SGU challenge #067: Stress: SGU fic - Stressing Cock Envy - NC17
Title: Stressing Cock Envy
Author: kimmy4eytj
Rating: NC-17 (MA)
Content Flags: genitalia, sex and squinty slash (Young/Scott)
Genre: Parody, smutty humor, Crack!fic
Pairing: Young & TJ
Spoilers: through season 2 of Shena's smutty cap collection
Characters: Young, TJ, Scott, Chloe, Greer
Word Count: 2583
Summary: Matt wants off the 'ouch couch' but has to deal with his stressful cock envy first.
Author's Notes: Written for sgu_challenge prompt # 067 "Stress" Made to complement Shena's smutty caps collection: http://shena8.livejournal.com/49579.html
Disclaimer: SG Universe is owned by MGM, not me, darn it. Since they denied us the pleasure of these characters' company, I'm using them entirely without profit for my own playtime. Comments to my LJ if you wish.
[][][]
“Chloe, come on. I need to get off the 'ouch couch'. Please.” Matt stood outside Chloe's hatch. He pressed his ear to it waiting for her answer.
The hatch mechanism activated. Matt stepped back with a pleased smirk on his face.
Chloe stood just inside the door. She held out a book. “Here. You need this more than I do.”
Matt looked down at the book in confusion. “But … I thought --”
“I know what you thought, Matthew Scott. It's written all over your face. You're not going to get any. Not for a while.”
“But … Chloe. I don't understand. We were so good together.”
“That was until I had my first viewing of Colonel Young's cock. It's magnificent! I'm sorry Matt, but there's no comparing his to yours.”
“Yeah, but … I'm not small …”
“You've had a real case of cock envy since we boarded Destiny. That tick fantasy you had. I mean really. Dreaming you had a beautiful cock like the Colonel's. I can't deal with that kind of delusion.” Chloe shoved the book into Matt's hands. “I can survive for years with my daily ten minute view of the Colonel's gorgeous cock.”
“That's just looking. It's not actually having a cock inside you. I can take care of that for you. And it wouldn't interfere with your viewing schedule of the Colonel's cock.”
“You need to talk to a professional, Matt. Go see TJ. Maybe she can help you with your envy issues.” Chloe hit the inner door mechanism closing the hatch in Matt's face.
He stood at the hatch holding the book. He was dumbfounded. How had his logical argument been turned back on him? Cock envy. His problem? It was the entire ship's problem, not just his. He half turned away before glancing at the book. How to cope with the stress of having a really beautiful cock.
“What the fuck is this? Volume six? Preserving the fragile egos of your male crew! Are you kidding me!” Matt stomped off toward the infirmary.
[][][]
“TJ? Are you here?” Matt called out walking into the room.
“Matt?” TJ came forward from the back of the room. “What's the matter?”
Matt tossed the book on a vacant bed. “This. Did you give that to Chloe?”
TJ glanced at the book. She smirked at the pretty pictures displayed on an open page. Looking back at Matt, she smiled. “Yeah. She asked to see it. She wants to help you, Matt.”
“Well she didn't. I asked her to let me off the 'ouch couch' and she turned me down. She threw this book into my hands and shut the hatch.”
“I'm sure she didn't mean it quite like that.”
“That book won't help me. Apparently, my cock isn't beautiful. Not like the Colonel's.”
TJ closed the book then cuddled it close in her arms. “Matt, we all know you have a bad case of cock envy. It's not your fault that genetics coalesced perfectly to make Colonel Young's cock so gorgeous no one can resist it. Not even you.”
“I know, but … dang it, TJ. I gotta get me some nookie real soon. The Colonel is wrecking my reputation as a hang-dawg.”
“Matt, why don't you take this book to the Colonel. Talk with him about your problem.” TJ held out the book to Matt. “This book should help you both deal with cock envy. It'll do him good to know how his beautiful cock affects his team.”
Matt sheepishly took the book. “You really think this might help me?”
“It certainly can't hurt to understand how cock envy can affect your relationships. To the Colonel's cock and to Chloe.” TJ smiled reassuringly.
Matt dipped his head and nodded. He shuffled slowly out of the infirmary. He stopped down the corridor and looked at the cover again. He realized his ego was somewhat bruised by all the attention paid to the Colonel's beautiful cock. It had to be a strain on the man to hold the burden of such a cock.
Matt smiled, remembering his view of the Colonel's cock yesterday. So beautiful. Long and thick. The cock head just peaking out of the foreskin, shiny with gland oils. The underside vein was thick running back to his satiny balls. He imagined it velvety smooth in his hands. Matt felt his own cock stir and absently rubbed himself. He cupped his balls, and squeezed. As he rubbed over his own erection, Matt imagined his hands stroking Young's gorgeous cock.
“Hey. Butter-bar. Put that thing away before you scare the children.” Greer whispered by his right ear.
Matt jumped and half turned to Greer. “Oh, jeez, man. You scared me.”
Greer smiled like the Cheshire cat, all teeth and cheeks. “You were thinking of the Colonel's cock, weren't you?”
Matt half laughed and blushed. “Yeah. Ya caught me.”
“Better me than someone else. You're in the middle of the corridor. Do that in your room, man. Or with Chloe.”
Matt frowned and dipped his head.
“Ah. That's the problem. Still on the 'ouch couch', huh?”
“Yeah. I asked her today but she turned me down again. The Colonel's cock has captured all the attention. A guy just can't find any nookie any more.”
“I ain't got no problems,” Greer puffed out his chest.
“Well … how did you ...”
“Trade secret, my brother.”
“Ah, come on, Greer. I really need to get some.”
“Sorry. It's something every man has to deal with on his own. Cock envy is a crippling problem that only you can solve. You have to confront the cock in question.”
“What? Colonel Young's cock is going to solve my problem? It's just a body part.”
“Is your cock just a body part?”
“Well, yeah. It's not sentient.”
Greer backed away from Matt. “You've got a lot to learn about cock, Sir.” He walked away shaking his head.
Matt stood there looking after Greer just as confused as when he left Chloe. He bent slightly and looked at his jutting cock. His erection hadn't fallen during their conversation, if anything, it had lengthened further. Talking to it, he said, “What are you getting all uppity about? It's not like you're gonna get any, anytime soon.”
[][][]
Matt sighed, trying to work up his courage to knock on the Colonel's hatch. It was his off day, no cock viewing allowed. Except TJ. She always had first dibs and cock call whenever she needed it. Matt looked down at the book in his hands. TJ says this will help, I gotta believe it. I can't last for much longer without some nookie.
Matt rapped his knuckles on the hatch and waited. The hatch opened. The Colonel stood by the door mechanism. He smiled when he saw Matt.
“Lieutenant. Come in.” Young gestured toward the couch. “What can I do for you.”
Matt strode toward the couch, then stopped halfway there. He was uncertain how to start his questions. Or even what questions he should be asking. “Well, Sir … um, TJ gave me this book. For you.” He held it out for Young.
The Colonel took the book. He held it out far from his body and tried focusing on the written words. “Sheesh, I can't see much without my glasses.” He went to the desk and put them on. “Ah, that's better.”
Young walked slowly to the couch reading the cover. He looked up at Matt. He was still standing alongside the sofa. “TJ gave you this to give to me?”
“Yes, Sir. She said it'd help both of us come to terms with cock envy.”
“How to cope with the stress of having a really beautiful cock. Really.”
“Well … we all know daily viewings have been a strain on you, Sir. It's a lot of stress, on all of us.” Matt looked down embarrassed. “And on me particularly.”
“I realize Chloe's put you on the 'ouch couch', but I had no idea it had gotten so bad. I'm sorry, Lieutenant.”
“No … no, Sir. It's all right.” Matt moved his hands palm down in a back and forth motion. “You're our commander. You should have the most beautiful cock of all of us. It's only right.”
Young sat on the couch and started flipping through the book. “And TJ wanted me to read this. In order to help you.”
“You just don't realize how bad it is out there, Sir.” Matt started pacing beside the two sofas. As he walked, he kept flinging his long arms about his head and body. “The daily lottery. Waiting to see what number you get. Then if you pull a high number, it's down right unbearable. The waiting, it's very stressful. And thinking about your beautiful cock all day.“ Matt's voice started rising toward hysteria. “All those other people who get to see it before you do. I mean, you almost put Spencer up on charges for jumping ahead of Dr Franklin that one time. It's like that.”
'Calm down, Lieutenant. Take a breath.”
“Yes, Sir.” Matt stopped pacing. He stood up straight and took in a huge breath.
“Let it out slowly.” Young removed his reading glasses to watch the younger man more closely.
Matt released the extra air through his pursed lips. He looked over at Young and nodded. “I'm feeling better now, Sir. Thank you.”
“It's quite all right.” Young gestured toward Matt's crotch. “I see you've got some uppity tension today.”
Matt blushed. “Yes, Sir. It's been a long 'ouch couch' period.”
“I don't mean to embarrass you, Matt, but have you thought about masturbation when you get all uppity?”
'Um … I try, but all my thoughts are of your beautiful cock. And then I see me holding my cock and things just fizzle. Your cock is sooo … gorgeous. And long and thick and looks so smooth and velvety.”
“Hmm. I see you still haven't gotten over your bad case of cock envy.”
Matt hung his head. “No, Sir. That's why TJ sent me to you. She thinks we can work this out together. But if I don't get some nookie real soon … I don't know what I'm gonna do. My reputation is shot now that everyone knows about your beautiful cock.”
“I can talk to Chloe for you but it's her decision.”
“Would you? Aw, that would be great. See, you are a good commander. Thinking about your troops an' all.”
“No promises. This book ...” Young lifted it up.
“Anyway, I thought you might like to read it … you look a little exhausted of late … at least you don't live on the 'ouch couch' ...”
“Thanks, Lieutenant.”
“How about a quick peek?”
“No. It's our day off. TJ viewing privileges only.”
A knock sounded at the open hatch. “And speaking of the devil.” TJ walked in smiling broadly. “It's time for your daily check up, Sir.”
Matt shuffled his feet going nowhere. “Any chance --”
“NO!” shouted Young and TJ together.
TJ had a scolding look and jerked her head toward the hatch. “And close the hatch on your way out.”
Matt took the hint. He walked out the room hitting the hatch release closing the door.
[][][]
“How are you today, Sir,” TJ asked. She came around the couch and sat beside him.
“A little tired. But having the day off has been restful.” Young smiled at TJ. “Seeing you has perked things up a bit.”
“Let's check his vitals, shall we.” TJ took her stethoscope from around her neck and inserted the tips into her ears.
Young unzipped his trousers. He adjusted his seat on the sofa and pulled his boxers down for TJ. “It's not cold is it?” He grasped his growing erection pulling it away from his boxers.
"No. The end has been warmed in one of his favorite spots.” She took the diaphragm from the hollow between her breasts. “I treat all my patients respectful of their wishes.”
Young's smile widened as he followed her hands.
TJ bent down over Young's crotch. “And how are we today, you beautiful boy. Are you happy?” She grasped his shaft. Stroking him gently, she watched his foreskin gliding smooth and easy. With each push backward, his moist glans were reveled. “You're so beautiful,” she sighed.
Unable to resist Young's spectacular cock, TJ pressed a gentle kiss to his glans when it reappeared with her ministrations. She touched her tongue to his tip.
"Yeess,” he groaned. Young loved watching her kiss his cock. It surged in her hand, lengthening in its excitement.
TJ placed the diaphragm against his shaft. She pressed lightly, listening to the sounds of his cock's expansion. Satisfied, she removed her stethoscope, setting it on the table. She sat back and watched as Young took over stimulation of his beautiful cock.
His hand grasped his cock firmly, moving leisurely up and down. His thumb covered his glans at each upward stroke, lingering for a slow circle over the head. The natural lubrication of his cock glistened slick atop his glans, enticing TJ to join in loving his gorgeous cock.
She grasped his hand and moved hers in unison with his along his shaft. TJ opened her mouth, and blew a moist breath across him. His hips rose pushing his tip into her mouth. She sucked hard on the head. She flicked her tongue in and out of the slit atop his glans.
Young threw back his head, groaning deeply at the intense imitation of sex. His breathing grew harsher, his hips more erratic. He felt his climax building sharply the harder TJ suckled him. He tried to hold onto the moment, reveling in the pleasure she gave him.
She gathered a small fold of his foreskin between her teeth, pulling on it gently, letting him feel the tugging pull. Clear liquid dribbled from his slit and she laved her tongue briskly over it. She swallowed his glans and drew in her breath, sucking harder than ever.
Her rough tongue and hot mouth sliding over his head was too much. Young hips jerked upward pushing his cock into her mouth and he emptied down her throat.
TJ swallowed his come and continued to suck him hard until his body relaxed. She was satisfied that his beautiful cock was functioning properly. She lifted her head and smiled. Leaning forward, TJ kissed his exposed neck.
He swallowed hard, still gasping from his release. He lifted his head and smiled at her.
They kissed. Young tasted his salty essence on her lips. He deepened the kiss, gathering her in his arms, hugging her close.
“Thank you, TJ. That's exactly what I needed to relax today.” Young smiled, his eyes bright and lively.
“Anytime. You and your beautiful cock deserve the best.” She rested her head upon his chest and signed contently.
“And that's what you are to me TJ.”