rant number one.
[ private, but easily hackable since roxyface is technologically challenged. xD ]
Well, here it is again. That day. I guess it’s stupid of me to try and ignore it, because it always ends up hitting me at the most random times. It’s not like I can get away from it, anyway. It’s just ... something that’s not really easy to talk about. It’s stupid, and I know that nobody’s reading this, but maybe it’ll be nice to get it out. Maybe I’ll read it later and realize how much of an idiot I am.
I mean, he left. He did, and there’s nothing I can do about it. But I can’t help but wonder why. Was it my fault? Was I really that awful? Was I such a horrible son that he couldn’t stand to stick around any longer? Or maybe it was something else ... maybe they were hiding something from me. I’m sure that my mom could hide something from me. It’s not like I ever talk to her anyways. I guess I can’t really remember the last time I’ve spoken to any of my family.
I miss them. I miss him. I miss the way my life used to be, you know? And I think ... I think something inside me changed. Because I wasn’t always like this. I used to be able to smile, to laugh, to be a good friend to someone. Back then, back when we were all together, when we used to eat ice cream and do whatever sounded fun at the time ... things were fine. Things were good. Life was good.
Sometimes, I scare myself. Sometimes, I wonder why I’m even alive anymore. Maybe it would be better if I wasn’t, you know? Maybe it would be better for everyone if I was dead.
No one would miss me. He wouldn’t. He doesn’t. And there’s no way she would even notice.