I feel like I am going to ... crack. I really wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow. I really don't know how well I'm going to get through the week. I really want to see Mike
( Read more... )
I'd think that ... I'd like to think that but some how I wonder if it isn't possible to love some one but not be emotionally capable of accepting that they are not in their right minds and not well ... I wonder if it isn't possible.
We are so much alike. Youve written alot of stuff that I relate to completely.
I'm sorry. I'm pretty familiar w/ suffering and I would hate to think you're suffering too. I don't like to see other suffer ... I'd rather just take on all the worlds suffering myself ... I wish that were possible.
I hate seeing others suffer too. I dunno, I hope I didnt offend you, its just that when I read your last post you said he was kinda criticising your body & stuff. He sounds like someone who needs to be smacked. But I dont know everything about you both and its not my business anyway. Hopefully he can accept things and not make things worse for you. Isnt it weird how people like me and you cant seem to stay away from relationships, but yet they always cause us so much pain & bullshit? It sucks.
This is all me:
Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood
Extreme irritability
Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
Distractibility, can't concentrate well
Little sleep needed
Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers
Poor judgment
Spending sprees
A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
Increased sexual drive (I suppose that isnt all that bad, lol)
Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping
( ... )
No you didn't offend me at all. It's hard to do that.
Yeah, mmm you sound bi polar! Sorry but ... yeah, it blows and it blows to be so drawn to these people who just hurt you. In my case I've only dated two guys EVER and I've loved them both intensely but things went bad and mostly because I couldn't control my BPD and they didn't know what to do for me so they just gave up.
At least Mike has lasted this long ... three years next month.
I'm surprised I've lasted this long. 23 years this July.
please reach out to me, music is a very good outlet......
anonymous
January 7 2002, 21:34:28 UTC
this is quite unwelcome im sure, but PLEASE call me, or at least come over with faedra sometime, i have guitars, microphones, a 4 track and some nifty inspiration.... +
lets make LOUD angry destructive music, it cant hurt.... plus. youll be able to release in a healthy way
my phone is: 480-894-8719
or 602-291-3568
bi-polar and unmedicated
anonymous
January 7 2002, 21:43:00 UTC
kim, I have been diagnosed bipolar/manic depressive for almost 8 years now (back when we first used to hang out)
I wish I had something ... destructive in my hands and not in my head ... I'm so ... sick of this life time of sadness ... weeping.
I spent HOURS hating myself because the one person in the world i trusted betrayed me, then I took her back a thousand times. I later realized that this is also a form of self destructive behavior.
I havent had insurance for the last 8 years, therefore, no meds.
creepy. the thing that kept me going?
the knowledge ( no matter how faintly i believed it) that things WILL get better. i fall down all the time. it hurts, but at least it letsz me know im still here.
i weep sometimes for no reason.
sometimes the pain racks my bones.
i know that your suffering, and i know that there is nothing i can do to aleviate it...
except offer a shoulder, if the name similarity wont bother you. you can cry on it, you can bite into it, you can pummel me with punches, whatever, whenever I am here.
mik
I don't know what to say Mike other than I understand. I really honestly do. I mean, I guess for the most part when you're BPAD (bi polar affective disorder ... to create that distinction between borderline personality disorder *wink*) ... if for life .... man I've been talkin' about death and suicide since I was FIVE yrs old. So I mean, this is all no big shock to me
( ... )
you needn't say anythingkimberlyJanuary 8 2002, 09:34:29 UTC
well, thats fine, if you feel uncomfortable talking about this, you can talk about anything, it doesnt matter, sometimes distraction is the best ploy... ithink you misunderstood what i was trying to say, i wasnt seeking any help, or any ... sympathy or affection, just reminding you that your not isolated.
and, should you need to reach out, do so...
and, did i mention i have whole case of tiger's milk bars?
yummy..... why dont you try the music approach, its only melodic screaming and yelling anyway...
Love, hugs and prayers
Mikey
Re: you needn't say anythingkimberlyJanuary 8 2002, 15:56:43 UTC
Ooops, I didn't really say what I meant right. I know you weren't trying to seek out help and that you were trying to relate but ... see, I can't deal w/ that well. I mean, I hate group therapy because all I do is hear about people having similar problems and that depresses me more because I hate to see any one unhappy or suffering. I want to help if I know some one is suffering or unhappy ... I would rather feel isolated and alone ... if I could take on all the pain other people feel, I would. I just ... don't want you to be in the same boat, I want you to be ... sailing calmer seas. You know?
I agree, and it sounds fun ... but this week I just ... I'm so overwhelmed and so hurt and so ... I feel like it's never going to get better. I know it eventually does but then ... can I hold out that long? I don't know.
Just ... well ... I don't know. I'm at a loss for words but I seem to be at a loss a lot these days.
Re: you needn't say anythingkimberlyJanuary 8 2002, 17:47:15 UTC
well, no pressure, whenever you feel comfortable, thats fine, it will be nice to see you when things arent so rushed... take care, and if you need to weep in someone's ear, call me.....
Comments 12
If he really loved you, it wouldnt matter.
We are so much alike. Youve written alot of stuff that I relate to completely.
Reply
I'd think that ... I'd like to think that but some how I wonder if it isn't possible to love some one but not be emotionally capable of accepting that they are not in their right minds and not well ... I wonder if it isn't possible.
We are so much alike. Youve written alot of stuff that I relate to completely.
I'm sorry. I'm pretty familiar w/ suffering and I would hate to think you're suffering too. I don't like to see other suffer ... I'd rather just take on all the worlds suffering myself ... I wish that were possible.
-k
Reply
This is all me:
Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood
Extreme irritability
Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
Distractibility, can't concentrate well
Little sleep needed
Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers
Poor judgment
Spending sprees
A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
Increased sexual drive (I suppose that isnt all that bad, lol)
Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping ( ... )
Reply
Yeah, mmm you sound bi polar! Sorry but ... yeah, it blows and it blows to be so drawn to these people who just hurt you. In my case I've only dated two guys EVER and I've loved them both intensely but things went bad and mostly because I couldn't control my BPD and they didn't know what to do for me so they just gave up.
At least Mike has lasted this long ... three years next month.
I'm surprised I've lasted this long. 23 years this July.
*sigh*
I'm sorry.
-k
Reply
lets make LOUD angry destructive music, it cant hurt.... plus. youll be able to release in a healthy way
my phone is: 480-894-8719
or 602-291-3568
Reply
I wish I had something ... destructive in my hands and not in my head ... I'm so ... sick of this life time of sadness ... weeping.
I spent HOURS hating myself because the one person in the world i trusted betrayed me, then I took her back a thousand times. I later realized that this is also a form of self destructive behavior.
I havent had insurance for the last 8 years, therefore, no meds.
creepy. the thing that kept me going?
the knowledge ( no matter how faintly i believed it) that things WILL get better. i fall down all the time. it hurts, but at least it letsz me know im still here.
i weep sometimes for no reason.
sometimes the pain racks my bones.
i know that your suffering, and i know that there is nothing i can do to aleviate it...
except offer a shoulder, if the name similarity wont bother you. you can cry on it, you can bite into it, you can pummel me with punches, whatever, whenever I am here.
mik
Reply
Reply
and, should you need to reach out, do so...
and, did i mention i have whole case of tiger's milk bars?
yummy..... why dont you try the music approach, its only melodic screaming and yelling anyway...
Love, hugs and prayers
Mikey
Reply
I agree, and it sounds fun ... but this week I just ... I'm so overwhelmed and so hurt and so ... I feel like it's never going to get better. I know it eventually does but then ... can I hold out that long? I don't know.
Just ... well ... I don't know. I'm at a loss for words but I seem to be at a loss a lot these days.
love - k
Reply
love
MIKEYMIKE
Reply
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