Let's talk about . . . when it's too much

[kazoogrrl]

I started following a bohemian design blog, which is mainly a way to look at lovely houses and hopefully light a fire under my ass to get working on and decorating my own place. A home profile led me to Justina Blakeney , a stylist, designer and professional blogger. Sidenote: the idea that blogging can be job and a way to make a living kind of

Comments

[noralita]

Oh well done to start. You're not alone in this. I've seen several friends leave FB and suggest connecting instead. More importantly, there's a pretty frequently cited study or two that quantify increase in "life dissatisfaction" or depression related to the time spent on social media (possibly FB in particular, given the self-selecting nature of happy unicorn land) and the quantifiable amount of time spent doing that as opposed to acting on ones own dreams, goals, and minor steps to balance or achievement with action plans or just actions. A vicious cycle to be sure.

I'm in the same boat of course, although some motivations have come from the onslaught (unclutterer, my BFF Caviglia's Curiousity's revived drawing reviving my efforts, secret Mermaid group encouraging greater commitment to Sparklemotion by sharing costume progress and having crafting invitationals). But I lose far too much time at work and get moody then or lingering malaise ruining time that could be spent in the creative ways it used to be.

Setting times and limits

[ramentenshi]

"More importantly, there's a pretty frequently cited study or two that quantify increase in "life dissatisfaction" or depression related to the time spent on social media (possibly FB in particular, given the self-selecting nature of happy unicorn land) and the quantifiable amount of time spent doing that as opposed to acting on ones own dreams, goals, and minor steps to balance or achievement with action plans or just actions."

THIS. Quitting FB was a major factor in managing my depression. Everyone is happy on FB, and the constant onslaught of wedding/exciting career/house/exotic travel/look at my fabulous life overseas posts were was making me feel inadequate. Once I got off FB, I realized that my life/friends/career are actually pretty great, and I've never looked back.

[wasabi_poptart]

^this^

The WORST thing you can possibly do after a weekend you spent home sick in bed is log into facebook on Monday morning and see all the status updates of all the fun you ostensibly missed.

... and don't even get me started on postings about parties I hadn't been invited to, given by people I'd thought were my good friends!

[kazoogrrl]

Yep. Hence also all of my beating up on myself for not getting enough things done, when people are posting about their super productivity.

[bilum]

This is a great post! I really enjoy your musings on trying to live more healthfully and intentionally.

On another note, I'd love recs for bohemian design blogs! I'm in need of style inspiration, but my style is definitely on the hippie side of Apartment Therapy.

[kazoogrrl]

Here you go, she links to a lot of other places too. I like that she attributes every thing she can and mentions how she holds onto some pics until she can find the citations.

http://frommoontomoon.blogspot.co.uk/

[afoundobject]

People find it funny that I work in social media, but am not "on" at all times. I found about 6 months in to my taking my current job that I was too obsessed with being on top of everything, being friends with everyone, and somehow using social media as a way to extend my Type A "be and do all the things cross off all the lists and be the best me I can be" nature and escalated it to a new level. I've had to take some steps, similar to what Nora outlined, to curtail my addiction. While I do think social media is a tool that has great potential to better connect people and help us all be and stay more informed, it can easily eat lives and gobble time

[kazoogrrl]

*hugs, not even drunk ones* Thank you.

I think a lot of this is also coming out because I've been doing some "What, what am I doing with myself/where am I going" and I'm trying to (re)prioritize and get rid of bad habits in and externally. Why is it so hard to see our own fabulousness?

[marinatempest]

I can relate. I'm always afraid I'm going to miss out on something by not being caught up on social media stuff. Whenever I travel, I let it go and only check in with my IRL friends occasionally. And I never "miss" anything. You'd think I'd learn, but no. The best I can do is keep who and what I'm following to a minimum so it isn't a huge timesuck. I can turn it into a timesuck anyway, though! I have never in any way ever been "in" and times when I have tried, I have landed woefully off the mark and even more in the fringes. It's good to be a grown up and have found my own tribe. Still, it is hard, especially professionally, when I feel like there is a giant popularity contest that I will never win, and I have to admit that recently it has caused a lot of anger, jealousy, and bitterness. I see how toxic my attitude was getting and nipped it in the bud (I hope). Where you direct your time turns into what is important to you, and if you direct all your energy looking for affirmation outside, things can go sour really fast.

[kazoogrrl]

"Where you direct your time turns into what is important to you, and if you direct all your energy looking for affirmation outside, things can go sour really fast."

I like your clarity here, that's essentially what it boils down too.

And thank you, when I turn off the hamster brain it is good to look around at my community and think how lucky I am to be with the "in" crowd!

[wasabi_poptart]

The few weeks I deactivated my facebook account in December were fantastic. I think I might do it again after the water ballet is over.

Anyhoo, I formulated my understanding of popularity in high school the same time I learned about economics, so to me they're pretty much exactly the same thing: stuff is only as valuable as everyone agrees that it is. Diamonds are not rare and precious, and nobody really likes the homecoming court--they've just got great advertising and public relations and people buy into the hype because it's very convincing. However, there are some items we can't live without, regardless of the price, just as there are some people who really matter in our lives ... one of the awesome things about being a grownup is knowing the true value of a dollar and an hour, and it becomes easier all the time to figure out how not to waste either of those things.

IOW, "out" and "in" are completely arbitrary concepts and if we want to decide them for ourselves, we need to stop letting other people tell us what they are.

[kazoogrrl]

This reminds me of the reactions I get when I talk about my high school. It was not the kind of place where the football players and cheerleaders were top of the school. Actually, the girls volleyball team had some of the most popular people because they were nice, smart, did other activities, and were friendly to everyone. There was some group tension but everyone pretty much did their own thing and it wasn't terribly traumatic, even for the freaky theatre kids like me.

[wasabi_poptart]

My second high school was like that, too.