Rough Landings - Chapter 8
Title: Rough Landings - Chapter 8
Rating: NC-17
Author: kelzm1989
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Spoilers: none
Warnings: Rape/non-con, mentions of previous miscarriage
Word Count: 4513
Summary: Based on this prompt: Jensen and Jared live together but Jensen is away on a bussiness trip and Jared is alone at home with their son when a stranger breaks in. Jared is attacked and raped and the son doesn't know what happened but he calls for help. Jensen finds out, he's worried and feeling guilty because when he left, him and Jared were fighting.
Disclaimer: This is pure imagination and let's hope that neither guy ever actually does go through this. I swear I want them to be safe... I just have a bit of a messed up mind, is all ;)
***Author's note: Though I still love my banners, they aren't on this chapter because I'm posting from my boyfriend's laptop and I don't have them on here. I just wanted you guys to know why I wasn't using them. And as for why I'm on my boyfriend's laptop, my computer is having a "systems malfunction" and he's currently reformatting it so yeah, that's why I have his and why this took so long :)
A couple of nights later, Tyler was lying in the hotel bed, tucked underneath the covers and holding his teddy bear close to his chest. His teddy bear was one of his few belongings from home that Jensen had gone back to the house to retrieve. The scene reminded Jared of the last time he'd tucked his son into bed in their own house and it caused a pang of sadness to fill him. It felt like those memories and now were two completely separate lifetimes and he desperately wanted to go back to the old one but he knew that that was never going to be an option. There was no way to erase the memories he had now or shed the heavy weight that seemed to follow him around everywhere he went.
"Daddy?" Tyler asked quietly as he turned to looked up at his dad who was sitting, perched on the side of the bed. Jensen was sitting next to Jared as they prepared to say goodnight a little earlier than normal. Tyler was starting summer school the next day so Jared had insisted that he get to bed a bit sooner. Jensen was also returning to work the next day and both of their parents had returned to Texas, rather reluctantly, but Jared had insisted that though they were thankful for their support that they would be fine without it. Donna had pinned her son with a worried and scared look as she hoped to God that he would pay attention to what she had suggested.
"Yeah Ty?" Jared asked curiously though he was also hoping that Tyler wasn't about to start a fresh round of twenty questions. It was one of Tyler's most commonly used stall tactics for delaying bedtime and tonight, he didn't have the energy for it.
"When are we going home?" Tyler asked innocently enough. He liked the hotel and he had enjoyed spending time with his grandparents but he missed his room and all of his toys.
Biting his lip and refusing to cry like he had the last time Tyler had asked a difficult question, Jared drew a deep breath. "I don't know Ty... why? Do you not like it here?" He asked without an accusing tone. Jared didn't want Tyler to feel like he couldn't ask them questions, even if they were hard to answer, but at the same time he wasn't sure what he and Jensen were going to do next so he didn't have the answers that Tyler wanted.
Tyler shrugged, not looking at either one of his parents.
"How would you feel about a new house Ty?" Jensen tried, his arm slowly snaking around Jared's waist. Jensen was relieved when Jared didn't move away from him. He and Jared hadn't talked about what they were going to do with the house yet but the longer they stayed in the hotel, the clearer it became, at least to him, that they probably wouldn't be going back there.
"Why would we get a new one?" Tyler questioned with a confused look on his face. He didn't know what was wrong with their old house. "Do... do you and daddy not like our house anymore?"
Sighing, Jensen decided to be honest. Or well, honest to an extent. "It's just a thought but yeah, daddy and I are thinking of moving to a new house. We've lived there a long time and it might just be time to get a new house."
"But I like our house." Tyler argued. "It's a good house."
It was a good house Jared thought, with an emphasis on was. He and Jensen had found it by chance all those years ago during a drive home from their friend's house when Jensen had decided to take 'the scenic route' back to their apartment. Jared had fallen in love with it instantly and then to find out that it was one that they could actually afford had been amazing. Now though, the house felt dirty and tainted... just like everything else around him. Well, everything except for Jensen and Tyler.
Sighing and recognizing that this was not a conversation that was going to be solved tonight, Jensen decided to put an end to it before either his husband or his son became too worked up. "We're just thinking about it Ty but for right now, we're gonna stay here okay?" He concluded. "Now bed, you've got school in the morning."
Tyler looked at his parents skeptically. He didn't want to go to bed here, he wanted to go to bed in his own house.
"You heard your papa, bedtime." Jared agreed, knowing that Tyler gave in a whole lot easier when the two of them presented a united front. "Night, I love you." He gave Tyler a kiss on the forehead, silently apologizing to his son for not allowing him to be home right now.
"Night," Tyler mumbled before he rolled over so that his back was to his parents.
Jared sighed sadly and then stood from the bed, moving over to his own. Jensen followed him and laid down so that he was facing his husband. "Don't worry about him," He whispered softly, not wanting Jared to get upset because of the house talk. Tyler might be pouting tonight and he might be resistant to the initial idea of moving but he was usually pretty fast to come around to things.
Jared nodded even though he couldn't help but worry. It felt like that was all he did these days. "Night Jen," Jared whispered before he too rolled over on his side leaving Jensen to stare at his back.
~JA/JP-A~
Jensen and Jared were stopped at a red light the next morning, after having dropped Tyler off at his elementary school. "Do you wanna sell the house?" Jensen asked suddenly, turning to look at Jared as he wanted to see what Jared's reaction would be to such a proposal. He knew how much Jared had loved that house once upon a time.
"No," Jared sadly shook his head, turning to look out the window. He didn't want to sell that house but at the same time he doubted that he would ever be able to live in it again so it felt a bit like he was trapped. And then hearing Tyler's argument and upset over it last night... he didn't know what to do. "I don't want to and I know Ty doesn't want to either but..." He drifted off as he didn't know what to say since he didn't have a solution other than them just staying in the hotel but that wasn't reasonable.
"Tyler will be fine." Jensen argued. While yes, he was obviously thinking about his son's needs and trying to take into account what Tyler wanted, his main focus was on Jared. And besides, their eight year old wasn't going to make the decision of keeping or selling a house that not only would he never have to pay for but was also causing Jared pain.
Jared sighed, dropping his gaze to his lap. "I don't want to sell that house... I mean, it's our home. It's Ty's home but I couldn't even stand to spend twenty-four hours inside it last time so it doesn't seem reasonable to keep it if we're not going to be able to live in it... I just... I don't know, okay?" His voice sounded strained and insecure. "I don't know if that's what you wanted to hear but..."
Jensen swallowed thickly and his hands tightened on the steering wheel. This man, Kevin Montgomery, whoever the fuck he was, had managed to turn their lives upside down and scatter everything that he and Jared had worked for over the past several years all over the place like none of it had ever even mattered. Well, it did matter... it mattered a whole hell of a lot. Jared mattered a whole hell of a lot and Jensen didn't have any plans to let that be forgotten. "I want you to talk to me," He said softly after a few minutes had passed between them. "That's what I want Jay."
Jared opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, unsure of what to say. "I'm sorry," He apologized as he quickly scrubbed away his tears.
"Dammit," Jensen cursed under his breath. He hadn't meant to make Jared cry. He just wanted his husband to open up to him and actually tell him something about what he was feeling, whether it was the house or the rape itself, it would be nice to get something a little deeper than just a factual observation. "Jay," He sighed, glancing over at the passenger seat and seeing that Jared had turned as far away from him as he could in the small confines of the car. "I'm sorry baby. I'm not mad." He apologized, hoping that Jared would know that he was sincere. He was so not looking forward to leaving Jared at the hotel while he went to work for a few hours.
Jared didn't respond as he was working hard to keep the panic that the idea of talking to Jensen created. He wished that he could confide in his husband and tell him just what he felt but he was absolutely terrified to do so. What if Jensen didn't like what he had to say? Or worse, what if Jensen agreed with him that he was now vile, disgusting, dirty, and every other complaint in the book? No, he couldn't do it... he just couldn't.
The two of them drove back to the hotel in complete silence, each trapped in their own worries and thoughts.
~JA/JP-A~
"Jay, can we talk? Please?" Jensen pleaded about fifteen minutes after they had arrived back at the hotel. Jared had been doing his best to avoid him, watching random TV that Jensen knew he wasn't actually interested in. He had to go back to work today and he really didn't want there to be this overpowering silent treatment between them... especially since he planned on calling Jared pretty frequently.
"About what?" Jared asked, trying for casual as he kept his gaze focused on the rather poorly made movie that was currently playing.
"I um... I was thinking," Jensen got out before Jared interrupted him.
"If it's about the house..." Jared drifted off, a part of him hoping that that was what Jensen wanted to talk about. At least then, he could be somewhat logical and hide his emotions.
"It's not about the house." Jensen replied, having already come to a decision about what to do. Jared had made a point earlier when he said that it wasn't reasonable to keep a house that they weren't going to live in but the house wasn't what was on his mind right now. Jared had pretty much completely shut down and blocked him out as soon as he said that what he wanted was for Jared to talk to him. And Jensen, he couldn't live with that. He needed Jared to talk to him... or to at least try on some level.
"Oh," Jared paused and finally clicked the TV off. "Then what is it?" He wondered aloud while internally he was shaking at what Jensen might want to talk about.
"I think... I think you and I... I think we should go see someone." As he said it, Jensen fiddled nervously with his wallet that held the therapist's card and number.
"What?" Jared asked, confused as he swallowed thickly and hoped to God that he would find someway to convince Jensen that this was really unnecessary. "Why?"
"Baby, you know why." Jensen sighed and took a seat on the bed beside Jared.
"I'm fine though," Jared tried, even as tears filled his eyes. He knew that was a lie.
"Jared," Jensen dead-panned. There was no way in hell that Jared actually expected him to believe that, right? "Baby, I think it would help you. I think it would help both of us." Jensen reached out for Jared's hand, gently taking it in his. "That's all I want Jay is to help you but you won't let me. Every time I try to get you talk to me, you immediately shut down and get angry and I can't...
"So what? I'm not allowed to be angry now?" Jared asked defensively as he yanked his hand back like Jensen's touch burned him.
A look of confusion formed on Jensen's face. "What, no..." He started before Jared cut him off.
"So I'm not allowed to say no when some sicko whose got a problem with me because I happen to like cock breaks into my own God damned house and then after all that happens, I can't get angry in front of my own husband." Jensen watched as large, angry tears filled Jared's eyes and barely had time to spill down his cheeks before his husband was roughly scrubbing them away. "I didn't know you didn't want me to be upset about this." He accused.
"Jay, that's not what I said. And of course you're allowed to be upset over this. Hell, I am. I'm pissed!" Jensen shot back, trying to talk his husband back from whatever crazy idea had formed in his head at the moment. "All I meant was that he's destroying you and I can't let that happen. I won't and if you won't talk to me and let me help you then I'll find someone who will." He explained with determination in his voice. That was all he cared about; getting Jared the help he needed so that they could move past this because he was convinced that they could. There wasn't any other option.
"You think that it's going to be that easy Jensen?" Jared practically growled as he moved further away on the bed. "You think that if I talk about what that bastard did to me inside our own home that all of a sudden, I'll be okay again? Well guess what, I don't think it quite works that way." A part of Jared doubted that he'd ever be okay again. He'd had other rough things happen to him and though they had all hurt, this one... this was something that he didn't know if he could make it back from.
"I know it's not easy Jay, I know it's not. What? You think it's easy for me to sit here and watch as that piece of shit takes you away from me even though he's currently behind bars? You think it's easy for me to know what happened while I was gone?" Jensen growled back as he let the anger he was feeling seep into his voice.
Jensen watched as Jared's throat worked convulsively and he turned a faint shade of green. "Jared?" Jensen asked, the anger leaving him to be replaced with concern as he moved closer to his husband.
"I'm gonna be sick," Jared mumbled before he shot off the bed like a rocket and ran straight into the bathroom. Jensen could only watch helplessly as Jared heaved painfully into the toilet.
Snapping out of his momentary stupor, Jensen grabbed a washcloth from the cupboard underneath the sink. "You okay?" Jensen asked as he slowly moved over to where Jared was still crouched.
"Don't touch me," Jared gritted out when Jensen tried to place the towel on the back of his neck.
Nodding, Jensen handed his husband the towel and then stood, walking out of the bathroom unsure if he should pursue this or if he should just let it go for now, especially if Jared didn't feel well. He knew his mom was right, that Jared had to start talking about this and he wished like hell that it was him that Jared chose to talk to. As awful as it was to hear about the rape, he needed to know that he was still Jared's confidant, that his husband still had that amount of faith in him. He wasn't surprised when Jared stood a moment later and locked the bathroom door. It seemed like the locked bathroom was quickly becoming Jared's favorite place. "Jay," He sighed, leaning against the closed wood knowing that there was way more than just a locked door standing in between them right now.
~JA/JP-A~
Since he was still receiving the silent treatment from Jared when it came time to leave for work, Jensen's anxiety levels were through the roof when he walked through the office doors. He gave the receptionist a weak smile before he headed to his cube with his head down, hoping that no one would try to strike up a conversation with him. Just as soon as he had sat down at his desk, he was greeted by none other than one of his most persistently annoying co-workers, Misha Collins. Normally, he could handle the man's quirks but today... he was completely out of patience.
"What do you know? You decided to return to work after all." Misha teased as he leaned his hip against the edge of Jensen's desk.
Jensen nodded without looking up, instead focusing on the papers for a real estate deal they had going on that had been waiting for him.
"Good thing you're back though, Helen refused to do any of the negotiations without you there... something about having someone who could relate to them or whatever." Misha grumbled.
At that, Jensen smirked slightly. They were currently in the middle of building a new headquarters and Helen was one of the woman that Jensen had been in talks with to buy office furniture from and such. Even though he was openly gay and had pictures of Jared and Tyler out on his desk, the woman was convinced that if she have him a good enough price, that she might be able to get a piece of him. Jay Jensen thought as his eyes landed on a framed picture he had of the other man, proudly displayed next to his computer. Jared was smiling proudly, his dimples on display, as he stood next to a five-year-old Tyler. Tyler was sitting on his brand new bike, the first one he'd had that didn't come with training wheels. Jensen had taken the picture just before Tyler had rode by himself for the first time ever. Swallowing thickly, Jensen reached for the phone. "Guess I'd better give her a call then." He said, hoping that Misha wouldn't detect the heavy tone of his voice.
~JA/JP-A~
Several hours later, much to Jensen's relief, it was finally time to go collect Tyler and head back to the hotel. They had arranged for Claire to pick both Brendan and Tyler up after summer school and then for Jensen to pick Tyler up from their house before he headed back to the hotel. Pulling up outside the newly remodeled one-story house, Jensen killed the engine and began to walk up the path. Standing outside the front door, he could hear the two boys playing and he was at least relieved to know that his son was doing alright. He talked to Jared once earlier in the day and though he was still worried, he had been glad that his husband had answered the phone. Jensen had been a good bit scared to leave Jared alone for such a long period of time when it was obvious that he was still suffering so much and to be able to talk to him had put him just a tiny bit at rest.
"Hey," He greeted Claire with a tired smile after she'd opened the front door.
"Don't 'hey' me Jensen Ackles, Jared was in the hospital?" Claire asked with a serious and worried look on her face as she stepped outside onto the porch and closed the door after her.
Jensen hung his head, nodding slightly as the smile dropped off of his face. "How'd you find out?" He asked as he hadn't told any of their close friends who lived nearby. He didn't want it to get back to his son that his dad had been raped and he also didn't think that it would be beneficial for Jared either for that news to be spread around the community. It wasn't any of their business.
"Tyler told Brendan when they went swimming and Bren told me when he got home. Is he okay? What happened?" She asked worriedly. Claire hadn't asked Tyler about it, not wanting to upset the young child.
Jensen shook his head as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, unsure how to respond. Claire and her husband, Mike, had been there for a few of their ups and downs over the years but still, he didn't want to say it.
"Jen, what's wrong?" Claire asked as she moved to stand closer to Jensen. Gently laying her hand on his arm, she gave it an encouraging squeeze. "Did... did he miscarry again?" Claire hesitated, hoping to God that that wasn't the case.
Jensen swallowed thickly as he shook his head no, not totally sure if he was relieved of that or not. When Tyler was just under five years old, he and Jared had decided to try for another child. It had taken them well over a year to get pregnant the second time and about midway through Tyler's first grade year, Jared had miscarried. It had been one of the most devastating events of his life and they hadn't tried again since. Claire and Mike had been there for all of it. "No, ah, no... he... it's... he was raped," He said quietly, watching as Claire gasped and brought her hands up to cover her mouth in shock.
"Oh my God," She whispered, slowly bringing her hands down and away from her face to reveal tear-filled eyes.
Jensen nodded silently. It still felt like a blow to the stomach every time he said it out loud, which wasn't that often. No wonder Jared didn't want to talk about it. "Ty doesn't know. All he knows is that daddy was sick for a little while and that's why he had to spend a bit of time in the hospital." Claire was one of the few women in their community that Jensen trusted not to gossip about their situation.
Claire shook her head in disbelief. "Is there anything that we can do?" She asked, wanting to help her friends out. They didn't deserve this but then again, she couldn't think of anyone who she did know that did deserve to have that happen to them.
Jensen shrugged. He was grateful that Chris and Danni and Claire and Mike were all willing to help them out but he wasn't sure what they could do.
Sniffling a bit, Claire pulled Jensen in for a hug. "Oh Jen, I'm so sorry." She squeezed him tight before she pulled back, drying her eyes. "Listen, if you and Jay want us to take Tyler for any length of time just call me okay?" It wasn't unusual for the boys to have sleepovers and considering that they were both in the same summer school class, it would have been quite easy to take care of both of them.
Jensen nodded. "Yeah, thanks. We might take ya up on that so..." Jensen drifted off just as the front door opened and Tyler appeared, ready with his backpack
Claire just nodded. It was the least they could do.
"Hey bud, you ready to go?" Jensen asked, switching his gaze to his son.
Tyler nodded eagerly.
"Okay, go get in the car. I'll be there in a minute." Jensen instructed, not wanting Tyler to overhear the end of his and Claire's conversation.
"Okay, bye Mrs. Shanley!" Tyler shouted as he waved at Brendan.
"Bye Tyler. I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled at the young boy, hoping that he couldn't tell that she was sad before turning back to Jensen. "Tell Jay we love him and not to hesitate for a second to send Tyler to us, alright?" Claire waited until Jensen nodded back at her before she finally allowed him to leave.
~JA/JP-A~
"Alright, go sit down at the table and I'll get you your food, okay?" Jensen instructed when he and Tyler returned to the hotel room about forty-five minutes later. He had decided to stop off at the local McDonald's to grab Tyler some food before returning.
Nodding, Tyler took a sip of his chocolate milk and walked over to the little table. "Where's daddy?" He asked, looking around the room.
"He's probably in the..." Jensen drifted off as he looked around the room and noticed that Jared wasn't in it. Walking over to the bathroom, he knocked on the door and called out for his husband. "Jay, you in there babe?" He asked, starting to get really worried when there wasn't any reply. Shit Jensen thought to himself though he worked to keep a calm composure for his son's sake. Turning the knob, his worries increased when he realized that it was unlocked and Jared wasn't in the small room. No, no, no, no Jensen silently screamed now regretting the fact that he had left Jared alone for so long. If he hadn't then Jared wouldn't have had the chance to disappear or worse, what if that bastard somehow got out? I have to find him Jensen thought to himself, the knowledge that the police probably would have called him if the man had somehow been granted bail escaping him right then. "Hey Ty, you stay here and eat okay? I'll be back in just a sec. I just gotta call someone, okay?" Jensen watched as his son nodded and then he headed out of the room, dialing Jared's cell phone number and praying to God that he would answer. Please baby, pick up he silently pleaded.
~JA/JP-A~
Jared stood in front of his house, their house, shaking and trembling not completely sure how he had ended up at this particular spot. Jensen had been gone all day, leaving Jared alone in the room like he had wanted him to do. Except for that wasn't what he wanted, not at all. He wanted Jensen to be able to hold him and reassure him but every time he did now, it felt like it was just false compassion and that he was just doing those things to be nice because really, why would Jensen still want him? Being in the room and surrounded by their sparse belongings had made Jared feel like a complete loner even though he had had several reassurances from Jensen that he would call him throughout the day and that he would see him later. He didn't know what to trust and it scared him.
"Jared?" Jared jumped and his head snapped to the side when he heard a voice calling to him. Turning, he saw that it was their neighbor Lizzy.
Jared opened his mouth to respond when he began to feel dizzy. It was only a few seconds after that when he felt his world tilt and then everything went black.
---------------------------
Chapter 9: http://kelzm1989.livejournal.com/3283.html
Thanks for reading! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and thought it was worth the wait. I'll try to update as soon as possible. Thanks again! :)
Rating: NC-17
Author: kelzm1989
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Spoilers: none
Warnings: Rape/non-con, mentions of previous miscarriage
Word Count: 4513
Summary: Based on this prompt: Jensen and Jared live together but Jensen is away on a bussiness trip and Jared is alone at home with their son when a stranger breaks in. Jared is attacked and raped and the son doesn't know what happened but he calls for help. Jensen finds out, he's worried and feeling guilty because when he left, him and Jared were fighting.
Disclaimer: This is pure imagination and let's hope that neither guy ever actually does go through this. I swear I want them to be safe... I just have a bit of a messed up mind, is all ;)
***Author's note: Though I still love my banners, they aren't on this chapter because I'm posting from my boyfriend's laptop and I don't have them on here. I just wanted you guys to know why I wasn't using them. And as for why I'm on my boyfriend's laptop, my computer is having a "systems malfunction" and he's currently reformatting it so yeah, that's why I have his and why this took so long :)
A couple of nights later, Tyler was lying in the hotel bed, tucked underneath the covers and holding his teddy bear close to his chest. His teddy bear was one of his few belongings from home that Jensen had gone back to the house to retrieve. The scene reminded Jared of the last time he'd tucked his son into bed in their own house and it caused a pang of sadness to fill him. It felt like those memories and now were two completely separate lifetimes and he desperately wanted to go back to the old one but he knew that that was never going to be an option. There was no way to erase the memories he had now or shed the heavy weight that seemed to follow him around everywhere he went.
"Daddy?" Tyler asked quietly as he turned to looked up at his dad who was sitting, perched on the side of the bed. Jensen was sitting next to Jared as they prepared to say goodnight a little earlier than normal. Tyler was starting summer school the next day so Jared had insisted that he get to bed a bit sooner. Jensen was also returning to work the next day and both of their parents had returned to Texas, rather reluctantly, but Jared had insisted that though they were thankful for their support that they would be fine without it. Donna had pinned her son with a worried and scared look as she hoped to God that he would pay attention to what she had suggested.
"Yeah Ty?" Jared asked curiously though he was also hoping that Tyler wasn't about to start a fresh round of twenty questions. It was one of Tyler's most commonly used stall tactics for delaying bedtime and tonight, he didn't have the energy for it.
"When are we going home?" Tyler asked innocently enough. He liked the hotel and he had enjoyed spending time with his grandparents but he missed his room and all of his toys.
Biting his lip and refusing to cry like he had the last time Tyler had asked a difficult question, Jared drew a deep breath. "I don't know Ty... why? Do you not like it here?" He asked without an accusing tone. Jared didn't want Tyler to feel like he couldn't ask them questions, even if they were hard to answer, but at the same time he wasn't sure what he and Jensen were going to do next so he didn't have the answers that Tyler wanted.
Tyler shrugged, not looking at either one of his parents.
"How would you feel about a new house Ty?" Jensen tried, his arm slowly snaking around Jared's waist. Jensen was relieved when Jared didn't move away from him. He and Jared hadn't talked about what they were going to do with the house yet but the longer they stayed in the hotel, the clearer it became, at least to him, that they probably wouldn't be going back there.
"Why would we get a new one?" Tyler questioned with a confused look on his face. He didn't know what was wrong with their old house. "Do... do you and daddy not like our house anymore?"
Sighing, Jensen decided to be honest. Or well, honest to an extent. "It's just a thought but yeah, daddy and I are thinking of moving to a new house. We've lived there a long time and it might just be time to get a new house."
"But I like our house." Tyler argued. "It's a good house."
It was a good house Jared thought, with an emphasis on was. He and Jensen had found it by chance all those years ago during a drive home from their friend's house when Jensen had decided to take 'the scenic route' back to their apartment. Jared had fallen in love with it instantly and then to find out that it was one that they could actually afford had been amazing. Now though, the house felt dirty and tainted... just like everything else around him. Well, everything except for Jensen and Tyler.
Sighing and recognizing that this was not a conversation that was going to be solved tonight, Jensen decided to put an end to it before either his husband or his son became too worked up. "We're just thinking about it Ty but for right now, we're gonna stay here okay?" He concluded. "Now bed, you've got school in the morning."
Tyler looked at his parents skeptically. He didn't want to go to bed here, he wanted to go to bed in his own house.
"You heard your papa, bedtime." Jared agreed, knowing that Tyler gave in a whole lot easier when the two of them presented a united front. "Night, I love you." He gave Tyler a kiss on the forehead, silently apologizing to his son for not allowing him to be home right now.
"Night," Tyler mumbled before he rolled over so that his back was to his parents.
Jared sighed sadly and then stood from the bed, moving over to his own. Jensen followed him and laid down so that he was facing his husband. "Don't worry about him," He whispered softly, not wanting Jared to get upset because of the house talk. Tyler might be pouting tonight and he might be resistant to the initial idea of moving but he was usually pretty fast to come around to things.
Jared nodded even though he couldn't help but worry. It felt like that was all he did these days. "Night Jen," Jared whispered before he too rolled over on his side leaving Jensen to stare at his back.
~JA/JP-A~
Jensen and Jared were stopped at a red light the next morning, after having dropped Tyler off at his elementary school. "Do you wanna sell the house?" Jensen asked suddenly, turning to look at Jared as he wanted to see what Jared's reaction would be to such a proposal. He knew how much Jared had loved that house once upon a time.
"No," Jared sadly shook his head, turning to look out the window. He didn't want to sell that house but at the same time he doubted that he would ever be able to live in it again so it felt a bit like he was trapped. And then hearing Tyler's argument and upset over it last night... he didn't know what to do. "I don't want to and I know Ty doesn't want to either but..." He drifted off as he didn't know what to say since he didn't have a solution other than them just staying in the hotel but that wasn't reasonable.
"Tyler will be fine." Jensen argued. While yes, he was obviously thinking about his son's needs and trying to take into account what Tyler wanted, his main focus was on Jared. And besides, their eight year old wasn't going to make the decision of keeping or selling a house that not only would he never have to pay for but was also causing Jared pain.
Jared sighed, dropping his gaze to his lap. "I don't want to sell that house... I mean, it's our home. It's Ty's home but I couldn't even stand to spend twenty-four hours inside it last time so it doesn't seem reasonable to keep it if we're not going to be able to live in it... I just... I don't know, okay?" His voice sounded strained and insecure. "I don't know if that's what you wanted to hear but..."
Jensen swallowed thickly and his hands tightened on the steering wheel. This man, Kevin Montgomery, whoever the fuck he was, had managed to turn their lives upside down and scatter everything that he and Jared had worked for over the past several years all over the place like none of it had ever even mattered. Well, it did matter... it mattered a whole hell of a lot. Jared mattered a whole hell of a lot and Jensen didn't have any plans to let that be forgotten. "I want you to talk to me," He said softly after a few minutes had passed between them. "That's what I want Jay."
Jared opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, unsure of what to say. "I'm sorry," He apologized as he quickly scrubbed away his tears.
"Dammit," Jensen cursed under his breath. He hadn't meant to make Jared cry. He just wanted his husband to open up to him and actually tell him something about what he was feeling, whether it was the house or the rape itself, it would be nice to get something a little deeper than just a factual observation. "Jay," He sighed, glancing over at the passenger seat and seeing that Jared had turned as far away from him as he could in the small confines of the car. "I'm sorry baby. I'm not mad." He apologized, hoping that Jared would know that he was sincere. He was so not looking forward to leaving Jared at the hotel while he went to work for a few hours.
Jared didn't respond as he was working hard to keep the panic that the idea of talking to Jensen created. He wished that he could confide in his husband and tell him just what he felt but he was absolutely terrified to do so. What if Jensen didn't like what he had to say? Or worse, what if Jensen agreed with him that he was now vile, disgusting, dirty, and every other complaint in the book? No, he couldn't do it... he just couldn't.
The two of them drove back to the hotel in complete silence, each trapped in their own worries and thoughts.
~JA/JP-A~
"Jay, can we talk? Please?" Jensen pleaded about fifteen minutes after they had arrived back at the hotel. Jared had been doing his best to avoid him, watching random TV that Jensen knew he wasn't actually interested in. He had to go back to work today and he really didn't want there to be this overpowering silent treatment between them... especially since he planned on calling Jared pretty frequently.
"About what?" Jared asked, trying for casual as he kept his gaze focused on the rather poorly made movie that was currently playing.
"I um... I was thinking," Jensen got out before Jared interrupted him.
"If it's about the house..." Jared drifted off, a part of him hoping that that was what Jensen wanted to talk about. At least then, he could be somewhat logical and hide his emotions.
"It's not about the house." Jensen replied, having already come to a decision about what to do. Jared had made a point earlier when he said that it wasn't reasonable to keep a house that they weren't going to live in but the house wasn't what was on his mind right now. Jared had pretty much completely shut down and blocked him out as soon as he said that what he wanted was for Jared to talk to him. And Jensen, he couldn't live with that. He needed Jared to talk to him... or to at least try on some level.
"Oh," Jared paused and finally clicked the TV off. "Then what is it?" He wondered aloud while internally he was shaking at what Jensen might want to talk about.
"I think... I think you and I... I think we should go see someone." As he said it, Jensen fiddled nervously with his wallet that held the therapist's card and number.
"What?" Jared asked, confused as he swallowed thickly and hoped to God that he would find someway to convince Jensen that this was really unnecessary. "Why?"
"Baby, you know why." Jensen sighed and took a seat on the bed beside Jared.
"I'm fine though," Jared tried, even as tears filled his eyes. He knew that was a lie.
"Jared," Jensen dead-panned. There was no way in hell that Jared actually expected him to believe that, right? "Baby, I think it would help you. I think it would help both of us." Jensen reached out for Jared's hand, gently taking it in his. "That's all I want Jay is to help you but you won't let me. Every time I try to get you talk to me, you immediately shut down and get angry and I can't...
"So what? I'm not allowed to be angry now?" Jared asked defensively as he yanked his hand back like Jensen's touch burned him.
A look of confusion formed on Jensen's face. "What, no..." He started before Jared cut him off.
"So I'm not allowed to say no when some sicko whose got a problem with me because I happen to like cock breaks into my own God damned house and then after all that happens, I can't get angry in front of my own husband." Jensen watched as large, angry tears filled Jared's eyes and barely had time to spill down his cheeks before his husband was roughly scrubbing them away. "I didn't know you didn't want me to be upset about this." He accused.
"Jay, that's not what I said. And of course you're allowed to be upset over this. Hell, I am. I'm pissed!" Jensen shot back, trying to talk his husband back from whatever crazy idea had formed in his head at the moment. "All I meant was that he's destroying you and I can't let that happen. I won't and if you won't talk to me and let me help you then I'll find someone who will." He explained with determination in his voice. That was all he cared about; getting Jared the help he needed so that they could move past this because he was convinced that they could. There wasn't any other option.
"You think that it's going to be that easy Jensen?" Jared practically growled as he moved further away on the bed. "You think that if I talk about what that bastard did to me inside our own home that all of a sudden, I'll be okay again? Well guess what, I don't think it quite works that way." A part of Jared doubted that he'd ever be okay again. He'd had other rough things happen to him and though they had all hurt, this one... this was something that he didn't know if he could make it back from.
"I know it's not easy Jay, I know it's not. What? You think it's easy for me to sit here and watch as that piece of shit takes you away from me even though he's currently behind bars? You think it's easy for me to know what happened while I was gone?" Jensen growled back as he let the anger he was feeling seep into his voice.
Jensen watched as Jared's throat worked convulsively and he turned a faint shade of green. "Jared?" Jensen asked, the anger leaving him to be replaced with concern as he moved closer to his husband.
"I'm gonna be sick," Jared mumbled before he shot off the bed like a rocket and ran straight into the bathroom. Jensen could only watch helplessly as Jared heaved painfully into the toilet.
Snapping out of his momentary stupor, Jensen grabbed a washcloth from the cupboard underneath the sink. "You okay?" Jensen asked as he slowly moved over to where Jared was still crouched.
"Don't touch me," Jared gritted out when Jensen tried to place the towel on the back of his neck.
Nodding, Jensen handed his husband the towel and then stood, walking out of the bathroom unsure if he should pursue this or if he should just let it go for now, especially if Jared didn't feel well. He knew his mom was right, that Jared had to start talking about this and he wished like hell that it was him that Jared chose to talk to. As awful as it was to hear about the rape, he needed to know that he was still Jared's confidant, that his husband still had that amount of faith in him. He wasn't surprised when Jared stood a moment later and locked the bathroom door. It seemed like the locked bathroom was quickly becoming Jared's favorite place. "Jay," He sighed, leaning against the closed wood knowing that there was way more than just a locked door standing in between them right now.
~JA/JP-A~
Since he was still receiving the silent treatment from Jared when it came time to leave for work, Jensen's anxiety levels were through the roof when he walked through the office doors. He gave the receptionist a weak smile before he headed to his cube with his head down, hoping that no one would try to strike up a conversation with him. Just as soon as he had sat down at his desk, he was greeted by none other than one of his most persistently annoying co-workers, Misha Collins. Normally, he could handle the man's quirks but today... he was completely out of patience.
"What do you know? You decided to return to work after all." Misha teased as he leaned his hip against the edge of Jensen's desk.
Jensen nodded without looking up, instead focusing on the papers for a real estate deal they had going on that had been waiting for him.
"Good thing you're back though, Helen refused to do any of the negotiations without you there... something about having someone who could relate to them or whatever." Misha grumbled.
At that, Jensen smirked slightly. They were currently in the middle of building a new headquarters and Helen was one of the woman that Jensen had been in talks with to buy office furniture from and such. Even though he was openly gay and had pictures of Jared and Tyler out on his desk, the woman was convinced that if she have him a good enough price, that she might be able to get a piece of him. Jay Jensen thought as his eyes landed on a framed picture he had of the other man, proudly displayed next to his computer. Jared was smiling proudly, his dimples on display, as he stood next to a five-year-old Tyler. Tyler was sitting on his brand new bike, the first one he'd had that didn't come with training wheels. Jensen had taken the picture just before Tyler had rode by himself for the first time ever. Swallowing thickly, Jensen reached for the phone. "Guess I'd better give her a call then." He said, hoping that Misha wouldn't detect the heavy tone of his voice.
~JA/JP-A~
Several hours later, much to Jensen's relief, it was finally time to go collect Tyler and head back to the hotel. They had arranged for Claire to pick both Brendan and Tyler up after summer school and then for Jensen to pick Tyler up from their house before he headed back to the hotel. Pulling up outside the newly remodeled one-story house, Jensen killed the engine and began to walk up the path. Standing outside the front door, he could hear the two boys playing and he was at least relieved to know that his son was doing alright. He talked to Jared once earlier in the day and though he was still worried, he had been glad that his husband had answered the phone. Jensen had been a good bit scared to leave Jared alone for such a long period of time when it was obvious that he was still suffering so much and to be able to talk to him had put him just a tiny bit at rest.
"Hey," He greeted Claire with a tired smile after she'd opened the front door.
"Don't 'hey' me Jensen Ackles, Jared was in the hospital?" Claire asked with a serious and worried look on her face as she stepped outside onto the porch and closed the door after her.
Jensen hung his head, nodding slightly as the smile dropped off of his face. "How'd you find out?" He asked as he hadn't told any of their close friends who lived nearby. He didn't want it to get back to his son that his dad had been raped and he also didn't think that it would be beneficial for Jared either for that news to be spread around the community. It wasn't any of their business.
"Tyler told Brendan when they went swimming and Bren told me when he got home. Is he okay? What happened?" She asked worriedly. Claire hadn't asked Tyler about it, not wanting to upset the young child.
Jensen shook his head as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, unsure how to respond. Claire and her husband, Mike, had been there for a few of their ups and downs over the years but still, he didn't want to say it.
"Jen, what's wrong?" Claire asked as she moved to stand closer to Jensen. Gently laying her hand on his arm, she gave it an encouraging squeeze. "Did... did he miscarry again?" Claire hesitated, hoping to God that that wasn't the case.
Jensen swallowed thickly as he shook his head no, not totally sure if he was relieved of that or not. When Tyler was just under five years old, he and Jared had decided to try for another child. It had taken them well over a year to get pregnant the second time and about midway through Tyler's first grade year, Jared had miscarried. It had been one of the most devastating events of his life and they hadn't tried again since. Claire and Mike had been there for all of it. "No, ah, no... he... it's... he was raped," He said quietly, watching as Claire gasped and brought her hands up to cover her mouth in shock.
"Oh my God," She whispered, slowly bringing her hands down and away from her face to reveal tear-filled eyes.
Jensen nodded silently. It still felt like a blow to the stomach every time he said it out loud, which wasn't that often. No wonder Jared didn't want to talk about it. "Ty doesn't know. All he knows is that daddy was sick for a little while and that's why he had to spend a bit of time in the hospital." Claire was one of the few women in their community that Jensen trusted not to gossip about their situation.
Claire shook her head in disbelief. "Is there anything that we can do?" She asked, wanting to help her friends out. They didn't deserve this but then again, she couldn't think of anyone who she did know that did deserve to have that happen to them.
Jensen shrugged. He was grateful that Chris and Danni and Claire and Mike were all willing to help them out but he wasn't sure what they could do.
Sniffling a bit, Claire pulled Jensen in for a hug. "Oh Jen, I'm so sorry." She squeezed him tight before she pulled back, drying her eyes. "Listen, if you and Jay want us to take Tyler for any length of time just call me okay?" It wasn't unusual for the boys to have sleepovers and considering that they were both in the same summer school class, it would have been quite easy to take care of both of them.
Jensen nodded. "Yeah, thanks. We might take ya up on that so..." Jensen drifted off just as the front door opened and Tyler appeared, ready with his backpack
Claire just nodded. It was the least they could do.
"Hey bud, you ready to go?" Jensen asked, switching his gaze to his son.
Tyler nodded eagerly.
"Okay, go get in the car. I'll be there in a minute." Jensen instructed, not wanting Tyler to overhear the end of his and Claire's conversation.
"Okay, bye Mrs. Shanley!" Tyler shouted as he waved at Brendan.
"Bye Tyler. I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled at the young boy, hoping that he couldn't tell that she was sad before turning back to Jensen. "Tell Jay we love him and not to hesitate for a second to send Tyler to us, alright?" Claire waited until Jensen nodded back at her before she finally allowed him to leave.
~JA/JP-A~
"Alright, go sit down at the table and I'll get you your food, okay?" Jensen instructed when he and Tyler returned to the hotel room about forty-five minutes later. He had decided to stop off at the local McDonald's to grab Tyler some food before returning.
Nodding, Tyler took a sip of his chocolate milk and walked over to the little table. "Where's daddy?" He asked, looking around the room.
"He's probably in the..." Jensen drifted off as he looked around the room and noticed that Jared wasn't in it. Walking over to the bathroom, he knocked on the door and called out for his husband. "Jay, you in there babe?" He asked, starting to get really worried when there wasn't any reply. Shit Jensen thought to himself though he worked to keep a calm composure for his son's sake. Turning the knob, his worries increased when he realized that it was unlocked and Jared wasn't in the small room. No, no, no, no Jensen silently screamed now regretting the fact that he had left Jared alone for so long. If he hadn't then Jared wouldn't have had the chance to disappear or worse, what if that bastard somehow got out? I have to find him Jensen thought to himself, the knowledge that the police probably would have called him if the man had somehow been granted bail escaping him right then. "Hey Ty, you stay here and eat okay? I'll be back in just a sec. I just gotta call someone, okay?" Jensen watched as his son nodded and then he headed out of the room, dialing Jared's cell phone number and praying to God that he would answer. Please baby, pick up he silently pleaded.
~JA/JP-A~
Jared stood in front of his house, their house, shaking and trembling not completely sure how he had ended up at this particular spot. Jensen had been gone all day, leaving Jared alone in the room like he had wanted him to do. Except for that wasn't what he wanted, not at all. He wanted Jensen to be able to hold him and reassure him but every time he did now, it felt like it was just false compassion and that he was just doing those things to be nice because really, why would Jensen still want him? Being in the room and surrounded by their sparse belongings had made Jared feel like a complete loner even though he had had several reassurances from Jensen that he would call him throughout the day and that he would see him later. He didn't know what to trust and it scared him.
"Jared?" Jared jumped and his head snapped to the side when he heard a voice calling to him. Turning, he saw that it was their neighbor Lizzy.
Jared opened his mouth to respond when he began to feel dizzy. It was only a few seconds after that when he felt his world tilt and then everything went black.
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Chapter 9: http://kelzm1989.livejournal.com/3283.html
Thanks for reading! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and thought it was worth the wait. I'll try to update as soon as possible. Thanks again! :)