Fault Lines (17/36)
Fault Lines
Chapter 17/36
Authors: Faith kennedysbitch & Kye
Pairing: Callie/Arizona, Mark/Lexie
Rating: NC-17
Beta’d by roughian
Story Summary: Sequel to Choices. Callie and Arizona make the decision to move forward with their lives, but when a gradual series of events begin to snowball, Arizona tries desperately not to lose her grip on reality.
Chapter Summary: Callie tries to deal with Arizona leaving and Arizona flashes back to one of the worst times in her life. Mark tries to take care of an emotionally fragile best friend and a physically fragile fiancée.
Disclaimer
Previous Chapters
Wonderful roughian is still oh-so-wonderful. All leftover mistakes can now be blamed on her. *ahem*
---
“Ow,” Lexie whined, grimacing as she slowly eased herself down onto the edge of the bed. A heavy black sling was strapped around her shoulder and chest, immobilizing her right arm.
“I know,” Mark said in a gentle voice, kneeling in front of his fiancée. His fingers started to work on her shoes, untying the laces before carefully slipping her feet out.
Lexie sat in an exhausted silence as Mark removed her footwear and socks. She stood when he asked her to, glancing down as he pulled off her scrub pants and helped her step out of them. She used her good hand for support against his shoulder and held on tightly, bunching the material of his shirt into a tight fist.
Mark’s heart ached with each and every little wince or groan she made, knowing how much pain she was in. She’d refused to take anything other than some over-the-counter Tylenol that barely served to dull it.
Lexie was beginning to regret that decision, but she wasn’t about to put their baby at risk by using stronger pain killers. He came first.
He, as in their son. Their little boy.
Despite her discomfort, Lexie found herself smiling as Mark eased her back down onto the edge of the bed, letting her sit while he moved to the dresser to grab some pajamas. “Hard to believe, huh? I get attacked by a patient and dislocate my lead surgical arm, only to find out we’re gonna have a mini-you running around in four months.”
Mark broke out into a smile of his own as he turned back toward the brunette, holding a pair of her pajama pants and one of his button-up shirts. The idea of having a son - his son - one that no one could take away from him this time, made him happier than he could ever remember being.
Addison had terminated, Sloane left and never came back, and another family was raising his grandson.
This was his chance to make up for all of his past mistakes.
“He’s gonna be amazing,” Mark replied earnestly as he knelt down in front of Lexie again, “and we’re gonna be such good parents to him.”
“We are,” Lexie agreed with a warm smile, reaching out to stroke her fingers along his thin, neatly trimmed beard. “Even though neither of us have a clue what we’re doing and Arizona will have to babysit us for a few weeks until we figure it out.”
“She’ll have her hands full, all right,” Mark agreed with a lighthearted chuckle, running a hand gently over Lexie’s baby bump. “But we’ll get the hang of it eventually.”
Nodding, Lexie closed her eyes and fought the urge to grimace again as her head throbbed. “Derek said I can sleep, right? It’s only a mild concussion and I really need to sleep.”
“You can sleep,” Mark confirmed. “Let me get you dressed.”
He helped her into the pajama pants, then fluffed out the shirt he’d grabbed. “This will be easier to get you in and out of right now instead of something that pulls over your head.”
Lexie nodded and prepared herself for the world of hurt she knew she was about to experience.
To his credit, Mark was as gentle and caring with her as he’d ever been. He removed the sling, directing her to hold her arm correctly while he eased the scrub shirt off of her torso. Then he helped her pull on the clean material, quickly doing up the buttons before helping her back into the sling.
It took almost ten minutes to achieve but eventually she was pajama-clad and even more worn out than before. Mark’s shirt was huge on her but she’d always liked wearing his stuff when they were at home. It smelled like him and she liked that. It also gave her room to move around and be somewhat comfortable, given the current situation.
Mark finished doing up Lexie’s arm sling and checked it three times before sitting back on his heels. “There,” he said with a relieved sigh. “All set.”
“Almost,” Lexie replied, a bit of a mischievous glint forming in her eye.
“What did I miss?” Mark asked, rubbing his hands along her thighs.
“Your shirt,” Lexie added.
Mark looked down at himself and frowned. “Is there a stain or something?”
“Take it off.”
He glanced back up at the brunette and cocked an eyebrow. “Come again?”
“If I have to be in pain and uncomfortable and cranky for the next six weeks in a sling, then the least you can do is take your shirt off and let me enjoy the view,” Lexie pointed out.
Mark waited to see if she was kidding or not, but her hard stare said otherwise. “So, you want me to...?”
“Take it off, Sloan.”
Laughing, Mark shook his head. “Okay then.” He reached down and peeled off the t-shirt he was wearing, dumping it to the side. “Better?”
Lexie released a happy sigh, a lazy smile spreading across her lips. “Much.”
That was one form of pain medication she could never overdose on. He was awfully nice to look at.
Shaking his head, Mark pushed back up to his feet and extended a hand. “Want me to help you brush your teeth and get washed up?”
“You saying I have stinky breath?” Lexie teased, accepting it with her uninjured one and allowing him to hoist her to her feet. “Because I’m not-”
Her shoulder gave a harsh throb and she seized up, nearly biting her tongue off in an attempt not to cry out.
“Easy, easy,” Mark soothed, running a hand along the small of her back. “Take it easy, Lex. Nice and slow.”
Exhaling a hard breath of defeat, Lexie swallowed back and nodded silently. She started to shuffle towards the bathroom, leaning into Mark for support as she went.
Yep, this day officially sucked, and she officially had the worst luck out of anyone she ever met.
Thankfully, the hot, shirtless and caring boyfriend by her side made up for at least half of her misery.
***
Mark jolted awake before his alarm early the next morning. Sunlight was just starting to spill in through the curtains and illuminated the far side of the bed.
For a moment, he focused on the warm body dozing next to him. Lexie was asleep on her back, propped up with a mountain of pillows to try and keep her arm elevated and comfortable. She looked worn out and strained and he knew she’d had a rough night.
He was just about to roll over and try to catch some last-minute shut-eye when another knock sounded at the front door. Figuring that was what woke him in the first place, he rolled out from under the sheets and stumbled for the bedroom door, hoping to get there before Lexie woke up.
Shuffling through the living room, Sloan arrived at the front of the apartment and yanked open the door, blinking sleepily at whoever stood on the other side.
Callie stared back at Mark, taking in his shirtless form and messy, disastrous hair. He resembled a grizzly bear pulled from hibernation and didn’t look like he was fully conscious yet.
“I woke you up,” she stated more than asked.
Mark shook his head, looking rather weary. “S’okay, I was about to-”
He stopped to take in Callie’s watery, vulnerable eyes and noticed she was shaking. “Torres? What’s wrong?” Holding the door open wider, he leaned in and frowned with concern.
“Um,” Callie swallowed back thickly and inhaled a shaky breath, trying to keep it together. “Arizona left me. I-I waited to see if she’d come back but she didn’t, and now I’m not - I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“She left you?” The surprise was evident in Mark’s voice and he suddenly found himself wide awake. “As in left-you, left you?”
“No,” Callie added with a quick shake of her head, though it was followed by a soft huff. “Maybe. I don’t know; s-she said she needed some time and that she couldn’t do that here so she packed a bag and she just...she left me, Mark.”
Callie sounded stunned, completely flabbergasted at the mere idea of such a thing. “She left me,” she repeated in a disbelieving whisper, brown eyes lifting to meet blue.
Mark stepped forward as Callie released her first heartbroken sob, engulfing her in his strong arms and squeezing her tightly. “Shh, Torres, it’s okay,” he murmured into the top of her head, closing his eyes as he felt her begin to cry into his chest.
Despite his past issues with Robbins, he had always believed she was honorable and cared more about Callie than anyone else. He didn’t think she’d up and leave for good, but that didn’t mean something wasn’t seriously wrong with this picture.
Whatever the reason, he was not above hunting her down and kicking her ass clear into outer space if that’s what needed to happen.
Nobody hurt his person.
***
The Archfield was a beautiful four-star hotel with comfortable beds and newly renovated bathrooms that were larger than her college dorm room. It had served as Arizona’s home for the first month she’d been in Seattle, up until she’d found her old apartment.
But all of the fluffy towels, jacuzzi bathtubs and king-sized beds in the world couldn’t possibly make her feel any better about what she’d done.
Arizona sat on the corner of her new bed, duffel bag discarded and forgotten about by her feet. Her purse sat crumpled in her lap and she still wore her long jacket and shoes.
She barely moved, staring absently at the far wall with dull, lifeless eyes, her breath coming in short and shallow gasps through barely parted lips. She’d spent the entire drive here coherent enough to not crash herself into a pole, but just barely. Something in her mind had shut down in the last twelve hours. She couldn’t think, couldn’t feel, couldn’t anything.
Memories flashed through her head, broken bits and pieces that she desperately wanted to stop from surfacing but couldn’t.
“I wouldn't get so cocky if I were you,” Callie warned Carmen as they faced off in the coffee shop. “One fuck doesn't make you her girlfriend.”
Arizona squeezed her eyes shut, remembering the pure rage her partner’s voice had shaken with.
“Zona?” Callie called her ex’s pet name carefully. “Did you sleep with her?”
The blonde could still remember the hurt in Callie’s voice. They both knew the answer to that question without it having to be asked, but hearing it out loud and having to answer had been gut-wrenching.
She’d hurt Callie before - leaving her in the middle of the night, sleeping with Carmen, and now she’d left her again.
Pregnant and in the dark about everything that was happening.
“Fuck,” Arizona cursed under her breath, dropping her head into her hand and pinching the bridge of her nose.
What had she done?
***
”Mom, the market was out of fresh cranberries,” Arizona called out from her parents’ kitchen, setting five or six bags of groceries onto the table. Her arms ached from hauling all of that weight around and she was briefly worried that the stupid turkey - which was bigger than a lawn mower - may have damaged her lead surgical hand. She was only a fourth year resident and was fairly certain it would be hard to finish if she could no longer move her fingers.
“That’s fine, I can send your father out for some in a few days,” Maria answered from upstairs.
“I can look for more tomorrow while I’m out,” Arizona added as she pulled her cellphone from her pocket. She checked her messages for the ninth time that day but found none. Frowning, she tucked the device away and started to unpack the groceries.
She and her mom were alone while the Colonel was at work across town and they were trying to get the majority of the Christmas preparations done before he came home. Arizona had bought all of the necessary ingredients for Christmas dinner and proceeded to shove them into the small deep freeze in her parents’ basement. She trudged back upstairs, sweating with the effort of lugging the giant bird around, and shrugged off her coat in the front hall.
Giant snowflakes fell silently to the ground outside. Arizona stepped up to the large bay window in the living room, stuffing both hands into the back pockets of her jeans and gazing around in wonder. The sun was still up but it would be gone within forty or fifty minutes, at which time the street would be lit up with Christmas lights.
She really loved the Boston neighborhood her mother and father had moved into when he retired from active duty. It was beautiful, especially during winter. Right now everyone on the block had their house decorated in one festive form or another. It was a super cozy place to live, especially with a fire roaring and ‘I’ll Be Home For Christmas’ playing familiarly in the background.
Arizona glanced over at the tree her dad had set up the night before. It was still bare of ornaments that sat in boxes in the far corner. Now that the groceries were finished, she and her mom planned to spend a nice, quiet evening getting the house ready.
This was the first time in three years she’d be spending Christmas with her parents. She’d saved up just enough vacation time for two weeks in Boston before she would have to head back to Baltimore. She’d be leaving the day after Christmas, but at least she was here for the day itself.
The only thing missing was her brother, who was currently on this fourth tour of duty in Iraq. She’d mailed him his gift six weeks ago and could only hope he got it in time. Depending on his location, they may or may not hear from him on Christmas. But if he had a box of expensive chocolates - he was such a girl that way - and three western novels she’d come across in a bookstore, then maybe he would still enjoy himself amidst all of that sand and heat.
Arizona turned her attention back outside and her eyes were immediately drawn to a black SUV that pulled up across the street. She watched it with minimal interest until two well-dressed, uniformed officers stepped out into the cold.
For a moment, her heart soared in her chest and she thought that maybe Aaron was making a surprise visit home for the holidays. She wouldn’t put it past the dork to not call beforehand and give them a heads up. He liked surprises and she’d been trying to get ahold of him for days with no luck.
Arizona started to grin and stepped closer to the window, eagerly watching the two men and trying to get the first glimpse of his face. She watched both officers walk up the driveway and suddenly realized that neither of them were her twin brother.
There was a long stretch of silence where she thought...nothing. Nothing at all. The lack of any sort of sensation in her body was concerning, drawing attention to the first signs that something had to be seriously wrong with this picture.
Because if it wasn’t her brother, then she couldn’t understand why two Marines were showing up on her parents’ doorstep at 4:00 PM on a Saturday afternoon. Why they were pressing down their dress jackets and straightening their caps before reaching up to ring the doorbell.
An unexplainable chill suddenly lodged itself deep inside her chest. It felt as though her heart was literally frozen, so cold it was burning everything around it.
The realization smacked her square in the gut but she was too numb to feel it at the time. She wouldn’t really feel the pain that was about to come crashing down around her for another week or two, until after the funeral. When it hit, it would hit hard enough to nearly cripple her completely and a part of her would never really recover.
But in that moment, all she could think was that this had to be some sort of gross misunderstanding, because Aaron was not dead. He couldn’t be. That wasn’t an option.
Arizona heard her mother come downstairs and walk out into the main hallway. She tried to turn, tried to stop her, but her legs had gone numb and she couldn’t. She couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. Couldn’t call out and tell her not to open the front door.
Her lips parted but no sound came out as she stood frozen in front of the window, her whole body rigid and about to break with the sudden tension in her bones.
She didn’t understand the words being exchanged between her mom and the Marines, growing increasingly horrified with the realization that everything she ever thought she knew had just changed - forever.
She didn’t have to hear what they said. The uneasy feeling she’d been carrying around for days suddenly exploded in the pit of her stomach and she doubled over, resting both hands against her knees as she struggled to breathe.
The first sound she remembered hearing was her mother’s anguished cry of denial coming from the main entrance, echoing throughout the entire lower portion of the two-story house.
***
“Are you sure you don’t want to head over to the hotel and talk to her?” Mark asked for the tenth time in as many minutes. “I can drive you.”
“Nope,” Callie replied distractedly, flipping through various articles of clothing on a store rack. “She said she wanted space, so this is me giving her space.”
She pulled out a hanger and held it up for Mark to see. “What about this one?”
Mark blinked at the pink onesie with flowers on the front and ‘Little Princess’ written in purple and yellow swirls. “Uh. It’s a little...girly, don’t you think?”
Callie flipped the item around, sizing it up for half a second before shrugging and adding it to the growing pile that hung over her left arm. She continued on, digging through every pile she came across and overturning each item for a brief inspection.
Mark was starting to think she wasn’t even seeing what she was picking out. She’d barely even glance at an item before adding it to the pile and moving on to the next section.
He’d only agreed to come along at Lexie’s insistence. She needed to stay home and rest and she’d practically ordered him to guard Callie’s emotional state with his bare hands, as if such a thing were possible.
Mark loved his best friend but he was at a total loss right now. Callie had shut down and turned into some chick with a giant shopping complex, and he didn’t know how to handle that.
He’d never seen ‘girly’ Callie before, and picking out baby clothing was not his forte. Hell, it wasn’t even Lexie’s forte. They were forte-less in the Sloan household when it came to this kind of crap.
“Look, so she had a bad night,” he tried again. “Robbins is an idiot for leaving and she probably knows that. I bet if you just went over there and tried to talk to her, she’d-”
“Oh my God!”
Mark recoiled in surprise as an enormous pile of baby clothing was suddenly stuffed into his arms. He desperately tried to juggle it all without dropping anything as Callie ducked away to the right, heading for something he couldn’t see.
He flailed a hand to try and knock one of the outfits loose where the fleece was sticking to his beard. “Torres, what are you-”
“Mark, you have to see this!” Callie shouted from across the room.
Releasing a ragged sigh of defeat, Mark rolled his eyes and started in the direction her voice was coming from.
The shit he did for his women sometimes. Seriously.
***
It was mid-afternoon when Arizona first set foot in her father’s room in the ICU. She froze in the doorway, her eyes drawn toward his motionless form on the bed and the astronomical number of tubes protruding from it.
A lump formed in the back of her throat and she had to cover her mouth to keep a whimper from escaping. He appeared to be asleep, the steady rise and fall of his chest the only sign that let her know he was still alive.
Suddenly she was no longer thirty-four and a world-renowned surgeon that had fifteen years of medical training and life experience under her belt; she was nine years old again and her father was the strongest human being she’d ever known. He was supposed to be indestructible and unwavering and now here he was, looking like he was ready to die.
Choking back the emotions that were threatening to break through the surface, Arizona closed her eyes and steadied herself before stepping further into the room. She set her purse and coat in the far corner and slid the glass door shut behind her.
Approaching the bed, the blonde stopped at the end to pick up his chart and quickly flip through it. It was a habit as a doctor and even though she scanned the first few pages twice, bits and pieces were all that jumped out at her. It was too hard to focus on the facts as a whole.
What she did pick out from the overload of information wasn’t good. His heart was failing, quickly, and he didn’t have a lot of time left without a transplant. If he was lucky - if they were lucky as a family - he might make it a few more weeks at most, and that was a best case scenario.
Closing his chart and hooking it back onto the end of the bed, Arizona stepped around and sank into the chair to his left, reaching out to squeeze his hand between both of her own.
It was cold, which meant that his circulation was poor. Her dad had always had warm hands, ever since she could remember.
Arizona closed her eyes as a single tear escaped and trailed across her cheek. She ducked her head down and rested it on his forearm.
“What’s got my beautiful daughter so upset, hm?”
She immediately looked up to see the Colonel’s eyes open and a knowing smile focused on her.
“Hey,” she managed to croak, voice thick with emotion. “You’re awake.”
“Takes more than a bad heart to keep a good Marine down,” Daniel Robbins pointed out, though contrary to his point his voice was extremely weak.
Through heavy eyelids, he took in Arizona’s ragged and worn down form, a messy ponytail pulling her hair back and revealing tired lines ingrained into her features. She looked as though she hadn’t slept in months and that the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders.
When all Arizona could do was smile weakly in return and duck her head down to avoid eye contact, Daniel summoned his remaining strength and tightly squeezed the small hand nestled within his. “Look at me, kiddo.”
Unable to stop the silent tears now rolling down her cheeks, Arizona reluctantly looked up to meet his bright eyes. While his body was worn down and near its end, the strength and power she’d always known him to possess shone back at her from behind those blue depths.
“I see you, you know,” Daniel continued after a brief moment of silence passed between them. “I see you struggling and trying to pretend you’re not.”
“I’m fine,” Arizona lied, managing a small laugh for his sake. “I’m just tired,” she added, swiping her free hand across her face to try and dab away the tears.
Her father didn’t look like he believed a single word of it. “This isn’t the same, Zona. This isn’t like when Aaron left us.”
Arizona’s throat tightened at the memories of that Christmas. She’d somehow managed to hold it together through Aaron’s funeral but shortly after she’d lost it. She’d lost herself - completely. And she could feel it happening all over again. She was cracking from the inside out and she didn’t know how much more she could take.
Her automatic reaction was the urge pull away and run for the door, but she kept her butt planted firmly in the chair and tightened her grip on her father’s hand instead.
“Your brother’s death was sudden and unexpected; it took all of us by surprise.” Daniel’s gaze never wavered as he watched his daughter’s face darken. “I’ve lived a full, happy life. I’m an old man that raised a family, served my country well and if my time has come, my time has come.”
“Dad,” Arizona scolded, her voice hoarse. “Don’t talk like that, okay? You’re going to be fine.”
But no matter how desperately she wanted that to be true, her voice cracked and she had to look away again, blue eyes swimming with tears.
Colonel Robbins lifted the hand clasped within hers and gingerly brushed one away from her cheek with his index finger. “My sweet, strong girl. You and your mother will be fine, I know you will. I haven’t had to worry about you since you were nine years old and decided you were an independent woman.”
Arizona let out a short bark of laughter, remembering all too well her strong desire to ‘make it on her own’ after a frivolous fight with her parents. Her solution had been to spend three nights camped out in the tree house in their back yard, freezing her ass off and living off of a loaf of bread she’d stolen from the freezer. She’d been too stubborn to give in, until Aaron had convinced her that mom and dad desperately needed her help around the house and that they’d realized they were wrong in the argument to begin with. She’d strutted triumphantly back inside after that with her head held high, full of ‘I told you so’s and various other smug nine-year-old logic.
Secretly she’d been insanely grateful for the timing, because sneaking in the side door of the garage to get to the bathroom when her parents weren’t around had sucked on many levels. Little did she know that her father had left it open on purpose so she could get inside any time she needed to without trouble.
“There’s that smile,” Daniel said the moment it appeared on Arizona’s face. “That’s what I like to see; no more of this frowny business. My little girl doesn’t frown.”
The brief moment didn’t last, however. Memories of the house in Quantico faded and were replaced with current thoughts that haunted Arizona in her sleep, ever since this nightmare had begun.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, hot tears brimming in her eyes all over again. “I’m sorry I’m not strong enough; that I’m not the person you raised me to be. The person that you thought I was.”
Daniel’s brow crinkled and he watched her closely. “Honey,” he corrected in a soft voice, “you are exactly the woman that I raised you to be.”
Arizona shook her head, a brief sob escaping before she clammed up again. “I’m not, I can’t - I can’t be strong for her, or for you. I’m trying, but it’s too hard. I can’t-”
“Listen to me,” Daniel cut in, squeezing her hand tighter and waiting until she reluctantly met his gaze. She looked completely lost and it broke his heart to read the pain held in her eyes.
“You are exactly the woman that I raised you to be,” he repeated, his voice somehow stronger than before. “I see you with Calliope, I see you here at work, I see you out in the world, interacting with complete strangers and I have never, ever been prouder in my life, Arizona.” His brow ticked and he almost seemed to be daring her to object.
“I’m a mess,” Arizona murmured weakly, admitting it out loud for the first time. “Callie’s pregnant and there are...there are things here at work that might complicate it, and you’re sick and you might not get better, a-and...”
She inhaled a deep breath and fought to keep it together. “I don’t know what to do anymore, dad. I can’t be the person I’m supposed to be, for you or for her. I don’t know what to do and I can’t talk to Callie because the last thing she needs to worry about is what a mess my life is.”
Daniel gently extracted his hand from his daughter’s and reached up to lovingly stroke her hair. “Honey, none of that makes you any less of the person you are,” he pointed out. “Sometimes being strong means knowing when to ask for help, knowing when to lean on others.”
Arizona tried to look away again but Daniel immediately lifted her chin back up and held her gaze.
“You have a woman that loves you, that you love in return, and that you are starting a family with. Regardless of any legal statuses, that’s a marriage in my eyes. And in a marriage you support each other; it never works if one person tries to shoulder all of the responsibility. You have to learn to lean on each other or you’ll drown.”
Arizona already felt like she’d drowned, over two months ago when all of this first started. She was so drained that she couldn’t even muster up the will to fight anymore.
Colonel Robbins watched his only daughter’s face crumple in defeat. She leaned forward to drop her cheek against the sheets and he curled his hand around the back of her head, stroking her hair soothingly with his fingers, murmuring soft words of reassurance as she dissolved into tears.
“Everything will be okay,” he repeated in a gentle voice. “No matter what happens to me, everything will be okay.”
Whether she believed him or not, Arizona took comfort in her father’s warm embrace and just allowed herself to feel for the first time since she could remember. She turned her face into the bed sheets and sobbed.
He couldn’t die. He just couldn’t.
---
Chapter 17/36
Authors: Faith kennedysbitch & Kye
Pairing: Callie/Arizona, Mark/Lexie
Rating: NC-17
Beta’d by roughian
Story Summary: Sequel to Choices. Callie and Arizona make the decision to move forward with their lives, but when a gradual series of events begin to snowball, Arizona tries desperately not to lose her grip on reality.
Chapter Summary: Callie tries to deal with Arizona leaving and Arizona flashes back to one of the worst times in her life. Mark tries to take care of an emotionally fragile best friend and a physically fragile fiancée.
Disclaimer
Previous Chapters
Wonderful roughian is still oh-so-wonderful. All leftover mistakes can now be blamed on her. *ahem*
---
“Ow,” Lexie whined, grimacing as she slowly eased herself down onto the edge of the bed. A heavy black sling was strapped around her shoulder and chest, immobilizing her right arm.
“I know,” Mark said in a gentle voice, kneeling in front of his fiancée. His fingers started to work on her shoes, untying the laces before carefully slipping her feet out.
Lexie sat in an exhausted silence as Mark removed her footwear and socks. She stood when he asked her to, glancing down as he pulled off her scrub pants and helped her step out of them. She used her good hand for support against his shoulder and held on tightly, bunching the material of his shirt into a tight fist.
Mark’s heart ached with each and every little wince or groan she made, knowing how much pain she was in. She’d refused to take anything other than some over-the-counter Tylenol that barely served to dull it.
Lexie was beginning to regret that decision, but she wasn’t about to put their baby at risk by using stronger pain killers. He came first.
He, as in their son. Their little boy.
Despite her discomfort, Lexie found herself smiling as Mark eased her back down onto the edge of the bed, letting her sit while he moved to the dresser to grab some pajamas. “Hard to believe, huh? I get attacked by a patient and dislocate my lead surgical arm, only to find out we’re gonna have a mini-you running around in four months.”
Mark broke out into a smile of his own as he turned back toward the brunette, holding a pair of her pajama pants and one of his button-up shirts. The idea of having a son - his son - one that no one could take away from him this time, made him happier than he could ever remember being.
Addison had terminated, Sloane left and never came back, and another family was raising his grandson.
This was his chance to make up for all of his past mistakes.
“He’s gonna be amazing,” Mark replied earnestly as he knelt down in front of Lexie again, “and we’re gonna be such good parents to him.”
“We are,” Lexie agreed with a warm smile, reaching out to stroke her fingers along his thin, neatly trimmed beard. “Even though neither of us have a clue what we’re doing and Arizona will have to babysit us for a few weeks until we figure it out.”
“She’ll have her hands full, all right,” Mark agreed with a lighthearted chuckle, running a hand gently over Lexie’s baby bump. “But we’ll get the hang of it eventually.”
Nodding, Lexie closed her eyes and fought the urge to grimace again as her head throbbed. “Derek said I can sleep, right? It’s only a mild concussion and I really need to sleep.”
“You can sleep,” Mark confirmed. “Let me get you dressed.”
He helped her into the pajama pants, then fluffed out the shirt he’d grabbed. “This will be easier to get you in and out of right now instead of something that pulls over your head.”
Lexie nodded and prepared herself for the world of hurt she knew she was about to experience.
To his credit, Mark was as gentle and caring with her as he’d ever been. He removed the sling, directing her to hold her arm correctly while he eased the scrub shirt off of her torso. Then he helped her pull on the clean material, quickly doing up the buttons before helping her back into the sling.
It took almost ten minutes to achieve but eventually she was pajama-clad and even more worn out than before. Mark’s shirt was huge on her but she’d always liked wearing his stuff when they were at home. It smelled like him and she liked that. It also gave her room to move around and be somewhat comfortable, given the current situation.
Mark finished doing up Lexie’s arm sling and checked it three times before sitting back on his heels. “There,” he said with a relieved sigh. “All set.”
“Almost,” Lexie replied, a bit of a mischievous glint forming in her eye.
“What did I miss?” Mark asked, rubbing his hands along her thighs.
“Your shirt,” Lexie added.
Mark looked down at himself and frowned. “Is there a stain or something?”
“Take it off.”
He glanced back up at the brunette and cocked an eyebrow. “Come again?”
“If I have to be in pain and uncomfortable and cranky for the next six weeks in a sling, then the least you can do is take your shirt off and let me enjoy the view,” Lexie pointed out.
Mark waited to see if she was kidding or not, but her hard stare said otherwise. “So, you want me to...?”
“Take it off, Sloan.”
Laughing, Mark shook his head. “Okay then.” He reached down and peeled off the t-shirt he was wearing, dumping it to the side. “Better?”
Lexie released a happy sigh, a lazy smile spreading across her lips. “Much.”
That was one form of pain medication she could never overdose on. He was awfully nice to look at.
Shaking his head, Mark pushed back up to his feet and extended a hand. “Want me to help you brush your teeth and get washed up?”
“You saying I have stinky breath?” Lexie teased, accepting it with her uninjured one and allowing him to hoist her to her feet. “Because I’m not-”
Her shoulder gave a harsh throb and she seized up, nearly biting her tongue off in an attempt not to cry out.
“Easy, easy,” Mark soothed, running a hand along the small of her back. “Take it easy, Lex. Nice and slow.”
Exhaling a hard breath of defeat, Lexie swallowed back and nodded silently. She started to shuffle towards the bathroom, leaning into Mark for support as she went.
Yep, this day officially sucked, and she officially had the worst luck out of anyone she ever met.
Thankfully, the hot, shirtless and caring boyfriend by her side made up for at least half of her misery.
***
Mark jolted awake before his alarm early the next morning. Sunlight was just starting to spill in through the curtains and illuminated the far side of the bed.
For a moment, he focused on the warm body dozing next to him. Lexie was asleep on her back, propped up with a mountain of pillows to try and keep her arm elevated and comfortable. She looked worn out and strained and he knew she’d had a rough night.
He was just about to roll over and try to catch some last-minute shut-eye when another knock sounded at the front door. Figuring that was what woke him in the first place, he rolled out from under the sheets and stumbled for the bedroom door, hoping to get there before Lexie woke up.
Shuffling through the living room, Sloan arrived at the front of the apartment and yanked open the door, blinking sleepily at whoever stood on the other side.
Callie stared back at Mark, taking in his shirtless form and messy, disastrous hair. He resembled a grizzly bear pulled from hibernation and didn’t look like he was fully conscious yet.
“I woke you up,” she stated more than asked.
Mark shook his head, looking rather weary. “S’okay, I was about to-”
He stopped to take in Callie’s watery, vulnerable eyes and noticed she was shaking. “Torres? What’s wrong?” Holding the door open wider, he leaned in and frowned with concern.
“Um,” Callie swallowed back thickly and inhaled a shaky breath, trying to keep it together. “Arizona left me. I-I waited to see if she’d come back but she didn’t, and now I’m not - I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“She left you?” The surprise was evident in Mark’s voice and he suddenly found himself wide awake. “As in left-you, left you?”
“No,” Callie added with a quick shake of her head, though it was followed by a soft huff. “Maybe. I don’t know; s-she said she needed some time and that she couldn’t do that here so she packed a bag and she just...she left me, Mark.”
Callie sounded stunned, completely flabbergasted at the mere idea of such a thing. “She left me,” she repeated in a disbelieving whisper, brown eyes lifting to meet blue.
Mark stepped forward as Callie released her first heartbroken sob, engulfing her in his strong arms and squeezing her tightly. “Shh, Torres, it’s okay,” he murmured into the top of her head, closing his eyes as he felt her begin to cry into his chest.
Despite his past issues with Robbins, he had always believed she was honorable and cared more about Callie than anyone else. He didn’t think she’d up and leave for good, but that didn’t mean something wasn’t seriously wrong with this picture.
Whatever the reason, he was not above hunting her down and kicking her ass clear into outer space if that’s what needed to happen.
Nobody hurt his person.
***
The Archfield was a beautiful four-star hotel with comfortable beds and newly renovated bathrooms that were larger than her college dorm room. It had served as Arizona’s home for the first month she’d been in Seattle, up until she’d found her old apartment.
But all of the fluffy towels, jacuzzi bathtubs and king-sized beds in the world couldn’t possibly make her feel any better about what she’d done.
Arizona sat on the corner of her new bed, duffel bag discarded and forgotten about by her feet. Her purse sat crumpled in her lap and she still wore her long jacket and shoes.
She barely moved, staring absently at the far wall with dull, lifeless eyes, her breath coming in short and shallow gasps through barely parted lips. She’d spent the entire drive here coherent enough to not crash herself into a pole, but just barely. Something in her mind had shut down in the last twelve hours. She couldn’t think, couldn’t feel, couldn’t anything.
Memories flashed through her head, broken bits and pieces that she desperately wanted to stop from surfacing but couldn’t.
“I wouldn't get so cocky if I were you,” Callie warned Carmen as they faced off in the coffee shop. “One fuck doesn't make you her girlfriend.”
Arizona squeezed her eyes shut, remembering the pure rage her partner’s voice had shaken with.
“Zona?” Callie called her ex’s pet name carefully. “Did you sleep with her?”
The blonde could still remember the hurt in Callie’s voice. They both knew the answer to that question without it having to be asked, but hearing it out loud and having to answer had been gut-wrenching.
She’d hurt Callie before - leaving her in the middle of the night, sleeping with Carmen, and now she’d left her again.
Pregnant and in the dark about everything that was happening.
“Fuck,” Arizona cursed under her breath, dropping her head into her hand and pinching the bridge of her nose.
What had she done?
***
”Mom, the market was out of fresh cranberries,” Arizona called out from her parents’ kitchen, setting five or six bags of groceries onto the table. Her arms ached from hauling all of that weight around and she was briefly worried that the stupid turkey - which was bigger than a lawn mower - may have damaged her lead surgical hand. She was only a fourth year resident and was fairly certain it would be hard to finish if she could no longer move her fingers.
“That’s fine, I can send your father out for some in a few days,” Maria answered from upstairs.
“I can look for more tomorrow while I’m out,” Arizona added as she pulled her cellphone from her pocket. She checked her messages for the ninth time that day but found none. Frowning, she tucked the device away and started to unpack the groceries.
She and her mom were alone while the Colonel was at work across town and they were trying to get the majority of the Christmas preparations done before he came home. Arizona had bought all of the necessary ingredients for Christmas dinner and proceeded to shove them into the small deep freeze in her parents’ basement. She trudged back upstairs, sweating with the effort of lugging the giant bird around, and shrugged off her coat in the front hall.
Giant snowflakes fell silently to the ground outside. Arizona stepped up to the large bay window in the living room, stuffing both hands into the back pockets of her jeans and gazing around in wonder. The sun was still up but it would be gone within forty or fifty minutes, at which time the street would be lit up with Christmas lights.
She really loved the Boston neighborhood her mother and father had moved into when he retired from active duty. It was beautiful, especially during winter. Right now everyone on the block had their house decorated in one festive form or another. It was a super cozy place to live, especially with a fire roaring and ‘I’ll Be Home For Christmas’ playing familiarly in the background.
Arizona glanced over at the tree her dad had set up the night before. It was still bare of ornaments that sat in boxes in the far corner. Now that the groceries were finished, she and her mom planned to spend a nice, quiet evening getting the house ready.
This was the first time in three years she’d be spending Christmas with her parents. She’d saved up just enough vacation time for two weeks in Boston before she would have to head back to Baltimore. She’d be leaving the day after Christmas, but at least she was here for the day itself.
The only thing missing was her brother, who was currently on this fourth tour of duty in Iraq. She’d mailed him his gift six weeks ago and could only hope he got it in time. Depending on his location, they may or may not hear from him on Christmas. But if he had a box of expensive chocolates - he was such a girl that way - and three western novels she’d come across in a bookstore, then maybe he would still enjoy himself amidst all of that sand and heat.
Arizona turned her attention back outside and her eyes were immediately drawn to a black SUV that pulled up across the street. She watched it with minimal interest until two well-dressed, uniformed officers stepped out into the cold.
For a moment, her heart soared in her chest and she thought that maybe Aaron was making a surprise visit home for the holidays. She wouldn’t put it past the dork to not call beforehand and give them a heads up. He liked surprises and she’d been trying to get ahold of him for days with no luck.
Arizona started to grin and stepped closer to the window, eagerly watching the two men and trying to get the first glimpse of his face. She watched both officers walk up the driveway and suddenly realized that neither of them were her twin brother.
There was a long stretch of silence where she thought...nothing. Nothing at all. The lack of any sort of sensation in her body was concerning, drawing attention to the first signs that something had to be seriously wrong with this picture.
Because if it wasn’t her brother, then she couldn’t understand why two Marines were showing up on her parents’ doorstep at 4:00 PM on a Saturday afternoon. Why they were pressing down their dress jackets and straightening their caps before reaching up to ring the doorbell.
An unexplainable chill suddenly lodged itself deep inside her chest. It felt as though her heart was literally frozen, so cold it was burning everything around it.
The realization smacked her square in the gut but she was too numb to feel it at the time. She wouldn’t really feel the pain that was about to come crashing down around her for another week or two, until after the funeral. When it hit, it would hit hard enough to nearly cripple her completely and a part of her would never really recover.
But in that moment, all she could think was that this had to be some sort of gross misunderstanding, because Aaron was not dead. He couldn’t be. That wasn’t an option.
Arizona heard her mother come downstairs and walk out into the main hallway. She tried to turn, tried to stop her, but her legs had gone numb and she couldn’t. She couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. Couldn’t call out and tell her not to open the front door.
Her lips parted but no sound came out as she stood frozen in front of the window, her whole body rigid and about to break with the sudden tension in her bones.
She didn’t understand the words being exchanged between her mom and the Marines, growing increasingly horrified with the realization that everything she ever thought she knew had just changed - forever.
She didn’t have to hear what they said. The uneasy feeling she’d been carrying around for days suddenly exploded in the pit of her stomach and she doubled over, resting both hands against her knees as she struggled to breathe.
The first sound she remembered hearing was her mother’s anguished cry of denial coming from the main entrance, echoing throughout the entire lower portion of the two-story house.
***
“Are you sure you don’t want to head over to the hotel and talk to her?” Mark asked for the tenth time in as many minutes. “I can drive you.”
“Nope,” Callie replied distractedly, flipping through various articles of clothing on a store rack. “She said she wanted space, so this is me giving her space.”
She pulled out a hanger and held it up for Mark to see. “What about this one?”
Mark blinked at the pink onesie with flowers on the front and ‘Little Princess’ written in purple and yellow swirls. “Uh. It’s a little...girly, don’t you think?”
Callie flipped the item around, sizing it up for half a second before shrugging and adding it to the growing pile that hung over her left arm. She continued on, digging through every pile she came across and overturning each item for a brief inspection.
Mark was starting to think she wasn’t even seeing what she was picking out. She’d barely even glance at an item before adding it to the pile and moving on to the next section.
He’d only agreed to come along at Lexie’s insistence. She needed to stay home and rest and she’d practically ordered him to guard Callie’s emotional state with his bare hands, as if such a thing were possible.
Mark loved his best friend but he was at a total loss right now. Callie had shut down and turned into some chick with a giant shopping complex, and he didn’t know how to handle that.
He’d never seen ‘girly’ Callie before, and picking out baby clothing was not his forte. Hell, it wasn’t even Lexie’s forte. They were forte-less in the Sloan household when it came to this kind of crap.
“Look, so she had a bad night,” he tried again. “Robbins is an idiot for leaving and she probably knows that. I bet if you just went over there and tried to talk to her, she’d-”
“Oh my God!”
Mark recoiled in surprise as an enormous pile of baby clothing was suddenly stuffed into his arms. He desperately tried to juggle it all without dropping anything as Callie ducked away to the right, heading for something he couldn’t see.
He flailed a hand to try and knock one of the outfits loose where the fleece was sticking to his beard. “Torres, what are you-”
“Mark, you have to see this!” Callie shouted from across the room.
Releasing a ragged sigh of defeat, Mark rolled his eyes and started in the direction her voice was coming from.
The shit he did for his women sometimes. Seriously.
***
It was mid-afternoon when Arizona first set foot in her father’s room in the ICU. She froze in the doorway, her eyes drawn toward his motionless form on the bed and the astronomical number of tubes protruding from it.
A lump formed in the back of her throat and she had to cover her mouth to keep a whimper from escaping. He appeared to be asleep, the steady rise and fall of his chest the only sign that let her know he was still alive.
Suddenly she was no longer thirty-four and a world-renowned surgeon that had fifteen years of medical training and life experience under her belt; she was nine years old again and her father was the strongest human being she’d ever known. He was supposed to be indestructible and unwavering and now here he was, looking like he was ready to die.
Choking back the emotions that were threatening to break through the surface, Arizona closed her eyes and steadied herself before stepping further into the room. She set her purse and coat in the far corner and slid the glass door shut behind her.
Approaching the bed, the blonde stopped at the end to pick up his chart and quickly flip through it. It was a habit as a doctor and even though she scanned the first few pages twice, bits and pieces were all that jumped out at her. It was too hard to focus on the facts as a whole.
What she did pick out from the overload of information wasn’t good. His heart was failing, quickly, and he didn’t have a lot of time left without a transplant. If he was lucky - if they were lucky as a family - he might make it a few more weeks at most, and that was a best case scenario.
Closing his chart and hooking it back onto the end of the bed, Arizona stepped around and sank into the chair to his left, reaching out to squeeze his hand between both of her own.
It was cold, which meant that his circulation was poor. Her dad had always had warm hands, ever since she could remember.
Arizona closed her eyes as a single tear escaped and trailed across her cheek. She ducked her head down and rested it on his forearm.
“What’s got my beautiful daughter so upset, hm?”
She immediately looked up to see the Colonel’s eyes open and a knowing smile focused on her.
“Hey,” she managed to croak, voice thick with emotion. “You’re awake.”
“Takes more than a bad heart to keep a good Marine down,” Daniel Robbins pointed out, though contrary to his point his voice was extremely weak.
Through heavy eyelids, he took in Arizona’s ragged and worn down form, a messy ponytail pulling her hair back and revealing tired lines ingrained into her features. She looked as though she hadn’t slept in months and that the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders.
When all Arizona could do was smile weakly in return and duck her head down to avoid eye contact, Daniel summoned his remaining strength and tightly squeezed the small hand nestled within his. “Look at me, kiddo.”
Unable to stop the silent tears now rolling down her cheeks, Arizona reluctantly looked up to meet his bright eyes. While his body was worn down and near its end, the strength and power she’d always known him to possess shone back at her from behind those blue depths.
“I see you, you know,” Daniel continued after a brief moment of silence passed between them. “I see you struggling and trying to pretend you’re not.”
“I’m fine,” Arizona lied, managing a small laugh for his sake. “I’m just tired,” she added, swiping her free hand across her face to try and dab away the tears.
Her father didn’t look like he believed a single word of it. “This isn’t the same, Zona. This isn’t like when Aaron left us.”
Arizona’s throat tightened at the memories of that Christmas. She’d somehow managed to hold it together through Aaron’s funeral but shortly after she’d lost it. She’d lost herself - completely. And she could feel it happening all over again. She was cracking from the inside out and she didn’t know how much more she could take.
Her automatic reaction was the urge pull away and run for the door, but she kept her butt planted firmly in the chair and tightened her grip on her father’s hand instead.
“Your brother’s death was sudden and unexpected; it took all of us by surprise.” Daniel’s gaze never wavered as he watched his daughter’s face darken. “I’ve lived a full, happy life. I’m an old man that raised a family, served my country well and if my time has come, my time has come.”
“Dad,” Arizona scolded, her voice hoarse. “Don’t talk like that, okay? You’re going to be fine.”
But no matter how desperately she wanted that to be true, her voice cracked and she had to look away again, blue eyes swimming with tears.
Colonel Robbins lifted the hand clasped within hers and gingerly brushed one away from her cheek with his index finger. “My sweet, strong girl. You and your mother will be fine, I know you will. I haven’t had to worry about you since you were nine years old and decided you were an independent woman.”
Arizona let out a short bark of laughter, remembering all too well her strong desire to ‘make it on her own’ after a frivolous fight with her parents. Her solution had been to spend three nights camped out in the tree house in their back yard, freezing her ass off and living off of a loaf of bread she’d stolen from the freezer. She’d been too stubborn to give in, until Aaron had convinced her that mom and dad desperately needed her help around the house and that they’d realized they were wrong in the argument to begin with. She’d strutted triumphantly back inside after that with her head held high, full of ‘I told you so’s and various other smug nine-year-old logic.
Secretly she’d been insanely grateful for the timing, because sneaking in the side door of the garage to get to the bathroom when her parents weren’t around had sucked on many levels. Little did she know that her father had left it open on purpose so she could get inside any time she needed to without trouble.
“There’s that smile,” Daniel said the moment it appeared on Arizona’s face. “That’s what I like to see; no more of this frowny business. My little girl doesn’t frown.”
The brief moment didn’t last, however. Memories of the house in Quantico faded and were replaced with current thoughts that haunted Arizona in her sleep, ever since this nightmare had begun.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, hot tears brimming in her eyes all over again. “I’m sorry I’m not strong enough; that I’m not the person you raised me to be. The person that you thought I was.”
Daniel’s brow crinkled and he watched her closely. “Honey,” he corrected in a soft voice, “you are exactly the woman that I raised you to be.”
Arizona shook her head, a brief sob escaping before she clammed up again. “I’m not, I can’t - I can’t be strong for her, or for you. I’m trying, but it’s too hard. I can’t-”
“Listen to me,” Daniel cut in, squeezing her hand tighter and waiting until she reluctantly met his gaze. She looked completely lost and it broke his heart to read the pain held in her eyes.
“You are exactly the woman that I raised you to be,” he repeated, his voice somehow stronger than before. “I see you with Calliope, I see you here at work, I see you out in the world, interacting with complete strangers and I have never, ever been prouder in my life, Arizona.” His brow ticked and he almost seemed to be daring her to object.
“I’m a mess,” Arizona murmured weakly, admitting it out loud for the first time. “Callie’s pregnant and there are...there are things here at work that might complicate it, and you’re sick and you might not get better, a-and...”
She inhaled a deep breath and fought to keep it together. “I don’t know what to do anymore, dad. I can’t be the person I’m supposed to be, for you or for her. I don’t know what to do and I can’t talk to Callie because the last thing she needs to worry about is what a mess my life is.”
Daniel gently extracted his hand from his daughter’s and reached up to lovingly stroke her hair. “Honey, none of that makes you any less of the person you are,” he pointed out. “Sometimes being strong means knowing when to ask for help, knowing when to lean on others.”
Arizona tried to look away again but Daniel immediately lifted her chin back up and held her gaze.
“You have a woman that loves you, that you love in return, and that you are starting a family with. Regardless of any legal statuses, that’s a marriage in my eyes. And in a marriage you support each other; it never works if one person tries to shoulder all of the responsibility. You have to learn to lean on each other or you’ll drown.”
Arizona already felt like she’d drowned, over two months ago when all of this first started. She was so drained that she couldn’t even muster up the will to fight anymore.
Colonel Robbins watched his only daughter’s face crumple in defeat. She leaned forward to drop her cheek against the sheets and he curled his hand around the back of her head, stroking her hair soothingly with his fingers, murmuring soft words of reassurance as she dissolved into tears.
“Everything will be okay,” he repeated in a gentle voice. “No matter what happens to me, everything will be okay.”
Whether she believed him or not, Arizona took comfort in her father’s warm embrace and just allowed herself to feel for the first time since she could remember. She turned her face into the bed sheets and sobbed.
He couldn’t die. He just couldn’t.
---