TW fic: "Employee Orientation" (PG13, 677 words, pre-S1, Jack, Tosh and Suzie)
Title: Employee Orientation
Rating: PG-13 for innuendo
Word Count: 677
Setting: Pre-Season One
Characters: Tosh, Jack, Suzie, and an alien ambassador.
Warnings: Sexual harassment, depending on how serious you think it is coming from Jack.
Summary: The first few months at a new job are always a strange time. Getting used to new policies, discovering your co-worker's quirks, deciphering the nuances of your boss's sexual harassment....
Sequel: Employee Orientation II
Employee Orientation
"No," said Jack.
"Mister Harkness-"
"It's 'Captain' Harkness, and my answer is 'no.' Ask me tomorrow, and my answer will still be 'no.' If you had asked me yesterday-"
"I take your point," the woman said. Her jaw set nearly imperceptibly, disguised by her soft jowls and the smear of lipstick just to the left of her mouth.
Jack set his jaw, too, but on him it was very noticeable. Probably because his chin was so big.
"Do you really?" he asked. "Because I would've thought that 'no' was perfectly understandable the first time I said it, but you needed me to say it five times before-"
"Captain Harkness," the woman snapped. "If I feigned incomprehension, it was to grant you the opportunity to change your mind. I see now that your legendary stubbornness has not been exaggerated in the slightest, and I take my leave of you. Good day, sir." She buttoned up the front of her blouse and swiveled away.
Jack scowled as the clack-clack-clack of her heels faded into the noise of the street. He leaned against the wall just beside the dumpster and waited for his comm to beep.
"Jack?" It was Tosh. Jack was glad of that, because Tosh, either through good sense, shyness, or because she wasn't sure of her place with him yet, didn't ask too many questions. "The tracker shows that the ambassador has left the alley. Is the meeting over?"
Jack grimaced. "Yeah, that meeting got over pretty quick." He rubbed his thumb bruisingly over his lips and let out a huff at the sticky trail of carmine left behind. "The opening salutations were pretty great, though."
Tosh's sigh is brief, but expressive. "Jack, is that really how people greet each other on her world?"
Jack smirked. Toshiko must be getting more comfortable in her new job. "It's not just her world, it's half of the humanoid-populated galaxies in the universe." Jack remembered something and patted himself down, poking around his numerous pockets. "Kind of an outdated practice, but what can I say? I'm a fan of tradition. Are any of your scanners picking up weird signals?"
Tosh didn't startle at the sudden subject change, but she'd gotten over that her first week. "Where am I looking?" she asked, already typing away.
"In my pants," Jack said.
There was a long silence.
"No, seriously," Jack said. "It's in my pocket. I lifted it from a secret compartment inside her bra."
"Oh," said Tosh. There's some desultory keyboard-clacking. "I'm not picking up anything, so whatever it is, it must be inert or operating at very low levels. Once you bring it into the Hub, I should be able to analyse it properly."
"Good idea," said Jack. "But it'll be more fun if I describe it to you. Then maybe you can tell me what's in your pockets."
"See you back in the Hub," Tosh blurted, then disconnected.
Jack laughed and made for the mouth of the alley. "What's in your pockets, then?"
No answer.
Jack grinned wider. "Come on, Suzie. I know you're listening in."
Suzie's voice crackled exasperatedly down the line. "A pack of gum and three paper clips," she said.
Jack sauntered into the street, looking like an ordinary civilian speaking on a Bluetooth. While wearing a vintage military coat. Very discreet and such. "What are the paper clips for?" he asked.
"To pick the locks on your filing cabinets," she replied immediately. Suzie had never needed much acclimation to Torchwood Three; it fit her like a glove.
"Ooh," said Jack. "I hope you never get your hands on that tech we found last year that can open any lock."
"I'm trying to open the drawer it's in first," Suzie replied. Her voice was a mélange of coy and desperately serious that made Jack wonder if he could trust her, then decide that he didn't care.
"I like you, Suzie," he said. "You're going to go far in this company."
He could almost see the way she bit her lip to keep from beaming.
.
Rating: PG-13 for innuendo
Word Count: 677
Setting: Pre-Season One
Characters: Tosh, Jack, Suzie, and an alien ambassador.
Warnings: Sexual harassment, depending on how serious you think it is coming from Jack.
Summary: The first few months at a new job are always a strange time. Getting used to new policies, discovering your co-worker's quirks, deciphering the nuances of your boss's sexual harassment....
Sequel: Employee Orientation II
Employee Orientation
"No," said Jack.
"Mister Harkness-"
"It's 'Captain' Harkness, and my answer is 'no.' Ask me tomorrow, and my answer will still be 'no.' If you had asked me yesterday-"
"I take your point," the woman said. Her jaw set nearly imperceptibly, disguised by her soft jowls and the smear of lipstick just to the left of her mouth.
Jack set his jaw, too, but on him it was very noticeable. Probably because his chin was so big.
"Do you really?" he asked. "Because I would've thought that 'no' was perfectly understandable the first time I said it, but you needed me to say it five times before-"
"Captain Harkness," the woman snapped. "If I feigned incomprehension, it was to grant you the opportunity to change your mind. I see now that your legendary stubbornness has not been exaggerated in the slightest, and I take my leave of you. Good day, sir." She buttoned up the front of her blouse and swiveled away.
Jack scowled as the clack-clack-clack of her heels faded into the noise of the street. He leaned against the wall just beside the dumpster and waited for his comm to beep.
"Jack?" It was Tosh. Jack was glad of that, because Tosh, either through good sense, shyness, or because she wasn't sure of her place with him yet, didn't ask too many questions. "The tracker shows that the ambassador has left the alley. Is the meeting over?"
Jack grimaced. "Yeah, that meeting got over pretty quick." He rubbed his thumb bruisingly over his lips and let out a huff at the sticky trail of carmine left behind. "The opening salutations were pretty great, though."
Tosh's sigh is brief, but expressive. "Jack, is that really how people greet each other on her world?"
Jack smirked. Toshiko must be getting more comfortable in her new job. "It's not just her world, it's half of the humanoid-populated galaxies in the universe." Jack remembered something and patted himself down, poking around his numerous pockets. "Kind of an outdated practice, but what can I say? I'm a fan of tradition. Are any of your scanners picking up weird signals?"
Tosh didn't startle at the sudden subject change, but she'd gotten over that her first week. "Where am I looking?" she asked, already typing away.
"In my pants," Jack said.
There was a long silence.
"No, seriously," Jack said. "It's in my pocket. I lifted it from a secret compartment inside her bra."
"Oh," said Tosh. There's some desultory keyboard-clacking. "I'm not picking up anything, so whatever it is, it must be inert or operating at very low levels. Once you bring it into the Hub, I should be able to analyse it properly."
"Good idea," said Jack. "But it'll be more fun if I describe it to you. Then maybe you can tell me what's in your pockets."
"See you back in the Hub," Tosh blurted, then disconnected.
Jack laughed and made for the mouth of the alley. "What's in your pockets, then?"
No answer.
Jack grinned wider. "Come on, Suzie. I know you're listening in."
Suzie's voice crackled exasperatedly down the line. "A pack of gum and three paper clips," she said.
Jack sauntered into the street, looking like an ordinary civilian speaking on a Bluetooth. While wearing a vintage military coat. Very discreet and such. "What are the paper clips for?" he asked.
"To pick the locks on your filing cabinets," she replied immediately. Suzie had never needed much acclimation to Torchwood Three; it fit her like a glove.
"Ooh," said Jack. "I hope you never get your hands on that tech we found last year that can open any lock."
"I'm trying to open the drawer it's in first," Suzie replied. Her voice was a mélange of coy and desperately serious that made Jack wonder if he could trust her, then decide that he didn't care.
"I like you, Suzie," he said. "You're going to go far in this company."
He could almost see the way she bit her lip to keep from beaming.
.