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BOY OH BOY a fanfic about SUICIDE.
How could you possibly write that and not make it work?!?! WE TOTALLY KNOW LEON IS SUICIDAL. TOTALLY.
Warning: Meant mostly to be humorous in my sleep-deprived commentary. IS VERY LONG. WOO. But yeah; I'm also being a total bitch here.
First off, this fic? Is one of those song fics. I don't like song fics, because it's always applied to angst or romance and if I never heard the song it just looks awkwardly placed in there with bad lyrics. But anyway. That's just an opinion and I'll refrain from posting the lyrics. The fic itself, of course, sucks.
Leon walked through the cold, empty park. It was winter, and all the trees were devoid of leaves. The cold ripped through his long brown hair. Ignoring it, Leon entered his apartment. All around the apartment were suicidal posters and pictures. And yet, when people came over, they still didn’t hear his silent pleas.
Apartment? Wait, are we in Radiant Garden? Is this an AU fic? Dude, you gotta specify. Furthermore, what the fuck do suicidal posters and pictures even LOOK like? Zombies? A poster that says "Remember, down the sidewalk not across the street"? Be specific. Maybe Leon should stay outside. The winter atmosphere is kickass and Shiva is totally in love with Squalleon.
Leon sat down at his kitchen table, picked up a piece of notebook paper and a pen, and began to write his suicide note.
If, IF Leon was going to kill himself, I assure you, he wouldn't draw it out stupidly like this. If he was soooo depressed, he'd get it over with. Real fast. No notes; notes are for Xehanort to write his observations on about DARKNESS!!1!
How could they not see? The people who called themselves his friends. He didn’t have friends. How come they couldn’t see how far away he was getting? How come they couldn’t see the dark path he was heading down? Why didn’t they see that he was locked inside his own head, slowly going insane?
I don't know. Why don't you tell us why Leon's friends suck so much, instead of... this crap?
Leon paused in his writing and got up. He took out a container of pills, a bottle of wine, and a wine glass. He sat back down, with those items in front of him, and started writing again. Why were they deaf to his cries?
What kinds of pills? Tylenol? Crikey, that'd be hilarious. I mean, sure, it'd be bad for you if you swallowd a handful of Tylenol, but jeezum, at least specify what kind of pills Leon is going to use to put himself out of misery. NOT THAT HE WOULD. HYPOTHETIC HERE. By the way, they're probably deaf because the song you used for this songfic blows. No wonder I can't hear the music.
Had they noticed how far away he had become? Leon had been close to suicide many times before, but he couldn’t take life anymore. Leon walked to his laptop, and quickly scrawled an e-mail and sent it to the person he felt closest to, Cloud, before returning to the table. Tears began to stream down Leon’s face.
What? WHEN was Leon like this? WHY? Why can't he take life anymore? Dude, he's cheerful in KH2. DID WE PLAY THE SAME GAME OR NOT? Why is he e-mailing Cloud if he's writing a note anyway? Are they gay for each other? Would this explain why Leon is suddenly an emoboy?
Nobody heard. Nobody heard the overwhelming screaming inside of Leon.
Leon should probably cut down on eating small children.
Leon was scared. So scared as he began to down the pills with the wine, one by one. Why was he doing this? He couldn’t stop. He was drowning in pain, and fear. He didn’t want to do this, but he was. He didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to die. But he did. The psychological wounds that would not heal had slowly been killing him. He was just finishing the job. Leon glanced up at a picture of the people who called themselves his friends. Would they miss him?
I just... what. I can't touch this without suddenly bursting into flames and screaming in agony quite suddenly.
Leon finished the bottle of pills, and the bottle of wine. His eyelids grew heavy as the drug began to take hold, and he began to die. His head dropped onto the table, and his last thought was, Why didn’t they notice and help me?
All Leon wanted to do was save the puppies. :(
Cloud swiftly read the message Leon had written him, then, horror spreading across his face; he jumped up out of his seat and ran out his door, calling 9-1-1 on his cell phone. As soon as he reported this, he hung up on the lady trying to calm him down, and swiftly called all his friends. They got to Leon’s apartment at the same time as Cloud. Cloud tried to open the door, but it was locked. He kicked it open and ran in, trying to find his best friend.
Swiftly, I read this paragraph, and swiftly, I wonder how swiftly Cloud got there.
Swiftly.
Also, which friends? Leon's got. Like. Millions. And that ain't including them puppies. Is Merlin there? Oh dude. Please let Merlin be there and WAKE ME UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE.
Leon was sitting in a chair, head, arms, and upper body lying on the table.
“No…” whispered Cloud, then he ran to him. Behind him, their friends had already started to cry. Tears flowed from Cloud’s eyes as he shook his friend. “Leon!” He checked his pulse. It was still there, faintly, but it was fading. They heard the paramedics run up the stairs.
“You came…” Cloud heard Leon breathe, and then Leon totally lost consciousness. Cloud clenched his fist.
Which friends? Is Cid crying? No, he'd quite possibly tell Leon he's a goddamn idiot, that's what. Well, he might tear up -- after yelling at Leon some more. Yuffie would probably do a combo of screaming and crying. Why is Cloud the only one reacting when he's totally busy about Sephiroth and shit? He doesn't even give a damn about his own world, just his DARKNESS!!!1! SUBMIT
“Of course I came, you idiot. I’m your best friend.” Cloud then saw the sheet of paper in front of him. He looked at it and read the note. Just then, the paramedics rushed in, and, after proclaiming Leon alive, got him out of his apartment and to the hospital, everyone following. Cloud, as Leon’s best friend, got to ride in the ambulance. The entire time, Cloud had the suicide note clutched in one hand, and Leon’s hand clutched in the other.
If anyone was Leon's best friend, it'd be Yuffie or Aerith. Seriously, he's about the chicks. Leon likes a lot of people and puppies, but he spends most of his time with Yuffie and Aerith. He partners with Cloud as far as fighting goes usually because he doesn't particularly suck and can put up with Cloud's bitching. It's not the other way around. This ain't no FF8-Squall we're dealing with. This is grown up, "I can smile if you don't suck" Leon, who kicks butt, takes names, scowls, and leads Radiant Garden to reconstruction. Cloud doesn't lead, Leon does. Leon is a tough noogie. Not a wimp who's gonna swallow a bunch of Tylenol to die. And wine to go with it, apparently.
Honestly, Leon probably likes beer better.
When they got to the hospital, Leon had his stomach pumped, and various other things done to people when they overdose. Nobody was allowed in his room. Cloud paced anxiously the entire time. Finally, a nurse came out, and gestured to Cloud. “He wants to see you.” Cloud ran into his friend’s room. Leon was in bed, alive, breathing, and awake.
"Various other things"? Can't you at least research what the hell they do? VARIOUS. OTHER. THINGS. Wow. I am blown away by your description.
Can we go back outside to that winter setting? That was the strongest point of this fic.
Cloud ran to him, grabbed his hand in both of his, then collapsed by the bed, sobbing. Leon began to cry too.
ARE THEY GAY OR NOT? I kid, mostly. The fact that they're shown as friends here is kind of kickass, but the fic is still pretty suck.
“Why… Leon… I couldn’t stand it if you died!”
“I… it was too painful Cloud. I couldn’t go on.”
“You should have talked to me!”
I know. I… I didn’t think you would come.”
“Idiot. You’re my best friend. No… you’re my brother. And brothers always come for each other.” Cloud looked up, and they both grinned.
This is kind of what I haven't been saying, but been thinking. If Leon was having such issues and these people didn't notice POSTERS and PICTURES of suicide, I'm sure Leon would take the initiative to say to someone "I want to kill myself, please fucking do something about it because I obviously can't deal with shit." Only, probably more professionally, because Leon is far more professional than my cussing ass.
Everybody else rushed in, and they all began to talk at the same time, Leon assuring them he was fine. Cloud sat in a corner by himself, and took the suicide note out again.
This is my suicide note. This life hurts too badly for me to continue living it. Why didn’t you guys see how warped I was? Why didn’t you notice me going down this path? Did you not care? Why didn’t you hear my screams? Why couldn’t you see my pain? Why didn’t you notice? Why didn’t you care? This is the end for me. Will you miss me? Will you notice I’m even gone?
Cloud then noticed something scrawled at the bottom of the note. The handwriting was much different than Leon’s perfect writing. Cloud looked closer and saw that it was Leon’s, but the drugs had already taken hold when he wrote it.
Please save me.
WHO IS EVERYBODY ELSE? The entire cast of Disney Castle?! Toon Town? The Ghostbusters?! WHO! Tell me!
And yes. That's the end of the fic. Whatthefucking-EVER.
How could you possibly write that and not make it work?!?! WE TOTALLY KNOW LEON IS SUICIDAL. TOTALLY.
Warning: Meant mostly to be humorous in my sleep-deprived commentary. IS VERY LONG. WOO. But yeah; I'm also being a total bitch here.
First off, this fic? Is one of those song fics. I don't like song fics, because it's always applied to angst or romance and if I never heard the song it just looks awkwardly placed in there with bad lyrics. But anyway. That's just an opinion and I'll refrain from posting the lyrics. The fic itself, of course, sucks.
Leon walked through the cold, empty park. It was winter, and all the trees were devoid of leaves. The cold ripped through his long brown hair. Ignoring it, Leon entered his apartment. All around the apartment were suicidal posters and pictures. And yet, when people came over, they still didn’t hear his silent pleas.
Apartment? Wait, are we in Radiant Garden? Is this an AU fic? Dude, you gotta specify. Furthermore, what the fuck do suicidal posters and pictures even LOOK like? Zombies? A poster that says "Remember, down the sidewalk not across the street"? Be specific. Maybe Leon should stay outside. The winter atmosphere is kickass and Shiva is totally in love with Squalleon.
Leon sat down at his kitchen table, picked up a piece of notebook paper and a pen, and began to write his suicide note.
If, IF Leon was going to kill himself, I assure you, he wouldn't draw it out stupidly like this. If he was soooo depressed, he'd get it over with. Real fast. No notes; notes are for Xehanort to write his observations on about DARKNESS!!1!
How could they not see? The people who called themselves his friends. He didn’t have friends. How come they couldn’t see how far away he was getting? How come they couldn’t see the dark path he was heading down? Why didn’t they see that he was locked inside his own head, slowly going insane?
I don't know. Why don't you tell us why Leon's friends suck so much, instead of... this crap?
Leon paused in his writing and got up. He took out a container of pills, a bottle of wine, and a wine glass. He sat back down, with those items in front of him, and started writing again. Why were they deaf to his cries?
What kinds of pills? Tylenol? Crikey, that'd be hilarious. I mean, sure, it'd be bad for you if you swallowd a handful of Tylenol, but jeezum, at least specify what kind of pills Leon is going to use to put himself out of misery. NOT THAT HE WOULD. HYPOTHETIC HERE. By the way, they're probably deaf because the song you used for this songfic blows. No wonder I can't hear the music.
Had they noticed how far away he had become? Leon had been close to suicide many times before, but he couldn’t take life anymore. Leon walked to his laptop, and quickly scrawled an e-mail and sent it to the person he felt closest to, Cloud, before returning to the table. Tears began to stream down Leon’s face.
What? WHEN was Leon like this? WHY? Why can't he take life anymore? Dude, he's cheerful in KH2. DID WE PLAY THE SAME GAME OR NOT? Why is he e-mailing Cloud if he's writing a note anyway? Are they gay for each other? Would this explain why Leon is suddenly an emoboy?
Nobody heard. Nobody heard the overwhelming screaming inside of Leon.
Leon should probably cut down on eating small children.
Leon was scared. So scared as he began to down the pills with the wine, one by one. Why was he doing this? He couldn’t stop. He was drowning in pain, and fear. He didn’t want to do this, but he was. He didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to die. But he did. The psychological wounds that would not heal had slowly been killing him. He was just finishing the job. Leon glanced up at a picture of the people who called themselves his friends. Would they miss him?
I just... what. I can't touch this without suddenly bursting into flames and screaming in agony quite suddenly.
Leon finished the bottle of pills, and the bottle of wine. His eyelids grew heavy as the drug began to take hold, and he began to die. His head dropped onto the table, and his last thought was, Why didn’t they notice and help me?
All Leon wanted to do was save the puppies. :(
Cloud swiftly read the message Leon had written him, then, horror spreading across his face; he jumped up out of his seat and ran out his door, calling 9-1-1 on his cell phone. As soon as he reported this, he hung up on the lady trying to calm him down, and swiftly called all his friends. They got to Leon’s apartment at the same time as Cloud. Cloud tried to open the door, but it was locked. He kicked it open and ran in, trying to find his best friend.
Swiftly, I read this paragraph, and swiftly, I wonder how swiftly Cloud got there.
Swiftly.
Also, which friends? Leon's got. Like. Millions. And that ain't including them puppies. Is Merlin there? Oh dude. Please let Merlin be there and WAKE ME UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE.
Leon was sitting in a chair, head, arms, and upper body lying on the table.
“No…” whispered Cloud, then he ran to him. Behind him, their friends had already started to cry. Tears flowed from Cloud’s eyes as he shook his friend. “Leon!” He checked his pulse. It was still there, faintly, but it was fading. They heard the paramedics run up the stairs.
“You came…” Cloud heard Leon breathe, and then Leon totally lost consciousness. Cloud clenched his fist.
Which friends? Is Cid crying? No, he'd quite possibly tell Leon he's a goddamn idiot, that's what. Well, he might tear up -- after yelling at Leon some more. Yuffie would probably do a combo of screaming and crying. Why is Cloud the only one reacting when he's totally busy about Sephiroth and shit? He doesn't even give a damn about his own world, just his DARKNESS!!!1! SUBMIT
“Of course I came, you idiot. I’m your best friend.” Cloud then saw the sheet of paper in front of him. He looked at it and read the note. Just then, the paramedics rushed in, and, after proclaiming Leon alive, got him out of his apartment and to the hospital, everyone following. Cloud, as Leon’s best friend, got to ride in the ambulance. The entire time, Cloud had the suicide note clutched in one hand, and Leon’s hand clutched in the other.
If anyone was Leon's best friend, it'd be Yuffie or Aerith. Seriously, he's about the chicks. Leon likes a lot of people and puppies, but he spends most of his time with Yuffie and Aerith. He partners with Cloud as far as fighting goes usually because he doesn't particularly suck and can put up with Cloud's bitching. It's not the other way around. This ain't no FF8-Squall we're dealing with. This is grown up, "I can smile if you don't suck" Leon, who kicks butt, takes names, scowls, and leads Radiant Garden to reconstruction. Cloud doesn't lead, Leon does. Leon is a tough noogie. Not a wimp who's gonna swallow a bunch of Tylenol to die. And wine to go with it, apparently.
Honestly, Leon probably likes beer better.
When they got to the hospital, Leon had his stomach pumped, and various other things done to people when they overdose. Nobody was allowed in his room. Cloud paced anxiously the entire time. Finally, a nurse came out, and gestured to Cloud. “He wants to see you.” Cloud ran into his friend’s room. Leon was in bed, alive, breathing, and awake.
"Various other things"? Can't you at least research what the hell they do? VARIOUS. OTHER. THINGS. Wow. I am blown away by your description.
Can we go back outside to that winter setting? That was the strongest point of this fic.
Cloud ran to him, grabbed his hand in both of his, then collapsed by the bed, sobbing. Leon began to cry too.
ARE THEY GAY OR NOT? I kid, mostly. The fact that they're shown as friends here is kind of kickass, but the fic is still pretty suck.
“Why… Leon… I couldn’t stand it if you died!”
“I… it was too painful Cloud. I couldn’t go on.”
“You should have talked to me!”
I know. I… I didn’t think you would come.”
“Idiot. You’re my best friend. No… you’re my brother. And brothers always come for each other.” Cloud looked up, and they both grinned.
This is kind of what I haven't been saying, but been thinking. If Leon was having such issues and these people didn't notice POSTERS and PICTURES of suicide, I'm sure Leon would take the initiative to say to someone "I want to kill myself, please fucking do something about it because I obviously can't deal with shit." Only, probably more professionally, because Leon is far more professional than my cussing ass.
Everybody else rushed in, and they all began to talk at the same time, Leon assuring them he was fine. Cloud sat in a corner by himself, and took the suicide note out again.
This is my suicide note. This life hurts too badly for me to continue living it. Why didn’t you guys see how warped I was? Why didn’t you notice me going down this path? Did you not care? Why didn’t you hear my screams? Why couldn’t you see my pain? Why didn’t you notice? Why didn’t you care? This is the end for me. Will you miss me? Will you notice I’m even gone?
Cloud then noticed something scrawled at the bottom of the note. The handwriting was much different than Leon’s perfect writing. Cloud looked closer and saw that it was Leon’s, but the drugs had already taken hold when he wrote it.
Please save me.
WHO IS EVERYBODY ELSE? The entire cast of Disney Castle?! Toon Town? The Ghostbusters?! WHO! Tell me!
And yes. That's the end of the fic. Whatthefucking-EVER.