Comments | kazeno_taka: Disturbing discoveries.

kazeno_taka

Disturbing discoveries.

Feb 08, 2013 00:51

Had an hour-long phone conversation with my aunt whom I rarely talk to. She and my other aunt helped my stepfather take care of my mom in her last few years when the dementia was in its final stages. Now...I should have known better to believe my stepfather when he criticized my aunts for being 'irresponsible' and 'not giving enough time to your ( Read more... )

Comments 14

eski February 8 2013, 09:11:45 UTC

Good fucking god, NO. Just NO. I am so sorry that you ever even had contact with a manipulative inhuman piece of shit like that. Let alone have to live with him and deal with all that bullshit. This is life ruining shit that people do, and they do it for their own sick pleasure and personal gain. I can't ever wish anything good for a person monster like that. It wouldn't be very becoming for me to tell you exactly what I wish on him, but you probably get the idea.

*hugs* You are free now, you're free of this shit. Not saying it hasn't effected you, but you're free of his grasp now. I'm sorry you had to relive that pain recently and see some horrible truths. =(

kazeno_taka February 9 2013, 01:45:16 UTC

I lived with him since I was 7 years old, and moved out when I was 17 so for 10 years I had to deal with this asshole. He certainly had an effect on my emotional development, and I'm still mad as hell that a lot of my anxiety/social/confidence issues stem directly from his control and abuse. I literally COULD NOT stand up for myself because it was 'talking back' or 'mouthing off' if I even disputed something with him. The one day I got brave enough to stand up to him (I was 16) he smacked me in the face. Right in the face.

There are very few people I hate, but he is #1 on my list. I wish that with time going by it would be easier for me to just become 'normal' and be able to function, but it's not. I think part of the reason I'm not able to engage in relationships is because I am so crippled by fear by letting someone get close to me and know things about me that they could use to hurt me. Because that's what Bob did - he would use things he knew about me and throw them in my face.

eski February 9 2013, 02:07:30 UTC

That's so horrible that you have to have that fear, the fear of trusting someone, because of what he did to you. That's so crippling and scary to have those thoughts, and not be able to get close to anyone. I wish I could help you somehow, it's a painful thing that you have to live with. *hugs*

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kazeno_taka February 9 2013, 01:47:14 UTC

The more I'm learning about how he treated my aunts, the more my anger about him is starting to rise to the surface again. I've had to deal with his abuse on me, but the fact that he did it to other people I care about makes me angry in a new way. And the whole talking shit about you and then being nice to your face...I can't stand that.

lauragarabedian February 8 2013, 16:38:56 UTC

Ugh, so sorry you had to deal with that, and that he has continued to negatively impact your life in such a way. Its good to hear that you and your aunt have an open line of communication now though! Hopefully that will be a positive?

kazeno_taka February 9 2013, 01:48:32 UTC

Yeah, I was closer to my aunts when I was really young, but once Bob was in the picture, I didn't have as much contact with them for some reason. Lately I've been having more contact with my aunts which is nice. She said the family would love to have me and my brother come to family parties, so hopefully we all hang out a bit more.

enjis February 8 2013, 17:19:30 UTC

Heck, this makes me so angry....I can't imagine how you managed to grow up to be such a nice person when you were raised in an enviroment such as that. I really feel awful for my friends who grew up with that kind of shit.

kazeno_taka February 9 2013, 01:51:09 UTC

Aw, thanks. I think the reason I'm 'nice' (as people see me, at least!) is because I promised I would become the opposite of what Bob is. He's cruel and manipulative, I would be kind and never take advantage of people. He talks badly about people behind their backs, I try not to talk badly about people (though sometimes I rant about my dad online >.> but in a loving way). I try to live a life where I don't do harm to people, even if it would benefit me. I know how much it hurts to have someone bully you, which is what he did. There's enough negativity in this world without me contributing to it.

tyrrlin February 8 2013, 17:37:34 UTC

omg this makes me so angry. But you know what? YOU are the stronger and better person in all of this. I respect you immensely. Dunno what else to say but *huggggggs*

kazeno_taka February 9 2013, 01:54:38 UTC

Thanks *hugs*. The thing that sucks the most is during those early years of emotional development, my brain was 'trained' with a lot of defense mechanisms to protect myself from what he would do, so even as an adult, that was part of my childhood development that defines my mental process as an adult. It's very hard to 'untrain' your mind from the way it was wired through what you learned in childhood. If you kick a child every time the doorbell rings, he or she will still flinch, until they're old and gray, every time they hear a doorbell.