You have a purpose! Maybe you're not aware of it yet, but you do! This world just wouldn't be the same without you!
You're my friend, Roxas, and whatever happened to you back then, whoever it was that left... I want you to remember that you have people here who care about you, so don't you dare even think about dancing with the idea of suicide!
I couldn't bear it... and I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have read this, but I... I had to reach out to you... just to let you know I'm here and I'm hoping one day I'll be one reason for you to not disappear...
Re: [Private]keybladezorzApril 20 2009, 19:27:45 UTC
You ... How can you read this? I thought I set it to private ...
Naminé ... I don't know. These thoughts aren't .. it isn't something that's new. It happens sometimes. Sometimes I just don't want this anymore.
I can't ... I can't even think straight. I guess something is wrong with me. Why else would my father leave? I mean, I used to be normal. But now I'm ... defected.
It seems like it would be easy. To .. disappear. But I don't think I'm brave enough...
I was there, not too long ago. I'm defective. I'm broken. I'm damaged goods. There was a time, before you and before Vaan and before my sister, that I wanted to die too. Because everything that had happened haunted me in my nightmares and I felt like I had no rest... nowhere I could go to hide... but I have friends now, good friends who care and who would miss me if I disappeared, and you do too.
Your father leaving wasn't your fault, Roxas. I honestly can't believe that his walking out on you was your fault. Parents... they fall out of love with one another sometimes. I don't think his departure was due to any fault in who you are, Roxas. You're great just as you are, and it's his loss to have not stayed for you.
I'd miss you if you disappeared... so, no matter how easy it may seem, please don't...
Re: [Private]keybladezorzApril 20 2009, 19:46:38 UTC
So then ... how do you fix yourself? What am I supposed to do? Maybe it wasn't my fault that he left. Maybe he just ... I don't know. Maybe something happened that doesn't concern me. But then, what about what happened after that?
Naminé, I wasn't always like this. This weird ... antisocial thing that I have. The way that I don't like talking to people, or getting close... Even now, it feels weird. Or wrong. Like I need to stop before something happens. I wasn't like this before. I made myself like this, and that's my fault.
Roxas don't think like that. The child always blames themself for the behavior of their parent(s), believe me I have. But in the end, it's not your fault.
I wish I knew what it was like to miss a father. Though it's got to be a little better than spending your life running from one instead.
I've wondered too. Thought it was a miracle I was alive. Who cares what your parents do and don't care about? You're alive you've got to find your own spot in the sun.
Re: [private]keybladezorzApril 20 2009, 19:30:02 UTC
Well, apparently I fail at hiding things.
I just ... It is my fault. In some way, it has to be. Even if somehow him leaving isn't, it's my fault that I'm like this. That I changed. That I'm not ... not who I used to be.
...no. Roxas, goddammit, don't you DARE start thinking like that. Whatever messed up your parents' heads, it wasn't you, there's no way you could cause anyone to up and leave like that.
You wanna know why you're alive, Roxas? It's because there's people out there who need you still. People who need true friends and someone to help them feel like they're not an outcast.
Your family would miss you, even if they don't act like it, they'd be more deeply hurt if you were gone than you could imagine. People here, at the University, would miss you. Naminé would miss you... the girl is finally finding people who she can really talk to, and guess what, bud, you're one of them.
And... I'd miss you. I refuse to let another person I care about disappear. If I have to get someone to brainwash those thoughts away, dammit, I'd do it. You scare the people who love you when you talk like that. And you might not think anyone does love you, but you'd be wrong
( ... )
Re: [private]keybladezorzApril 20 2009, 23:15:29 UTC
Don't worry. Naminé talked a lot of sense into me ... I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that. I was just ... I don't know, Vaan. I'm used to being unsteady. I've been unsteady for a long time, and having friends is something ... something that I went without for too long.
I realize now that I'm lucky to have them. Specifically, I'm lucky to have people like you and Naminé. I'm not going anywhere. I just ... need some help, and I ask that you guys are patient with me while I try to work this thing out.
Re: [private]sandinthecityApril 20 2009, 23:20:59 UTC
Yeah... sorry, just, I guess the words 'leave,' 'gone,' and 'suicide' tend to work me into an aggressive frenzy. Well, we won't push our friendship on you, don't worry. It's something we can ease into.
Patience is something that I, believe it or not, can have loads of. If it's helpful to you, I can wait for the rest of my life.
Yeah, Naminé's... she's an incredible girl. We're lucky we met her.
Re: [private]keybladezorzApril 21 2009, 13:09:03 UTC
No, it's okay. I'm not blaming you. If anything, it's my fault for letting it get the best of me... I wasn't thinking.
Hopefully I won't take that long to figure things out ... Xigbar's going to give me the name of a professional who I think I'm going to start going to. Whatever can help, you know?
That's something I definitely agree with. But, I ... you know, I'm lucky that I met you, too.
Comments 20
You have a purpose! Maybe you're not aware of it yet, but you do! This world just wouldn't be the same without you!
You're my friend, Roxas, and whatever happened to you back then, whoever it was that left... I want you to remember that you have people here who care about you, so don't you dare even think about dancing with the idea of suicide!
I couldn't bear it... and I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have read this, but I... I had to reach out to you... just to let you know I'm here and I'm hoping one day I'll be one reason for you to not disappear...
I'd miss you...
Reply
Naminé ... I don't know. These thoughts aren't .. it isn't something that's new. It happens sometimes. Sometimes I just don't want this anymore.
I can't ... I can't even think straight. I guess something is wrong with me. Why else would my father leave? I mean, I used to be normal. But now I'm ... defected.
It seems like it would be easy. To .. disappear. But I don't think I'm brave enough...
Reply
I was there, not too long ago. I'm defective. I'm broken. I'm damaged goods. There was a time, before you and before Vaan and before my sister, that I wanted to die too. Because everything that had happened haunted me in my nightmares and I felt like I had no rest... nowhere I could go to hide... but I have friends now, good friends who care and who would miss me if I disappeared, and you do too.
Your father leaving wasn't your fault, Roxas. I honestly can't believe that his walking out on you was your fault. Parents... they fall out of love with one another sometimes. I don't think his departure was due to any fault in who you are, Roxas. You're great just as you are, and it's his loss to have not stayed for you.
I'd miss you if you disappeared... so, no matter how easy it may seem, please don't...
Reply
Naminé, I wasn't always like this. This weird ... antisocial thing that I have. The way that I don't like talking to people, or getting close... Even now, it feels weird. Or wrong. Like I need to stop before something happens. I wasn't like this before. I made myself like this, and that's my fault.
I just don't know how to fix it.
Reply
I wish I knew what it was like to miss a father. Though it's got to be a little better than spending your life running from one instead.
I've wondered too. Thought it was a miracle I was alive. Who cares what your parents do and don't care about? You're alive you've got to find your own spot in the sun.
Reply
I just ... It is my fault. In some way, it has to be. Even if somehow him leaving isn't, it's my fault that I'm like this. That I changed. That I'm not ... not who I used to be.
I need to fix myself. But, I don't know how...
Reply
People change Roxas. It's natural. Just like my grandmother says: You just need to break in your new clothes.
Reply
Reply
You wanna know why you're alive, Roxas? It's because there's people out there who need you still. People who need true friends and someone to help them feel like they're not an outcast.
Your family would miss you, even if they don't act like it, they'd be more deeply hurt if you were gone than you could imagine. People here, at the University, would miss you. Naminé would miss you... the girl is finally finding people who she can really talk to, and guess what, bud, you're one of them.
And... I'd miss you. I refuse to let another person I care about disappear. If I have to get someone to brainwash those thoughts away, dammit, I'd do it. You scare the people who love you when you talk like that. And you might not think anyone does love you, but you'd be wrong ( ... )
Reply
I realize now that I'm lucky to have them. Specifically, I'm lucky to have people like you and Naminé. I'm not going anywhere. I just ... need some help, and I ask that you guys are patient with me while I try to work this thing out.
Reply
Patience is something that I, believe it or not, can have loads of. If it's helpful to you, I can wait for the rest of my life.
Yeah, Naminé's... she's an incredible girl. We're lucky we met her.
Reply
Hopefully I won't take that long to figure things out ... Xigbar's going to give me the name of a professional who I think I'm going to start going to. Whatever can help, you know?
That's something I definitely agree with. But, I ... you know, I'm lucky that I met you, too.
Reply
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