Rough Landings - Chapter 7
Title: Rough Landings - Chapter 7
Rating: NC-17
Author: kelzm1989
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Spoilers: none
Warnings: Rape/non-con
Word Count: 4910
Summary: Based on this prompt: Jensen and Jared live together but Jensen is away on a bussiness trip and Jared is alone at home with their son when a stranger breaks in. Jared is attacked and raped and the son doesn't know what happened but he calls for help. Jensen finds out, he's worried and feeling guilty because when he left, him and Jared were fighting.
Disclaimer: This is pure imagination and let's hope that neither guy ever actually does go through this. I swear I want them to be safe... I just have a bit of a messed up mind, is all ;)
***Author's note: Thanks to EVERYBODY for all of your reviews and your continued interest in my story! I'm so thrilled that all of you are enjoying it and I hope that you will continue to do so! And once again, here are my two lovely banners made by hiroyuki_hydex and sam_dean_hot <3
Jensen was lying back on the bed, waiting for Jared to come out of the bathroom when he felt his phone vibrate once more against his hip. Can't everybody go away? He silently groaned to himself, feeling like he just needed a bit of time when his phone wasn't begging for his attention. It felt like since this whole thing had happened, he hadn't had a single moment to himself as he'd been working with the police and worrying constantly over his husband and son and then trying to reassure his in-laws and fielding questions from his own parents... Jensen just felt a bit like he was about to start going crazy any moment now. Not that he wasn't grateful for their help but he just felt overwhelmed and he wanted it all to stop, even just for a moment. The only good thing was that he hadn't been bombarded with calls from either his or Jared's siblings or their friends but he knew that both of their parents were playing defender in that arena and sooner or later he would have to talk to them too. He was drawn out of his thoughts when the bathroom door opened and Jared walked out, dressed in what had apparently become his normal attire of sweatpants and sweatshirts. How the hell are you not burning up wearing that? Jensen silently asked himself knowing that there was no valid reason for Jared to be dressed like that.
“They're not back yet?” Jared asked as he stood awkwardly by the bathroom door. He hated that it was awkward between him and Jensen now. They had been together for over ten years and known each other for almost fourteen and in all that time, never had it been like this. Not even when they had first started dating or getting to know each other had it been like this. Looking at Jensen now made Jared's heart ache. He wanted to be able to touch his husband and remember the times when his touch had been new but exciting and now... now, it felt like they were complete strangers. It was one of the most awful feelings he'd ever experienced and he wished like hell he knew how to change it.
“Ah, no... not yet. Want me to call them? Find out when they'll be back?” Jensen asked as he reached his hand into the pocket of his shorts to grab his phone.
Jared shook his head. If his son was having a good time with his friend and grandparents then he didn't want to disrupt that. “No, that's okay but thanks.” He tried to smile but he felt like he was failing by a mile.
Jensen nodded, unsure of what to say or do now. They still hadn't made up from their fight that morning and as much as he wanted to know why Jared had acted the way he had, he didn't want to start another argument. He was tired of fighting with his husband but that wasn't even the biggest issue they had hanging over them right at that moment.
“Jen,” Jared started hesitantly as his hands reflexively tightened on the towel he'd been holding.
“Yeah Jay?” Jensen responded as he moved to sit up on the bed, his gaze directed at his hands that were folded and across his legs.
“I just... I want to say I'm sorry.” Jared repeated as he closed his eyes, trying to fight the tears that were building up. He was so frickin' sick of crying.
“You already did.” Jensen replied, sighing and wiping a hand across his face. He didn't want another apology, he wanted an explanation but he was incredibly doubtful that he was going to actually get one.
“I know, I know but I just... I don't know why I said that but thank you,” Jared dropped the towel at his feet and walked over to where Jensen was sitting. “I'm... I'm glad you followed me... it, just I'm sorry.” He stuttered.
Jensen was quiet. “Why didn't you want me down there?” He asked finally as he still didn't know why his husband had been so against it. He didn't know what Jared had thought he would do if he went down there. Sure, he was pissed but did Jared really think that he'd act out of control or something? Sure, Jensen wanted to beat the guy's brains in but the only way he was going to do that was if he knew for certain that Jared was far, far from ever being in that bastards reach again.
Jared shrugged as he didn't know how to explain to Jensen that he felt if he let Jensen accompany him to the police station that his husband would regret it, regret sticking around. He didn't know how to put into words just how disgusting and vile he felt and he didn't want Jensen to be anywhere included in that. Sure Jensen had his faults but over all, his husband was good, kind, and honest... Jared hated the idea of dragging him further into this mess. “I... I don't know Jen... I just thought it would be better, I guess, if I went alone.” Jared whispered shakily. He knew that wasn't the best answer but he didn't know how else to explain, not without opening up a whole other can of worms.
Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence babe Jensen thought to himself. He huffed and shook his head but just as he was about to say something else, they were interrupted by knocking at the door. “I'll get it.” He muttered, glad for the distraction, as he walked over to the door and opened it to reveal his parents, in-laws, and Tyler. “Hey guys,” He smiled sheepishly when his eyes landed on his mom.
“Where's daddy?” Tyler asked as he looked up at his papa with curious eyes, unaware of the tension between his father and grandma.
“I'm over here Ty,” Jared called, wanting to prove that he was still there just like he'd said he would be.
Tyler hurried over to his dad and hugged him, causing Jared to wrinkle his nose a little bit. Tyler had changed into a fresh t-shirt and shorts but his hair was still damp and he smelled like chlorine.
“Did you have fun?” Jared asked when Tyler had sat down on his lap. He was glad to see that his son looked happier now than he had this morning. He had hated seeing that him spending one week in the hospital had caused his son to become unnaturally clingy and had seemed to change him a bit. Jared knew that he had been affected by the attack but he desperately wanted Tyler's life to continue as normal.
Tyler nodded excitedly. “Yeah, Brendan and I had cannonball contests!” He explained, smirking.
“Really, didn't that hurt?” Jared asked with a tiny smile on his face.
Tyler shook his head no. “And guess what daddy? I won, my splash was the biggest! But Brendan could stay underwater the longest.” He added at the last minute, a small pout on his face.
Jared nodded, feigning interest. “Sounds like a good day Ty, did you thank your grandparents for taking you?” He asked, giving his son a pointed look.
Tyler nodded. “Yup, I did daddy and they bought us ice cream too and I said thank you for that too.”
“I'm glad you were well-behaved but you mister smell like you could use a bath so let's go.” Jared patted Tyler's back and ushered him towards the bathroom. “Thanks again for taking him. I hope they weren't too much trouble.” He gave a smile that didn't reach his eyes before he disappeared into the bathroom with his son. He was sure that Jensen would tell them about what they had had to do that day and he didn't really want to be present for that.
Jensen watched Jared disappear into the bathroom and it made him shake his head sadly. He hated watching what felt like two different people play the part of his husband. When Tyler or their parents were around, Jared was fake smiles and a little bit of conversation but when it was just the two of them, his husband was quiet, teary-eyed, and angry. “Excuse me,” Jensen nodded his head a bit shakily as he headed for the door. He needed to get out of there, he needed to get some air.
~JA/JP-A~
Leaning against the outside wall of the building, Jensen put his head in his hands and tried to calm himself down by taking several deep breaths. As angry as he was and as much as he wanted to start punching people and throwing things, he knew that he couldn't afford to lose it like that right now, even if bashing a certain someone's face in sounded like a good idea. His family couldn't afford for him to lose it like that. They needed him but it was so hard to remain calm when he was forced to watch his husband put on two different shows. Why us? Why Jay? Jensen thought to himself as he sunk down until his butt hit the concrete. He knew that this guy, for whatever reason, had been targeting gay men but why did it have to be his husband? He just didn't understand why it had to be Jared who the guy had found and targeted though Jensen knew that he wouldn't wish this on anybody, not even his worst enemy. He looked up when the hotel door opened and he saw his father-in-law walk out before shutting the door behind him. Jensen quickly wiped the tears from his face and stood, dusting off the dirt from his pants.
“Thanks again for taking Ty to the pool. Jay and I appreciate you guys handling him right now.” Jensen offered, unsure of what exactly to say to the other man. This was the man whose son he had promised to love and protect for as long as he lived and he didn't know where they stood right now.
Gerry nodded. “Anything we can do to help,” He replied before the two of them stood in silence for a few minutes. “Have there been any developments?” Gerry asked, looking at Jensen with a mix of worry and hope on his face. He wanted his son's attacker caught and brought to justice.
Jensen nodded. “Yeah, they um... they actually caught him.” It still didn't seem real that the monster who was responsible for this was actually behind bars right now.
Gerry's eyes widened before a look of relief filled his eyes. “Oh thank God. Does Jared know?” He asked, hoping that maybe that knowledge would help his son. As much as Jared tried to hide it, Gerry had seen the fear in his middle child's eyes and it had made his heart clench. No parent ever wanted their children to experience that amount of fear and terror, no matter how old they were.
“Yeah, yeah Jay knows. He um... we had to go down to the station today and Jared was able to ID the bastard.” Jensen explained, his gut aching as he remembered how shaken his husband had looked afterwards. He was immensely relieved that Jared had been able to but the fear that still reigned over them was almost unbearable. “They're arraigning him and charging him with six counts of rape so he shouldn't be getting bail anytime soon.”
“Six counts?” Gerry asked with shock in his voice.
Jensen nodded. Up until now, he hadn't told anyone anything about what the detectives had told him about the bastard. He hadn't wanted to talk about it and while he still didn't, he knew that Jared's parents deserved to know. “Apparently this guy's been targeting men who were home alone while their partners were out of town. The ah, his latest attack was interrupted and they were able to arrest him.”
Gerry walked a few feet away from Jensen to lean on the railing that was along a space in the building as he tried to take in what his son-in-law was telling him. That was a lot of horrible news to have to digest at one time. He was beyond relieved to hear that the man who had hurt his son was in jail but hearing that Jared had been targeted because he was a gay man and that he wasn't the only one... it made him more than angry. It made him livid. Living his whole life in Texas, Gerry was used to people who were not all that accepting of the idea of two men or two women living together and being in an intimate relationship. Granted it had been a bit of a shock to him when Jared had sat Sherry and himself down and tearfully explained that he thought he might be gay but to attack and rape someone because of that... it was beyond incomprehensible. “I hope he gets the death penalty.” Gerry responded, his voice as hard as steel.
Jensen nodded in agreement but he didn't know what else to say so he remained quiet. After all, what did you say to your father-in-law after something like this? I'm sorry didn't seem to cut it.
“Has... has he talked to you?” Gerry asked a few moments later and Jensen was surprised to see his father-in-law's eyes shining and wet. He'd never seen the other man cry before, not even when he'd met Tyler for the first time.
I'm sorry he thought. He hadn't just let Jared and Tyler down, he'd let everyone who loved Jared down. “No, not really.” Jensen shook his head no as he bit his lip uncertainly. He didn't know how much he should tell Gerry. He knew that Jared didn't want anyone to know just how much he was hurting, that much was obvious by the act he had kept going but he didn't know how much Gerry wanted to hear or if he was allowed to tell Gerry by the police standards.
“Jensen, he's my son. I have to know how he's doing.” Gerry almost pleaded when he saw Jensen pause. He wasn't a crier, not by any means at all but knowing what his child had gone through at the hands of some bigot... that made him cry. He and Sherry had stayed up well into the night almost every night since they had received the call from Jensen, worrying over Jared and just how in the world he was going to deal with this. When Jared had first come out to them at the age of seventeen, one of the main things that he had worried over was what people's reactions would be. And not in a shallow way either, he knew that he and Sherry had raised a decent human being and in the end that was what mattered, not who his son was attracted too. No, Gerry had worried about his son's safety and his future. This... this right here, what they were all going through right now was his worst nightmare come true.
Jensen nodded understandingly and he tried to compose himself. He really didn't want to start crying in front of his father-in-law. “He hasn't really talked a lot about it. I mean... he'll say a couple things here and there, mostly at night when he's scared but I think he's trying to hold it all together for Tyler's sake and not let it get to him but...” Jensen shook his head. It was more than obvious to him that this was affecting Jared and he just wished that his husband would talk to him. They'd never not talked about things before and it felt strange to have his husband so cut off from him.
Gerry nodded in understanding. Jared had never been the type to want to dump his troubles on other people. He had been like that since he was a little kid. “Thanks for taking care of him.” Gerry knew that this was also having an affect on his son-in-law and he was grateful for the type of man that Jensen was. He had initially been nervous the first time he'd met Jensen, wondering just how well another man could take care of his son but Jensen had proved over the years that he was completely committed to Jared.
Jensen's head snapped up as he looked at his father-in-law with wide eyes. “What?” He asked in disbelief.
“I know this can't be easy, on either you or Jared and I just want to thank you for being there for him.” Gerry explained further.
“I...” Jensen shook his head, unsure of what to say to that as he really wasn't in agreement with the other man. If he was truly taking care of Jared, of their family like he had promised and sworn to do then this wouldn't have happened in the first place. After a moment and deciding that this conversation needed to end now, Jensen pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Oh, ah I gotta take this.” He lied, smiling tightly when Jerry headed back into the room. Waiting until he was alone again, Jensen stared at the closed door for several minutes. I need to get out of here he thought as he walked as quickly towards his car as he could.
~JA/JP-A~
Jensen had walked down to the parking lot where his car was and now was leaning against it, trying to keep himself together. He felt shaky and on edge but he was trying his damnedest to keep all of that locked firmly inside. Nobody needed to know just how lost or guilty he felt, all they needed to know was that he was going to fight tooth and nail to get his husband back and if that meant putting himself on the back burner then that was what he was going to do. And on a more selfish note, he didn't want them to know what he'd said to Jared before the attack. He didn't want them to know that what he'd thought of as a good break away was really an opportunity for this monster to come in and destroy what they had.
How could I have said that to him? Jensen silently berated himself. He'd suggested that they needed a fucking break all because of minor arguments over stuff that really didn't matter. I'm so sorry Jare he thought wishing that he could somehow go back in time and find a way to prevent this. And that was another thing that was bugging him. How had this guy known that Jensen was leaving and that he'd be gone for a week? Jensen prided himself on knowing everyone who worked in the office and he was certain that Kevin Montgomery was not an employee at the company where he worked. Sure, the police had said that the bastard had stalked all of his victims but it still didn't seem right. Somehow, this guy had known when he was going to be home and had found a way to get inside their house without breaking and entering... it all just felt very odd and like something wasn't right.
As Jensen was trying to sort out in his head if he'd ever met a man named Kevin Montgomery, his phone beeped again, letting him know that he now had two messages waiting on him. Knowing that the police were still wanting to keep in contact with him and Jared, Jensen sighed and tugged his phone out of his pocket, surprised to see that the missed calls were actually from Chris Kane, his best friend from back home in Texas. Not bothering to listen to the messages, Jensen immediately called him back as he opened the car door and climbed in just needing some place quiet to sit before his knees gave out. He knew that Chris had probably been kept up to date on what had happened but Jensen just didn't have the strength to have this conversation for a third time today and remain standing.
There was barely enough time for the phone to ring once before it was answered. “Jensen, finally! Danni and I have been worrying our heads off here!” He chastised and Jensen could very easily detect the concern in his friend's voice.
“Yeah, ah... it's been...” Jensen stopped talking as he felt himself starting to get chocked up. Jensen raised a fist to his mouth and bit down on his knuckles, trying to keep some sort of a hold on his emotions. He and Chris had been friends since the 6th grade and it just felt really reassuring and somehow disarming to hear his voice. “It's been tough.” He muttered just before he closed his eyes and the walls fell down, letting out a floodgate of emotions.
~JA/JP-A~
Walking back into the hotel room nearly two and a half hours later, Jensen placed the large half cheese and half vegetable pizza he'd bought on the table without looking at anybody directly. His talk with Chris had lasted for over an hour and he'd spent most of the time just venting to the other man. Chris, for his part, had listened and told Jensen that he had better damn well let him and Danneel know if there was anything they could do whether it was taking Tyler for a week or just lending moral support. Jensen eyes had been red and puffy by the time that they had hung up but he felt mildly better. There had always been something about their friendship that had made Jensen be able to talk more than he normally did. Chris was the first person that Jensen had come out too and he guessed it was the same amount of safety he found now. Being able to talk about what had happened without having to make sure that he was reassuring whoever he was speaking to that he would find someway to fix this made him feel minimally like a weight had been lifted.
“Jen, there you are. We were wondering where you went.” Jared noted as he stood from where he had been sitting at the table by the window. When he had came out of the bathroom from giving Tyler a bath, he had only been mildly surprised to not find Jensen in the room. His dad had reassured him that Jensen was just out in the car, getting some things and that he'd be back. He had nodded and ducked his head. He didn't know what it was exactly but there was something in his dad's eyes, in the way he watched him that made him think that his dad knew more than he had this morning.
“Yeah, sorry about that. Ah, Chris called and then I figured ya'll would be hungry so...” He shrugged, noticing how Jared paled when he mentioned Chris. Considering the fact that Chris was known for being pretty protective over his friends, Jensen thought that the only surprising thing about Chris calling was that he'd waited this long to do so. “He and Danni told me to tell you if we need anything then we'd better ring 'em up. Oh! And they also invited Ty to go to the ranch for a week, the kids wanna see him.” Jensen knew that while Chris's kids missing Ty was probably very genuine, he also recognized that the invitation was probably their way of trying to lessen the amount of things that Jensen and Jared had to deal with right then.
Jared nodded, swallowing thickly. “That's nice of them.” He said distractedly as he busied himself with serving Tyler some of the pizza that Jensen had brought. Chris and his wife Danneel, or Danni as most people called her, had four kids who were basically like Tyler's cousins. They had three daughters and one boy: Madison, Katherine, Amy, and Mason. Madison and Katherine were twins and a good deal older than Tyler. They would be entering junior high at the beginning of the fall while Amy was just one week younger so the two of them were pretty good pals. Mason was four years old and completely adored Tyler. Chris had always joked with Jensen that it was because there was so much estrogen in the house, his son jumped at the chance to hang out with another guy.
Jensen turned to look at his son to see how he had reacted to the news that there had been an invitation for him. He was surprised that Tyler didn't look all that excited for it but he put it down to Tyler still going through some sort of separation anxiety from Jared's hospital stay. He swallowed when he saw his mom sitting next to Tyler. “Hey mom, can I... can I talk to you for a sec?” He asked, feeling nervous.
Donna looked up when she heard Jensen call for her and nodded. “I'll be right back, okay sweetie?” She smiled softly at her grandson and then stood to follow Jensen out of the room.
Jensen rocked back on the heels of his feet for a few minutes as it suddenly felt like he was a little kid again who had been told to go say sorry to his mom for talking back to her. “So ah, well... I just wanted to say sorry... for this morning.” He apologized. “I shouldn't... I shouldn't have acted like that. I mean, all you've done since I've called you is try to help us out and you are and well, you didn't deserve that.”
Donna nodded. “Sweetheart, I know you have a lot on your plate right now, both you and Jared do and I'm just worried. Gerry said that they caught the man?” After Gerry had returned to the room without Jensen, he had let her, Sherry, and Alan know what Jensen had said before Jared and Tyler had come out of the bathroom.
Jensen nodded at his mom. “Yeah, they did but it's still... it doesn't feel like it's enough.” He sighed.
“Oh Jensen, this is going to take time honey and yes, that... that pervert being captured like the animal he is is a good thing and a step in the right direction but I think it's going to take more than that.” Donna drew a deep breath.
“Yeah well I don't know where to step next.” Jensen confessed and he felt his shoulders sag a bit. That was just it, he didn't know where to go or what to do next. Jared's bruises were pretty much completely healed and physically, he seemed to be a lot less sore than he had been when he'd first been released but Jensen didn't know what he was supposed to do now. He didn't know how they were supposed to take the jump to the next step, whatever it was, in his husband's recovery.
Donna was quiet for a minute. She knew that the suggestion that she and her husband had come up with may not go over well with her normally reserved son but it seemed like someone needed to suggest it. “Jensen, sweetie, have you... have you thought about the fact that maybe you and Jared need to see someone?” She asked, somewhat hesitantly.
“See someone?” Jensen repeated, confused by what his mother meant by that.
Donna nodded. “Yes, your father and I think that it might be a good idea if you and Jared went and talked to somebody about this, somebody whose experienced and can help you guys. We love you both very much and we just want to make sure that...”
“You think we need to see a shrink?” Jensen interrupted as it finally clicked what his mother was suggesting.
“Yes, we do.” Donna confirmed. “It's... Jensen, I know you're not talking about what happened and you need to, both of you do. You guys are in there tip-toeing around each other and that's not what's going to help either one of you or Tyler.” Donna didn't like having to be blunt with her son, especially with something like this but she knew that this was not something that either Jensen or Jared would decide by themselves and they needed it. She wasn't going to let this tragic event ruin her family.
I'm supposed to be the one he talks to, not some stranger with a cushy office Jensen thought to himself as he bit his lip and glanced back at the door. Jensen thought back to the card that Dr. Walsh had given him on the day that Jared had been released from the hospital and how it was currently stashed in his wallet, hidden and out of view.
“Jensen, please think about it honey? Please?” Donna pleaded as she took her son's hand in hers and gave it a gentle, motherly squeeze.
Jensen nodded. “Yeah, okay mom. I'll think about it.” He replied even as he wondered what would happen if he did say yes. And even if he did, would Jared?
-----------------------------
chapter 8: http://kelzm1989.livejournal.com/2818.html
Thanks again for reading! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and will leave me a note with your thoughts. I'll try to post more ASAP. Thanks again! :)
Rating: NC-17
Author: kelzm1989
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Spoilers: none
Warnings: Rape/non-con
Word Count: 4910
Summary: Based on this prompt: Jensen and Jared live together but Jensen is away on a bussiness trip and Jared is alone at home with their son when a stranger breaks in. Jared is attacked and raped and the son doesn't know what happened but he calls for help. Jensen finds out, he's worried and feeling guilty because when he left, him and Jared were fighting.
Disclaimer: This is pure imagination and let's hope that neither guy ever actually does go through this. I swear I want them to be safe... I just have a bit of a messed up mind, is all ;)
***Author's note: Thanks to EVERYBODY for all of your reviews and your continued interest in my story! I'm so thrilled that all of you are enjoying it and I hope that you will continue to do so! And once again, here are my two lovely banners made by hiroyuki_hydex and sam_dean_hot <3
Jensen was lying back on the bed, waiting for Jared to come out of the bathroom when he felt his phone vibrate once more against his hip. Can't everybody go away? He silently groaned to himself, feeling like he just needed a bit of time when his phone wasn't begging for his attention. It felt like since this whole thing had happened, he hadn't had a single moment to himself as he'd been working with the police and worrying constantly over his husband and son and then trying to reassure his in-laws and fielding questions from his own parents... Jensen just felt a bit like he was about to start going crazy any moment now. Not that he wasn't grateful for their help but he just felt overwhelmed and he wanted it all to stop, even just for a moment. The only good thing was that he hadn't been bombarded with calls from either his or Jared's siblings or their friends but he knew that both of their parents were playing defender in that arena and sooner or later he would have to talk to them too. He was drawn out of his thoughts when the bathroom door opened and Jared walked out, dressed in what had apparently become his normal attire of sweatpants and sweatshirts. How the hell are you not burning up wearing that? Jensen silently asked himself knowing that there was no valid reason for Jared to be dressed like that.
“They're not back yet?” Jared asked as he stood awkwardly by the bathroom door. He hated that it was awkward between him and Jensen now. They had been together for over ten years and known each other for almost fourteen and in all that time, never had it been like this. Not even when they had first started dating or getting to know each other had it been like this. Looking at Jensen now made Jared's heart ache. He wanted to be able to touch his husband and remember the times when his touch had been new but exciting and now... now, it felt like they were complete strangers. It was one of the most awful feelings he'd ever experienced and he wished like hell he knew how to change it.
“Ah, no... not yet. Want me to call them? Find out when they'll be back?” Jensen asked as he reached his hand into the pocket of his shorts to grab his phone.
Jared shook his head. If his son was having a good time with his friend and grandparents then he didn't want to disrupt that. “No, that's okay but thanks.” He tried to smile but he felt like he was failing by a mile.
Jensen nodded, unsure of what to say or do now. They still hadn't made up from their fight that morning and as much as he wanted to know why Jared had acted the way he had, he didn't want to start another argument. He was tired of fighting with his husband but that wasn't even the biggest issue they had hanging over them right at that moment.
“Jen,” Jared started hesitantly as his hands reflexively tightened on the towel he'd been holding.
“Yeah Jay?” Jensen responded as he moved to sit up on the bed, his gaze directed at his hands that were folded and across his legs.
“I just... I want to say I'm sorry.” Jared repeated as he closed his eyes, trying to fight the tears that were building up. He was so frickin' sick of crying.
“You already did.” Jensen replied, sighing and wiping a hand across his face. He didn't want another apology, he wanted an explanation but he was incredibly doubtful that he was going to actually get one.
“I know, I know but I just... I don't know why I said that but thank you,” Jared dropped the towel at his feet and walked over to where Jensen was sitting. “I'm... I'm glad you followed me... it, just I'm sorry.” He stuttered.
Jensen was quiet. “Why didn't you want me down there?” He asked finally as he still didn't know why his husband had been so against it. He didn't know what Jared had thought he would do if he went down there. Sure, he was pissed but did Jared really think that he'd act out of control or something? Sure, Jensen wanted to beat the guy's brains in but the only way he was going to do that was if he knew for certain that Jared was far, far from ever being in that bastards reach again.
Jared shrugged as he didn't know how to explain to Jensen that he felt if he let Jensen accompany him to the police station that his husband would regret it, regret sticking around. He didn't know how to put into words just how disgusting and vile he felt and he didn't want Jensen to be anywhere included in that. Sure Jensen had his faults but over all, his husband was good, kind, and honest... Jared hated the idea of dragging him further into this mess. “I... I don't know Jen... I just thought it would be better, I guess, if I went alone.” Jared whispered shakily. He knew that wasn't the best answer but he didn't know how else to explain, not without opening up a whole other can of worms.
Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence babe Jensen thought to himself. He huffed and shook his head but just as he was about to say something else, they were interrupted by knocking at the door. “I'll get it.” He muttered, glad for the distraction, as he walked over to the door and opened it to reveal his parents, in-laws, and Tyler. “Hey guys,” He smiled sheepishly when his eyes landed on his mom.
“Where's daddy?” Tyler asked as he looked up at his papa with curious eyes, unaware of the tension between his father and grandma.
“I'm over here Ty,” Jared called, wanting to prove that he was still there just like he'd said he would be.
Tyler hurried over to his dad and hugged him, causing Jared to wrinkle his nose a little bit. Tyler had changed into a fresh t-shirt and shorts but his hair was still damp and he smelled like chlorine.
“Did you have fun?” Jared asked when Tyler had sat down on his lap. He was glad to see that his son looked happier now than he had this morning. He had hated seeing that him spending one week in the hospital had caused his son to become unnaturally clingy and had seemed to change him a bit. Jared knew that he had been affected by the attack but he desperately wanted Tyler's life to continue as normal.
Tyler nodded excitedly. “Yeah, Brendan and I had cannonball contests!” He explained, smirking.
“Really, didn't that hurt?” Jared asked with a tiny smile on his face.
Tyler shook his head no. “And guess what daddy? I won, my splash was the biggest! But Brendan could stay underwater the longest.” He added at the last minute, a small pout on his face.
Jared nodded, feigning interest. “Sounds like a good day Ty, did you thank your grandparents for taking you?” He asked, giving his son a pointed look.
Tyler nodded. “Yup, I did daddy and they bought us ice cream too and I said thank you for that too.”
“I'm glad you were well-behaved but you mister smell like you could use a bath so let's go.” Jared patted Tyler's back and ushered him towards the bathroom. “Thanks again for taking him. I hope they weren't too much trouble.” He gave a smile that didn't reach his eyes before he disappeared into the bathroom with his son. He was sure that Jensen would tell them about what they had had to do that day and he didn't really want to be present for that.
Jensen watched Jared disappear into the bathroom and it made him shake his head sadly. He hated watching what felt like two different people play the part of his husband. When Tyler or their parents were around, Jared was fake smiles and a little bit of conversation but when it was just the two of them, his husband was quiet, teary-eyed, and angry. “Excuse me,” Jensen nodded his head a bit shakily as he headed for the door. He needed to get out of there, he needed to get some air.
~JA/JP-A~
Leaning against the outside wall of the building, Jensen put his head in his hands and tried to calm himself down by taking several deep breaths. As angry as he was and as much as he wanted to start punching people and throwing things, he knew that he couldn't afford to lose it like that right now, even if bashing a certain someone's face in sounded like a good idea. His family couldn't afford for him to lose it like that. They needed him but it was so hard to remain calm when he was forced to watch his husband put on two different shows. Why us? Why Jay? Jensen thought to himself as he sunk down until his butt hit the concrete. He knew that this guy, for whatever reason, had been targeting gay men but why did it have to be his husband? He just didn't understand why it had to be Jared who the guy had found and targeted though Jensen knew that he wouldn't wish this on anybody, not even his worst enemy. He looked up when the hotel door opened and he saw his father-in-law walk out before shutting the door behind him. Jensen quickly wiped the tears from his face and stood, dusting off the dirt from his pants.
“Thanks again for taking Ty to the pool. Jay and I appreciate you guys handling him right now.” Jensen offered, unsure of what exactly to say to the other man. This was the man whose son he had promised to love and protect for as long as he lived and he didn't know where they stood right now.
Gerry nodded. “Anything we can do to help,” He replied before the two of them stood in silence for a few minutes. “Have there been any developments?” Gerry asked, looking at Jensen with a mix of worry and hope on his face. He wanted his son's attacker caught and brought to justice.
Jensen nodded. “Yeah, they um... they actually caught him.” It still didn't seem real that the monster who was responsible for this was actually behind bars right now.
Gerry's eyes widened before a look of relief filled his eyes. “Oh thank God. Does Jared know?” He asked, hoping that maybe that knowledge would help his son. As much as Jared tried to hide it, Gerry had seen the fear in his middle child's eyes and it had made his heart clench. No parent ever wanted their children to experience that amount of fear and terror, no matter how old they were.
“Yeah, yeah Jay knows. He um... we had to go down to the station today and Jared was able to ID the bastard.” Jensen explained, his gut aching as he remembered how shaken his husband had looked afterwards. He was immensely relieved that Jared had been able to but the fear that still reigned over them was almost unbearable. “They're arraigning him and charging him with six counts of rape so he shouldn't be getting bail anytime soon.”
“Six counts?” Gerry asked with shock in his voice.
Jensen nodded. Up until now, he hadn't told anyone anything about what the detectives had told him about the bastard. He hadn't wanted to talk about it and while he still didn't, he knew that Jared's parents deserved to know. “Apparently this guy's been targeting men who were home alone while their partners were out of town. The ah, his latest attack was interrupted and they were able to arrest him.”
Gerry walked a few feet away from Jensen to lean on the railing that was along a space in the building as he tried to take in what his son-in-law was telling him. That was a lot of horrible news to have to digest at one time. He was beyond relieved to hear that the man who had hurt his son was in jail but hearing that Jared had been targeted because he was a gay man and that he wasn't the only one... it made him more than angry. It made him livid. Living his whole life in Texas, Gerry was used to people who were not all that accepting of the idea of two men or two women living together and being in an intimate relationship. Granted it had been a bit of a shock to him when Jared had sat Sherry and himself down and tearfully explained that he thought he might be gay but to attack and rape someone because of that... it was beyond incomprehensible. “I hope he gets the death penalty.” Gerry responded, his voice as hard as steel.
Jensen nodded in agreement but he didn't know what else to say so he remained quiet. After all, what did you say to your father-in-law after something like this? I'm sorry didn't seem to cut it.
“Has... has he talked to you?” Gerry asked a few moments later and Jensen was surprised to see his father-in-law's eyes shining and wet. He'd never seen the other man cry before, not even when he'd met Tyler for the first time.
I'm sorry he thought. He hadn't just let Jared and Tyler down, he'd let everyone who loved Jared down. “No, not really.” Jensen shook his head no as he bit his lip uncertainly. He didn't know how much he should tell Gerry. He knew that Jared didn't want anyone to know just how much he was hurting, that much was obvious by the act he had kept going but he didn't know how much Gerry wanted to hear or if he was allowed to tell Gerry by the police standards.
“Jensen, he's my son. I have to know how he's doing.” Gerry almost pleaded when he saw Jensen pause. He wasn't a crier, not by any means at all but knowing what his child had gone through at the hands of some bigot... that made him cry. He and Sherry had stayed up well into the night almost every night since they had received the call from Jensen, worrying over Jared and just how in the world he was going to deal with this. When Jared had first come out to them at the age of seventeen, one of the main things that he had worried over was what people's reactions would be. And not in a shallow way either, he knew that he and Sherry had raised a decent human being and in the end that was what mattered, not who his son was attracted too. No, Gerry had worried about his son's safety and his future. This... this right here, what they were all going through right now was his worst nightmare come true.
Jensen nodded understandingly and he tried to compose himself. He really didn't want to start crying in front of his father-in-law. “He hasn't really talked a lot about it. I mean... he'll say a couple things here and there, mostly at night when he's scared but I think he's trying to hold it all together for Tyler's sake and not let it get to him but...” Jensen shook his head. It was more than obvious to him that this was affecting Jared and he just wished that his husband would talk to him. They'd never not talked about things before and it felt strange to have his husband so cut off from him.
Gerry nodded in understanding. Jared had never been the type to want to dump his troubles on other people. He had been like that since he was a little kid. “Thanks for taking care of him.” Gerry knew that this was also having an affect on his son-in-law and he was grateful for the type of man that Jensen was. He had initially been nervous the first time he'd met Jensen, wondering just how well another man could take care of his son but Jensen had proved over the years that he was completely committed to Jared.
Jensen's head snapped up as he looked at his father-in-law with wide eyes. “What?” He asked in disbelief.
“I know this can't be easy, on either you or Jared and I just want to thank you for being there for him.” Gerry explained further.
“I...” Jensen shook his head, unsure of what to say to that as he really wasn't in agreement with the other man. If he was truly taking care of Jared, of their family like he had promised and sworn to do then this wouldn't have happened in the first place. After a moment and deciding that this conversation needed to end now, Jensen pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Oh, ah I gotta take this.” He lied, smiling tightly when Jerry headed back into the room. Waiting until he was alone again, Jensen stared at the closed door for several minutes. I need to get out of here he thought as he walked as quickly towards his car as he could.
~JA/JP-A~
Jensen had walked down to the parking lot where his car was and now was leaning against it, trying to keep himself together. He felt shaky and on edge but he was trying his damnedest to keep all of that locked firmly inside. Nobody needed to know just how lost or guilty he felt, all they needed to know was that he was going to fight tooth and nail to get his husband back and if that meant putting himself on the back burner then that was what he was going to do. And on a more selfish note, he didn't want them to know what he'd said to Jared before the attack. He didn't want them to know that what he'd thought of as a good break away was really an opportunity for this monster to come in and destroy what they had.
How could I have said that to him? Jensen silently berated himself. He'd suggested that they needed a fucking break all because of minor arguments over stuff that really didn't matter. I'm so sorry Jare he thought wishing that he could somehow go back in time and find a way to prevent this. And that was another thing that was bugging him. How had this guy known that Jensen was leaving and that he'd be gone for a week? Jensen prided himself on knowing everyone who worked in the office and he was certain that Kevin Montgomery was not an employee at the company where he worked. Sure, the police had said that the bastard had stalked all of his victims but it still didn't seem right. Somehow, this guy had known when he was going to be home and had found a way to get inside their house without breaking and entering... it all just felt very odd and like something wasn't right.
As Jensen was trying to sort out in his head if he'd ever met a man named Kevin Montgomery, his phone beeped again, letting him know that he now had two messages waiting on him. Knowing that the police were still wanting to keep in contact with him and Jared, Jensen sighed and tugged his phone out of his pocket, surprised to see that the missed calls were actually from Chris Kane, his best friend from back home in Texas. Not bothering to listen to the messages, Jensen immediately called him back as he opened the car door and climbed in just needing some place quiet to sit before his knees gave out. He knew that Chris had probably been kept up to date on what had happened but Jensen just didn't have the strength to have this conversation for a third time today and remain standing.
There was barely enough time for the phone to ring once before it was answered. “Jensen, finally! Danni and I have been worrying our heads off here!” He chastised and Jensen could very easily detect the concern in his friend's voice.
“Yeah, ah... it's been...” Jensen stopped talking as he felt himself starting to get chocked up. Jensen raised a fist to his mouth and bit down on his knuckles, trying to keep some sort of a hold on his emotions. He and Chris had been friends since the 6th grade and it just felt really reassuring and somehow disarming to hear his voice. “It's been tough.” He muttered just before he closed his eyes and the walls fell down, letting out a floodgate of emotions.
~JA/JP-A~
Walking back into the hotel room nearly two and a half hours later, Jensen placed the large half cheese and half vegetable pizza he'd bought on the table without looking at anybody directly. His talk with Chris had lasted for over an hour and he'd spent most of the time just venting to the other man. Chris, for his part, had listened and told Jensen that he had better damn well let him and Danneel know if there was anything they could do whether it was taking Tyler for a week or just lending moral support. Jensen eyes had been red and puffy by the time that they had hung up but he felt mildly better. There had always been something about their friendship that had made Jensen be able to talk more than he normally did. Chris was the first person that Jensen had come out too and he guessed it was the same amount of safety he found now. Being able to talk about what had happened without having to make sure that he was reassuring whoever he was speaking to that he would find someway to fix this made him feel minimally like a weight had been lifted.
“Jen, there you are. We were wondering where you went.” Jared noted as he stood from where he had been sitting at the table by the window. When he had came out of the bathroom from giving Tyler a bath, he had only been mildly surprised to not find Jensen in the room. His dad had reassured him that Jensen was just out in the car, getting some things and that he'd be back. He had nodded and ducked his head. He didn't know what it was exactly but there was something in his dad's eyes, in the way he watched him that made him think that his dad knew more than he had this morning.
“Yeah, sorry about that. Ah, Chris called and then I figured ya'll would be hungry so...” He shrugged, noticing how Jared paled when he mentioned Chris. Considering the fact that Chris was known for being pretty protective over his friends, Jensen thought that the only surprising thing about Chris calling was that he'd waited this long to do so. “He and Danni told me to tell you if we need anything then we'd better ring 'em up. Oh! And they also invited Ty to go to the ranch for a week, the kids wanna see him.” Jensen knew that while Chris's kids missing Ty was probably very genuine, he also recognized that the invitation was probably their way of trying to lessen the amount of things that Jensen and Jared had to deal with right then.
Jared nodded, swallowing thickly. “That's nice of them.” He said distractedly as he busied himself with serving Tyler some of the pizza that Jensen had brought. Chris and his wife Danneel, or Danni as most people called her, had four kids who were basically like Tyler's cousins. They had three daughters and one boy: Madison, Katherine, Amy, and Mason. Madison and Katherine were twins and a good deal older than Tyler. They would be entering junior high at the beginning of the fall while Amy was just one week younger so the two of them were pretty good pals. Mason was four years old and completely adored Tyler. Chris had always joked with Jensen that it was because there was so much estrogen in the house, his son jumped at the chance to hang out with another guy.
Jensen turned to look at his son to see how he had reacted to the news that there had been an invitation for him. He was surprised that Tyler didn't look all that excited for it but he put it down to Tyler still going through some sort of separation anxiety from Jared's hospital stay. He swallowed when he saw his mom sitting next to Tyler. “Hey mom, can I... can I talk to you for a sec?” He asked, feeling nervous.
Donna looked up when she heard Jensen call for her and nodded. “I'll be right back, okay sweetie?” She smiled softly at her grandson and then stood to follow Jensen out of the room.
Jensen rocked back on the heels of his feet for a few minutes as it suddenly felt like he was a little kid again who had been told to go say sorry to his mom for talking back to her. “So ah, well... I just wanted to say sorry... for this morning.” He apologized. “I shouldn't... I shouldn't have acted like that. I mean, all you've done since I've called you is try to help us out and you are and well, you didn't deserve that.”
Donna nodded. “Sweetheart, I know you have a lot on your plate right now, both you and Jared do and I'm just worried. Gerry said that they caught the man?” After Gerry had returned to the room without Jensen, he had let her, Sherry, and Alan know what Jensen had said before Jared and Tyler had come out of the bathroom.
Jensen nodded at his mom. “Yeah, they did but it's still... it doesn't feel like it's enough.” He sighed.
“Oh Jensen, this is going to take time honey and yes, that... that pervert being captured like the animal he is is a good thing and a step in the right direction but I think it's going to take more than that.” Donna drew a deep breath.
“Yeah well I don't know where to step next.” Jensen confessed and he felt his shoulders sag a bit. That was just it, he didn't know where to go or what to do next. Jared's bruises were pretty much completely healed and physically, he seemed to be a lot less sore than he had been when he'd first been released but Jensen didn't know what he was supposed to do now. He didn't know how they were supposed to take the jump to the next step, whatever it was, in his husband's recovery.
Donna was quiet for a minute. She knew that the suggestion that she and her husband had come up with may not go over well with her normally reserved son but it seemed like someone needed to suggest it. “Jensen, sweetie, have you... have you thought about the fact that maybe you and Jared need to see someone?” She asked, somewhat hesitantly.
“See someone?” Jensen repeated, confused by what his mother meant by that.
Donna nodded. “Yes, your father and I think that it might be a good idea if you and Jared went and talked to somebody about this, somebody whose experienced and can help you guys. We love you both very much and we just want to make sure that...”
“You think we need to see a shrink?” Jensen interrupted as it finally clicked what his mother was suggesting.
“Yes, we do.” Donna confirmed. “It's... Jensen, I know you're not talking about what happened and you need to, both of you do. You guys are in there tip-toeing around each other and that's not what's going to help either one of you or Tyler.” Donna didn't like having to be blunt with her son, especially with something like this but she knew that this was not something that either Jensen or Jared would decide by themselves and they needed it. She wasn't going to let this tragic event ruin her family.
I'm supposed to be the one he talks to, not some stranger with a cushy office Jensen thought to himself as he bit his lip and glanced back at the door. Jensen thought back to the card that Dr. Walsh had given him on the day that Jared had been released from the hospital and how it was currently stashed in his wallet, hidden and out of view.
“Jensen, please think about it honey? Please?” Donna pleaded as she took her son's hand in hers and gave it a gentle, motherly squeeze.
Jensen nodded. “Yeah, okay mom. I'll think about it.” He replied even as he wondered what would happen if he did say yes. And even if he did, would Jared?
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chapter 8: http://kelzm1989.livejournal.com/2818.html
Thanks again for reading! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and will leave me a note with your thoughts. I'll try to post more ASAP. Thanks again! :)