested not being annoyed about it, on the contrary accepting it with grace; I have also noticed so often people saying "guys!" when addressing to girls. so, in name of equal treatment between guys and girls I think a guy wouldn't have to be so touchy about it.

[kindkit]

Yes, I see what you mean. But for trans* people, genderqueer people, and anybody else whose gender identity isn't within the strict limits of the cultural norm, misgendering can be pretty hurtful and indeed oppressive. If this was just about cisgendered guys having to deal (for once) with not being the default, I wouldn't care.

[scratchingpost1]

May I ask a question? I understand the meaning of most of the terms in your post, but what is "cis"? I have never encountered that before.

[kindkit]

"Cis" is short for "cisgendered," which is a term for people who identify with their culturally-assigned gender; it's used in distinction to terms such as "transgender" and "genderqueer." So a cisgendered woman, for example, was assigned a female identity at birth and also feels herself to be a woman.

Thanks for asking!

[scratchingpost1]

Thank you for answering my question. I had never heard that term before. I like to stay informed.