so life is beating the shit out of me. its like were in this constant battle, this neverending fight... but sometimes life hits below the belt and it fucking hurts, but theres no ref to call life out on its foul play ( Read more... )

i had a good hard cry last night in bed before i fell asleep. I don't know what came over me. every sad thought and image entered my head at once and overwhelmed me and all i could do to clear it out was cry. and it felt good. i havent cried in months...even when i feel like i need to, or want to, tears never come ( Read more... )

man..i'm tired of feeling so alone in the world. I know its the same old bullshit, but the feelings just don't go away. Like no one 'gets me', and no one ever will. but i think i've learned to be okay with that, because i'd usually rather be by myself anyway ( Read more... )

last cigarette: just put one out in a can in my room...i am getting better ( Read more... )

i fell asleep last night (this morning) to hard rain hitting against my window and wind screamin through the trees. As much as i dislike the rain during the day i love falling asleep listening to it at night. but unfortunately, along with the rain comes me being locked up inside the house even more, just when i was starting to get active again. ( Read more... )

so it is 11:00 on a saturday night and where am i ( Read more... )

oh, and thank you, nate. for listening to be complain everyday and wallowing in dispair with me. misery does love company. thank you.

it was bound to happen sooner or later, honestly i'm suprised it took this long for us to run into each other. how do i feel when i see you? fuck if i know. but the tension is so strong and obvious. i'm sure everyone at gilman had a hard time breathing with how thick the air was between us ( Read more... )

goddamn i feel good today.

so i think i've reached the lowest of the lows. really. i can't imagine feeling worse than i do now, or than i have for the past week or so. i just feel more and more hopeless and depressed each day, and the way i've been dealing with it obviously is the total opposite of what i should be doing. i havent been sleeping until 9 or 10 am, and then ( Read more... )