One-shot Fic: Tomorrow
Title: Tomorrow
Author: kayson135
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Spoilers/Warnings: Modern AU, some offensive language.
Word Count: ~3000
Disclaimer: I own nothing and am not affiliated with BBCs Merlin. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Arthur really wasn’t sure how they had ended up in this situation. He kept replaying the horrifying events over and over in his head but he still couldn’t understand how this had been the result.
Arthur really wasn’t sure how they had ended up in this situation. He kept replaying the horrifying events over and over in his head but he still couldn’t understand how this had been the result. They had been laughing, joking about how Gwen and Lance would need a third parent to be the disciplinarian because they were both just too sweet. This had led to them talking over the names Gwen and Lance had chosen and then to the names Merlin liked, the names he’d want to call their children. Arthur had argued they couldn’t have children and suddenly things had gone from happy and light to incredibly hostile and vicious.
“I always knew you hated kids,” Merlin said bitterly.
“I don’t hate kids,” Arthur argued, looking confused. “That’s not what I said!”
“No, you said we can’t have them,” Merlin snapped.
“Not biologically, no,” Arthur replied, chuckling.
Arthur winced when he remembered his reaction. He’d been so thrown from Merlin’s outburst that he couldn’t understand how serious it really was or how much it actually meant to Merlin.
“Could we adopt?” Merlin asked sceptically.
“Why not?” Arthur asked, still looking confused. “I know you want them, it can happen. You have time.”
Merlin nodded. He still looked upset but it was clear he didn’t want to fight anymore. “Let’s eat.”
He should have known that wasn’t the end of the discussion but he thought Merlin was ready to let it go. It was a topic they could visit later, Arthur had told himself. They had moved to Brighton a few months ago, were just getting settled into their routine as Merlin took up his assistantship at the university and Arthur started his new position at the hospital. It should have been perfect. Their largest concerns should have been what colour to paint the walls of the new flat and whether or not they wanted to get that dog they’d been talking about. Christmas had just passed, Merlin’s twenty-eighth birthday was in a week and Arthur had been more interested in finding out where he could buy his boyfriend a cake than discussing names of hypothetical children.
“I should have listened,” Arthur muttered, burying his head in his hands. “I thought we had more time.”
The rest of dinner was tense and when Arthur reached for Merlin’s dirty plate Merlin shook his head and got up to clean it himself.
“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to have done,” Arthur said quietly, following Merlin into the kitchen. He left his plate on the counter and tried to put his arms around Merlin but Merlin shrugged him off without a word. “What is it?”
Merlin turned around and looked at Arthur searchingly. After a moment he said in an extremely deflated tone, “You really don’t get it.”
“Get what?” Arthur asked. “This isn’t still about kids, is it? I told you that you could have them!”
“That’s my point!” Merlin snapped. “You say that I can have them. Me. Not us, not we, but me! I want kids with you, Arthur. Not yet, not even in the next year or two. Maybe when we’re thirty we can start looking into it but I know I want them with you.”
“Merlin we can’t,” Arthur said patiently. “It doesn’t work that way.”
“I’m not talking biology,” Merlin replied furiously. “I don’t need to be a doctor to understand fucking anatomy. Don’t be patronizing, Arthur.”
“I’m not patronizing you,” Arthur argued. “Besides, you’re almost a doctor, just not a real one.”
Arthur groaned when he remembered that last bit. Merlin usually chuckled at that comment. When Merlin told him he wanted to go for his PhD in English, Arthur had been nothing but supportive. They had moved to Brighton so that Merlin could finish the last of his studies and begin teaching at the university while Arthur worked at the hospital. Merlin had joked once to friends that they would both be doctors but if anyone ever needed a real doctor, they should ask Arthur, his degree was actually in medicine.
Looking back on it, Arthur wished he’d just listened. He hadn’t realised how serious it had been. How much this had been eating away at Merlin over the months as Gwen and Lance exclaimed over the ups and downs of being pregnant and the joys of becoming parents. They had talked about playgroups and meeting other parents and the future of dressing their baby up for Halloween and Christmas. Merlin had joined in, talking about his first Halloween costume and how he had always wished for a sibling so that they could do matching costumes. Gwen had squealed over the cute idea and said that she was looking forward to themed birthday parties.
Arthur had stayed silent during these conversations, sitting quietly with his half-sister Morgana if she was present or idling in the kitchen making tea. He’d had a rather lonely childhood and didn’t want to depress anyone with stories about how his father forgot his birthday every year on purpose but celebrated Morgana’s. It had always embarrassed Morgana and Arthur knew that she hated the extra attention from Uther so he’d never held it against her. Birthdays became something they both dreaded. Arthur would never wish those feelings on a child.
Of course, Arthur hadn’t been able to express those fears to Merlin. Instead, he’d just shrugged him off, told him it could wait and ignored the topic whenever Merlin brought it up. He figured they always had tomorrow to discuss it if they had to. He’d thought if he didn’t acknowledge it then it would go away. He’d acted like his father and it had resulted in this situation that was making Arthur want to cry, scream, and punch a wall all at once. Instead he was sitting uncomfortably, head in his hands, and doing his best to be strong.
“Go to Hell,” Merlin spat, pushing away from the sink and going to the coat closet.
“What are you doing?” Arthur asked, staring as Merlin pulled his winter coat on and wrapped a scarf around his neck.
“I’m going for a walk. I can’t talk to you right now.” Merlin pocketed his keys and grabbed his mobile and wallet off of the counter.
“Merlin,” Arthur said gently, reaching for the dark haired man he’d been with for the past five years. “Don’t leave.”
Merlin batted Arthur’s hand away. “I’m not leaving. I love you, Arthur, but I’m too fucking angry right now. I’ve had enough of this.” He pulled the door open and walked out, leaving a shocked and terrified Arthur staring at the space Merlin had just occupied.
Arthur felt the depression and resentment of rejection bubble in his chest and he resolved not to go after Merlin. Merlin would come back. He said he wasn’t leaving him. They hadn’t just broken up, it was just and argument. They’d fought before…
“Fuck,” Arthur muttered, grabbing his own coat as he wrenched the door open, hoping he could catch Merlin before he got too far.
A small choked sob escaped Arthur’s lips as he thought about the next events. It was here that everything got blurry. He could remember the conversations, the fights, and the knowledge that he had been wrong to ignore Merlin and had to make it right. Had to tell Merlin that yes, he wanted to have kids and raise them with Merlin, yes they could name the girl Patricia and the boy James, and no it didn’t matter if they were biologically theirs so long as Arthur got to be Merlin’s co-parent and partner.
“Fuck,” he moaned, trying not to cry as he thought about how he’d chased Merlin down but had been too late to stop the next events from happening.
Merlin had always been clumsy but when he was emotional he was even more uncoordinated. It was like his brain was unable to keep up with his thought process and stopped paying attention to how he was moving. Arthur had called Merlin’s name and chased him down the street. It was one of the rare times that they’d had a good snow and the pavement was icy but Arthur was surefooted and managed to catch up. Merlin had told him to go back to the flat, to leave him alone and they could talk later.
Arthur had reached for Merlin, had tried to pull him into a hug and tell him that he was sorry. That he’d never meant to hurt him. Merlin had jerked away from Arthur and slipped badly on the ice near the kerb. He’d tripped backwards, falling awkwardly, all of his limbs flailing as Arthur tried to catch him. There’d been a sudden, sick smacking sound and the next thing Arthur knew someone was screaming and Merlin was lying half in the road, his arm twisted in an awkward position and a dark pool gathering under his head.
How did he even manage to fall like that? Arthur demanded of himself, staring in shock as a man shouted for someone to dial 999.
“You pushed him!” a woman accused, striding towards Arthur.
“No,” Arthur whispered, kneeling down next to Merlin and trying to assess the damage. Merlin was unconscious. There was nothing Arthur could do outside of the hospital and he was loath to move Merlin but his head wound needed attention. What if his skull…
“Get away,” the woman yelled, jerking Arthur to his feet. “What’s the matter with you?”
“I didn’t push him!” Arthur bellowed, trying to push the woman away as the ambulance arrived and the paramedics.
“Don’t push me,” the woman yelped.
A crowd had gathered and the paramedics had gotten Merlin onto a stretcher with a brace around his neck. Arthur pushed the woman away from him and hurried over. “I’m Doctor Arthur Pendragon, I’m riding with you.”
The paramedics looked at each other and at the woman who was screeching about how Arthur had pushed the unconscious, bleeding man but they needed to get to the hospital and let Arthur get inside.
Arthur didn’t remember the ride to the hospital in the ambulance. He had answered questions, did his best not to get in the way when he really wanted to examine Merlin himself, and tried to convince the paramedics that he was not an abusive partner. That it really had just been a freak fall that had caused Merlin to break his arm and split his head open. They hadn’t believed him and had called the police.
It was now a few hours since the police had left and Arthur was sitting by Merlin’s hospital bed, ignoring the other patients who were sharing the room. It wasn’t Arthur’s hospital but one of the other Brighton hospitals and Arthur was grateful that he didn’t have to see any of the doctors or nurses he worked with. Once they had cleared him as the aggressor they had filled him in on Merlin’s condition and allowed him to sit by his bedside, warning Arthur that Merlin had been given drugs that would ease his pain and likely keep him unconscious.
Merlin’s arm was in a cast and his head had been stitched. Luckily his skill hadn’t been cracked where it had hit the kerb but he would have a terrible headache and a concussion. Arthur had been told to expect Merlin to be disoriented and confused when he regained consciousness.
Arthur hated looking at Merlin in the hospital bed. He looked so frail and vulnerable with the oxygen on his face, the IV in his arm, and the ugly hospital gown and blanket covering his thin frame. It was ironic, he thought. He saw people like this every day and it never stirred any emotion in him except the typical concern a doctor had for his patient.
“Sir?” a nurse said gently, touching Arthur on the shoulder. “Sir, I’m sorry but you need to go home now. We’ll let you know if anything changes.”
“No, please,” Arthur begged. “I won’t do anything. Let me stay.”
The nurse shook her head. “I’m sorry. You should have left over an hour ago.” She smiled gently. “He’s going to be fine. It’s just the medicine keeping him asleep now.”
Arthur sighed and bit his tongue. He didn’t want the nurse to explain the medicine to him. He understood the medicine and what it meant for Merlin to still be unconscious after all these hours. However, arguing with her would not help Merlin wake up nor would it make it easier for Arthur to visit the following day. With a last glance at Merlin, Arthur got to his feet and stumbled out the door.
****
Arthur wasn’t sure how he got home. He only knew that he woke on the couch in their flat to the sound of his mobile going off at six in the morning.
“’Lo?” he asked, frowning at the unrecognisable number on the caller ID. He didn’t have to work today; his rounds were scheduled for the following day and he wasn’t on call.
“Doctor Pendragon, this is Nurse Simmons. I wanted tell you that Mister Emrys is awake and asking for you.”
Arthur let out a breath he hadn’t even realised he was holding. “I’ll be there immediately.”
He changed his shirt but didn’t bother to shower before grabbing his car keys and driving to the hospital. His medical mind went through all the possibilities for the concussion now that Merlin was awake while the other part of his mind kept thinking, “Thank God he’s alright”.
Arthur found Merlin lying in the hospital bed with his eyes closed, a tray of untouched food next to him.
“Merlin, you need to eat that,” Arthur said awkwardly. He wanted so badly to take Merlin’s hand but he wasn’t sure if Merlin was even awake anymore and didn’t want to startle him if he was still angry. “He can’t still be angry,” Arthur thought, panicked.
Merlin whimpered. “Go ’way, Arthur.”
Arthur swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry.”
Merlin’s fingers twitched in a shooing motion. “’S fine. My head hurts.”
“Love, you need to open your eyes for me,” Arthur said gently, wishing he had a flashlight so that he could check Merlin himself. The nurse had said that Merlin had a concussion but was otherwise all right and would be kept for observation for the next twenty-four hours. Arthur was considering badgering them into releasing Merlin into his care.
Merlin’s eyes fluttered open and he winced at the florescent light, closing his eyes again briefly before finally letting his blue gaze rest on Arthur. “You look awful.”
Arthur shook his head ruefully. “You look worse, I promise.”
“Finally a competition I get to win,” Merlin joked quietly, closing his eyes again.
“Merlin, look at me,” Arthur said gently but firmly. When Merlin’s eyes were open he asked, “What do you remember? Do you know where you are?”
“The doctors did this already,” Merlin complained. “They were real doctors and everything. I’m in the hospital.” He sighed and looked at Arthur pleadingly. “I want to go home.”
“What do you remember?” Arthur pressed. He knew what the nurse had told him but he wanted to check Merlin for himself. He needed to know that Merlin’s brain really wasn’t addled. Well, more than usual, he thought wryly.
“We fought, I left, you followed me, and I pushed you away.” Merlin whimpered again and closed his eyes, tears running down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
“This is not your fault,” Arthur said firmly.
“They think you hurt me,” Merlin whispered. “They asked if you pushed me or if you have ever…ever hurt me. They said the police would take my statement and you never needed to know.”
“I know,” Arthur said gently. “They asked me about everything yesterday. They had no proof, though, so they had to let me in to sit with you.”
Merlin nodded and looked at Arthur again. “I just wanted to clear my head. I was so angry, Arthur.”
“We need to talk about it,” Arthur informed him.
“Not now,” Merlin replied. “When we go home?”
“Later,” Arthur agreed. To change the subject he asked, “Did you see the police?”
“No,” Merlin replied, smiling slightly. “I told the doctor that you might be a bully and a prat but you’d never actually beat on people you deem weaker than you.”
“Shut up, you idiot,” Arthur replied, chuckling in spite of himself. “You’re not weaker than me.”
“So you would beat me?” Merlin asked, affecting a wounded expression.
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Don’t be cheeky. I can see you’re going to be fine. I guess you really don’t have enough of a brain to have it be affected. Too bad you didn’t hit your mouth!”
Merlin smiled and waggled his fingers as an invitation for Arthur to take his hand. “I love you.”
Arthur kissed Merlin’s forehead. There were so many things they needed to talk about, so much left unspoken. It was a truce of sorts at the moment, neither one of them wanting to talk about the fight or the events that had led to this. In reality they didn’t matter. The result had been catastrophic but Merlin would heal and they had time to talk about all of the things they had fought over. Arthur resolved to tell Merlin his fears and insecurities about one day becoming a father. How he thought he would be distant and unloving, how he knew Merlin would be brilliant and caring. How Arthur already envied the relationship Merlin had with their hypothetical children and how Arthur wanted so badly to keep Merlin for himself.
Yes, they would talk about those things. They had time. It hadn’t been cut short this time. They had tomorrow.
Arthur smiled. “I love you too.”
Author: kayson135
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Spoilers/Warnings: Modern AU, some offensive language.
Word Count: ~3000
Disclaimer: I own nothing and am not affiliated with BBCs Merlin. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Arthur really wasn’t sure how they had ended up in this situation. He kept replaying the horrifying events over and over in his head but he still couldn’t understand how this had been the result.
Arthur really wasn’t sure how they had ended up in this situation. He kept replaying the horrifying events over and over in his head but he still couldn’t understand how this had been the result. They had been laughing, joking about how Gwen and Lance would need a third parent to be the disciplinarian because they were both just too sweet. This had led to them talking over the names Gwen and Lance had chosen and then to the names Merlin liked, the names he’d want to call their children. Arthur had argued they couldn’t have children and suddenly things had gone from happy and light to incredibly hostile and vicious.
“I always knew you hated kids,” Merlin said bitterly.
“I don’t hate kids,” Arthur argued, looking confused. “That’s not what I said!”
“No, you said we can’t have them,” Merlin snapped.
“Not biologically, no,” Arthur replied, chuckling.
Arthur winced when he remembered his reaction. He’d been so thrown from Merlin’s outburst that he couldn’t understand how serious it really was or how much it actually meant to Merlin.
“Could we adopt?” Merlin asked sceptically.
“Why not?” Arthur asked, still looking confused. “I know you want them, it can happen. You have time.”
Merlin nodded. He still looked upset but it was clear he didn’t want to fight anymore. “Let’s eat.”
He should have known that wasn’t the end of the discussion but he thought Merlin was ready to let it go. It was a topic they could visit later, Arthur had told himself. They had moved to Brighton a few months ago, were just getting settled into their routine as Merlin took up his assistantship at the university and Arthur started his new position at the hospital. It should have been perfect. Their largest concerns should have been what colour to paint the walls of the new flat and whether or not they wanted to get that dog they’d been talking about. Christmas had just passed, Merlin’s twenty-eighth birthday was in a week and Arthur had been more interested in finding out where he could buy his boyfriend a cake than discussing names of hypothetical children.
“I should have listened,” Arthur muttered, burying his head in his hands. “I thought we had more time.”
The rest of dinner was tense and when Arthur reached for Merlin’s dirty plate Merlin shook his head and got up to clean it himself.
“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to have done,” Arthur said quietly, following Merlin into the kitchen. He left his plate on the counter and tried to put his arms around Merlin but Merlin shrugged him off without a word. “What is it?”
Merlin turned around and looked at Arthur searchingly. After a moment he said in an extremely deflated tone, “You really don’t get it.”
“Get what?” Arthur asked. “This isn’t still about kids, is it? I told you that you could have them!”
“That’s my point!” Merlin snapped. “You say that I can have them. Me. Not us, not we, but me! I want kids with you, Arthur. Not yet, not even in the next year or two. Maybe when we’re thirty we can start looking into it but I know I want them with you.”
“Merlin we can’t,” Arthur said patiently. “It doesn’t work that way.”
“I’m not talking biology,” Merlin replied furiously. “I don’t need to be a doctor to understand fucking anatomy. Don’t be patronizing, Arthur.”
“I’m not patronizing you,” Arthur argued. “Besides, you’re almost a doctor, just not a real one.”
Arthur groaned when he remembered that last bit. Merlin usually chuckled at that comment. When Merlin told him he wanted to go for his PhD in English, Arthur had been nothing but supportive. They had moved to Brighton so that Merlin could finish the last of his studies and begin teaching at the university while Arthur worked at the hospital. Merlin had joked once to friends that they would both be doctors but if anyone ever needed a real doctor, they should ask Arthur, his degree was actually in medicine.
Looking back on it, Arthur wished he’d just listened. He hadn’t realised how serious it had been. How much this had been eating away at Merlin over the months as Gwen and Lance exclaimed over the ups and downs of being pregnant and the joys of becoming parents. They had talked about playgroups and meeting other parents and the future of dressing their baby up for Halloween and Christmas. Merlin had joined in, talking about his first Halloween costume and how he had always wished for a sibling so that they could do matching costumes. Gwen had squealed over the cute idea and said that she was looking forward to themed birthday parties.
Arthur had stayed silent during these conversations, sitting quietly with his half-sister Morgana if she was present or idling in the kitchen making tea. He’d had a rather lonely childhood and didn’t want to depress anyone with stories about how his father forgot his birthday every year on purpose but celebrated Morgana’s. It had always embarrassed Morgana and Arthur knew that she hated the extra attention from Uther so he’d never held it against her. Birthdays became something they both dreaded. Arthur would never wish those feelings on a child.
Of course, Arthur hadn’t been able to express those fears to Merlin. Instead, he’d just shrugged him off, told him it could wait and ignored the topic whenever Merlin brought it up. He figured they always had tomorrow to discuss it if they had to. He’d thought if he didn’t acknowledge it then it would go away. He’d acted like his father and it had resulted in this situation that was making Arthur want to cry, scream, and punch a wall all at once. Instead he was sitting uncomfortably, head in his hands, and doing his best to be strong.
“Go to Hell,” Merlin spat, pushing away from the sink and going to the coat closet.
“What are you doing?” Arthur asked, staring as Merlin pulled his winter coat on and wrapped a scarf around his neck.
“I’m going for a walk. I can’t talk to you right now.” Merlin pocketed his keys and grabbed his mobile and wallet off of the counter.
“Merlin,” Arthur said gently, reaching for the dark haired man he’d been with for the past five years. “Don’t leave.”
Merlin batted Arthur’s hand away. “I’m not leaving. I love you, Arthur, but I’m too fucking angry right now. I’ve had enough of this.” He pulled the door open and walked out, leaving a shocked and terrified Arthur staring at the space Merlin had just occupied.
Arthur felt the depression and resentment of rejection bubble in his chest and he resolved not to go after Merlin. Merlin would come back. He said he wasn’t leaving him. They hadn’t just broken up, it was just and argument. They’d fought before…
“Fuck,” Arthur muttered, grabbing his own coat as he wrenched the door open, hoping he could catch Merlin before he got too far.
A small choked sob escaped Arthur’s lips as he thought about the next events. It was here that everything got blurry. He could remember the conversations, the fights, and the knowledge that he had been wrong to ignore Merlin and had to make it right. Had to tell Merlin that yes, he wanted to have kids and raise them with Merlin, yes they could name the girl Patricia and the boy James, and no it didn’t matter if they were biologically theirs so long as Arthur got to be Merlin’s co-parent and partner.
“Fuck,” he moaned, trying not to cry as he thought about how he’d chased Merlin down but had been too late to stop the next events from happening.
Merlin had always been clumsy but when he was emotional he was even more uncoordinated. It was like his brain was unable to keep up with his thought process and stopped paying attention to how he was moving. Arthur had called Merlin’s name and chased him down the street. It was one of the rare times that they’d had a good snow and the pavement was icy but Arthur was surefooted and managed to catch up. Merlin had told him to go back to the flat, to leave him alone and they could talk later.
Arthur had reached for Merlin, had tried to pull him into a hug and tell him that he was sorry. That he’d never meant to hurt him. Merlin had jerked away from Arthur and slipped badly on the ice near the kerb. He’d tripped backwards, falling awkwardly, all of his limbs flailing as Arthur tried to catch him. There’d been a sudden, sick smacking sound and the next thing Arthur knew someone was screaming and Merlin was lying half in the road, his arm twisted in an awkward position and a dark pool gathering under his head.
How did he even manage to fall like that? Arthur demanded of himself, staring in shock as a man shouted for someone to dial 999.
“You pushed him!” a woman accused, striding towards Arthur.
“No,” Arthur whispered, kneeling down next to Merlin and trying to assess the damage. Merlin was unconscious. There was nothing Arthur could do outside of the hospital and he was loath to move Merlin but his head wound needed attention. What if his skull…
“Get away,” the woman yelled, jerking Arthur to his feet. “What’s the matter with you?”
“I didn’t push him!” Arthur bellowed, trying to push the woman away as the ambulance arrived and the paramedics.
“Don’t push me,” the woman yelped.
A crowd had gathered and the paramedics had gotten Merlin onto a stretcher with a brace around his neck. Arthur pushed the woman away from him and hurried over. “I’m Doctor Arthur Pendragon, I’m riding with you.”
The paramedics looked at each other and at the woman who was screeching about how Arthur had pushed the unconscious, bleeding man but they needed to get to the hospital and let Arthur get inside.
Arthur didn’t remember the ride to the hospital in the ambulance. He had answered questions, did his best not to get in the way when he really wanted to examine Merlin himself, and tried to convince the paramedics that he was not an abusive partner. That it really had just been a freak fall that had caused Merlin to break his arm and split his head open. They hadn’t believed him and had called the police.
It was now a few hours since the police had left and Arthur was sitting by Merlin’s hospital bed, ignoring the other patients who were sharing the room. It wasn’t Arthur’s hospital but one of the other Brighton hospitals and Arthur was grateful that he didn’t have to see any of the doctors or nurses he worked with. Once they had cleared him as the aggressor they had filled him in on Merlin’s condition and allowed him to sit by his bedside, warning Arthur that Merlin had been given drugs that would ease his pain and likely keep him unconscious.
Merlin’s arm was in a cast and his head had been stitched. Luckily his skill hadn’t been cracked where it had hit the kerb but he would have a terrible headache and a concussion. Arthur had been told to expect Merlin to be disoriented and confused when he regained consciousness.
Arthur hated looking at Merlin in the hospital bed. He looked so frail and vulnerable with the oxygen on his face, the IV in his arm, and the ugly hospital gown and blanket covering his thin frame. It was ironic, he thought. He saw people like this every day and it never stirred any emotion in him except the typical concern a doctor had for his patient.
“Sir?” a nurse said gently, touching Arthur on the shoulder. “Sir, I’m sorry but you need to go home now. We’ll let you know if anything changes.”
“No, please,” Arthur begged. “I won’t do anything. Let me stay.”
The nurse shook her head. “I’m sorry. You should have left over an hour ago.” She smiled gently. “He’s going to be fine. It’s just the medicine keeping him asleep now.”
Arthur sighed and bit his tongue. He didn’t want the nurse to explain the medicine to him. He understood the medicine and what it meant for Merlin to still be unconscious after all these hours. However, arguing with her would not help Merlin wake up nor would it make it easier for Arthur to visit the following day. With a last glance at Merlin, Arthur got to his feet and stumbled out the door.
****
Arthur wasn’t sure how he got home. He only knew that he woke on the couch in their flat to the sound of his mobile going off at six in the morning.
“’Lo?” he asked, frowning at the unrecognisable number on the caller ID. He didn’t have to work today; his rounds were scheduled for the following day and he wasn’t on call.
“Doctor Pendragon, this is Nurse Simmons. I wanted tell you that Mister Emrys is awake and asking for you.”
Arthur let out a breath he hadn’t even realised he was holding. “I’ll be there immediately.”
He changed his shirt but didn’t bother to shower before grabbing his car keys and driving to the hospital. His medical mind went through all the possibilities for the concussion now that Merlin was awake while the other part of his mind kept thinking, “Thank God he’s alright”.
Arthur found Merlin lying in the hospital bed with his eyes closed, a tray of untouched food next to him.
“Merlin, you need to eat that,” Arthur said awkwardly. He wanted so badly to take Merlin’s hand but he wasn’t sure if Merlin was even awake anymore and didn’t want to startle him if he was still angry. “He can’t still be angry,” Arthur thought, panicked.
Merlin whimpered. “Go ’way, Arthur.”
Arthur swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry.”
Merlin’s fingers twitched in a shooing motion. “’S fine. My head hurts.”
“Love, you need to open your eyes for me,” Arthur said gently, wishing he had a flashlight so that he could check Merlin himself. The nurse had said that Merlin had a concussion but was otherwise all right and would be kept for observation for the next twenty-four hours. Arthur was considering badgering them into releasing Merlin into his care.
Merlin’s eyes fluttered open and he winced at the florescent light, closing his eyes again briefly before finally letting his blue gaze rest on Arthur. “You look awful.”
Arthur shook his head ruefully. “You look worse, I promise.”
“Finally a competition I get to win,” Merlin joked quietly, closing his eyes again.
“Merlin, look at me,” Arthur said gently but firmly. When Merlin’s eyes were open he asked, “What do you remember? Do you know where you are?”
“The doctors did this already,” Merlin complained. “They were real doctors and everything. I’m in the hospital.” He sighed and looked at Arthur pleadingly. “I want to go home.”
“What do you remember?” Arthur pressed. He knew what the nurse had told him but he wanted to check Merlin for himself. He needed to know that Merlin’s brain really wasn’t addled. Well, more than usual, he thought wryly.
“We fought, I left, you followed me, and I pushed you away.” Merlin whimpered again and closed his eyes, tears running down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
“This is not your fault,” Arthur said firmly.
“They think you hurt me,” Merlin whispered. “They asked if you pushed me or if you have ever…ever hurt me. They said the police would take my statement and you never needed to know.”
“I know,” Arthur said gently. “They asked me about everything yesterday. They had no proof, though, so they had to let me in to sit with you.”
Merlin nodded and looked at Arthur again. “I just wanted to clear my head. I was so angry, Arthur.”
“We need to talk about it,” Arthur informed him.
“Not now,” Merlin replied. “When we go home?”
“Later,” Arthur agreed. To change the subject he asked, “Did you see the police?”
“No,” Merlin replied, smiling slightly. “I told the doctor that you might be a bully and a prat but you’d never actually beat on people you deem weaker than you.”
“Shut up, you idiot,” Arthur replied, chuckling in spite of himself. “You’re not weaker than me.”
“So you would beat me?” Merlin asked, affecting a wounded expression.
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Don’t be cheeky. I can see you’re going to be fine. I guess you really don’t have enough of a brain to have it be affected. Too bad you didn’t hit your mouth!”
Merlin smiled and waggled his fingers as an invitation for Arthur to take his hand. “I love you.”
Arthur kissed Merlin’s forehead. There were so many things they needed to talk about, so much left unspoken. It was a truce of sorts at the moment, neither one of them wanting to talk about the fight or the events that had led to this. In reality they didn’t matter. The result had been catastrophic but Merlin would heal and they had time to talk about all of the things they had fought over. Arthur resolved to tell Merlin his fears and insecurities about one day becoming a father. How he thought he would be distant and unloving, how he knew Merlin would be brilliant and caring. How Arthur already envied the relationship Merlin had with their hypothetical children and how Arthur wanted so badly to keep Merlin for himself.
Yes, they would talk about those things. They had time. It hadn’t been cut short this time. They had tomorrow.
Arthur smiled. “I love you too.”